FIC: The Anatomy of a Breakdown, or When X-Ray Vision is Useless
Title: The Anatomy of a Breakdown, or When X-Ray Vision is Useless
Category: fic
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): none
Summary: prompt crazycakes!Chloe for the Absolut Chloe Challenge. Chloe breaks down.
Spoilers: Through S6
Warnings: dark
When she broke down, no one was there.
Chloe sat alone in her small apartment. Her cousin was off story hunting, and Clark was off pouting in the barn over the woman he could have had, if only he’d listened to the urging of his best friend earlier. Pouting about being lonely, though he could have had his best friend at any time, or any number of women who would have appreciated his unearthly beauty and godlike physique or simply sympathized with being a freak. Jimmy… she didn’t know. He was somewhere. Not answering his calls. Her father was out, not that they had talked in a long time.
As she looked up from her computer she realized in surprise that she was crying, large tears pouring down her cheeks from some repressed internal stress she could not or did not want to recognize. She had no desire to reach for the phone.
When she broke down, she knew that no one loved her.
She sobbed silently for a moment at her desk. Then she got up and threaded her fingers through her hair and started to breathe raggedly. Her sobbing grew louder as she paced around the room frantically, feeling the panic ripping up her back and a pain welling up in her belly.
When she broke down, her soul was empty.
She hit the wall and slid down it, curling into a ball, cursing herself for her own wretchedness, for sitting there crying when she should be doing research for Oliver or helping Clark cope with Lana’s marriage or feeding scraps of stories to Lois to help her keep afloat. She hated herself for letting herself become useless.
At the same time she saw herself from the outside, from the outside, and was afraid that she would never get up from that spot on the floor by the wall. She’d sit there crying and shaking until she died, and unless someone needed her skills before that, her body would lay there rotting for weeks until Lois came home or someone in The Talon noticed the smell.
When she finally broke down, only she knew she was insane.
Chloe eventually ran out of tears and sat there on the floor staring blindly at a mess of clothing on Lois’s side of the apartment. She wondered if people always felt it when they lost their mind, and she wondered if anyone would notice her secret, that inside her brain there was a fissure, a schism, a flaw.
She wondered how long it would be before she tried to kill someone, though right now it was herself she felt antipathy toward.
When she got up, she walked to the bathroom and began crying again as she washed off her face and thought of nothing and no one. She blew her nose and headed back out to her desk to save her work. Then she went to her bed and lay down.
She didn’t get up until someone from work came by asking why she hadn’t been in for a few days. The new gossip columnist picked her up and put her in the shower and waited until she got herself up and cleaned herself off. The young woman picked out some clothes for her and didn’t blink at Chloe’s nakedness as she walked out of the bathroom.
Chloe thanked her as she dressed, but the woman shook her head and shrugged, telling her that Pauline had told her to come check things out and make sure her budding reporter was still alive.
“I am my usefulness, Cat. I am as I function,” Chloe said blankly, as she slipped her shoes on.
The woman frowned and tilted her head, not understanding. Chloe nodded when she was ready and followed the woman out to her car.
When Chloe Sullivan broke down, she understood the world. It was a meaningless frenzy of life, and it was a harsh, selfish place that used up humans until they were mere husks. She would walk and breathe. Her soul was empty, and she had a raw and bleeding wound inside her, and she waited for someone to see it and to lock her away.
But though her best friend had many ‘visions,’ he could not see. No one saw.
So day by day, bits of her left as she smiled and let them use her. They had never wanted her insides, it seemed, so the wounds festered unnoticed and untended.
She gave of her mind to Clark and Oliver.
Then of her body to Jimmy.
She gave her wisdom to Lana, unheaded.
She gave her anger to Lex. Her love to her mother.
And her writing skills to The Daily Planet.
Until one day, when she ran up to Lois’s lifeless body, and she had nothing left to give. She was mad and empty and soon would be useless or perhaps dangerous.
So she gave her cousin the remaining spark of her life and closed her eyes, knowing darkness. Her body grew cold.
Long live the Super Girl.
Author Note: I leave it up to interpretation what actually happens to Chloe, since we don't know canon-wise if she is still alive. I like to think that she is, but then I don't know what that means for who she becomes. I won't be including myself in the Absolut Chloe voting, since I'll be the one tallying the votes, but if you read, thank you. :)
Category: fic
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): none
Summary: prompt crazycakes!Chloe for the Absolut Chloe Challenge. Chloe breaks down.
Spoilers: Through S6
Warnings: dark
When she broke down, no one was there.
Chloe sat alone in her small apartment. Her cousin was off story hunting, and Clark was off pouting in the barn over the woman he could have had, if only he’d listened to the urging of his best friend earlier. Pouting about being lonely, though he could have had his best friend at any time, or any number of women who would have appreciated his unearthly beauty and godlike physique or simply sympathized with being a freak. Jimmy… she didn’t know. He was somewhere. Not answering his calls. Her father was out, not that they had talked in a long time.
As she looked up from her computer she realized in surprise that she was crying, large tears pouring down her cheeks from some repressed internal stress she could not or did not want to recognize. She had no desire to reach for the phone.
When she broke down, she knew that no one loved her.
She sobbed silently for a moment at her desk. Then she got up and threaded her fingers through her hair and started to breathe raggedly. Her sobbing grew louder as she paced around the room frantically, feeling the panic ripping up her back and a pain welling up in her belly.
When she broke down, her soul was empty.
She hit the wall and slid down it, curling into a ball, cursing herself for her own wretchedness, for sitting there crying when she should be doing research for Oliver or helping Clark cope with Lana’s marriage or feeding scraps of stories to Lois to help her keep afloat. She hated herself for letting herself become useless.
At the same time she saw herself from the outside, from the outside, and was afraid that she would never get up from that spot on the floor by the wall. She’d sit there crying and shaking until she died, and unless someone needed her skills before that, her body would lay there rotting for weeks until Lois came home or someone in The Talon noticed the smell.
When she finally broke down, only she knew she was insane.
Chloe eventually ran out of tears and sat there on the floor staring blindly at a mess of clothing on Lois’s side of the apartment. She wondered if people always felt it when they lost their mind, and she wondered if anyone would notice her secret, that inside her brain there was a fissure, a schism, a flaw.
She wondered how long it would be before she tried to kill someone, though right now it was herself she felt antipathy toward.
When she got up, she walked to the bathroom and began crying again as she washed off her face and thought of nothing and no one. She blew her nose and headed back out to her desk to save her work. Then she went to her bed and lay down.
She didn’t get up until someone from work came by asking why she hadn’t been in for a few days. The new gossip columnist picked her up and put her in the shower and waited until she got herself up and cleaned herself off. The young woman picked out some clothes for her and didn’t blink at Chloe’s nakedness as she walked out of the bathroom.
Chloe thanked her as she dressed, but the woman shook her head and shrugged, telling her that Pauline had told her to come check things out and make sure her budding reporter was still alive.
“I am my usefulness, Cat. I am as I function,” Chloe said blankly, as she slipped her shoes on.
The woman frowned and tilted her head, not understanding. Chloe nodded when she was ready and followed the woman out to her car.
When Chloe Sullivan broke down, she understood the world. It was a meaningless frenzy of life, and it was a harsh, selfish place that used up humans until they were mere husks. She would walk and breathe. Her soul was empty, and she had a raw and bleeding wound inside her, and she waited for someone to see it and to lock her away.
But though her best friend had many ‘visions,’ he could not see. No one saw.
So day by day, bits of her left as she smiled and let them use her. They had never wanted her insides, it seemed, so the wounds festered unnoticed and untended.
She gave of her mind to Clark and Oliver.
Then of her body to Jimmy.
She gave her wisdom to Lana, unheaded.
She gave her anger to Lex. Her love to her mother.
And her writing skills to The Daily Planet.
Until one day, when she ran up to Lois’s lifeless body, and she had nothing left to give. She was mad and empty and soon would be useless or perhaps dangerous.
So she gave her cousin the remaining spark of her life and closed her eyes, knowing darkness. Her body grew cold.
Long live the Super Girl.
Author Note: I leave it up to interpretation what actually happens to Chloe, since we don't know canon-wise if she is still alive. I like to think that she is, but then I don't know what that means for who she becomes. I won't be including myself in the Absolut Chloe voting, since I'll be the one tallying the votes, but if you read, thank you. :)