FIC: The Orchid and the Weed, 8/13
Title: The Orchid and The Weed; or Been Black and Blue Before 8/13
Warnings: Homophobia, violence, sexual harassment
Includes: angst
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: ~102k
Summary: Due to family monetary struggles, Kurt is forced to go back to McKinley… not that he wants anyone to know the reason. For Kurt and Blaine, though, the biggest hardship is separation. Worried about how his boyfriend is coping, Blaine convinces his mother to let him transfer.
Notes: Post Original Song AU. For aelora for help_japan. Will update once daily until finished.
Parts of this will be easier to imagine with the soundtrack. I mean, you can’t do Glee without having songs. I’ll upload one afterward with the rundown for each song, so you can enjoy without knowing which ones are in the fic or not and in what context.
Part One ♥ Part Two ♥ Part Three ♥ Part Four ♥ Part Five ♥ Part Six ♥ Part Seven
Part Eight
Kurt’s dad had been to the waiting room before Kurt ever glimpsed Blaine’s dad. Burt and Carole had come, talked to both brothers and brought them dinner. Finn went home because they could make him go. Burt had told him he’d be more useful if he’d go take care of himself, and he seemed less worried that someone else would hit his brother with a parent there instead of another kid. Kurt they let stay, because, well...
“Hon, if it were me in the hospital, or Kurt or Finn, you’d never just go home go to sleep,” Carole had pointed out to Burt. “You would want to be here where you could get news right away, and it’s the only place you’d be likely to get any sleep.”
Kurt never said where the bruise on his cheek came from. There was a slight worry that his dad and Carole thought he’d been in the fight as well, but he couldn’t talk about what had happened between himself and Blaine’s mother. He just couldn’t handle his father taking the grieving woman to task for coming to the same conclusion Kurt had come to himself.
It didn’t matter that now, with the adrenaline pumping a lot less rapidly, Kurt knew it wasn’t rational to blame himself. He knew this a little less because he’d figured it out, and more because Blaine would have told him so.
“You take too much onto your shoulders, Kurt,” he would have said, his expressive hand touching Kurt and infusing him with his deep affection.
“So says the devastatingly handsome twink who is trying to hold his family together all by his lonesome,” Kurt would reply.
“Aww. You think I’m handsome.” Blaine would grin, that big, charming smile of his. Missing the point on purpose, but still flattered because, somehow, he still didn’t realize just how devastatingly handsome he was.
Kurt put his head in his hands and made himself stop thinking about that.
Once Blaine’s dad had appeared, he recognized him right away. It wasn’t just that his eyebrows were so... distinct, but because although Blaine inherited much of his looks from his mother, there was something in Mr. Anderson’s demeanor that was distinctively Blaine. Or alternatively, something in Blaine’s demeanor that was distinctively Jonathan Anderson. It was in the way the man stood, the tilt of his head, the timbre of his voice as he spoke courteously to the nurses, and in the way he grew more animated and dramatic when Blaine’s mother appeared.
Because they fought. For a good twenty minutes, they argued with one another. In the end, Jonathan walked away and took a seat, trying to ignore her.
“Yes, that’s it, Jon. Leave again. That will help everything,” she said in a tight, angry voice.
“I can’t believe you let this happen to our son,” he spat.
“What can I say, I’m just an terrible mother,” she shot back.
“Is that a message? That I’m an terrible father?”
“I wouldn’t know. You’ve not even tried to be one since I told you about him coming out while singing on that ukelele.”
Oh. Oh, Gaga, Blaine came out while playing the ukelele! That was too amazing. Kurt tightened his hands over the bottom of his chair, wishing he could run to his boyfriend and demand to hear the song right that moment.
Mrs. Anderson had already made it quite clear that she didn’t want him visiting Blaine, though.
“I never claimed to be perfect, Lea. I know I broke your heart.”
Lea said nothing.
“She didn’t mean anything to me, you know.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you left me for some girl, yes, girl you didn’t care about? And you were using her?” Lea turned her head to the side and covered her eyes.
“That’s not...” Jonathan sighed and looked away from Lea, as though it pained him.
“I have to go check on my son,” she said.
“Our son!” Jonathan yelled back at her.
Kurt didn’t follow exactly what was passing between them, but it seemed as though Jonathan wouldn’t be going to see Blaine. Whether or not that was the best thing for Blaine... Kurt didn’t know. He thought that Blaine would rather have as much of his family by his side as possible. As long as they could behave.
Another hour passed of waiting. Kurt’s eyes were starting to unfocus. Jonathan got up periodically to talk to the nurse behind the desk. Kurt strained to hear what was being said. Lea had come back out and had her hands in her hair, pacing the floor in less than sensible heels.
When she disappeared again, Kurt rose, went over to the coffee machine, and touched the side of the pot. It was warm enough, so he began to prepare some cups. He doubted that it tasted particularly wonderful, but it was warm and caffeinated, and it would serve.
He gave a cup to his father before heading over to Mr. Anderson. Burt raised a brow at his son, and Kurt raised both of his brows and shoulders in a gesture that said he knew what he was doing. Not that he... knew that at all. There was a possibility that Mr. Anderson would finish the job his wife had started. He wasn’t even sure the man would recognize him.
When Jonathan looked up, Kurt handed him a cup of coffee, hoping he liked regular old coffee, with three or four packets of sugar. Jonathan accepted the coffee and narrowed his eyes. “I’ve seen you. Right?”
“Yeah. I came over to your house once.” And just the once. You made me feel so welcome, thanks. “Um. Blaine really likes coffee. I thought maybe you could use some.”
Jonathan stared at it and mumbled a thanks. Kurt leaned against the wall, and together, they stayed there in abject silence, sipping the black coffee, bitterness not at all chased away by all the sugar he’d dumped in there.
“Blaine loves coffee,” Kurt muttered, almost to himself. “He drinks it all the time. We can’t afford to go to the coffee shop every day, of course, so I’ve started making a thermos of Italian roast every morning and bringing it to school so Blaine can have his hot beverage in the morning. It perks him right up. Not the caffeine. Drinking it does it. I can tell because he starts to perk when he sees me with the thermos. And when we went to Dalton, it always happened when I’d agree to go get some coffee with him.”
Kurt stopped babbling for a moment to see if Jonathan wanted to get away, or if he wanted to say something. He looked like he really needed to talk... but he said nothing.
“Don’t tell him,” Kurt continued, “but... I didn’t really like coffee when I met him. And I wasn’t even trying-- He was just this wonderful, amazing, generous, and brave person. He saved my life-- Not from a man with a gun or anything so dramatic, but from me... doing something drastic because I just couldn’t... I just wanted to be near him.” He laughed softly. “Now I can’t go a day without the stuff. Even if I’m drinking decaf, my morning isn’t quite right without a cup of coffee.”
Jonathan’s eyes fixed on Kurt, staring with some strange combination of disorientation and ferocity. He lifted his cup and nodded. “Thanks for the joe.”
Kurt bowed his head. He turned his head to wipe away a tear, then walked away.
***
By the time morning came, Blaine was actively wishing himself dead. It was cold and lonely in his hospital room. When he didn’t ache, his meds made him terribly nauseous because he couldn’t eat real food yet because of the surgery, and he wasn’t able to get up and go to the bathroom without help.
The nurses would come in to change his bandages and try to cheer him up a little when they had the time. He’d probably get a sponge bath later, but for the moment, he felt sick, and gross, and he could smell his own hair, which was even more gross.
He wiped the oil off his forehead with the back of his hand.
“I don’t suppose a guy could get a little face wash around here,” he tried to joke. Something about his own voice sounded off. Hollow.
The nurse, a tall woman with a café au lait complexion and long curly black hair whose name he hadn’t caught last night, wiped over the stitches in his belly gently. “Well, I’d be careful of your stitches. Those cleansers are really strong sometimes.”
“Is that going to scar? I guess I can live with the ones down there, but... on my face?”
“I wouldn’t worry about that sweetheart.” She gave him a cheerful smile. “They’ll melt all over you when you talk about the fights you’ve been in. Talk about how brave you are. Chicks dig scars.”
Chick dig scars. Blaine wondered if boys dug scars. He didn’t actively go out looking for guys with hot scars, and Kurt was usually such a perfectionist... Blaine couldn’t imagine Kurt digging this look at all.
He sighed deeply and looked at the small window covered in blue drapes. He wasn’t anti-blue, but he preferred warmer colors, and all the cool tones in this room were bumming him out. He even liked the clean, white modern decor of Kurt’s bedroom better. It was cold, but it was buzzing with life.
“Cheer up,” the nurse advised. “You’re a lucky boy. Sixteen stitches down here. It’s a good thing that you got to the hospital so fast.”
“I don’t really remember how that happened.” His eyes went to the ceiling. “Just... I think I remember my boyfriend’s voice, telling me to hold on. Has he been here?”
The nurse looked surprised, then she tightened her lips in an unreadable expression. “I don’t know, hon. I’ll ask around the nurses’ station to see if he’s been in to check on you. Was he in the fight, too?”
“No, he was probably with his friends. He was probably safe. I hope. I don’t know how he found me.” Blaine thought about it. “I don’t know if he found me, but there’s no mistaking his voice.”
“I’ll let you know if I find out-” She turned as a doctor came in and called her name. Denisa. “Try to rest up, okay?”
Blaine sighed again and continued to study the ceiling.
***
The Lima Bean was the last place that Finn wanted to be. He’d slept, deeply, and he felt kinda crappy about that, because he knew that Kurt hadn’t slept at all, and if Blaine was sleeping, it was more because they’d doped him up. Kurt was probably still in the waiting room, silently melting down while Blaine was feeling shitty in a hospital room, both of them feeling worse than they had to because no one had the sense to let them be together.
Still, their friends had been texting and calling Finn and Kurt trying to find out what was going on, and Kurt wasn’t answering anything, apparently, so Finn would rather do this all at once and get them to stop bothering Kurt about it. He’d sent out a text to all of them to meet him here if they wanted an update.
Across the coffee shop, he spotted Mercedes, leaning on her hand and stirring a coffee. There were a few crumpled tissues in front of her, and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back.
“Hey.”
She startled and looked at him. “Damn, Finn.”
Finn shrugged and pulled up a chair. “First ones here.”
“Yeah.” Mercedes swallowed. “Is he alive?”
“Whoa. Um. Yeah, I don’t know a lot about what’s happening with Blaine, but he’s alive.”
“I feel like some kinda bitch, you know? I wasn’t that friendly to him, and I should’ve been. He’s a good guy, and everything. He didn’t deserve this.”
“We all should’ve been better to him.” Finn covered her hand with his. “Right now we just have to wait, y’know? And see what we can do to help.”
“Don’t tell Kurt, but I’ve been prayin’ for both of them. It’s all I know how to do.”
“Blaine won’t care. Hell, I think Kurt doesn’t really care, if you’re not in his face about it.”
“I know that, but... he was just so... Yesterday, out in the street, I barely recognized him. Either of them.”
“This sucks.” Finn put his hand over his face. “Man, I want to be like, bffs with Blaine. He’s cool, and fun, but I’ve been so damn worked up over trying to protect them, y’know? I keep coming off like an asshole.”
“That’s better than my excuse,” Mercedes muttered. “They know you care about them.”
“Maybe. Kurt does, but that’s only because he sees me out of bodyguard mode at home.” Finn picked up a sugar packet and flicked the side.
“Can Blaine have visitors yet? Could you go in to see him? I bet it’s lonely in there.”
Finn shook his head. “Blaine’s bitch mom has him on lockdown. No one but family gets in.”
“Wait, so Kurt can’t get in?” Mercedes pushed her lips out and shook her head. “Blaine’s gonna want to see him. No matter what. They’re like... married already.”
“I know. I haven’t seen Blaine, but I bet this separation is killing both of them.”
A few others trickled in. Brittany, Artie, Rachel, Sam, and Tina all sat around the table.
“Mike’s mom has him incarcerated for the weekend,” Tina explained. “I’m an emissary.”
“I’ll tell Santana what’s going on. She’s um... in bed,” Brittany said.
“Nice to see her support the group,” Rachel said, rolling her eyes.
“What have you done to support the group?” Brittany asked. “You threaten to sue for everything. When you don’t get your way in the yearbook, or because there are no vegan options in the cafeteria, or when people throw balls at your face-”
“That’s gym class,” Rachel clarified quickly.
“I don’t understand...” Brittany continued, “why don’t you say anything when Principal Figgins is smacking our gayboys around?”
“And Santana’s our hero? She wasn’t even going to join the alliance,” Rachel shot back after a moment.
“It’s safer for you, Rachel. You wouldn’t understand.” Brittany turned to a barista walking by. “Do you have... muffins?”
“Um. Yes.” He looked confused when she turned back to the others, and then he walked away.
“Yeah, well. I wouldn’t mind a little more help protecting them,” Finn said. “We’ve all fallen down on the job.”
“You can’t feel bad about this, Finn,” Rachel said. “It’s the school’s job to protect the students. We can’t do it by ourselves.”
“No, but we can do better.” Sam shrugged. “We were pretty crap at looking out for Kurt until he was on the verge of a breakdown, and with Blaine, we didn’t do anything. Like, what did we expect would happen? Not good stuff.”
“Does Kurt still hate us?” Tina asked Finn.
Finn tore the packet of sugar open and downed it. “He doesn’t hate you guys. He blames himself. But in between hating himself and weeping, yeah, he’s pissed.”
“It’s not our fault,” Rachel protested.
“No, we didn’t beat up Blaine,” Mercedes said, a little loudly as she eyed Rachel. “But Kurt came to us and he asked us to help Blaine. That’s a big thing, guys. He doesn’t outright ask on stuff like this often, and I had to hassle him to get him to come to us for help at all. The only thing he wanted was for us to look out for his boyfriend the same way we would look out for him.”
“And we’re not even really good at that,” Artie said.
“I’m not saying we shouldn’t have done anything.” Rachel sighed. “It’s just so hard.”
“Of course it is. Nothing important is ever easy.” Mercedes looked at her coffee and stirred it again.
“I’m getting us breakfast.” Brittany stood up suddenly and walked up to the counter.
Artie frowned. “I’ll give you a topic to talk about in our absence. The upcoming DC Comics Reboot is neither “DC,” nor “comics,” nor a “reboot.” Discuss.”
As Artie wheeled away, Sam cracked up.
“I have no idea what that boy just said,” Mercedes said.
Finn smiled a little and checked his phone. No messages yet. He closed his eyes, then opened them when he felt Mercedes touching his hand.
“I know this is hard right now, but you gotta chin up. At least for Kurt and Blaine. They’re gonna need us to, at the very bare minimum, not make things worse for them right now.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’m just... I’m scared. They did that to Blaine. They could do it to Kurt. Hell, they’ve wanted to, before. He’s come home with bruises I didn’t notice until later, like weeks, sometimes. And Burt is like... He’s holding it together around Kurt but he is not okay.” Finn sniffed and rubbed his lips. “And where is Blaine gonna go now? He’s had to leave two different schools because people can’t leave him alone. You know they basically beat him up because he’s a nice guy who wants other people to get along and be happy. Like that’s some kinda crime or something.”
“At our school it is. It’s one of the reasons everyone hates us,” Mercedes points out. “Because we have people from all over the school, different grades, different cliques, popular or not, and we’ve tried to show them that it’s okay to be whoever you wanna be. Blaine went political with it... and we should not have let him be the one to do that. We should’ve... Hell. I don’t know who would want to step up and do that. But it shouldn’t have been one of the most vulnerable targets.”
“Yaay... carbs.” Brittany came back with Artie and a tray of muffins and pastries. “The nice guy over there is gonna come over with coffee here in a minute. So. What are we gonna do to help save our fairies’ tails?”
“What can we do? We can’t un-beat up Blaine.” Rachel took a croissant and tore it in half. “We probably can’t make Principal Figgins get that stick out of his ass. Kurt doesn’t even want to talk to us right now.”
“And we can’t get in to talk to Blaine,” Mercedes said.
“Can Kurt?” Brittany asked.
“Get in? No.” Finn knew he shouldn’t be hungry at a time like this, but he grabbed a cinnamon roll with full intent to eat the whole thing. “Man, you should’ve seen it. Blaine’s mom smacked the crap out of him.”
“Whoa. What?” Tina leaned forward in disbelief.
“So. They can’t see each other?” Brittany asked again, frowning like she didn’t understand.
“Yes, Brittany, that is what he is saying,” Rachel said slowly and loudly.
Brittany ignored her and perked up. “Then we need Puck!” When everyone looked at her, she shrugged. “He’s the best at crime.”
***
“Okay, deep breath. In...” Denisa waited while Blaine obeyed. She had come in a few minutes ago to help him to the bathroom and then back into bed to wiggle his ankles around and breathe.
There was a knock on the side of his door, and a bright, familiar face popped into the doorway.
“Omigod!” Tianna rushed to the side of the bed. “Ohhhh, Blainers!”
“Ti!” Blaine perked up and a grin spread across the unstitched side of his lips as he reached for his sister with one hand. “How are you out? Are you expelled now?”
“Believe it or not, even those Nazis consider this a family crisis. I’m here until I have to drive back tomorrow night.” Tianna went over to give him a hug. “Unless I decide to tell them to fuck off. I can’t imagine leaving you here with our parents right now.”
“Be careful there,” Denisa warned.
“Yeah, they told me about the surgery. He’s stuck here for like... five days?”
“Well, minimum. We want to make sure that he’s on the mend before we send him out,” Denisa said. “The doctors will let you know how he’s progressing.”
“I don’t understand anything they’re saying.” Tianna pulled up a chair and sat down.
“Did you say our parents?” Blaine asked uncertainly. “Is Dad... Is he here?”
Tianna raised her brows sharply. Denisa smiled at them and excused herself.
“You don’t know? I thought...” Tianna shrugged and brushed her hand over Blaine’s curls. “Yeah, Dad’s out in the waiting room. I think he got here sometime last night.”
“Why...? Why hasn’t he visited me?” Blaine’s voice started to sound smaller and smaller.
“Probably doesn’t know what to say, short stuff. He and Mom have been fighting a lot out there. Like cats.” Tianna bit her lip and scooted closer to the bed. “Kurt’s out there, too, y’know.”
“Kurt... He’s here? I...” He curled his good arm around his stomach. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know about Dad, but Kurt definitely wants to see you. So much. He hasn’t left, and he looks like shit.” Tianna shrugged. “Or he was there when I came in. He was with his stepmom, and his Dad came in when I was escorted back here. I think he was trying to convince Kurt to go home and sleep.”
“Can’t... Can’t they let him back here?” Blaine asked. “I want to see him. I just want to see my boyfriend. He always knows what to say. I’ve been here, mostly alone, and I just wanted him here...”
Blaine covered his mouth as hot tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Ohhhh, I’m sorry.” Tianna leaned over to hug him again. “He’d be here for you, if they’d let him. God. Maybe... Maybe I can talk to Mom- Maybe I can talk to Daddy, and he’ll- I don’t know what to do.”
Blaine shook his head and pinched his eyes closed.
“What is wrong with them,” Tianna muttered, petting him. “I shouldn’t have gotten my phone confiscated. Then you could at least call him. Maybe I can sneak a phone in here. Steal one, or something.”
“It’s okay, Ti. You don’t have to do that.” Blaine put his arm around her and kissed her cheek.
“I have to do something.” She sat back and caressed his cheek until Blaine winced. “I’m here. I’ll be here for you. You don’t have to be alone.”
Blaine let his head fall back, but he kept a hand on his sister. At least she was here. At least his dad and Kurt were around. Why would his dad come back and not come talk to him? Didn’t his father care about him at all anymore?
Kurt. He knew Kurt cared. But for some reason that care, the kind of care only Kurt could supply him, which might actually help, was being denied to him.
***
“C’mon. This is enough, now, Kurt.”
Kurt lay back in his bed, sleepless. So much for that plan.
”Maybe I’m not expressin’ this really well.”
“Blaine needs me. He needs me, Dad. How can I not be here?”
“Yeah. He needs you. But not worn out, fucked-up you. He needs the stronger you that does stuff like run the household, plan weddings, shout down homophobic adults in public, and wear 10 inch heels. Y’need to go home and recharge so when you get the chance, you can actually be there for him. You’re too strung out right now to be much good. Okay? Does that make sense? You can come right back as soon as you’ve eaten, showered, and slept.”
Sleep. Must sleep. So he could go see Blaine. He groaned and flopped over again. He was going to lay there for hours, unable to sleep, and then he’d go back to the hospital where Blaine’s parents would still hate him and keep him from his boyfriend.
Who needed him.
Kurt didn’t know what kind of support Blaine had there with the doctors, or if they’d given him a counselor to talk to, or what. But he knew that when the bottom fell out, sometimes you just needed to be with someone you loved and who loved you, and he wasn’t sure that Blaine’s parents loved him enough to make the world slip back into rightness again for him.
It killed him that these people were allowed to keep them apart at a time like this. He’d understand if the nurses said Blaine needed rest, or that he could only check in for a minute. Kurt loved Blaine and would want to do whatever helped him get better. But they were treating their relationship like it meant nothing at all, like Kurt was less of a significant other and more of a nothing significant to Blaine. Like the way they felt for each other wasn’t real, or didn’t count.
It wasn’t about ego. If Kurt had been the one on the receiving end of those blows, he would want Blaine there as much as his father, and Blaine moreso than Kurt needed people to surround and support him when he was hurting. He was just that kind of person.
Kurt sat up and glanced around his room with a frown. Then he hopped up off his bed, went into the closet, and fished around for his camera. After fiddling with the wires for a minute, he set it up. “I look like a hot mess. Here’s hoping this doesn’t go viral, hm?”
About ten minutes later, Kurt wiped his cheeks and opened up his email. Voices buzzed in the hallway behind him.
“-if this is the best idea.”
“It’s all we have right now. I dunno, Merc. I just can’t hang around and watch them suffer.”
Kurt turned to listen to Finn and Mercedes, then rested his hand on the chair and his chin on his hand.
“I’m just worried about the police.”
“They’re kids. What can they do?”
“Blaine’s dad is a lawyer.”
“Yeah. For businesses and stuff. Not for locking people away.” Finn went quiet. Then the door tipped open slowly.
Kurt waited, watching with one brow arched.
Finn jumped when he saw Kurt at his desk chair. “Oh, hey, dude. I didn’t know you were back.”
“Dad made me return for routine maintenance,” Kurt replied dryly.
“What?”
“He wants Kurt to eat and sleep,” Mercedes said. She came over to him took his hand, and tugged him hard enough to roll him and the chair a few feet. “C’mon, Kurt. You need to get some rest.”
“I just can’t. My brain won’t shut down,” Kurt complained. “Whenever I close my eyes, I...”
He pulled his feet up onto the chair and pouted. The image of Blaine’s swollen, bleeding face might never be removed from his the backs of his eyelids.
“How about I get some warm milk?” Finn asked.
Kurt hugged himself and shook his head, but Finn met Mercedes’ eye and left anyway, probably to do as he’d just suggested. He couldn’t fault them, or his father, for trying to do what they thought was best for him right now. He knew they only wanted him to be okay.
But nothing was going to be okay until Blaine was.
Through Mercedes’s coaxing, he found himself in his bed, and a few minutes later, Finn was handing him warm milk and sitting on the other side of the bed. Mercedes stroked his hair as he drank the milk, and sang softly, trying to get him to sleep. After a time, exhaustion took over.
When he woke again, it was less than an hour later. Mercedes and Finn were gone. He just lay there in the dark.
***
Blaine’s eyes opened to the sound of fighting.
“No, I don’t trust you with my son. Why would I? Why would I trust you with anything?”
“He’s my goddamn kid, too, Lea! I know I haven’t been a great human being over the last few months, but I should get to see my son!”
“Don’t yell at me!”
He blinked, looking around his hospital room in confusion. Often when he woke up, he was a little disoriented, and he knew it was from the pain medication. Tianna was holding his hand and looking behind him at the sound of the noise with wet eyes.
“He wants to see Dad,” Tianna said. “What’s wrong with you, Mom? Why would you want to hurt him like this?”
“I’m protecting him,” Lea snapped. “Do you think he needs to hear more from his father about manning up right now? Do you think he needs to hear what he thinks of that odd little boyfriend of his?”
“He can hear you now.” Blaine looked over his shoulder. He couldn’t change positions without help yet, so he just craned his neck to try to see his parents behind him.
“I wasn’t going to say anything like that,” Jonathan muttered. He came over to Blaine. “Hey. There.”
Blaine didn’t know what to make of his family fighting over him in his hospital room. They all sounded so angry.
“What time is it?” Blaine asked.
“It’s like... ten or something,” Tianna said.
“You should have dinner,” Lea said quietly.
“I’m only allowed liquids,” Blaine answered, almost apologetically.
“I mean you, Ti. C’mon.” Lea reached out her hand. “You’ve hardly eaten all day. Do we want you both in a hospital bed?”
“Mom,” Tianna protested. She squeezed Blaine’s hand and looked at him, then up at her father. “Is there anything you need before I go?”
“I’m okay.” Blaine shrugged. “The nurses are a buzz away.”
She nodded, then gave him a gentle hug and followed her mother out of the room.
“Sorry for the dramatics,” Jonathan said as he strolled over to the other side of the bed, where Blaine could see him.
“I’m okay with dramatics. I kind of like them, sometimes,” Blaine tried to joke.
“Too bad I can’t bring you some coffee,” Jonathan joked back. “There’s some excellent joe in the waiting area.”
“Really?” Blaine frowned.
“No.” Jonathan sat in the chair Tianna had been occupying, and scratched the back of his head. “That boy... The high-talker?”
“The... what?”
“The one with the voice like a girl,” Jonathan clarified. “I think he was wearing one of your shirts.” His father’s cheeks reddened. “He, um, he brought me some coffee last night. Morning. Whenever the hell it was.”
“Us Andersons like our coffee,” Blaine replied.
This conversation was as weird and awkward as he’d expected it to be with his father. Then Jonathan’s face grew a little tighter, and more perturbed.
“Was that your “odd little boyfriend”?”
Blaine looked down at the bed uncomfortably and tried to shift himself. He couldn’t do it with his good arm pinned under him, though.
“Blaine?” Jonathan reached over and put his hand on Blaine’s shoulder.
“Kurt’s been nothing but nice to Mama,” he muttered.
“Yes, well. You’re her baby boy.” Jonathan paused. “And I don’t challenge her judgement of him being little or odd. He had tiny skull barrettes in his hair.”
“I think his friend Tina must have put them in there. She was wearing those that morning. I think dressing him up is a hobby of hers.”
“Heh. Cute.”
Blaine’s eyes flitted up to his father, who shrugged.
“I’m not expressing my interest in the boy. He just reminded me a lot of a... kitten, or something.”
“Baby penguin,” Blaine said automatically, forgetting that their in-joke might not be appreciated.
Jonathan did laughed though. “Maybe, yes. He told me this story about how you saved his life and converted him to coffee drinking.”
“That sounds like he might be giving me more credit than I deserve,” Blaine said. “He’s fought hard this year to keep his head above water.”
“And now it’s your turn?” Jonathan crossed his arms and sat back. “Your mother told me you went to McKinley following him.”
Blaine tensed, and that hurt a little. “It was my decision, not his.”
“No, it was your mother’s decision, ultimately.”
“Yeah, well, you weren’t there,” Blaine shot back. He dipped his head again. He wasn’t used to getting shirty or sassy with his father, and it felt uncomfortable to talk back to him like that.
“No.” He looked at Blaine with his thick brows knit together and his lips pressed into a thin line. “I would never have allowed you to transfer to that school. Not knowing the history of violence and apathy among the administration. I don’t care how good their arts program is, what they can offer you in the way of academics or sport, or if your... boyfriend is there.”
Blaine licked his lips, feeling ashamed under his father’s gaze.
Jonathan’s clipped tone grew sharper as he spoke. “I’m not trying to put pressure on you, Blaine. I just want you to understand how I feel about this. Your mother made a poor choice, and now we’re all suffering for it. Especially you.” He inclined his head forward slightly. “I made a poor choice as well...”
Blaine met his eye questioningly.
“You mother found out in February that I was having an affair. We’ve decided to separate.”
“What?” Blaine’s mouth hung open.
“Perhaps counterintuitively, this will mean that I’m around more often. We’ll have a schedule, to make sure you and Ti don’t have to bear the brunt of our working this out. I don’t know if your mother can forgive me. I don’t know if you kids can.” Jonathan stood and started to pace. “Or if you should.”
“I’m sorry,” Blaine muttered.
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. We let our stress get to us. We could have headed it off sooner, but we didn’t, and I got... careless.” He turned to the window and looked out of it. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You and Ti are in trouble because of our problems. It isn’t the other way around.”
Blaine pushed himself a little, trying to roll onto his back, until his stitches started to strain, and he remained were he was. It was wild and strange to see his father like this. Softened, but somehow just as reserved. As a man who went to law school, that meant he had access to all the words in the English language that no one used. And he spoke differently than anyone else Blaine knew. With defenses at every turn.
“I still feel like... fighting over me didn’t help,” Blaine admitted.
“It didn’t.”
Blaine’s face crumpled up.
“But I assure you, cheating on your mother was a much bigger stressor than the quite expected one of actually having to raise our children.”
It was hard to know how to interpret what his father was saying and what his real feelings were. Was he angry with Blaine? Was he just being bitter and sarcastic? Blaine didn’t know, and couldn’t read him.
“And... the fighting started before...” Jonathan Anderson didn’t say the words “you came out,” but that much was clear enough to Blaine.
“Are you staying at the house?” Blaine asked.
“Unlikely. I’ve kept our finances secure enough to handle a little upheaval, and we’re lucky to own our house. I’ll probably sell it so your mother can get a better place than that tiny apartment she has you in. We’ll start looking around at different schools, and you can choose from whichever ones seem to have reasonable safety measures. I’m not allowed to talk about you “manning up,” but I’m also not interested in any school that has ignored death threats, if Tianna’s account is to be believed.”
“That’s true. Kurt was the one who was threatened,” Blaine offered. “They tried to expel the guy who threatened him, but the school board reversed it.”
Jonathan was quiet for a moment, then gave a stern nod.
“Where are you going to be looking for schools?” Blaine asked gingerly.
“In the state, likely. Or Indiana, if it’s close enough to the border. I’ll want it to be close enough that you kids will be able to visit me.”
Blaine opened his mouth slightly, then closed it as his heart sank into his patched together belly. “I couldn’t go back to Dalton?”
“You could. Maybe. We’ll talk about it. There are other schools that might be able to accommodate us better.”
“I just don’t want to move that far from my boyfriend,” Blaine ventured before he could think better of it.
“Please understand, son, that my primary concerns are your safety and the good of this family.” Jonathan walked over to Blaine and rubbed his arm. “This is a high school fling. I realize that it is very real to you, right now, but I won’t prioritize it over other more pressing needs.”
Blaine closed his eyes, wishing he could tell his father that he wasn’t going anywhere without his boyfriend. He just didn’t have the strength for that fight right now.
***
”How can people not love you, once they get to know you?”
People didn’t fall in love with Blaine the way they did Kurt. Granted, they didn’t have the extreme opposite reactions either, but Blaine had a hard time envisioning Kurt being in the hospital with no one coming to visit him for two days.
Kurt couldn’t envision it the other way around, and Blaine recognized that it was simply because his silly boy was so in love with him that he thought everyone else should be, too. But they weren’t.
Mercedes tolerated him for Kurt’s sake. Santana thought he was a weird zoo curiosity that she could watch. Finn saw him as nothing more than a danger to his brother, and Mike probably only hung out with him because he was a fellow Asian, and a good dancer to help him beat Puck.
Sam, maybe, liked him a little. Sam seemed to like everyone, though. Mostly, the New Directions didn’t seem to think of him as a person outside of being Kurt’s current flame.
“Flame on,” he whispered to himself, touching his abdomen lightly again. He still felt too weak to do almost anything by himself. And that was getting old, fast.
Waiting on his Warbler friends was useless, too. At least until the weekdays. If they hadn’t put in for a weekend pass, which none of them would have had time to do since the attack had occurred on Friday and passes had to be in by Thursday (outside of family emergencies), they wouldn’t be able to leave, even if they did know what was happening. Maybe Kurt or Ti would have let them know by now.
He had no way of knowing how long he had been lying there quietly when Tianna slipped into the room and set something on his nightstand.
“Ti?”
She stopped, then rested her hand on his head. “You should be sleeping, sweetie.”
“Can’t sleep. What’s that?” He looked over at the nightstand. It was closer to his broken arm, and he wouldn’t be able to reach that far with his other arm.
“It’s your phone. Someone, probably Kurt or Finn, brought your backpack in. I thought maybe you could get a line to the outside world, there.” Her fingers continued to stroke his hair. “Thought you could use someone outside of this family. What a fucking mess, hm? Don’t let them get to you. When you’re out of here, we’ll figure something out.”
“Dad wants us to move. He wants to move me away from Kurt. How am I supposed to take that? This isn’t some high school crush.” Blaine wiped his eyes as tears filled them again. “You believe me, don’t you, Ti?”
“Yes! God, okay. I know sometimes love isn’t forever. I’ve seen enough kids my age hooking up at random just to hook up, but you guys aren’t just fooling around here. So... Did Dad say something to you?” She took the phone and set it by his side.
“He thinks this isn’t important to me. And the doctors and the nurses and the interns and mom, and everyone, they think this isn’t important, and they think I don’t need him here.” Blaine turned his head toward the window and tried to swallow back a sob. “Why do they get to do this to me? Why can’t I say who I want in here? I’ve... I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life. Not even in junior high, and you know what it was like back there.”
“I know. Look, I can’t make them let Kurt in, but I can yell at Mom a little.”
“Don’t. She’s not the only one.” Blaine felt a wave of nausea and closed his eyes tight. “Dad doesn’t understand either. They just don’t get it. They don’t even try.”
“What can I do?”
“I don’t know.” Blaine pressed his palm to the bed. “Help me sit up? I can check my email. I’m always falling asleep when I do that.”
“Gotcha.” Tianna, stronger than she looked, went around to his other side and slipped her arm under his good arm, lifting him up onto the pillows. “How’s that? Feel okay?”
Blaine pressed his hand to his side. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Do you need any more painkillers? Should I get a nurse to check up on you?”
“No, I’m good.”
He quirked his lips at the thought. Good. Okay. By what standard? What did these words even mean, anymore?
“Having the week of my life, actually.”
Tianna laughed quietly as she bent over to caress then kiss his head. “You just sounded like your boyfriend, then. He’s not here, so you’re channeling him. Something bitterly romantic about that.”
“I am not. I’m just... having a hard time being my cheerful, stupidly optimistic self.” Blaine hated the stupid tears on his stupid, ugly face. He sunk his head back into the pillows and forced a smile for his sister.
“I’ll be close, okay?” she promised. She drew a piece of hair out of her eyes. “You want the light?”
“Not really. I can see from the screen.” Blaine picked up his phone. “It’s not as late as I thought it was.”
“It’s like eleven.” “I thought it might be later... Kurt’s probably asleep by now. Or I hope he is, if he didn’t sleep last night.” He sighed as she trailed her fingers over his arm and then left.
His email contained a few announcements from action listservs he was on. Sign for this, vote for that. These people are trying to legislate our rights out of existence. Again.
Look, Blaine, people are never going to stop bullying me. Not in high school, not in college, not ever... When you feel safe, you take risks that you otherwise wouldn’t. It’s not good for me to have this fantasy world where no one can hurt me. It makes me forget how many people would kill me just for daring to be less than invisible.
God, help him, Kurt had been right. Blaine wasn’t sure he wanted this level of clarity, now or ever.
He came close to closing his email, but clicked on a few from friends, instead. It seemed that the word hadn’t spread to Dalton until earlier that evening, and he suspected that had to do with Kurt being forced to go home.
His breath caught in his throat as he saw an email message from Kurt. With an attachment.
I know you’re on lockdown, babe, but I made this for you, in case you need someone to sing you to sleep. I wish I could be there for you. This is all I know how to do.
Blaine looked toward the door, then opened the video attachment.
Kurt’s face appeared on the screen. Tianna hadn’t been exaggerating much. He obviously hadn’t slept at all, and his face just looked different. It occurred to Blaine that Kurt had probably forgotten to put on his moisturizers after showering.
“What’s the world coming to,” he murmured.
There was also a nasty bruise on his left cheek and his lip was split, neither of which made Blaine feel the slightest bit better. Had he been attacked too? Had he been so distracted that he’d hurt himself?
“Ohhh.” Kurt said touching his cheeks with his fingertips. “I look like a hot mess. Here’s hoping this doesn’t go viral, hm?”
Blaine bit back a chuckle. Laughing outright would hurt too much.
“I’m going to try...” Kurt closed his eyes, and a tear slid down either cheek. He breathed in and out slowly, then looked up again. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, baby. And I’m even more sorry that I’m not with you right now holding your hand through this. So... just imagine me there? And I’ll be there.”
He touched his hand to his chest. “You know... just how much I love you. I’m in your heart, and I’m with you. I really hope you’re able check your email soon. And...” He wiped away a few more tears and spread his lips in a pained but hopeful smile. “And if you have trouble sleeping, just follow my voice, and I’ll lead you back to peace. Believe it. We’re stronger and more magical than any one of those terrible, wicked people out there, the ones filled with hatred and ignorance. We are. Both of us. We’re stronger than you know, baby.”
Blaine had to pause the video, then wipe his eyes. He played it again, just to see Kurt’s trembling hands, his shining eyes, the way his body moved as though the blows had struck him as well and he was physically in pain. It hadn’t been that long, and yet Kurt’s absence was so distinct. He’d known he needed Kurt with him. Why couldn’t anyone listen?
Letting the video continue, Blaine closed his eyes as Kurt lifted his voice in song, and imagined Kurt was there at his bedside, singing him to sleep.
“Find me here and speak to me. I want to feel you. I need to hear you.”
Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes again. Oh, Kurt. This song. Of course for Kurt it related to his boyfriend, more than anything else.
“You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace, again.”
In his mind’s eye, Kurt strolled closer to him from the door where he had just entered, face red from crying, and touched his fingertips, in that loving way of his that made a touch of the fingertips so much more, then he kissed them and smiled like an angel despite the tears staining his pale, heart-shaped face.
“You are the strength that keeps me walking. You are the hope that keeps me trusting. You are the life to my soul. You are my purpose. You're everything.”
As much as the rest of the world didn’t understand, as much as they brushed what they had off as not real, not good enough, because they were boys, or because they were young and silly teenagers, this all consuming love was the first thing that Blaine had been able to hold onto since he’d hit the ground on Friday.
When Kurt reached the chorus, Blaine bit his lip, barely able to contain his amusement. This was how Kurt had chosen this song. This was so a song for them. He wanted to sing it with Kurt, when he finally got out of here.
“And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?”
Blaine took Kurt’s imaginary hand, and pressed it over his heart. He imagined Kurt resting his forehead against his own. Kurt’s tears dripping onto his face as he sang his heart out to his boyfriend, hoping to make him feel just a little bit better.
It hurt. It hurt to feel this so intensely, and the stress crept into his belly and made the ache return. But it wasn’t the worst ache he’d ever felt. It was an ache that reminded him that somehow, he was still alive. The sound of his boyfriend’s voice swelled with each verse, growing more intense, more desperate to be heard by Blaine, somehow.
“I hear you, Kurt. I hear you.”
“You’re all I want! You’re all I need! You’re everything! Everything!” Kurt sang. His hands caressed Blaine’s marred face with such tender devotion, and he wrapped his arms around him, refusing to let go. “How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?”
The ghost of Kurt had just reached out through the digital divide to grab Blaine and keep him from falling over the edge.
When the song ended, Kurt whispered in a weak and exhausted voice, “Sleep well, love. All my strength to you.”
Crying all through that song and Kurt’s sweet, sweet words had taken something out of Blaine heart, and he thought, maybe filled it with something else. Hopefully, it was something good, but he couldn’t know that right now. Part of him realized that he was losing his mind a little, trapped in this cell they called a hospital room.
His head leaned back as far as it would go, his eyes wide and wet, jaw quivering as he tried to catch his breath and not choke on this pain. Not the pain in his stomach, or his head, or his arm, but the pain deep, deep inside him that had been threatening to drown him.
The crying had left him drained. He replayed the video and held on tight.
Onto Part Nine
Warnings: Homophobia, violence, sexual harassment
Includes: angst
Rating: NC-17 overall
Word Count: ~102k
Summary: Due to family monetary struggles, Kurt is forced to go back to McKinley… not that he wants anyone to know the reason. For Kurt and Blaine, though, the biggest hardship is separation. Worried about how his boyfriend is coping, Blaine convinces his mother to let him transfer.
Notes: Post Original Song AU. For aelora for help_japan. Will update once daily until finished.
Parts of this will be easier to imagine with the soundtrack. I mean, you can’t do Glee without having songs. I’ll upload one afterward with the rundown for each song, so you can enjoy without knowing which ones are in the fic or not and in what context.
Part One ♥ Part Two ♥ Part Three ♥ Part Four ♥ Part Five ♥ Part Six ♥ Part Seven
Part Eight
Kurt’s dad had been to the waiting room before Kurt ever glimpsed Blaine’s dad. Burt and Carole had come, talked to both brothers and brought them dinner. Finn went home because they could make him go. Burt had told him he’d be more useful if he’d go take care of himself, and he seemed less worried that someone else would hit his brother with a parent there instead of another kid. Kurt they let stay, because, well...
“Hon, if it were me in the hospital, or Kurt or Finn, you’d never just go home go to sleep,” Carole had pointed out to Burt. “You would want to be here where you could get news right away, and it’s the only place you’d be likely to get any sleep.”
Kurt never said where the bruise on his cheek came from. There was a slight worry that his dad and Carole thought he’d been in the fight as well, but he couldn’t talk about what had happened between himself and Blaine’s mother. He just couldn’t handle his father taking the grieving woman to task for coming to the same conclusion Kurt had come to himself.
It didn’t matter that now, with the adrenaline pumping a lot less rapidly, Kurt knew it wasn’t rational to blame himself. He knew this a little less because he’d figured it out, and more because Blaine would have told him so.
“You take too much onto your shoulders, Kurt,” he would have said, his expressive hand touching Kurt and infusing him with his deep affection.
“So says the devastatingly handsome twink who is trying to hold his family together all by his lonesome,” Kurt would reply.
“Aww. You think I’m handsome.” Blaine would grin, that big, charming smile of his. Missing the point on purpose, but still flattered because, somehow, he still didn’t realize just how devastatingly handsome he was.
Kurt put his head in his hands and made himself stop thinking about that.
Once Blaine’s dad had appeared, he recognized him right away. It wasn’t just that his eyebrows were so... distinct, but because although Blaine inherited much of his looks from his mother, there was something in Mr. Anderson’s demeanor that was distinctively Blaine. Or alternatively, something in Blaine’s demeanor that was distinctively Jonathan Anderson. It was in the way the man stood, the tilt of his head, the timbre of his voice as he spoke courteously to the nurses, and in the way he grew more animated and dramatic when Blaine’s mother appeared.
Because they fought. For a good twenty minutes, they argued with one another. In the end, Jonathan walked away and took a seat, trying to ignore her.
“Yes, that’s it, Jon. Leave again. That will help everything,” she said in a tight, angry voice.
“I can’t believe you let this happen to our son,” he spat.
“What can I say, I’m just an terrible mother,” she shot back.
“Is that a message? That I’m an terrible father?”
“I wouldn’t know. You’ve not even tried to be one since I told you about him coming out while singing on that ukelele.”
Oh. Oh, Gaga, Blaine came out while playing the ukelele! That was too amazing. Kurt tightened his hands over the bottom of his chair, wishing he could run to his boyfriend and demand to hear the song right that moment.
Mrs. Anderson had already made it quite clear that she didn’t want him visiting Blaine, though.
“I never claimed to be perfect, Lea. I know I broke your heart.”
Lea said nothing.
“She didn’t mean anything to me, you know.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? That you left me for some girl, yes, girl you didn’t care about? And you were using her?” Lea turned her head to the side and covered her eyes.
“That’s not...” Jonathan sighed and looked away from Lea, as though it pained him.
“I have to go check on my son,” she said.
“Our son!” Jonathan yelled back at her.
Kurt didn’t follow exactly what was passing between them, but it seemed as though Jonathan wouldn’t be going to see Blaine. Whether or not that was the best thing for Blaine... Kurt didn’t know. He thought that Blaine would rather have as much of his family by his side as possible. As long as they could behave.
Another hour passed of waiting. Kurt’s eyes were starting to unfocus. Jonathan got up periodically to talk to the nurse behind the desk. Kurt strained to hear what was being said. Lea had come back out and had her hands in her hair, pacing the floor in less than sensible heels.
When she disappeared again, Kurt rose, went over to the coffee machine, and touched the side of the pot. It was warm enough, so he began to prepare some cups. He doubted that it tasted particularly wonderful, but it was warm and caffeinated, and it would serve.
He gave a cup to his father before heading over to Mr. Anderson. Burt raised a brow at his son, and Kurt raised both of his brows and shoulders in a gesture that said he knew what he was doing. Not that he... knew that at all. There was a possibility that Mr. Anderson would finish the job his wife had started. He wasn’t even sure the man would recognize him.
When Jonathan looked up, Kurt handed him a cup of coffee, hoping he liked regular old coffee, with three or four packets of sugar. Jonathan accepted the coffee and narrowed his eyes. “I’ve seen you. Right?”
“Yeah. I came over to your house once.” And just the once. You made me feel so welcome, thanks. “Um. Blaine really likes coffee. I thought maybe you could use some.”
Jonathan stared at it and mumbled a thanks. Kurt leaned against the wall, and together, they stayed there in abject silence, sipping the black coffee, bitterness not at all chased away by all the sugar he’d dumped in there.
“Blaine loves coffee,” Kurt muttered, almost to himself. “He drinks it all the time. We can’t afford to go to the coffee shop every day, of course, so I’ve started making a thermos of Italian roast every morning and bringing it to school so Blaine can have his hot beverage in the morning. It perks him right up. Not the caffeine. Drinking it does it. I can tell because he starts to perk when he sees me with the thermos. And when we went to Dalton, it always happened when I’d agree to go get some coffee with him.”
Kurt stopped babbling for a moment to see if Jonathan wanted to get away, or if he wanted to say something. He looked like he really needed to talk... but he said nothing.
“Don’t tell him,” Kurt continued, “but... I didn’t really like coffee when I met him. And I wasn’t even trying-- He was just this wonderful, amazing, generous, and brave person. He saved my life-- Not from a man with a gun or anything so dramatic, but from me... doing something drastic because I just couldn’t... I just wanted to be near him.” He laughed softly. “Now I can’t go a day without the stuff. Even if I’m drinking decaf, my morning isn’t quite right without a cup of coffee.”
Jonathan’s eyes fixed on Kurt, staring with some strange combination of disorientation and ferocity. He lifted his cup and nodded. “Thanks for the joe.”
Kurt bowed his head. He turned his head to wipe away a tear, then walked away.
***
By the time morning came, Blaine was actively wishing himself dead. It was cold and lonely in his hospital room. When he didn’t ache, his meds made him terribly nauseous because he couldn’t eat real food yet because of the surgery, and he wasn’t able to get up and go to the bathroom without help.
The nurses would come in to change his bandages and try to cheer him up a little when they had the time. He’d probably get a sponge bath later, but for the moment, he felt sick, and gross, and he could smell his own hair, which was even more gross.
He wiped the oil off his forehead with the back of his hand.
“I don’t suppose a guy could get a little face wash around here,” he tried to joke. Something about his own voice sounded off. Hollow.
The nurse, a tall woman with a café au lait complexion and long curly black hair whose name he hadn’t caught last night, wiped over the stitches in his belly gently. “Well, I’d be careful of your stitches. Those cleansers are really strong sometimes.”
“Is that going to scar? I guess I can live with the ones down there, but... on my face?”
“I wouldn’t worry about that sweetheart.” She gave him a cheerful smile. “They’ll melt all over you when you talk about the fights you’ve been in. Talk about how brave you are. Chicks dig scars.”
Chick dig scars. Blaine wondered if boys dug scars. He didn’t actively go out looking for guys with hot scars, and Kurt was usually such a perfectionist... Blaine couldn’t imagine Kurt digging this look at all.
He sighed deeply and looked at the small window covered in blue drapes. He wasn’t anti-blue, but he preferred warmer colors, and all the cool tones in this room were bumming him out. He even liked the clean, white modern decor of Kurt’s bedroom better. It was cold, but it was buzzing with life.
“Cheer up,” the nurse advised. “You’re a lucky boy. Sixteen stitches down here. It’s a good thing that you got to the hospital so fast.”
“I don’t really remember how that happened.” His eyes went to the ceiling. “Just... I think I remember my boyfriend’s voice, telling me to hold on. Has he been here?”
The nurse looked surprised, then she tightened her lips in an unreadable expression. “I don’t know, hon. I’ll ask around the nurses’ station to see if he’s been in to check on you. Was he in the fight, too?”
“No, he was probably with his friends. He was probably safe. I hope. I don’t know how he found me.” Blaine thought about it. “I don’t know if he found me, but there’s no mistaking his voice.”
“I’ll let you know if I find out-” She turned as a doctor came in and called her name. Denisa. “Try to rest up, okay?”
Blaine sighed again and continued to study the ceiling.
***
The Lima Bean was the last place that Finn wanted to be. He’d slept, deeply, and he felt kinda crappy about that, because he knew that Kurt hadn’t slept at all, and if Blaine was sleeping, it was more because they’d doped him up. Kurt was probably still in the waiting room, silently melting down while Blaine was feeling shitty in a hospital room, both of them feeling worse than they had to because no one had the sense to let them be together.
Still, their friends had been texting and calling Finn and Kurt trying to find out what was going on, and Kurt wasn’t answering anything, apparently, so Finn would rather do this all at once and get them to stop bothering Kurt about it. He’d sent out a text to all of them to meet him here if they wanted an update.
Across the coffee shop, he spotted Mercedes, leaning on her hand and stirring a coffee. There were a few crumpled tissues in front of her, and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back.
“Hey.”
She startled and looked at him. “Damn, Finn.”
Finn shrugged and pulled up a chair. “First ones here.”
“Yeah.” Mercedes swallowed. “Is he alive?”
“Whoa. Um. Yeah, I don’t know a lot about what’s happening with Blaine, but he’s alive.”
“I feel like some kinda bitch, you know? I wasn’t that friendly to him, and I should’ve been. He’s a good guy, and everything. He didn’t deserve this.”
“We all should’ve been better to him.” Finn covered her hand with his. “Right now we just have to wait, y’know? And see what we can do to help.”
“Don’t tell Kurt, but I’ve been prayin’ for both of them. It’s all I know how to do.”
“Blaine won’t care. Hell, I think Kurt doesn’t really care, if you’re not in his face about it.”
“I know that, but... he was just so... Yesterday, out in the street, I barely recognized him. Either of them.”
“This sucks.” Finn put his hand over his face. “Man, I want to be like, bffs with Blaine. He’s cool, and fun, but I’ve been so damn worked up over trying to protect them, y’know? I keep coming off like an asshole.”
“That’s better than my excuse,” Mercedes muttered. “They know you care about them.”
“Maybe. Kurt does, but that’s only because he sees me out of bodyguard mode at home.” Finn picked up a sugar packet and flicked the side.
“Can Blaine have visitors yet? Could you go in to see him? I bet it’s lonely in there.”
Finn shook his head. “Blaine’s bitch mom has him on lockdown. No one but family gets in.”
“Wait, so Kurt can’t get in?” Mercedes pushed her lips out and shook her head. “Blaine’s gonna want to see him. No matter what. They’re like... married already.”
“I know. I haven’t seen Blaine, but I bet this separation is killing both of them.”
A few others trickled in. Brittany, Artie, Rachel, Sam, and Tina all sat around the table.
“Mike’s mom has him incarcerated for the weekend,” Tina explained. “I’m an emissary.”
“I’ll tell Santana what’s going on. She’s um... in bed,” Brittany said.
“Nice to see her support the group,” Rachel said, rolling her eyes.
“What have you done to support the group?” Brittany asked. “You threaten to sue for everything. When you don’t get your way in the yearbook, or because there are no vegan options in the cafeteria, or when people throw balls at your face-”
“That’s gym class,” Rachel clarified quickly.
“I don’t understand...” Brittany continued, “why don’t you say anything when Principal Figgins is smacking our gayboys around?”
“And Santana’s our hero? She wasn’t even going to join the alliance,” Rachel shot back after a moment.
“It’s safer for you, Rachel. You wouldn’t understand.” Brittany turned to a barista walking by. “Do you have... muffins?”
“Um. Yes.” He looked confused when she turned back to the others, and then he walked away.
“Yeah, well. I wouldn’t mind a little more help protecting them,” Finn said. “We’ve all fallen down on the job.”
“You can’t feel bad about this, Finn,” Rachel said. “It’s the school’s job to protect the students. We can’t do it by ourselves.”
“No, but we can do better.” Sam shrugged. “We were pretty crap at looking out for Kurt until he was on the verge of a breakdown, and with Blaine, we didn’t do anything. Like, what did we expect would happen? Not good stuff.”
“Does Kurt still hate us?” Tina asked Finn.
Finn tore the packet of sugar open and downed it. “He doesn’t hate you guys. He blames himself. But in between hating himself and weeping, yeah, he’s pissed.”
“It’s not our fault,” Rachel protested.
“No, we didn’t beat up Blaine,” Mercedes said, a little loudly as she eyed Rachel. “But Kurt came to us and he asked us to help Blaine. That’s a big thing, guys. He doesn’t outright ask on stuff like this often, and I had to hassle him to get him to come to us for help at all. The only thing he wanted was for us to look out for his boyfriend the same way we would look out for him.”
“And we’re not even really good at that,” Artie said.
“I’m not saying we shouldn’t have done anything.” Rachel sighed. “It’s just so hard.”
“Of course it is. Nothing important is ever easy.” Mercedes looked at her coffee and stirred it again.
“I’m getting us breakfast.” Brittany stood up suddenly and walked up to the counter.
Artie frowned. “I’ll give you a topic to talk about in our absence. The upcoming DC Comics Reboot is neither “DC,” nor “comics,” nor a “reboot.” Discuss.”
As Artie wheeled away, Sam cracked up.
“I have no idea what that boy just said,” Mercedes said.
Finn smiled a little and checked his phone. No messages yet. He closed his eyes, then opened them when he felt Mercedes touching his hand.
“I know this is hard right now, but you gotta chin up. At least for Kurt and Blaine. They’re gonna need us to, at the very bare minimum, not make things worse for them right now.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’m just... I’m scared. They did that to Blaine. They could do it to Kurt. Hell, they’ve wanted to, before. He’s come home with bruises I didn’t notice until later, like weeks, sometimes. And Burt is like... He’s holding it together around Kurt but he is not okay.” Finn sniffed and rubbed his lips. “And where is Blaine gonna go now? He’s had to leave two different schools because people can’t leave him alone. You know they basically beat him up because he’s a nice guy who wants other people to get along and be happy. Like that’s some kinda crime or something.”
“At our school it is. It’s one of the reasons everyone hates us,” Mercedes points out. “Because we have people from all over the school, different grades, different cliques, popular or not, and we’ve tried to show them that it’s okay to be whoever you wanna be. Blaine went political with it... and we should not have let him be the one to do that. We should’ve... Hell. I don’t know who would want to step up and do that. But it shouldn’t have been one of the most vulnerable targets.”
“Yaay... carbs.” Brittany came back with Artie and a tray of muffins and pastries. “The nice guy over there is gonna come over with coffee here in a minute. So. What are we gonna do to help save our fairies’ tails?”
“What can we do? We can’t un-beat up Blaine.” Rachel took a croissant and tore it in half. “We probably can’t make Principal Figgins get that stick out of his ass. Kurt doesn’t even want to talk to us right now.”
“And we can’t get in to talk to Blaine,” Mercedes said.
“Can Kurt?” Brittany asked.
“Get in? No.” Finn knew he shouldn’t be hungry at a time like this, but he grabbed a cinnamon roll with full intent to eat the whole thing. “Man, you should’ve seen it. Blaine’s mom smacked the crap out of him.”
“Whoa. What?” Tina leaned forward in disbelief.
“So. They can’t see each other?” Brittany asked again, frowning like she didn’t understand.
“Yes, Brittany, that is what he is saying,” Rachel said slowly and loudly.
Brittany ignored her and perked up. “Then we need Puck!” When everyone looked at her, she shrugged. “He’s the best at crime.”
***
“Okay, deep breath. In...” Denisa waited while Blaine obeyed. She had come in a few minutes ago to help him to the bathroom and then back into bed to wiggle his ankles around and breathe.
There was a knock on the side of his door, and a bright, familiar face popped into the doorway.
“Omigod!” Tianna rushed to the side of the bed. “Ohhhh, Blainers!”
“Ti!” Blaine perked up and a grin spread across the unstitched side of his lips as he reached for his sister with one hand. “How are you out? Are you expelled now?”
“Believe it or not, even those Nazis consider this a family crisis. I’m here until I have to drive back tomorrow night.” Tianna went over to give him a hug. “Unless I decide to tell them to fuck off. I can’t imagine leaving you here with our parents right now.”
“Be careful there,” Denisa warned.
“Yeah, they told me about the surgery. He’s stuck here for like... five days?”
“Well, minimum. We want to make sure that he’s on the mend before we send him out,” Denisa said. “The doctors will let you know how he’s progressing.”
“I don’t understand anything they’re saying.” Tianna pulled up a chair and sat down.
“Did you say our parents?” Blaine asked uncertainly. “Is Dad... Is he here?”
Tianna raised her brows sharply. Denisa smiled at them and excused herself.
“You don’t know? I thought...” Tianna shrugged and brushed her hand over Blaine’s curls. “Yeah, Dad’s out in the waiting room. I think he got here sometime last night.”
“Why...? Why hasn’t he visited me?” Blaine’s voice started to sound smaller and smaller.
“Probably doesn’t know what to say, short stuff. He and Mom have been fighting a lot out there. Like cats.” Tianna bit her lip and scooted closer to the bed. “Kurt’s out there, too, y’know.”
“Kurt... He’s here? I...” He curled his good arm around his stomach. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know about Dad, but Kurt definitely wants to see you. So much. He hasn’t left, and he looks like shit.” Tianna shrugged. “Or he was there when I came in. He was with his stepmom, and his Dad came in when I was escorted back here. I think he was trying to convince Kurt to go home and sleep.”
“Can’t... Can’t they let him back here?” Blaine asked. “I want to see him. I just want to see my boyfriend. He always knows what to say. I’ve been here, mostly alone, and I just wanted him here...”
Blaine covered his mouth as hot tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Ohhhh, I’m sorry.” Tianna leaned over to hug him again. “He’d be here for you, if they’d let him. God. Maybe... Maybe I can talk to Mom- Maybe I can talk to Daddy, and he’ll- I don’t know what to do.”
Blaine shook his head and pinched his eyes closed.
“What is wrong with them,” Tianna muttered, petting him. “I shouldn’t have gotten my phone confiscated. Then you could at least call him. Maybe I can sneak a phone in here. Steal one, or something.”
“It’s okay, Ti. You don’t have to do that.” Blaine put his arm around her and kissed her cheek.
“I have to do something.” She sat back and caressed his cheek until Blaine winced. “I’m here. I’ll be here for you. You don’t have to be alone.”
Blaine let his head fall back, but he kept a hand on his sister. At least she was here. At least his dad and Kurt were around. Why would his dad come back and not come talk to him? Didn’t his father care about him at all anymore?
Kurt. He knew Kurt cared. But for some reason that care, the kind of care only Kurt could supply him, which might actually help, was being denied to him.
***
“C’mon. This is enough, now, Kurt.”
Kurt lay back in his bed, sleepless. So much for that plan.
”Maybe I’m not expressin’ this really well.”
“Blaine needs me. He needs me, Dad. How can I not be here?”
“Yeah. He needs you. But not worn out, fucked-up you. He needs the stronger you that does stuff like run the household, plan weddings, shout down homophobic adults in public, and wear 10 inch heels. Y’need to go home and recharge so when you get the chance, you can actually be there for him. You’re too strung out right now to be much good. Okay? Does that make sense? You can come right back as soon as you’ve eaten, showered, and slept.”
Sleep. Must sleep. So he could go see Blaine. He groaned and flopped over again. He was going to lay there for hours, unable to sleep, and then he’d go back to the hospital where Blaine’s parents would still hate him and keep him from his boyfriend.
Who needed him.
Kurt didn’t know what kind of support Blaine had there with the doctors, or if they’d given him a counselor to talk to, or what. But he knew that when the bottom fell out, sometimes you just needed to be with someone you loved and who loved you, and he wasn’t sure that Blaine’s parents loved him enough to make the world slip back into rightness again for him.
It killed him that these people were allowed to keep them apart at a time like this. He’d understand if the nurses said Blaine needed rest, or that he could only check in for a minute. Kurt loved Blaine and would want to do whatever helped him get better. But they were treating their relationship like it meant nothing at all, like Kurt was less of a significant other and more of a nothing significant to Blaine. Like the way they felt for each other wasn’t real, or didn’t count.
It wasn’t about ego. If Kurt had been the one on the receiving end of those blows, he would want Blaine there as much as his father, and Blaine moreso than Kurt needed people to surround and support him when he was hurting. He was just that kind of person.
Kurt sat up and glanced around his room with a frown. Then he hopped up off his bed, went into the closet, and fished around for his camera. After fiddling with the wires for a minute, he set it up. “I look like a hot mess. Here’s hoping this doesn’t go viral, hm?”
About ten minutes later, Kurt wiped his cheeks and opened up his email. Voices buzzed in the hallway behind him.
“-if this is the best idea.”
“It’s all we have right now. I dunno, Merc. I just can’t hang around and watch them suffer.”
Kurt turned to listen to Finn and Mercedes, then rested his hand on the chair and his chin on his hand.
“I’m just worried about the police.”
“They’re kids. What can they do?”
“Blaine’s dad is a lawyer.”
“Yeah. For businesses and stuff. Not for locking people away.” Finn went quiet. Then the door tipped open slowly.
Kurt waited, watching with one brow arched.
Finn jumped when he saw Kurt at his desk chair. “Oh, hey, dude. I didn’t know you were back.”
“Dad made me return for routine maintenance,” Kurt replied dryly.
“What?”
“He wants Kurt to eat and sleep,” Mercedes said. She came over to him took his hand, and tugged him hard enough to roll him and the chair a few feet. “C’mon, Kurt. You need to get some rest.”
“I just can’t. My brain won’t shut down,” Kurt complained. “Whenever I close my eyes, I...”
He pulled his feet up onto the chair and pouted. The image of Blaine’s swollen, bleeding face might never be removed from his the backs of his eyelids.
“How about I get some warm milk?” Finn asked.
Kurt hugged himself and shook his head, but Finn met Mercedes’ eye and left anyway, probably to do as he’d just suggested. He couldn’t fault them, or his father, for trying to do what they thought was best for him right now. He knew they only wanted him to be okay.
But nothing was going to be okay until Blaine was.
Through Mercedes’s coaxing, he found himself in his bed, and a few minutes later, Finn was handing him warm milk and sitting on the other side of the bed. Mercedes stroked his hair as he drank the milk, and sang softly, trying to get him to sleep. After a time, exhaustion took over.
When he woke again, it was less than an hour later. Mercedes and Finn were gone. He just lay there in the dark.
***
Blaine’s eyes opened to the sound of fighting.
“No, I don’t trust you with my son. Why would I? Why would I trust you with anything?”
“He’s my goddamn kid, too, Lea! I know I haven’t been a great human being over the last few months, but I should get to see my son!”
“Don’t yell at me!”
He blinked, looking around his hospital room in confusion. Often when he woke up, he was a little disoriented, and he knew it was from the pain medication. Tianna was holding his hand and looking behind him at the sound of the noise with wet eyes.
“He wants to see Dad,” Tianna said. “What’s wrong with you, Mom? Why would you want to hurt him like this?”
“I’m protecting him,” Lea snapped. “Do you think he needs to hear more from his father about manning up right now? Do you think he needs to hear what he thinks of that odd little boyfriend of his?”
“He can hear you now.” Blaine looked over his shoulder. He couldn’t change positions without help yet, so he just craned his neck to try to see his parents behind him.
“I wasn’t going to say anything like that,” Jonathan muttered. He came over to Blaine. “Hey. There.”
Blaine didn’t know what to make of his family fighting over him in his hospital room. They all sounded so angry.
“What time is it?” Blaine asked.
“It’s like... ten or something,” Tianna said.
“You should have dinner,” Lea said quietly.
“I’m only allowed liquids,” Blaine answered, almost apologetically.
“I mean you, Ti. C’mon.” Lea reached out her hand. “You’ve hardly eaten all day. Do we want you both in a hospital bed?”
“Mom,” Tianna protested. She squeezed Blaine’s hand and looked at him, then up at her father. “Is there anything you need before I go?”
“I’m okay.” Blaine shrugged. “The nurses are a buzz away.”
She nodded, then gave him a gentle hug and followed her mother out of the room.
“Sorry for the dramatics,” Jonathan said as he strolled over to the other side of the bed, where Blaine could see him.
“I’m okay with dramatics. I kind of like them, sometimes,” Blaine tried to joke.
“Too bad I can’t bring you some coffee,” Jonathan joked back. “There’s some excellent joe in the waiting area.”
“Really?” Blaine frowned.
“No.” Jonathan sat in the chair Tianna had been occupying, and scratched the back of his head. “That boy... The high-talker?”
“The... what?”
“The one with the voice like a girl,” Jonathan clarified. “I think he was wearing one of your shirts.” His father’s cheeks reddened. “He, um, he brought me some coffee last night. Morning. Whenever the hell it was.”
“Us Andersons like our coffee,” Blaine replied.
This conversation was as weird and awkward as he’d expected it to be with his father. Then Jonathan’s face grew a little tighter, and more perturbed.
“Was that your “odd little boyfriend”?”
Blaine looked down at the bed uncomfortably and tried to shift himself. He couldn’t do it with his good arm pinned under him, though.
“Blaine?” Jonathan reached over and put his hand on Blaine’s shoulder.
“Kurt’s been nothing but nice to Mama,” he muttered.
“Yes, well. You’re her baby boy.” Jonathan paused. “And I don’t challenge her judgement of him being little or odd. He had tiny skull barrettes in his hair.”
“I think his friend Tina must have put them in there. She was wearing those that morning. I think dressing him up is a hobby of hers.”
“Heh. Cute.”
Blaine’s eyes flitted up to his father, who shrugged.
“I’m not expressing my interest in the boy. He just reminded me a lot of a... kitten, or something.”
“Baby penguin,” Blaine said automatically, forgetting that their in-joke might not be appreciated.
Jonathan did laughed though. “Maybe, yes. He told me this story about how you saved his life and converted him to coffee drinking.”
“That sounds like he might be giving me more credit than I deserve,” Blaine said. “He’s fought hard this year to keep his head above water.”
“And now it’s your turn?” Jonathan crossed his arms and sat back. “Your mother told me you went to McKinley following him.”
Blaine tensed, and that hurt a little. “It was my decision, not his.”
“No, it was your mother’s decision, ultimately.”
“Yeah, well, you weren’t there,” Blaine shot back. He dipped his head again. He wasn’t used to getting shirty or sassy with his father, and it felt uncomfortable to talk back to him like that.
“No.” He looked at Blaine with his thick brows knit together and his lips pressed into a thin line. “I would never have allowed you to transfer to that school. Not knowing the history of violence and apathy among the administration. I don’t care how good their arts program is, what they can offer you in the way of academics or sport, or if your... boyfriend is there.”
Blaine licked his lips, feeling ashamed under his father’s gaze.
Jonathan’s clipped tone grew sharper as he spoke. “I’m not trying to put pressure on you, Blaine. I just want you to understand how I feel about this. Your mother made a poor choice, and now we’re all suffering for it. Especially you.” He inclined his head forward slightly. “I made a poor choice as well...”
Blaine met his eye questioningly.
“You mother found out in February that I was having an affair. We’ve decided to separate.”
“What?” Blaine’s mouth hung open.
“Perhaps counterintuitively, this will mean that I’m around more often. We’ll have a schedule, to make sure you and Ti don’t have to bear the brunt of our working this out. I don’t know if your mother can forgive me. I don’t know if you kids can.” Jonathan stood and started to pace. “Or if you should.”
“I’m sorry,” Blaine muttered.
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. We let our stress get to us. We could have headed it off sooner, but we didn’t, and I got... careless.” He turned to the window and looked out of it. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You and Ti are in trouble because of our problems. It isn’t the other way around.”
Blaine pushed himself a little, trying to roll onto his back, until his stitches started to strain, and he remained were he was. It was wild and strange to see his father like this. Softened, but somehow just as reserved. As a man who went to law school, that meant he had access to all the words in the English language that no one used. And he spoke differently than anyone else Blaine knew. With defenses at every turn.
“I still feel like... fighting over me didn’t help,” Blaine admitted.
“It didn’t.”
Blaine’s face crumpled up.
“But I assure you, cheating on your mother was a much bigger stressor than the quite expected one of actually having to raise our children.”
It was hard to know how to interpret what his father was saying and what his real feelings were. Was he angry with Blaine? Was he just being bitter and sarcastic? Blaine didn’t know, and couldn’t read him.
“And... the fighting started before...” Jonathan Anderson didn’t say the words “you came out,” but that much was clear enough to Blaine.
“Are you staying at the house?” Blaine asked.
“Unlikely. I’ve kept our finances secure enough to handle a little upheaval, and we’re lucky to own our house. I’ll probably sell it so your mother can get a better place than that tiny apartment she has you in. We’ll start looking around at different schools, and you can choose from whichever ones seem to have reasonable safety measures. I’m not allowed to talk about you “manning up,” but I’m also not interested in any school that has ignored death threats, if Tianna’s account is to be believed.”
“That’s true. Kurt was the one who was threatened,” Blaine offered. “They tried to expel the guy who threatened him, but the school board reversed it.”
Jonathan was quiet for a moment, then gave a stern nod.
“Where are you going to be looking for schools?” Blaine asked gingerly.
“In the state, likely. Or Indiana, if it’s close enough to the border. I’ll want it to be close enough that you kids will be able to visit me.”
Blaine opened his mouth slightly, then closed it as his heart sank into his patched together belly. “I couldn’t go back to Dalton?”
“You could. Maybe. We’ll talk about it. There are other schools that might be able to accommodate us better.”
“I just don’t want to move that far from my boyfriend,” Blaine ventured before he could think better of it.
“Please understand, son, that my primary concerns are your safety and the good of this family.” Jonathan walked over to Blaine and rubbed his arm. “This is a high school fling. I realize that it is very real to you, right now, but I won’t prioritize it over other more pressing needs.”
Blaine closed his eyes, wishing he could tell his father that he wasn’t going anywhere without his boyfriend. He just didn’t have the strength for that fight right now.
***
”How can people not love you, once they get to know you?”
People didn’t fall in love with Blaine the way they did Kurt. Granted, they didn’t have the extreme opposite reactions either, but Blaine had a hard time envisioning Kurt being in the hospital with no one coming to visit him for two days.
Kurt couldn’t envision it the other way around, and Blaine recognized that it was simply because his silly boy was so in love with him that he thought everyone else should be, too. But they weren’t.
Mercedes tolerated him for Kurt’s sake. Santana thought he was a weird zoo curiosity that she could watch. Finn saw him as nothing more than a danger to his brother, and Mike probably only hung out with him because he was a fellow Asian, and a good dancer to help him beat Puck.
Sam, maybe, liked him a little. Sam seemed to like everyone, though. Mostly, the New Directions didn’t seem to think of him as a person outside of being Kurt’s current flame.
“Flame on,” he whispered to himself, touching his abdomen lightly again. He still felt too weak to do almost anything by himself. And that was getting old, fast.
Waiting on his Warbler friends was useless, too. At least until the weekdays. If they hadn’t put in for a weekend pass, which none of them would have had time to do since the attack had occurred on Friday and passes had to be in by Thursday (outside of family emergencies), they wouldn’t be able to leave, even if they did know what was happening. Maybe Kurt or Ti would have let them know by now.
He had no way of knowing how long he had been lying there quietly when Tianna slipped into the room and set something on his nightstand.
“Ti?”
She stopped, then rested her hand on his head. “You should be sleeping, sweetie.”
“Can’t sleep. What’s that?” He looked over at the nightstand. It was closer to his broken arm, and he wouldn’t be able to reach that far with his other arm.
“It’s your phone. Someone, probably Kurt or Finn, brought your backpack in. I thought maybe you could get a line to the outside world, there.” Her fingers continued to stroke his hair. “Thought you could use someone outside of this family. What a fucking mess, hm? Don’t let them get to you. When you’re out of here, we’ll figure something out.”
“Dad wants us to move. He wants to move me away from Kurt. How am I supposed to take that? This isn’t some high school crush.” Blaine wiped his eyes as tears filled them again. “You believe me, don’t you, Ti?”
“Yes! God, okay. I know sometimes love isn’t forever. I’ve seen enough kids my age hooking up at random just to hook up, but you guys aren’t just fooling around here. So... Did Dad say something to you?” She took the phone and set it by his side.
“He thinks this isn’t important to me. And the doctors and the nurses and the interns and mom, and everyone, they think this isn’t important, and they think I don’t need him here.” Blaine turned his head toward the window and tried to swallow back a sob. “Why do they get to do this to me? Why can’t I say who I want in here? I’ve... I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life. Not even in junior high, and you know what it was like back there.”
“I know. Look, I can’t make them let Kurt in, but I can yell at Mom a little.”
“Don’t. She’s not the only one.” Blaine felt a wave of nausea and closed his eyes tight. “Dad doesn’t understand either. They just don’t get it. They don’t even try.”
“What can I do?”
“I don’t know.” Blaine pressed his palm to the bed. “Help me sit up? I can check my email. I’m always falling asleep when I do that.”
“Gotcha.” Tianna, stronger than she looked, went around to his other side and slipped her arm under his good arm, lifting him up onto the pillows. “How’s that? Feel okay?”
Blaine pressed his hand to his side. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Do you need any more painkillers? Should I get a nurse to check up on you?”
“No, I’m good.”
He quirked his lips at the thought. Good. Okay. By what standard? What did these words even mean, anymore?
“Having the week of my life, actually.”
Tianna laughed quietly as she bent over to caress then kiss his head. “You just sounded like your boyfriend, then. He’s not here, so you’re channeling him. Something bitterly romantic about that.”
“I am not. I’m just... having a hard time being my cheerful, stupidly optimistic self.” Blaine hated the stupid tears on his stupid, ugly face. He sunk his head back into the pillows and forced a smile for his sister.
“I’ll be close, okay?” she promised. She drew a piece of hair out of her eyes. “You want the light?”
“Not really. I can see from the screen.” Blaine picked up his phone. “It’s not as late as I thought it was.”
“It’s like eleven.” “I thought it might be later... Kurt’s probably asleep by now. Or I hope he is, if he didn’t sleep last night.” He sighed as she trailed her fingers over his arm and then left.
His email contained a few announcements from action listservs he was on. Sign for this, vote for that. These people are trying to legislate our rights out of existence. Again.
Look, Blaine, people are never going to stop bullying me. Not in high school, not in college, not ever... When you feel safe, you take risks that you otherwise wouldn’t. It’s not good for me to have this fantasy world where no one can hurt me. It makes me forget how many people would kill me just for daring to be less than invisible.
God, help him, Kurt had been right. Blaine wasn’t sure he wanted this level of clarity, now or ever.
He came close to closing his email, but clicked on a few from friends, instead. It seemed that the word hadn’t spread to Dalton until earlier that evening, and he suspected that had to do with Kurt being forced to go home.
His breath caught in his throat as he saw an email message from Kurt. With an attachment.
I know you’re on lockdown, babe, but I made this for you, in case you need someone to sing you to sleep. I wish I could be there for you. This is all I know how to do.
Blaine looked toward the door, then opened the video attachment.
Kurt’s face appeared on the screen. Tianna hadn’t been exaggerating much. He obviously hadn’t slept at all, and his face just looked different. It occurred to Blaine that Kurt had probably forgotten to put on his moisturizers after showering.
“What’s the world coming to,” he murmured.
There was also a nasty bruise on his left cheek and his lip was split, neither of which made Blaine feel the slightest bit better. Had he been attacked too? Had he been so distracted that he’d hurt himself?
“Ohhh.” Kurt said touching his cheeks with his fingertips. “I look like a hot mess. Here’s hoping this doesn’t go viral, hm?”
Blaine bit back a chuckle. Laughing outright would hurt too much.
“I’m going to try...” Kurt closed his eyes, and a tear slid down either cheek. He breathed in and out slowly, then looked up again. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, baby. And I’m even more sorry that I’m not with you right now holding your hand through this. So... just imagine me there? And I’ll be there.”
He touched his hand to his chest. “You know... just how much I love you. I’m in your heart, and I’m with you. I really hope you’re able check your email soon. And...” He wiped away a few more tears and spread his lips in a pained but hopeful smile. “And if you have trouble sleeping, just follow my voice, and I’ll lead you back to peace. Believe it. We’re stronger and more magical than any one of those terrible, wicked people out there, the ones filled with hatred and ignorance. We are. Both of us. We’re stronger than you know, baby.”
Blaine had to pause the video, then wipe his eyes. He played it again, just to see Kurt’s trembling hands, his shining eyes, the way his body moved as though the blows had struck him as well and he was physically in pain. It hadn’t been that long, and yet Kurt’s absence was so distinct. He’d known he needed Kurt with him. Why couldn’t anyone listen?
Letting the video continue, Blaine closed his eyes as Kurt lifted his voice in song, and imagined Kurt was there at his bedside, singing him to sleep.
“Find me here and speak to me. I want to feel you. I need to hear you.”
Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes again. Oh, Kurt. This song. Of course for Kurt it related to his boyfriend, more than anything else.
“You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace, again.”
In his mind’s eye, Kurt strolled closer to him from the door where he had just entered, face red from crying, and touched his fingertips, in that loving way of his that made a touch of the fingertips so much more, then he kissed them and smiled like an angel despite the tears staining his pale, heart-shaped face.
“You are the strength that keeps me walking. You are the hope that keeps me trusting. You are the life to my soul. You are my purpose. You're everything.”
As much as the rest of the world didn’t understand, as much as they brushed what they had off as not real, not good enough, because they were boys, or because they were young and silly teenagers, this all consuming love was the first thing that Blaine had been able to hold onto since he’d hit the ground on Friday.
When Kurt reached the chorus, Blaine bit his lip, barely able to contain his amusement. This was how Kurt had chosen this song. This was so a song for them. He wanted to sing it with Kurt, when he finally got out of here.
“And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?”
Blaine took Kurt’s imaginary hand, and pressed it over his heart. He imagined Kurt resting his forehead against his own. Kurt’s tears dripping onto his face as he sang his heart out to his boyfriend, hoping to make him feel just a little bit better.
It hurt. It hurt to feel this so intensely, and the stress crept into his belly and made the ache return. But it wasn’t the worst ache he’d ever felt. It was an ache that reminded him that somehow, he was still alive. The sound of his boyfriend’s voice swelled with each verse, growing more intense, more desperate to be heard by Blaine, somehow.
“I hear you, Kurt. I hear you.”
“You’re all I want! You’re all I need! You’re everything! Everything!” Kurt sang. His hands caressed Blaine’s marred face with such tender devotion, and he wrapped his arms around him, refusing to let go. “How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?”
The ghost of Kurt had just reached out through the digital divide to grab Blaine and keep him from falling over the edge.
When the song ended, Kurt whispered in a weak and exhausted voice, “Sleep well, love. All my strength to you.”
Crying all through that song and Kurt’s sweet, sweet words had taken something out of Blaine heart, and he thought, maybe filled it with something else. Hopefully, it was something good, but he couldn’t know that right now. Part of him realized that he was losing his mind a little, trapped in this cell they called a hospital room.
His head leaned back as far as it would go, his eyes wide and wet, jaw quivering as he tried to catch his breath and not choke on this pain. Not the pain in his stomach, or his head, or his arm, but the pain deep, deep inside him that had been threatening to drown him.
The crying had left him drained. He replayed the video and held on tight.
Onto Part Nine