FIC: It's Not the Milk
Title: It’s Not the Milk
Characters: Finn and Kurt, brotherly (or preslashy if you squint)
Word Count: ~2046
Summary: Post S3 Finale. finnkurt Summer prompt meme. Prompt: Finn said that he cried over the decision to set Rachel free; Kurt was there to comfort him.
A tentative knock on the doorframe causes Finn to turn his head before he can properly wipe his eyes. And that’s embarrassing. He’s gotten into his deep ugly cry, and it’s not manly or attractive at all. Anyway, it’s Kurt at his door, and Kurt is probably the least tolerant of mess out of everyone in the house, and Finn is mess all over.
At least it wasn’t Sam or one of the guys catching him sobbing pathetically. Or worse, Rachel.
“Is this a pity party of one, or can I join?” Kurt asks in a voice just this side of too chipper. He leans against the doorframe with a lopsided smile on his face and a tray in his hands.
Finn raises a brow, and Kurt enters anyway, setting the tray down and pulling out a handkerchief.
“No shame here. Blaine and I went through a whole box of tissues earlier.” A funny, alarmed look takes over his face. “Getting my sob on, not... doing other stuff.”
Finn takes the handkerchief. “What other stuff?”
“Um.” Kurt looks up at the ceiling, then reaches over to the tray. “Not important.”
The tray contains a tall frosty glasses of milk and a dish with a neat arrangement of cookies.
“You baked?” Finn wipes the snot from his nose. “I thought you were like, morally against baking and empty calories.”
“I generally am. But these are desperate times, and these are boyfriend cookies. Blaine made them to cheer me up.” Kurt tilts his head to the side with a little smile. “Thought I’d share. They’re anti-mope guaranteed!”
“I dunno about that.” Finn wipes his eyes, sets the handkerchief on the nightstand where there are plenty of wadded up tissues, and reaches for a cookie. He breaks it in half and sucks on the gooey chocolate dribbling out. Kurt must’ve warmed them up because Finn doesn’t think Blaine is hanging around downstairs by himself, just providing cookies and waiting for orders in his “Kiss the Pinoy” apron.
“Doesn’t he make amazing cookies?” Kurt watches him eat, lifting his chin primly, like he can tell whether Finn’s mood is lifting if he examines Finn closely. He then hands him a glass of cold milk to wash down the mouthful of golden baked goodness. Finn licks his lips and looks up at Kurt. His eyes start to sting again. Kurt takes a napkin and wipes the corner of Finn’s mouth.
“It’s okay. You’re allowed to feel like this, Finn! I know things didn’t go how you wanted them to, and I can feel you on that, but-”
“No. They did. I... I didn’t really... I mean, I think acting would be fun, but I’ve never really done it. Except, y’know as Brad...”
“We could go join the local Rocky Horror troupe. The actors participate, and run up and down the aisles, and act out the movie. It’s kind of wacky fun, and we know all the songs.”
“What? Oh. Huh. That could be fun. If I have time.” Finn sighs, feeling like he has bricks strapped onto his back, compressing his lungs. “I made a decision today.”
“Finn...” Kurt reaches over again, and Finn realizes he’s crying once again. Kurt moves closer and rubs a hand in circles over his back.
“I can hardly stand it, but... but I have to break up with Rachel.”
“...what?”
“She’s on her way to New York, and I’m-”
“If you say stuck here, I’m going to slap you. We said we’d all go together. There are plenty of things you can do that don’t include holding Rachel’s purse, and maybe she doesn’t always point it out to you, and Mr. Schue kind of forgot about you this year, but you have a lot of talents you could explore and there’s nothing wrong with not knowing right now what you want to do with the rest of your life!”
“That’s the thing.” Finn smiles at Kurt’s determination to remind him that’s he’s special, once again. “I’ve decided what I want to do.”
Kurt shrinks away, just a little, tenting his fingers over his mouth in anticipation. Finn watches his eyes, the worry surrounding him. It makes him a little angry, all of a sudden. Because Kurt knows. He already knows the decision Finn wrestled over coming back to, and he looks scared... “Are you gonna tell me I’m making a mistake now, too? I can’t do anything right, can I?”
“I wasn’t going to say that. I wasn’t going to say any of that.” Kurt draws in a deep breath, then releases it. “So you’re joining the army? For sure? You don’t have to ditch Rachel for that.”
There is nothing persuasive in Kurt’s tone. Finn knows, because Kurt can be bossy sometimes, when he thinks he’s right. He’s just curious right now.
The thought of what he’s decided bows him over again, and Finn curls an arm around his stomach. “I don’t have to for that. But I have to. I don’t think she really wants to marry me, and... I don’t think this is a good idea right now. I can’t let her hang around here with me when a few weeks ago she was all talking about how a year could make or break her career. She’s just scared. That’s the only reason she’s hanging onto me. If we’re right...”
He covers his eyes. Now both of Kurt’s hands are on his back, big but gentle, at the same time.
“If we’re right, we can make it work again later. But right now, I have to do this, and she has to go to New York. We’re going our separate ways, and getting married and pretending that this is the best time just because we don’t want to, I dunno, take a leap into the unknown? It’s just stupid. I never should have asked. It was dumb. I just...”
“It’s not dumb. You’re not dumb, Finn,” Kurt assures him in a delicate tone. Suddenly his arms are around Finn’s waist, and his chin on his shoulder. His heart is pounding hard enough for Finn to feel it, a little. “You’re not dumb. I half-wanted to ask Blaine to marry me. Just to put something permanent on it. I thought about it, what to say. I even googled type of rings to get, but...”
He lets out a breathy little laugh at himself. “I knew it wasn’t the answer to our separation. I just wanted it. Wanted to have that little symbolic something that protects me from a broken heart, or time ruining what’s already perfect by passing. Like it does.”
“I didn’t know that.” Finn hugs Kurt’s arms. He’s happy that they can do this. Kurt’s so less on edge around him than he used to be, and Finn doesn’t like the idea that he would miss out on his brother hugging on him and bringing him milk of varying temperatures to cheer him up.
There’s so much he could’ve missed.
“I thought it would make me sound like a hypocrite,” Kurt admits with a pout. “Like a judgey jerk.”
“I never thought you were, dude. I just thought you were worried about us. Rachel wasn’t happy about you disapproving, but you don’t have to be 100% behind every decision I make for me to know you care.”
“I do. Even if I’m snarky, or order for you in restaurants sometimes. Or steal clothes I don’t approve of out of your closet.”
Finn grins a little. “You should do that to Blaine.”
“The private school has damaged his fashion muscles. He has to heal on his own,” Kurt says in a long-suffering tone. “Though I might take all of his hair gel with me to New York.”
“I’ll take a little meddling from my brother, if it comes with lunch care packages and warm milk talks at night when I can’t think through stuff.”
“It just helps to talk, sometimes. Get it all out loud instead of inside your head, where it seems bigger, and scarier.”
“I’m glad you think about doing stupid stuff, too.” Finn turns to look at Kurt. Kurt’s brows go up, and Finn just wants to squeeze him, to hold on for dear life, because he’s been dreading the end of senior year since the first day in the hallways, and now it’s here.
And he has to make the worst decisions ever that he has known were coming for a year. It sort of ruined the year for him. Along with other stuff. He wishes he could put a big shiny finish on his memories, too, but... not right now. Maybe in ten years, when they’re all looking back, and so happy that everything that happened in high school seems small an unimportant.
“I think about doing stupid stuff all the time, Finn!” Kurt says, almost snappishly. Though Finn knows he’s joking. “For example, junior prom. It’s magical!”
“Ouch.”
“I joined the Cheerios and ate nothing but celery for a week. I auditioned in front of Jesse St. James assuming that it would actually have a positive impact on my likelihood of getting a solo. Also, I set up this guy I liked’s mom with my dad-”
Finn chuckles deep in his chest, and it feels really, really good. Like the weight of Kurt on him makes it easier to breathe, somehow.
“-and I assumed that would work out. Y’know, somehow. I’m a genius, obviously.”
“I kinda did work out... I’m kinda happy how it did, anyway.”
Kurt squeezes him and sighs. “I’m sorry about you and Rachel.” “You’re not gonna say, ‘I told you so’?”
“I never actually get around to it. I’m so seldom right,” Kurt said out of the side of his mouth. “And anyway, even when I am right, I don’t like seeing my friends and family hurting. It ruins my gloat.”
“It does hurt. A lot,” Finn admits.
“I’m here.”
Kurt stays where he is, holding Finn like he’s protecting him from big bad things falling on him, as Finn munches on Blaine-cookies and babbles sappily about Rachel. He knows it can’t be Kurt’s favorite topic right now, and he has his own issues, but he seems perfectly clear eyed as he listens. When Finn starts to cry again, he can’t be ashamed, because it’s Kurt holding onto him. His brother, and his tether, and if there’s one thing Kurt will never judge him for, it’s feeling what he’s feeling, openly and without reservation.
And it is better, with what he’s feeling out of his head and his chest where it was tight and threatening to smother him. But it’s still scary. And he still has to do it.
Eventually, Kurt gets up, brings him some moist towelettes, and lets him clean off his face. Then they go downstairs together and play video games. Or rather, Finn plays and Kurt watches, and asks questions about his plans for the army as his fingers stroke through Finn’s hair in a gentle massage. Kurt’s fear of losing Finn is badly hidden. Very.
Finn takes a moment to pause the game and reaches back, brushing his fingertips against Kurt’s. Kurt’s eyes shimmer, slightly, and he forces a smile at Finn and asks him when he’ll be leaving, so they can throw him a party. A great big fabulous party. Unrestrained fabulousness. He promises not to tell Carole and his father, or any of their friends, until Finn is ready.
Finn’s smart enough to know that it’s not the cookies that made him feel better, just like when he’s stressed or confused about he feels about things, it’s not the milk that makes it better. It doesn’t matter whether it’s warm or cold. It’s who brings it, and everything that he brings with him.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.
comments posted there. Please comment there using OpenID or your DW account.
Characters: Finn and Kurt, brotherly (or preslashy if you squint)
Word Count: ~2046
Summary: Post S3 Finale. finnkurt Summer prompt meme. Prompt: Finn said that he cried over the decision to set Rachel free; Kurt was there to comfort him.
A tentative knock on the doorframe causes Finn to turn his head before he can properly wipe his eyes. And that’s embarrassing. He’s gotten into his deep ugly cry, and it’s not manly or attractive at all. Anyway, it’s Kurt at his door, and Kurt is probably the least tolerant of mess out of everyone in the house, and Finn is mess all over.
At least it wasn’t Sam or one of the guys catching him sobbing pathetically. Or worse, Rachel.
“Is this a pity party of one, or can I join?” Kurt asks in a voice just this side of too chipper. He leans against the doorframe with a lopsided smile on his face and a tray in his hands.
Finn raises a brow, and Kurt enters anyway, setting the tray down and pulling out a handkerchief.
“No shame here. Blaine and I went through a whole box of tissues earlier.” A funny, alarmed look takes over his face. “Getting my sob on, not... doing other stuff.”
Finn takes the handkerchief. “What other stuff?”
“Um.” Kurt looks up at the ceiling, then reaches over to the tray. “Not important.”
The tray contains a tall frosty glasses of milk and a dish with a neat arrangement of cookies.
“You baked?” Finn wipes the snot from his nose. “I thought you were like, morally against baking and empty calories.”
“I generally am. But these are desperate times, and these are boyfriend cookies. Blaine made them to cheer me up.” Kurt tilts his head to the side with a little smile. “Thought I’d share. They’re anti-mope guaranteed!”
“I dunno about that.” Finn wipes his eyes, sets the handkerchief on the nightstand where there are plenty of wadded up tissues, and reaches for a cookie. He breaks it in half and sucks on the gooey chocolate dribbling out. Kurt must’ve warmed them up because Finn doesn’t think Blaine is hanging around downstairs by himself, just providing cookies and waiting for orders in his “Kiss the Pinoy” apron.
“Doesn’t he make amazing cookies?” Kurt watches him eat, lifting his chin primly, like he can tell whether Finn’s mood is lifting if he examines Finn closely. He then hands him a glass of cold milk to wash down the mouthful of golden baked goodness. Finn licks his lips and looks up at Kurt. His eyes start to sting again. Kurt takes a napkin and wipes the corner of Finn’s mouth.
“It’s okay. You’re allowed to feel like this, Finn! I know things didn’t go how you wanted them to, and I can feel you on that, but-”
“No. They did. I... I didn’t really... I mean, I think acting would be fun, but I’ve never really done it. Except, y’know as Brad...”
“We could go join the local Rocky Horror troupe. The actors participate, and run up and down the aisles, and act out the movie. It’s kind of wacky fun, and we know all the songs.”
“What? Oh. Huh. That could be fun. If I have time.” Finn sighs, feeling like he has bricks strapped onto his back, compressing his lungs. “I made a decision today.”
“Finn...” Kurt reaches over again, and Finn realizes he’s crying once again. Kurt moves closer and rubs a hand in circles over his back.
“I can hardly stand it, but... but I have to break up with Rachel.”
“...what?”
“She’s on her way to New York, and I’m-”
“If you say stuck here, I’m going to slap you. We said we’d all go together. There are plenty of things you can do that don’t include holding Rachel’s purse, and maybe she doesn’t always point it out to you, and Mr. Schue kind of forgot about you this year, but you have a lot of talents you could explore and there’s nothing wrong with not knowing right now what you want to do with the rest of your life!”
“That’s the thing.” Finn smiles at Kurt’s determination to remind him that’s he’s special, once again. “I’ve decided what I want to do.”
Kurt shrinks away, just a little, tenting his fingers over his mouth in anticipation. Finn watches his eyes, the worry surrounding him. It makes him a little angry, all of a sudden. Because Kurt knows. He already knows the decision Finn wrestled over coming back to, and he looks scared... “Are you gonna tell me I’m making a mistake now, too? I can’t do anything right, can I?”
“I wasn’t going to say that. I wasn’t going to say any of that.” Kurt draws in a deep breath, then releases it. “So you’re joining the army? For sure? You don’t have to ditch Rachel for that.”
There is nothing persuasive in Kurt’s tone. Finn knows, because Kurt can be bossy sometimes, when he thinks he’s right. He’s just curious right now.
The thought of what he’s decided bows him over again, and Finn curls an arm around his stomach. “I don’t have to for that. But I have to. I don’t think she really wants to marry me, and... I don’t think this is a good idea right now. I can’t let her hang around here with me when a few weeks ago she was all talking about how a year could make or break her career. She’s just scared. That’s the only reason she’s hanging onto me. If we’re right...”
He covers his eyes. Now both of Kurt’s hands are on his back, big but gentle, at the same time.
“If we’re right, we can make it work again later. But right now, I have to do this, and she has to go to New York. We’re going our separate ways, and getting married and pretending that this is the best time just because we don’t want to, I dunno, take a leap into the unknown? It’s just stupid. I never should have asked. It was dumb. I just...”
“It’s not dumb. You’re not dumb, Finn,” Kurt assures him in a delicate tone. Suddenly his arms are around Finn’s waist, and his chin on his shoulder. His heart is pounding hard enough for Finn to feel it, a little. “You’re not dumb. I half-wanted to ask Blaine to marry me. Just to put something permanent on it. I thought about it, what to say. I even googled type of rings to get, but...”
He lets out a breathy little laugh at himself. “I knew it wasn’t the answer to our separation. I just wanted it. Wanted to have that little symbolic something that protects me from a broken heart, or time ruining what’s already perfect by passing. Like it does.”
“I didn’t know that.” Finn hugs Kurt’s arms. He’s happy that they can do this. Kurt’s so less on edge around him than he used to be, and Finn doesn’t like the idea that he would miss out on his brother hugging on him and bringing him milk of varying temperatures to cheer him up.
There’s so much he could’ve missed.
“I thought it would make me sound like a hypocrite,” Kurt admits with a pout. “Like a judgey jerk.”
“I never thought you were, dude. I just thought you were worried about us. Rachel wasn’t happy about you disapproving, but you don’t have to be 100% behind every decision I make for me to know you care.”
“I do. Even if I’m snarky, or order for you in restaurants sometimes. Or steal clothes I don’t approve of out of your closet.”
Finn grins a little. “You should do that to Blaine.”
“The private school has damaged his fashion muscles. He has to heal on his own,” Kurt says in a long-suffering tone. “Though I might take all of his hair gel with me to New York.”
“I’ll take a little meddling from my brother, if it comes with lunch care packages and warm milk talks at night when I can’t think through stuff.”
“It just helps to talk, sometimes. Get it all out loud instead of inside your head, where it seems bigger, and scarier.”
“I’m glad you think about doing stupid stuff, too.” Finn turns to look at Kurt. Kurt’s brows go up, and Finn just wants to squeeze him, to hold on for dear life, because he’s been dreading the end of senior year since the first day in the hallways, and now it’s here.
And he has to make the worst decisions ever that he has known were coming for a year. It sort of ruined the year for him. Along with other stuff. He wishes he could put a big shiny finish on his memories, too, but... not right now. Maybe in ten years, when they’re all looking back, and so happy that everything that happened in high school seems small an unimportant.
“I think about doing stupid stuff all the time, Finn!” Kurt says, almost snappishly. Though Finn knows he’s joking. “For example, junior prom. It’s magical!”
“Ouch.”
“I joined the Cheerios and ate nothing but celery for a week. I auditioned in front of Jesse St. James assuming that it would actually have a positive impact on my likelihood of getting a solo. Also, I set up this guy I liked’s mom with my dad-”
Finn chuckles deep in his chest, and it feels really, really good. Like the weight of Kurt on him makes it easier to breathe, somehow.
“-and I assumed that would work out. Y’know, somehow. I’m a genius, obviously.”
“I kinda did work out... I’m kinda happy how it did, anyway.”
Kurt squeezes him and sighs. “I’m sorry about you and Rachel.” “You’re not gonna say, ‘I told you so’?”
“I never actually get around to it. I’m so seldom right,” Kurt said out of the side of his mouth. “And anyway, even when I am right, I don’t like seeing my friends and family hurting. It ruins my gloat.”
“It does hurt. A lot,” Finn admits.
“I’m here.”
Kurt stays where he is, holding Finn like he’s protecting him from big bad things falling on him, as Finn munches on Blaine-cookies and babbles sappily about Rachel. He knows it can’t be Kurt’s favorite topic right now, and he has his own issues, but he seems perfectly clear eyed as he listens. When Finn starts to cry again, he can’t be ashamed, because it’s Kurt holding onto him. His brother, and his tether, and if there’s one thing Kurt will never judge him for, it’s feeling what he’s feeling, openly and without reservation.
And it is better, with what he’s feeling out of his head and his chest where it was tight and threatening to smother him. But it’s still scary. And he still has to do it.
Eventually, Kurt gets up, brings him some moist towelettes, and lets him clean off his face. Then they go downstairs together and play video games. Or rather, Finn plays and Kurt watches, and asks questions about his plans for the army as his fingers stroke through Finn’s hair in a gentle massage. Kurt’s fear of losing Finn is badly hidden. Very.
Finn takes a moment to pause the game and reaches back, brushing his fingertips against Kurt’s. Kurt’s eyes shimmer, slightly, and he forces a smile at Finn and asks him when he’ll be leaving, so they can throw him a party. A great big fabulous party. Unrestrained fabulousness. He promises not to tell Carole and his father, or any of their friends, until Finn is ready.
Finn’s smart enough to know that it’s not the cookies that made him feel better, just like when he’s stressed or confused about he feels about things, it’s not the milk that makes it better. It doesn’t matter whether it’s warm or cold. It’s who brings it, and everything that he brings with him.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.
comments posted there. Please comment there using OpenID or your DW account.