FIC: Exposure
Title: Exposure
Pair: Kadam
Spoilers: 4x14 (These events leached into the plot. Don't read if you think Kurt deep down wants to get back together with Blaine right now.)
Word Count: ~5672
Summary: During a New York snowstorm, Adam leaves the safety of Kurt’s flat and quickly becomes lost and overwhelmed by the cold. When Kurt finds out what happened, he sets out into to find and save Adam.
Prompt fill for apples_n_coffee on LJ
Songs:
Your Eyes- Rent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvfsWj__G8M
Freckles- Natasha Bedingfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIBFv60Ilik
By the time Adam slowed down, the snow had piled up around him so high that it was difficult to take his next steps. He looked around himself at the now winter wonderland of Bushwick, New York. He had no coat, no wallet, and no cell phone. Of course, he ought to have collected his things before heading out into a blizzard, but he’d been... distracted.
”So, what ARE you?” Santana had said, her upper lip curling.
“British. Or more properly, Welsh,” he’d replied.
“No. You and Lady Hummel. What are you?” She sucked on the end of a straw and narrowed her eyes to tiny slits. “Getting groin-y yet?”
Adam stood still and tried to identify his surroundings. He was lost. He’d never spent that much time walking the streets in this part of the city, and with everything now covered in a blanket of frozen white, it was like the whole world had gone away, and he was alone.
”I don’t believe that’s any of your business,” Adam said with a displeased smile that some of the Apples called “perfectly British.” He hated when Santana referred to Kurt like that, and she did it often enough.
“You know Kurt got back together with his ex at the wedding, right? The grease stain dreamboat has been singing an endless stream of brain dead sucrose at the Glee club since the day they returned from the hotel,” she said, stretching back over the back of the sofa. She threw her head back and belted, “This will be! An eva-la-a-asting lo-ove! Re-u-nited and it fee-els gooood! Coo-me what maaaay!”
Adam blinked at her in disbelief.
“And I hear they did, too. Come, that is.” She twirled her straw in her fingers.
As he shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them from going numb, he ducked his head to avoid the bite of the wind.
Then, like something out of a horror movie, with a silly white girl in a scary situation-- his foot sunk through the snow into a pothole and turned underneath him. He came down hard, unable to pull his hands out of his pockets to break his fall and his full weight went tumbling to the ground, buffered only by the snow that came up to his knees and the overstressed joint of his ankle.
The wind was knocked out of him regardless, and Adam shook his head, jerking his hands out of his jeans, and trying to struggle into some semblance of dignity. Impossible. His hands pushed into the freezing snow and chill permeated them quickly. His jeans, too thin, let the snow seep in, and only his ankle remained warm, and throbbing.
After trying to push himself up, he collapsed to the ground. Another go, and he found that he really needed something to hold onto, but he was here, in the middle of the sidewalk, struggling to even keep crawling.
If only he’d grabbed his coat! If he only he’d worn some warmer jeans, instead of these beaten old things because they made his ass look good, though he did want Kurt noticing (as though he’d hidden that at all). After a only a short time crawling, pain shot through the raw, aching skin in his hands and knees. His arms trembled underneath him.
He fought to keep going, but he couldn’t guess where he was headed. With a bit of effort, he made it up to the stoop of what might be an apartment building. He pounded on the door, his nerves screaming with each impact.
When there was no answer, he sunk onto the steps.
He was going to die here out here. He could have stayed, talked things out with Kurt, sucked up his hurt and lived through this, but instead, he would perish freezing and alone. It might be days before anyone found him in this blizzard.
***
“Adam!”
Kurt hurried through the streets, arms wrapped around himself and a bundle of blankets and coats tightly, as he bellowed Adam’s name. His fury burned hot enough to keep him from noticing how freaking cold it was. At least for himself, anyway. Adam was out here, somewhere, and if Santana had just kept her enormous pie hole shut and given Kurt the time to gear up for The Relationship Talk, both of them would be snuggled up safe and sound in his apartment, drinking cocoa, and probably watching a musical or trying to arrange a hilariously complicated mash-up for the Apples to perform.
“AAA-DAAAAM!” Kurt yelled again.
The snow had covered up the tracks of wherever Adam had gone... but when they left his apartment, they tended to head in the direction of the subway, or Aracini Bros for their favorite Italian. So left it was, and Kurt kept going, wiggling his numb toes inside his galoshes and calling Adam’s name. He had to find him.
Eventually the fire leached out of Kurt, and with his anger fading, there was only regret. He’d gone back to Ohio, and when scraps of mismatched bits of feeling threatened to combine and overwhelm him, he’d become utter ice. He’d let himself use and be used by Blaine, taking care only to reiterate to Blaine, numerous times, that they were not back together. It had been easier to shut himself down than to truly engage with the situation, to set boundaries for Blaine once again, and once again have them ignored.
So when Blaine pulled his usual behavior, knowing that Kurt would be drawn to him sexually if only out of habit and the familiarity of having shared flesh before, and told Kurt that he would not let him pretend that what they’d done hadn’t mattered... He’d evaded, gotten in Blaine’s face, teased, and then given him a sub-arctic, almost cruel look and completely ignored everything Blaine had said. It was only fair, Kurt had figured, if Blaine was going to ignore what Kurt was saying.
We’re just friends. And Blaine could pretend. He could smile his smug little smiles like he knew Kurt’s mind better than Kurt did himself, and he could declare that they were forever. But Kurt had been in control that day, and the deeper parts of him, Blaine could not touch.
It was a move he’d practice long before any of his current friends even knew him. Retreat into himself, wrap himself up defensively, mask his second skin in his power and strength. He was ice. Aloof. Disengaged. They could not touch him. Not the real him.
And it had worked, for the time, anyway. Kurt had kept things under control during that trip into hostile territory, enjoyed his time with his old friends (even the ones who had most recently gone off the deep end), spent time with his family, and left Ohio.
The emotional fallout of his actions, he’d hoped, would be largely on Blaine, under the circumstance that he continued believing his own version of their relationship over Kurt’s vehement assertions to the contrary. And he did, of course. Blaine wasn’t one to let Kurt’s opinion on the matter hold that much sway.
But when he went up in the plane, his troubles came up with him. Things had started to hit Kurt, old memories and feelings and the deep anger that Kurt still felt inside over how they’d broken up, none of which he could reasonably talk out with Blaine. And he had no way to escape them, trapped in that plane, flying home alone, as Rachel had come back a few days earlier, while Kurt had stayed behind to visit with his father.
And now it was hitting Adam. Like a centrifugal wave carrying their mess out to others and causing chaos. Adam didn’t deserve this. Even if he should have taken his frigging coat.
“ADAM!!” Kurt stumbled and forced himself to slow down. He cried out again, his voice faltering slightly. “Adam! Please... please... if you can hear me, just let me give you your coat! I’m sorry, I... I know that we weren’t... I just don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to hurt! Ever! Oh, god...”
Kurt touched his chest at the thought of Adam out here alone. Not enough clothes. Buried alive by the incessantly falling snow.
Kurt’s foot caught on something else in the snow, and he plunged forward, only barely keeping on his feet. Then he looked down.
“Adam!”
The bundle fell from his hands, and he frantically began digging Adam out of the snow.
“Oh, god, oh god, oh god...”
Kurt was glad he’d thought to bundle up as much as he had before dashing out after Adam. The leather gloves were making it easier for him to just get in there and get Adam uncovered. His face was pale as a milk, and his lips tinged a frightening blue. He hadn’t been gone that long, maybe an hour, but it was cold out and he just wasn’t dressed for the weather.
“Adam! Adam, wake up. It’s me. I’m here.”
Kurt touched his face. He could barely breathe, until he saw Adam shuddering. His eyelids fluttered. He was alive.
“Hold on, Adam. Hold on.”
Kurt jumped up and went to the nearest door, pounding hard and begging loudly for anyone to open the door. He darted between the nearest houses, but no one opened up.
“Someone! Please, open up! Help! Help, us! Please, anyone! Hee-eelp!!”
The entire world fell away. Kurt spun around and surveyed the austere white landscape. He ran to the cars on the street and started pulling door handles at random, causing a few alarms to go off, until he caught the handle of a passenger side door on an SUV and it came flying open. Kurt wasted no time rushing back to Adam’s side. It looked like he’d been crawling for some time, from the dent in the snow leading up to his collapsed body, but the snow had tried to cover them both.
“C’mon, we have to get you off the ground...”
It didn’t occur to Kurt that he might not have the strength to lift a full grown and nearly unconscious man. He arranged his arms under Adam’s and hefted his weight into his own body, clutching the blankets and coat tightly to them. Adam’s head fell against his shoulder, and Adam let out a little sound that was between a cry and a gasp.
Traitor hot tears trickled down Kurt’s cheeks and grew cold. Car alarms echoed through the block. Kurt didn’t stop moving, and Adam seemed to move with him a little, but he wasn’t putting all of his weight on his feet properly.
When Kurt got him into the car, he scrambled in and pulled Adam into the backseat, then, after shooing snow that had snuck in back out, shut the door tight behind them and locked the doors. He looked at Adam, who was awake, and blinking at him in confusion, shivering.
“You have hypothermia,” Kurt whispered. He leaned over and reached for the buttons on Adam’s shirt. As he saw Adam’s hand move towards his, he leaned over. “We have to get your wet clothes off, okay? We have to keep you from losing any more temperature, or you’ll die. Do you understand?”
“Zat really you,” Adam muttered, his speech slurring slightly.
“It’s me. Let me do this?” Kurt begged.
Adam touched Kurt’s wrist, and nodded, and Kurt hoped that nod meant “yes,” because if it didn’t, he was still going to make sure that Adam lived, even if it ended with him hating him.
It was scary, and frantic, and Kurt eventually got Adam’s clothes off of him and pulled the blanket around him. It was still mostly dry, so Kurt covered Adam with the coat he’d brought and tugged the beanie that had been tucked into the coat pocket onto his head. Kurt thought for a second, and then took off his own coat to cover Adam with as well, and lay next to him, pressing against him.
Would this be enough? It wasn’t exactly warm in this car, though it was slightly better than outside with the wind. He considered trying to hotwire the car and getting the heat going, but he had no idea if he could do that on a model like this.
The car was silent for a long time. Kurt rested his head against Adam’s chest and waited.
“I’m sorry, Adam. I’m so, so sorry.”
Kurt closed his eyes tight, and forced air in and out of his lungs. He rubbed his hand over Adam’s chest, trying to think what else he could do. Without heat, or water, or food? If he could call 911, maybe someone could... Kurt picked up his phone again and looked at the spotty wireless it was picking up from one of the nearby buildings. He tried sending an email to Rachel, asking for her to call for help. He wasn’t sure it would get through, but it was the best he could do, right now. After that, his bars disappeared.
“S-s’my fault,” Adam said suddenly.
“What? What’s your fault?” Kurt pulled off a glove and pressed his warm palm to Adam’s cheek.
“Should’n’ve come out here. Such a drama queen, me.” Adam was trying to joke, but his teeth were chattering. “Should just be... a good friend. Be happy for you.”
Kurt wrapped his arms around Adam tightly. “Santana doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Blaine and I aren’t back together. She shouldn’t have been antagonizing you like that. She’s like that with everyone, though.”
The car went quiet again. Adam shifted a little underneath him.
“You’re not...”
“No. I mean... We hooked up, but it wasn’t... it wasn’t anything. I’m so gross. It was just old, unresolved stuff, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it-”
“You don’t h-have to apologize. Didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Other than hurt you and send you out into a blizzard to die.”
“Believe Santana did that. She’d be a good supervillain.”
Kurt laughed tensely. “Yeah. She would.”
Kurt started to rise, causing a noise of protest from Adam.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to hotwire this beast.”
“You’ll electrocute yourself!”
“Probably... not.” Kurt looked at the steering wheel, then opened up the divider between seats and started to paw around for a screwdriver.
“Don’t. Kurt.” “It’s just going to get colder. No one is letting us in...” Kurt touched his palm to Adam’s chest. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted.
“Just stay with me? I’m not so far gone.” Adam gave him a weak smile.
Kurt acquiesced, laying with Adam once again. Then he got up once more, pulled the coats and blankets back, and then lay on top of Adam, whose eyes were widening as he did so. He pulled their cover back over the two of them, and pressed himself close to Adam.
“You’re so warm,” Adam murmured.
“I’m not dying.”
“Hush. I’m not either.”
Kurt looked up to see Adam smiling again, softly. “What can I do?”
“I dunno. Maybe you could sing me something. That always seems to make me feel better... Though knowing you’re not back with your ex is rather recuperative in itself. I’m sorry I ran out here like a fool. I don’t know what I was thinking... Just needed to get some air... not smart.”
Kurt stroked his thumb along Adam’s collarbone. “It’s okay. We’re okay...”
After thinking for a minute, Kurt began to sing in a slow, soft voice:
“Your eyes, as we said our goodbyes... can’t get them out of my mind, and I find, I can’t hide...”
His hand petted the strands of Adam’s blond hair escaping from his beanie. “From your eyes, the ones that took me by surprise, the day you came into my life. Where I see sunlight, I see your eyes...
Adam’s shivering arms wrapped around Kurt’s hips as Kurt softly serenaded him.
“You were the song, all along,” Kurt continued, dipping into his lower register. “And before, the song dies... I should tell you, I should tell you, I have always loved you... You can see it in my eyes...”
Kurt looked down at Adam, into his eyes, so pretty pale blue, ice blue, but so warm. He let his face dip, their noses brush together, their lips touch. Adam’s were cold, but not as cold as Kurt had feared. If they could make it through the night here, if they could get help, everything might be okay.
***
Adam woke missing the weight of Kurt on him. He could hear and feel the hum of the car they were in, and he lifted his head slightly to see Kurt fiddling with something under the steering wheel.
“Kurt?”
“Adam? Are you awake?” Kurt continued whatever he was working on, and then moved his hand over to the air controls, turning the heat up.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Kurt checked something, then pushed himself up from the driver’s seat and climbed back into the back seat. “You know, we can probably push down this backseat. Make a larger space to lie?”
“Did you hotwire the car? Kurt,” he pleaded again, though now it was too late, “that’s so dangerous!”
“So is freezing to death in a stranger’s car overnight. No one’s going to be able to get out here to help us anytime soon.” Kurt reached under the seat and rolled his eyes up to the roof. There was a “thunk!” sound, and the back of the seats fell back. “There we go...”
Adam looked up at Kurt as he crawled over. Kurt’s expression as he carefully reposition him was serious, and devout. But at the same time, this caretaking seemed like a natural, ingrained part of his being, and Adam was mesmerized by it.
As Kurt sat beside him, his brow furrowed. He took Adam’s hand between both of his and tilted his head to the side.
“I love how I can watch your brain work, just by your eyes,” Adam teased lightly.
“The tragedy of having giant Anime eyes,” Kurt joked dryly. He licked his lips slowly. “Are you getting warmer?”
“A little?” Adam offered. “Thank you for taking care of me. You’re a natural.”
“I’ve had practice.”
Adam squeezed Kurt’s hand. “Don’t be so sad. I’m going to be all right. I reacted too quickly, and something bad happened, but we’re safe now, yes?”
“I’m just not sure you’re getting your heat back fast enough. And we need water. Food. Other things. Can I take you home in the morning? Or would the exposure be too much? Should I take you to the hospital? Can we even get to a hospital? What if someone finds us in here who doesn’t want to help, and they break the window-” Kurt’s voice started to speed up as he spoke.
Adam tugged on Kurt’s hand. “Lie with me.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I can...” Stress marred Kurt’s features for a moment, and then...
He began to take off his shirt.
Adam’s eyes started to widen. He took in Kurt’s slender but lightly muscled physique that he kept so well-hidden at all times. His body was lovely, like the rest of him, but it seemed tender and vulnerable in this light.
Kurt didn’t bow over or cover himself in shame, or at the cold. He simply ordered, “Lift up the covers.”
It was completely unsexy. And completely and breathtakingly intimate. Adam was speechless as Kurt set his shirt aside and lay on top of him again, his warm flesh pressed against cold. Adam drew in a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist again, and Kurt pulled the covers over them.
“You... Kurt, I don’t have the words. You’re an amazing person. Truly unbelievable.”
“Anyone would do what they could to make sure that you lived, Adam,” Kurt scoffed.
“No. Not just anyone. You’re not just anyone. I wish you knew that. I thought you did, before you went back to Lima.”
Kurt snuggled against him and rested his head on Adam’s shoulder again. “That town is toxic. I backslid.”
Adam tightened his mouth and slowly moved his hand up Kurt’s back. “Maybe I’ll sing you a song, too.”
“Hm.” Kurt’s displeased noise at least sounded as though it came with a bit of a smile. “I think you should try to rest.”
“Oh, all I’ve done is sleep.”
“You weren’t asleep for that long. Did it seem like it?”
“Like hours...” Adam traced his finger along Kurt’s cheekbone. Then his fingertips brushed over the dusting of little freckles along his cheeks and over his nose, a smattering of color over his otherwise smooth, porcelain skin. Adam leaned over to kiss a freckle right below the bridge of Kurt’s nose, and then began to sing, giving it as much pep as he could muster, “I used to care so much about what others think about, almost didn’t have a thought of my own. The slightest remark, would make me embark, on a journey of self-doubt!”
Kurt’s worried frown was beginning to melt as he watched Adam. His warm hand moved over the curve of Adam’s shoulder, and rested on his neck.
“But that was a while ago, this boy has gotten stronger! If I knew then, what I know now, I would have told myself don’t worry any longer. It’s okay...” Adam danced his fingers across Kurt’s cheeks, causing him to giggle. “Cuz a face without freckles is like a sky without the stars! Why waste a second not lovin’ who you are? These little imperfections make you beautiful! Loveable! Valuable! They show your personality inside your heart, reflecting who you are.. Who you are...”
Adam caught his breath and looked at Kurt, who was now smiling, that sparkle of laughter back in his eyes.
“Give me a moment. I’ll finish...”
“No, that’s... that’s fine. That’s perfect. I um. Maybe we could work that up together, later.” Kurt sounded so shy, but actually rather chuffed.
“We should.” Adam nodded.
Kurt reached up to pet his hair, and Adam felt his heart racing and his body getting warmer. Both from the air around them, and the very life-giving presence of Kurt laying on top of him. Adam began to doze off again as Kurt’s lips touched his cheek.
***
The sky had only barely begun to grow lighter when they’d heard the knock on the windows. Kurt had woken immediately, expecting to be arrested for hijacking this car, but instead, it was Rachel and Santana, bundled up ridiculously and looking more than terrified and guilty as they peered in the sliver of window that was less covered by snow. Kurt woke Adam and got a good amount of clothing on him while the girls dug enough of the snow away to get them out of the car. Then Kurt pulled Adam to his side, and helped him get into a good lean on Kurt’s shoulder to hop home.
Santana kept looking between them, and for once, she was quiet.
Back at the loft, navigating up the stairs had been a challenge, but they made it, got Adam on the couch and his foot up. Rachel took over, declaring the injury a huge deal for a NYADA student and getting out her kit for such injuries. Santana dropped blankets on them, and told them both to stay still.
She disappeared into the kitchen.
“See. All’s well that ends well.” Adam curled into Kurt again, as though for more warmth.
They cuddled under the blankets together, and Rachel put out a selection of musical dvds for them to choose from while she tended to Adam’s ankle.
“Yeah. I guess it did.” Kurt leaned into the embrace, uncertain of how to talk about what had happened between them, how to address what had caused it, or where to go now.
Santana appeared with two mugs of cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top. “Soup’s on the stove. You’ll have something to eat in a few minutes. Okay, it’s from the can, and it’s like, faux chicken noodle or something, so there’s little chunks of soy junk in it pretending to be chicken, but it tastes okay.”
“That’s mine,” Rachel said irritably, because Santana didn’t have a job yet and kept eating their food. Then she softened. “But you two can have it. It’s my favorite, especially on cold days. You don’t even notice the bits of tofu, and they’re less gross and fatty than chicken bits in canned soup. I’ll whip up some stew when we all get settled and get it going in the crock pot for tonight.”
“You lucked out with all these Suzy and Jack Homemakers around,” Santana told Adam.
“Yes, I am a lucky man. Very, in fact. If Kurt hadn’t found me...” Adam shook his head. “What New Yorker who’s been here for more than one winter wanders out into a storm and bloody well jacks up his ankle. Who, I ask you.”
“You do,” Kurt said fondly. He gave Adam a peck on the cheek, then took some whipped cream on his fingers and licked it.
Adam grinned down at him.
“Guys... Could we have a minute?” He looked at Rachel, and then Santana. Santana looked like she might spit something nasty back, but instead she grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her. On her way to the fire escape, she ran her fingers through Kurt’s hair, and then Adam’s.
Rachel finished messing with Adam’s ankle, which was now well covered in sports bandages and an ice pack of all things. She dropped some ibuprofen into his hand and ordered him to take it to bring the swelling down, then grabbed a blanket for herself and went out with Santana.
Adam popped the pills and washed them down with his cocoa, leaving a bit of a whipped cream ‘stache, which Kurt wiped away. Then he kissed him. Adam kissed back, hungrily, touching the back of Kurt’s head and breathing a little heavily.
“Adam, I...”
“Right. You didn’t send them into the cold for this. I imagine you’d do this right in front of them.” His forehead pressed into Kurt’s, and Kurt sighed.
“I should tell you... I hooked up with my ex. And I did it for a lot of reasons, but I never intended to hurt or betray you-”
“We weren’t really...”
“I know, we weren’t exclusive, and we were hardly dating, more than we were drinking coffee and talking about arrangements, but you were still so hurt. And I think...” Kurt looked down and licked his lips. This was so hard to deal with on his own, let alone talk about with another person. “I hurt myself, too, and probably Blaine, when he finally figures out that I meant it when I said I didn’t want to get back together.”
Adam cupped Kurt’s cheek and rubbed with his thumb. Kurt tilted his head toward the motion. He was learning to love the way Adam touched him.
“I’m still a little wrecked over this break-up. Closure has been a thing other people get, and I’m not sure how long it’s going to take before I’m a sane person again. I can try to run from it, and not deal with it, but it only makes it worse.” Kurt closed his eyes to the stinging.
Adam kissed his forehead. And though Kurt couldn’t see him, he could hear the catch of tears in Adam’s voice. “You don’t want this right now,” he whispered. “With me.”
God, he was trying to be so supportive and understanding, the bastard.
“No,” Kurt managed. “I do. I really, really do. But I don’t want you getting caught up in anything that would cause you pain, and it already has, and...” He looked into Adam’s eyes and motioned toward himself. “And that includes me.”
Adam nodded slowly. “Well. Let me tell you what I want.”
Kurt swallowed, and waited.
“You.”
Kurt blinked. “But... But it’s complicated. I-”
“No. You don’t get it. I know there’s mess. Relationships tend to be. I know you have baggage; I’ve seen it. But that’s okay. We all do. I want the mess. I want you. And if you’re willing to try, and you’re willing to be exclusive...”
“I don’t have any plans to be with Blaine again. It’s just... It’s just never gonna work...” Kurt wiped his eyes and took a breath before his grand admission, more to himself than anything: “I’m scared now that we won’t even be able to be friends. I’m scared I’m never really going to be able to forgive him.”
Adam set his coca down and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s shoulders. “Give it some distance. Give yourself some time.”
“It’s so slow, though. It’s been months already? Why can’t it just end, why can’t I be over it, so I can be with you?”
“Because healing doesn’t work that way. I’m afraid an ache like this will be with you for a long time.”
Kurt burrowed his face into Adam’s shoulder. He took in a few deep breaths, then asked, “You’ve been here?”
“Maybe not exactly this situation. But messy break-ups are fairly universal.” Adam rubbed his back. Kurt snuggled into him.
For warmth. For life.
“So...” Adam said. “I want this. And you want this...”
Kurt pulled back, then took Adam’s face in both of his hands. “Almost more than anything right now.”
“Almost?” Adam’s lips curved to the side. “Second to?”
“Very close second to my dad not dying of cancer.”
Adam’s brows shot up. He pressed his hand to Kurt’s chest. “Got a lot in there, don’t you?”
“Enough to burst.”
Adam nodded slowly. Then pressed his lips together and leaned over to give a kiss to Kurt’s nose.
“Then lets. You and me.”
Kurt nodded eagerly. Suddenly, he was grinning hard enough to hurt his face. They folded together tightly, unwilling to let one another go, and Adam called for the girls to come in. Their faces announced that they had been listening in, especially Rachel, who appeared to have cried a little and was still holding back some tears. Kurt suspected not just over their sappiness, but the information about his father, which Kurt had never shared because she’d been such a nightmare about winning the Winter Showcase.
Maybe they should have talked about it after that, but despite his penchant for crying, Kurt wasn’t necessarily good at opening up, even with his friends... Especially with his friends.
Santana brought over the soup. Rachel started Gypsy and took the end of the sofa next to Santana, who had taken her place next to Kurt. Santana was like an errant cat trying to make amends, really. She occasionally looked over to Adam to see that he wasn’t dying, and was the first to get up to get them more soup.
This would probably be the most attention they got from her for a long while, so Kurt intended to enjoy it.
It was still freezing outside, and dangerous, and Kurt didn’t so much look forward to the owner of the SUV giving him a call, since he’d left a note for them on how to get their insurance company to fix the damage, or he could fix it himself. But Adam was alive, warm, breathing, and he was his, no matter how dark and messy things were right now.
They would have to talk more, later, but for now, they could enjoy this warmth and the security, and he could lay his head on Adam’s shoulder, and take his kisses, and believe just a little bit that all of this would work out somehow. Maybe not with the flash and the certainty and the glamour of a musical, but with tender, careful work handling one another. Not running away. Making it work. Making the commitment to be honest and open, even if it hurts. Making each other feel like their love rises above the chaos, just enough to survive it without being buried.
Added author's note/warning: Assume that Kurt took the time while Adam was sleeping to clear snow from the exhaust pipe of the car so they didn't die of monoxide poisoning. Google "snow storm carbon monoxide poisoning" for more info, and don't die. Thanks to Lovejoybliss on tumblr for the tip.
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Pair: Kadam
Spoilers: 4x14 (These events leached into the plot. Don't read if you think Kurt deep down wants to get back together with Blaine right now.)
Word Count: ~5672
Summary: During a New York snowstorm, Adam leaves the safety of Kurt’s flat and quickly becomes lost and overwhelmed by the cold. When Kurt finds out what happened, he sets out into to find and save Adam.
Prompt fill for apples_n_coffee on LJ
Songs:
Your Eyes- Rent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvfsWj__G8M
Freckles- Natasha Bedingfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIBFv60Ilik
By the time Adam slowed down, the snow had piled up around him so high that it was difficult to take his next steps. He looked around himself at the now winter wonderland of Bushwick, New York. He had no coat, no wallet, and no cell phone. Of course, he ought to have collected his things before heading out into a blizzard, but he’d been... distracted.
”So, what ARE you?” Santana had said, her upper lip curling.
“British. Or more properly, Welsh,” he’d replied.
“No. You and Lady Hummel. What are you?” She sucked on the end of a straw and narrowed her eyes to tiny slits. “Getting groin-y yet?”
Adam stood still and tried to identify his surroundings. He was lost. He’d never spent that much time walking the streets in this part of the city, and with everything now covered in a blanket of frozen white, it was like the whole world had gone away, and he was alone.
”I don’t believe that’s any of your business,” Adam said with a displeased smile that some of the Apples called “perfectly British.” He hated when Santana referred to Kurt like that, and she did it often enough.
“You know Kurt got back together with his ex at the wedding, right? The grease stain dreamboat has been singing an endless stream of brain dead sucrose at the Glee club since the day they returned from the hotel,” she said, stretching back over the back of the sofa. She threw her head back and belted, “This will be! An eva-la-a-asting lo-ove! Re-u-nited and it fee-els gooood! Coo-me what maaaay!”
Adam blinked at her in disbelief.
“And I hear they did, too. Come, that is.” She twirled her straw in her fingers.
As he shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them from going numb, he ducked his head to avoid the bite of the wind.
Then, like something out of a horror movie, with a silly white girl in a scary situation-- his foot sunk through the snow into a pothole and turned underneath him. He came down hard, unable to pull his hands out of his pockets to break his fall and his full weight went tumbling to the ground, buffered only by the snow that came up to his knees and the overstressed joint of his ankle.
The wind was knocked out of him regardless, and Adam shook his head, jerking his hands out of his jeans, and trying to struggle into some semblance of dignity. Impossible. His hands pushed into the freezing snow and chill permeated them quickly. His jeans, too thin, let the snow seep in, and only his ankle remained warm, and throbbing.
After trying to push himself up, he collapsed to the ground. Another go, and he found that he really needed something to hold onto, but he was here, in the middle of the sidewalk, struggling to even keep crawling.
If only he’d grabbed his coat! If he only he’d worn some warmer jeans, instead of these beaten old things because they made his ass look good, though he did want Kurt noticing (as though he’d hidden that at all). After a only a short time crawling, pain shot through the raw, aching skin in his hands and knees. His arms trembled underneath him.
He fought to keep going, but he couldn’t guess where he was headed. With a bit of effort, he made it up to the stoop of what might be an apartment building. He pounded on the door, his nerves screaming with each impact.
When there was no answer, he sunk onto the steps.
He was going to die here out here. He could have stayed, talked things out with Kurt, sucked up his hurt and lived through this, but instead, he would perish freezing and alone. It might be days before anyone found him in this blizzard.
***
“Adam!”
Kurt hurried through the streets, arms wrapped around himself and a bundle of blankets and coats tightly, as he bellowed Adam’s name. His fury burned hot enough to keep him from noticing how freaking cold it was. At least for himself, anyway. Adam was out here, somewhere, and if Santana had just kept her enormous pie hole shut and given Kurt the time to gear up for The Relationship Talk, both of them would be snuggled up safe and sound in his apartment, drinking cocoa, and probably watching a musical or trying to arrange a hilariously complicated mash-up for the Apples to perform.
“AAA-DAAAAM!” Kurt yelled again.
The snow had covered up the tracks of wherever Adam had gone... but when they left his apartment, they tended to head in the direction of the subway, or Aracini Bros for their favorite Italian. So left it was, and Kurt kept going, wiggling his numb toes inside his galoshes and calling Adam’s name. He had to find him.
Eventually the fire leached out of Kurt, and with his anger fading, there was only regret. He’d gone back to Ohio, and when scraps of mismatched bits of feeling threatened to combine and overwhelm him, he’d become utter ice. He’d let himself use and be used by Blaine, taking care only to reiterate to Blaine, numerous times, that they were not back together. It had been easier to shut himself down than to truly engage with the situation, to set boundaries for Blaine once again, and once again have them ignored.
So when Blaine pulled his usual behavior, knowing that Kurt would be drawn to him sexually if only out of habit and the familiarity of having shared flesh before, and told Kurt that he would not let him pretend that what they’d done hadn’t mattered... He’d evaded, gotten in Blaine’s face, teased, and then given him a sub-arctic, almost cruel look and completely ignored everything Blaine had said. It was only fair, Kurt had figured, if Blaine was going to ignore what Kurt was saying.
We’re just friends. And Blaine could pretend. He could smile his smug little smiles like he knew Kurt’s mind better than Kurt did himself, and he could declare that they were forever. But Kurt had been in control that day, and the deeper parts of him, Blaine could not touch.
It was a move he’d practice long before any of his current friends even knew him. Retreat into himself, wrap himself up defensively, mask his second skin in his power and strength. He was ice. Aloof. Disengaged. They could not touch him. Not the real him.
And it had worked, for the time, anyway. Kurt had kept things under control during that trip into hostile territory, enjoyed his time with his old friends (even the ones who had most recently gone off the deep end), spent time with his family, and left Ohio.
The emotional fallout of his actions, he’d hoped, would be largely on Blaine, under the circumstance that he continued believing his own version of their relationship over Kurt’s vehement assertions to the contrary. And he did, of course. Blaine wasn’t one to let Kurt’s opinion on the matter hold that much sway.
But when he went up in the plane, his troubles came up with him. Things had started to hit Kurt, old memories and feelings and the deep anger that Kurt still felt inside over how they’d broken up, none of which he could reasonably talk out with Blaine. And he had no way to escape them, trapped in that plane, flying home alone, as Rachel had come back a few days earlier, while Kurt had stayed behind to visit with his father.
And now it was hitting Adam. Like a centrifugal wave carrying their mess out to others and causing chaos. Adam didn’t deserve this. Even if he should have taken his frigging coat.
“ADAM!!” Kurt stumbled and forced himself to slow down. He cried out again, his voice faltering slightly. “Adam! Please... please... if you can hear me, just let me give you your coat! I’m sorry, I... I know that we weren’t... I just don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to hurt! Ever! Oh, god...”
Kurt touched his chest at the thought of Adam out here alone. Not enough clothes. Buried alive by the incessantly falling snow.
Kurt’s foot caught on something else in the snow, and he plunged forward, only barely keeping on his feet. Then he looked down.
“Adam!”
The bundle fell from his hands, and he frantically began digging Adam out of the snow.
“Oh, god, oh god, oh god...”
Kurt was glad he’d thought to bundle up as much as he had before dashing out after Adam. The leather gloves were making it easier for him to just get in there and get Adam uncovered. His face was pale as a milk, and his lips tinged a frightening blue. He hadn’t been gone that long, maybe an hour, but it was cold out and he just wasn’t dressed for the weather.
“Adam! Adam, wake up. It’s me. I’m here.”
Kurt touched his face. He could barely breathe, until he saw Adam shuddering. His eyelids fluttered. He was alive.
“Hold on, Adam. Hold on.”
Kurt jumped up and went to the nearest door, pounding hard and begging loudly for anyone to open the door. He darted between the nearest houses, but no one opened up.
“Someone! Please, open up! Help! Help, us! Please, anyone! Hee-eelp!!”
The entire world fell away. Kurt spun around and surveyed the austere white landscape. He ran to the cars on the street and started pulling door handles at random, causing a few alarms to go off, until he caught the handle of a passenger side door on an SUV and it came flying open. Kurt wasted no time rushing back to Adam’s side. It looked like he’d been crawling for some time, from the dent in the snow leading up to his collapsed body, but the snow had tried to cover them both.
“C’mon, we have to get you off the ground...”
It didn’t occur to Kurt that he might not have the strength to lift a full grown and nearly unconscious man. He arranged his arms under Adam’s and hefted his weight into his own body, clutching the blankets and coat tightly to them. Adam’s head fell against his shoulder, and Adam let out a little sound that was between a cry and a gasp.
Traitor hot tears trickled down Kurt’s cheeks and grew cold. Car alarms echoed through the block. Kurt didn’t stop moving, and Adam seemed to move with him a little, but he wasn’t putting all of his weight on his feet properly.
When Kurt got him into the car, he scrambled in and pulled Adam into the backseat, then, after shooing snow that had snuck in back out, shut the door tight behind them and locked the doors. He looked at Adam, who was awake, and blinking at him in confusion, shivering.
“You have hypothermia,” Kurt whispered. He leaned over and reached for the buttons on Adam’s shirt. As he saw Adam’s hand move towards his, he leaned over. “We have to get your wet clothes off, okay? We have to keep you from losing any more temperature, or you’ll die. Do you understand?”
“Zat really you,” Adam muttered, his speech slurring slightly.
“It’s me. Let me do this?” Kurt begged.
Adam touched Kurt’s wrist, and nodded, and Kurt hoped that nod meant “yes,” because if it didn’t, he was still going to make sure that Adam lived, even if it ended with him hating him.
It was scary, and frantic, and Kurt eventually got Adam’s clothes off of him and pulled the blanket around him. It was still mostly dry, so Kurt covered Adam with the coat he’d brought and tugged the beanie that had been tucked into the coat pocket onto his head. Kurt thought for a second, and then took off his own coat to cover Adam with as well, and lay next to him, pressing against him.
Would this be enough? It wasn’t exactly warm in this car, though it was slightly better than outside with the wind. He considered trying to hotwire the car and getting the heat going, but he had no idea if he could do that on a model like this.
The car was silent for a long time. Kurt rested his head against Adam’s chest and waited.
“I’m sorry, Adam. I’m so, so sorry.”
Kurt closed his eyes tight, and forced air in and out of his lungs. He rubbed his hand over Adam’s chest, trying to think what else he could do. Without heat, or water, or food? If he could call 911, maybe someone could... Kurt picked up his phone again and looked at the spotty wireless it was picking up from one of the nearby buildings. He tried sending an email to Rachel, asking for her to call for help. He wasn’t sure it would get through, but it was the best he could do, right now. After that, his bars disappeared.
“S-s’my fault,” Adam said suddenly.
“What? What’s your fault?” Kurt pulled off a glove and pressed his warm palm to Adam’s cheek.
“Should’n’ve come out here. Such a drama queen, me.” Adam was trying to joke, but his teeth were chattering. “Should just be... a good friend. Be happy for you.”
Kurt wrapped his arms around Adam tightly. “Santana doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Blaine and I aren’t back together. She shouldn’t have been antagonizing you like that. She’s like that with everyone, though.”
The car went quiet again. Adam shifted a little underneath him.
“You’re not...”
“No. I mean... We hooked up, but it wasn’t... it wasn’t anything. I’m so gross. It was just old, unresolved stuff, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it-”
“You don’t h-have to apologize. Didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Other than hurt you and send you out into a blizzard to die.”
“Believe Santana did that. She’d be a good supervillain.”
Kurt laughed tensely. “Yeah. She would.”
Kurt started to rise, causing a noise of protest from Adam.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to hotwire this beast.”
“You’ll electrocute yourself!”
“Probably... not.” Kurt looked at the steering wheel, then opened up the divider between seats and started to paw around for a screwdriver.
“Don’t. Kurt.” “It’s just going to get colder. No one is letting us in...” Kurt touched his palm to Adam’s chest. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted.
“Just stay with me? I’m not so far gone.” Adam gave him a weak smile.
Kurt acquiesced, laying with Adam once again. Then he got up once more, pulled the coats and blankets back, and then lay on top of Adam, whose eyes were widening as he did so. He pulled their cover back over the two of them, and pressed himself close to Adam.
“You’re so warm,” Adam murmured.
“I’m not dying.”
“Hush. I’m not either.”
Kurt looked up to see Adam smiling again, softly. “What can I do?”
“I dunno. Maybe you could sing me something. That always seems to make me feel better... Though knowing you’re not back with your ex is rather recuperative in itself. I’m sorry I ran out here like a fool. I don’t know what I was thinking... Just needed to get some air... not smart.”
Kurt stroked his thumb along Adam’s collarbone. “It’s okay. We’re okay...”
After thinking for a minute, Kurt began to sing in a slow, soft voice:
“Your eyes, as we said our goodbyes... can’t get them out of my mind, and I find, I can’t hide...”
His hand petted the strands of Adam’s blond hair escaping from his beanie. “From your eyes, the ones that took me by surprise, the day you came into my life. Where I see sunlight, I see your eyes...
Adam’s shivering arms wrapped around Kurt’s hips as Kurt softly serenaded him.
“You were the song, all along,” Kurt continued, dipping into his lower register. “And before, the song dies... I should tell you, I should tell you, I have always loved you... You can see it in my eyes...”
Kurt looked down at Adam, into his eyes, so pretty pale blue, ice blue, but so warm. He let his face dip, their noses brush together, their lips touch. Adam’s were cold, but not as cold as Kurt had feared. If they could make it through the night here, if they could get help, everything might be okay.
***
Adam woke missing the weight of Kurt on him. He could hear and feel the hum of the car they were in, and he lifted his head slightly to see Kurt fiddling with something under the steering wheel.
“Kurt?”
“Adam? Are you awake?” Kurt continued whatever he was working on, and then moved his hand over to the air controls, turning the heat up.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Kurt checked something, then pushed himself up from the driver’s seat and climbed back into the back seat. “You know, we can probably push down this backseat. Make a larger space to lie?”
“Did you hotwire the car? Kurt,” he pleaded again, though now it was too late, “that’s so dangerous!”
“So is freezing to death in a stranger’s car overnight. No one’s going to be able to get out here to help us anytime soon.” Kurt reached under the seat and rolled his eyes up to the roof. There was a “thunk!” sound, and the back of the seats fell back. “There we go...”
Adam looked up at Kurt as he crawled over. Kurt’s expression as he carefully reposition him was serious, and devout. But at the same time, this caretaking seemed like a natural, ingrained part of his being, and Adam was mesmerized by it.
As Kurt sat beside him, his brow furrowed. He took Adam’s hand between both of his and tilted his head to the side.
“I love how I can watch your brain work, just by your eyes,” Adam teased lightly.
“The tragedy of having giant Anime eyes,” Kurt joked dryly. He licked his lips slowly. “Are you getting warmer?”
“A little?” Adam offered. “Thank you for taking care of me. You’re a natural.”
“I’ve had practice.”
Adam squeezed Kurt’s hand. “Don’t be so sad. I’m going to be all right. I reacted too quickly, and something bad happened, but we’re safe now, yes?”
“I’m just not sure you’re getting your heat back fast enough. And we need water. Food. Other things. Can I take you home in the morning? Or would the exposure be too much? Should I take you to the hospital? Can we even get to a hospital? What if someone finds us in here who doesn’t want to help, and they break the window-” Kurt’s voice started to speed up as he spoke.
Adam tugged on Kurt’s hand. “Lie with me.”
“That’s probably a good idea. I can...” Stress marred Kurt’s features for a moment, and then...
He began to take off his shirt.
Adam’s eyes started to widen. He took in Kurt’s slender but lightly muscled physique that he kept so well-hidden at all times. His body was lovely, like the rest of him, but it seemed tender and vulnerable in this light.
Kurt didn’t bow over or cover himself in shame, or at the cold. He simply ordered, “Lift up the covers.”
It was completely unsexy. And completely and breathtakingly intimate. Adam was speechless as Kurt set his shirt aside and lay on top of him again, his warm flesh pressed against cold. Adam drew in a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist again, and Kurt pulled the covers over them.
“You... Kurt, I don’t have the words. You’re an amazing person. Truly unbelievable.”
“Anyone would do what they could to make sure that you lived, Adam,” Kurt scoffed.
“No. Not just anyone. You’re not just anyone. I wish you knew that. I thought you did, before you went back to Lima.”
Kurt snuggled against him and rested his head on Adam’s shoulder again. “That town is toxic. I backslid.”
Adam tightened his mouth and slowly moved his hand up Kurt’s back. “Maybe I’ll sing you a song, too.”
“Hm.” Kurt’s displeased noise at least sounded as though it came with a bit of a smile. “I think you should try to rest.”
“Oh, all I’ve done is sleep.”
“You weren’t asleep for that long. Did it seem like it?”
“Like hours...” Adam traced his finger along Kurt’s cheekbone. Then his fingertips brushed over the dusting of little freckles along his cheeks and over his nose, a smattering of color over his otherwise smooth, porcelain skin. Adam leaned over to kiss a freckle right below the bridge of Kurt’s nose, and then began to sing, giving it as much pep as he could muster, “I used to care so much about what others think about, almost didn’t have a thought of my own. The slightest remark, would make me embark, on a journey of self-doubt!”
Kurt’s worried frown was beginning to melt as he watched Adam. His warm hand moved over the curve of Adam’s shoulder, and rested on his neck.
“But that was a while ago, this boy has gotten stronger! If I knew then, what I know now, I would have told myself don’t worry any longer. It’s okay...” Adam danced his fingers across Kurt’s cheeks, causing him to giggle. “Cuz a face without freckles is like a sky without the stars! Why waste a second not lovin’ who you are? These little imperfections make you beautiful! Loveable! Valuable! They show your personality inside your heart, reflecting who you are.. Who you are...”
Adam caught his breath and looked at Kurt, who was now smiling, that sparkle of laughter back in his eyes.
“Give me a moment. I’ll finish...”
“No, that’s... that’s fine. That’s perfect. I um. Maybe we could work that up together, later.” Kurt sounded so shy, but actually rather chuffed.
“We should.” Adam nodded.
Kurt reached up to pet his hair, and Adam felt his heart racing and his body getting warmer. Both from the air around them, and the very life-giving presence of Kurt laying on top of him. Adam began to doze off again as Kurt’s lips touched his cheek.
***
The sky had only barely begun to grow lighter when they’d heard the knock on the windows. Kurt had woken immediately, expecting to be arrested for hijacking this car, but instead, it was Rachel and Santana, bundled up ridiculously and looking more than terrified and guilty as they peered in the sliver of window that was less covered by snow. Kurt woke Adam and got a good amount of clothing on him while the girls dug enough of the snow away to get them out of the car. Then Kurt pulled Adam to his side, and helped him get into a good lean on Kurt’s shoulder to hop home.
Santana kept looking between them, and for once, she was quiet.
Back at the loft, navigating up the stairs had been a challenge, but they made it, got Adam on the couch and his foot up. Rachel took over, declaring the injury a huge deal for a NYADA student and getting out her kit for such injuries. Santana dropped blankets on them, and told them both to stay still.
She disappeared into the kitchen.
“See. All’s well that ends well.” Adam curled into Kurt again, as though for more warmth.
They cuddled under the blankets together, and Rachel put out a selection of musical dvds for them to choose from while she tended to Adam’s ankle.
“Yeah. I guess it did.” Kurt leaned into the embrace, uncertain of how to talk about what had happened between them, how to address what had caused it, or where to go now.
Santana appeared with two mugs of cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top. “Soup’s on the stove. You’ll have something to eat in a few minutes. Okay, it’s from the can, and it’s like, faux chicken noodle or something, so there’s little chunks of soy junk in it pretending to be chicken, but it tastes okay.”
“That’s mine,” Rachel said irritably, because Santana didn’t have a job yet and kept eating their food. Then she softened. “But you two can have it. It’s my favorite, especially on cold days. You don’t even notice the bits of tofu, and they’re less gross and fatty than chicken bits in canned soup. I’ll whip up some stew when we all get settled and get it going in the crock pot for tonight.”
“You lucked out with all these Suzy and Jack Homemakers around,” Santana told Adam.
“Yes, I am a lucky man. Very, in fact. If Kurt hadn’t found me...” Adam shook his head. “What New Yorker who’s been here for more than one winter wanders out into a storm and bloody well jacks up his ankle. Who, I ask you.”
“You do,” Kurt said fondly. He gave Adam a peck on the cheek, then took some whipped cream on his fingers and licked it.
Adam grinned down at him.
“Guys... Could we have a minute?” He looked at Rachel, and then Santana. Santana looked like she might spit something nasty back, but instead she grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her. On her way to the fire escape, she ran her fingers through Kurt’s hair, and then Adam’s.
Rachel finished messing with Adam’s ankle, which was now well covered in sports bandages and an ice pack of all things. She dropped some ibuprofen into his hand and ordered him to take it to bring the swelling down, then grabbed a blanket for herself and went out with Santana.
Adam popped the pills and washed them down with his cocoa, leaving a bit of a whipped cream ‘stache, which Kurt wiped away. Then he kissed him. Adam kissed back, hungrily, touching the back of Kurt’s head and breathing a little heavily.
“Adam, I...”
“Right. You didn’t send them into the cold for this. I imagine you’d do this right in front of them.” His forehead pressed into Kurt’s, and Kurt sighed.
“I should tell you... I hooked up with my ex. And I did it for a lot of reasons, but I never intended to hurt or betray you-”
“We weren’t really...”
“I know, we weren’t exclusive, and we were hardly dating, more than we were drinking coffee and talking about arrangements, but you were still so hurt. And I think...” Kurt looked down and licked his lips. This was so hard to deal with on his own, let alone talk about with another person. “I hurt myself, too, and probably Blaine, when he finally figures out that I meant it when I said I didn’t want to get back together.”
Adam cupped Kurt’s cheek and rubbed with his thumb. Kurt tilted his head toward the motion. He was learning to love the way Adam touched him.
“I’m still a little wrecked over this break-up. Closure has been a thing other people get, and I’m not sure how long it’s going to take before I’m a sane person again. I can try to run from it, and not deal with it, but it only makes it worse.” Kurt closed his eyes to the stinging.
Adam kissed his forehead. And though Kurt couldn’t see him, he could hear the catch of tears in Adam’s voice. “You don’t want this right now,” he whispered. “With me.”
God, he was trying to be so supportive and understanding, the bastard.
“No,” Kurt managed. “I do. I really, really do. But I don’t want you getting caught up in anything that would cause you pain, and it already has, and...” He looked into Adam’s eyes and motioned toward himself. “And that includes me.”
Adam nodded slowly. “Well. Let me tell you what I want.”
Kurt swallowed, and waited.
“You.”
Kurt blinked. “But... But it’s complicated. I-”
“No. You don’t get it. I know there’s mess. Relationships tend to be. I know you have baggage; I’ve seen it. But that’s okay. We all do. I want the mess. I want you. And if you’re willing to try, and you’re willing to be exclusive...”
“I don’t have any plans to be with Blaine again. It’s just... It’s just never gonna work...” Kurt wiped his eyes and took a breath before his grand admission, more to himself than anything: “I’m scared now that we won’t even be able to be friends. I’m scared I’m never really going to be able to forgive him.”
Adam set his coca down and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s shoulders. “Give it some distance. Give yourself some time.”
“It’s so slow, though. It’s been months already? Why can’t it just end, why can’t I be over it, so I can be with you?”
“Because healing doesn’t work that way. I’m afraid an ache like this will be with you for a long time.”
Kurt burrowed his face into Adam’s shoulder. He took in a few deep breaths, then asked, “You’ve been here?”
“Maybe not exactly this situation. But messy break-ups are fairly universal.” Adam rubbed his back. Kurt snuggled into him.
For warmth. For life.
“So...” Adam said. “I want this. And you want this...”
Kurt pulled back, then took Adam’s face in both of his hands. “Almost more than anything right now.”
“Almost?” Adam’s lips curved to the side. “Second to?”
“Very close second to my dad not dying of cancer.”
Adam’s brows shot up. He pressed his hand to Kurt’s chest. “Got a lot in there, don’t you?”
“Enough to burst.”
Adam nodded slowly. Then pressed his lips together and leaned over to give a kiss to Kurt’s nose.
“Then lets. You and me.”
Kurt nodded eagerly. Suddenly, he was grinning hard enough to hurt his face. They folded together tightly, unwilling to let one another go, and Adam called for the girls to come in. Their faces announced that they had been listening in, especially Rachel, who appeared to have cried a little and was still holding back some tears. Kurt suspected not just over their sappiness, but the information about his father, which Kurt had never shared because she’d been such a nightmare about winning the Winter Showcase.
Maybe they should have talked about it after that, but despite his penchant for crying, Kurt wasn’t necessarily good at opening up, even with his friends... Especially with his friends.
Santana brought over the soup. Rachel started Gypsy and took the end of the sofa next to Santana, who had taken her place next to Kurt. Santana was like an errant cat trying to make amends, really. She occasionally looked over to Adam to see that he wasn’t dying, and was the first to get up to get them more soup.
This would probably be the most attention they got from her for a long while, so Kurt intended to enjoy it.
It was still freezing outside, and dangerous, and Kurt didn’t so much look forward to the owner of the SUV giving him a call, since he’d left a note for them on how to get their insurance company to fix the damage, or he could fix it himself. But Adam was alive, warm, breathing, and he was his, no matter how dark and messy things were right now.
They would have to talk more, later, but for now, they could enjoy this warmth and the security, and he could lay his head on Adam’s shoulder, and take his kisses, and believe just a little bit that all of this would work out somehow. Maybe not with the flash and the certainty and the glamour of a musical, but with tender, careful work handling one another. Not running away. Making it work. Making the commitment to be honest and open, even if it hurts. Making each other feel like their love rises above the chaos, just enough to survive it without being buried.
Added author's note/warning: Assume that Kurt took the time while Adam was sleeping to clear snow from the exhaust pipe of the car so they didn't die of monoxide poisoning. Google "snow storm carbon monoxide poisoning" for more info, and don't die. Thanks to Lovejoybliss on tumblr for the tip.
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