Covet, covet, covet.
So I looked up Room 6 at the Ecola Inn in Cannon Beach. It's the room we had the two years we went to the beach. It's my aunt's week now, and my mom got the first part of July in a trade. She was excited that we'd be there for the 4th of July in 2004 even though we lucked out and saw Sandcastle Day the week we were there in June (corresponding with this week, as my aunt was just there) 2003. I miss that place with every fiber of my being. I WANT to be there so much. I looked it up and then I started crying. Not so much "I miss my mother." tears, though I DO miss her, but "dammit, I am never going to see the ocean again probably." tears. So maudlin. It must be time for bed. I lived without the ocean from age 15 (when we became acquainted in such a way that I realized it had always been a part of my heart. Finally a beach like the ones in my fantasies, with real sand and a real blue ocean.) until age 33. Now it's only been 7 years and I feel heartsick for it every summer. And YES, I want to look at Haystack rock where we scattered my mom's ashes and think of her, but it's more than that. I feel so selfish and stupid to want something so much it makes me cry when I have so much good stuff in my life. But I want, I want, I want.
