Denial & Chance
Title: Denial & Chance
Pairing: Yamada/Chinen, Hikaru/Inoo
Rating: NC17
A/N: Written from Chinen's POV. Continuation of Barista's Break Time. The story taken place 6 months after the previous fic.
Everything about Ryosuke always addicting.
Those eyes behind those glasses frame, his nose, his lips, his kiss, his biceps, his torso, his bare skin, his everything could make my mind went go mad. Seriously, I could spend a day touching everything Ryosuke had without feeling bored at all. My friend over here was every best thing I could ask for a partner. Plus, he never complained when I came to his apartment asking for good sex at 2 am. The only time I hated Ryosuke the most was when he whispered the words ‘love’ over his throat, with hands roaming over my naked skin, I couldn’t help but pushed him away. The switch was turned off.
“What’s wrong?” asked Ryosuke as he saw me left the bed with disgusting face. I didn’t answer and took my t-shirt on the floor and put it on over my head.
“Fine, I’m sorry,” Ryosuke quickly scooted over and hugged me from behind before I could slip into my boxers, “Sorry for saying the forbidden words.”
I didn’t answer but stand still on my spot.
“Why you left me half-done like this,” said Ryosuke with pleaded tone, purposely played his arousal on my thigh, “I want it done inside you.”
As much as it sounded so hot and sensual, I fought the urge back and pushed Ryosuke away once again. Pulling up my pants, I answered in the most I-don’t-care tone, “Then jerk off yourself.”
Ryosuke groaned in annoyance and secluded himself in bathroom for a good fifteen minute. I couldn’t help but loved the small moans of Ryosuke that echoed through the door while he jerked off. It sounded beautiful, really. Even so, I liked it better when Ryosuke inside me and I was the one who could make him pulled off those cute groans, whimpers, even moans. However, Ryosuke broke the rules and I had to make sure he knew his mistakes.
“I hate you,” said Ryosuke once he’d done with his business. I only stuck out my tongue in response and got ready for bed.
**
Nothing annoyed me more when someone disturbed my beauty sleep. Everyone around me pretty much aware how bad my mood would be if they purposely and or un-purposely woke me up in the morning. Everyone, except Ryosuke.
“What are you doing?” I asked, rather sternly.
“Your eyelash,” he said, fingers brushed lightly against my eyes in process, “It’s long.”
I swatted away his hands and rolled to the other side of his bed. A second later, I could feel the bed bouncing up and his footsteps faded away behind the door.
Everything was started six months ago. We worked on same café which belonged to my cousin. I was a barista until that day my cousin asked me to cross dress for a day as maid. I couldn’t say no to him, so I wore it and who knows, maid costume was one of Ryosuke’s favorite kink? He kinda needed to get laid so badly at that time and I sort of get carried away (it had been so long since I got laid. I knew, I’m so pathetic) so in the end we did it. The accident, I called it. There’s nothing special about that time, really, except I got addicted and I looked for Ryosuke every time I needed to release.
As far as I concerned, I never interested in relationship. Of course, I dated several guys and girls, mainly because I just wanted to show off to my friends. However, the relationship never worked. They craved for so much attention while I barely had time for myself. I had university, a part-time every day and I needed 8-hour sleep fulfilled. On weekend I needed to sleep more than 10 hour so I could recharge for the beginning of the week. How could I get all of that when they kept pestering me with let’s-go-date and fucking-quality-time-together?
However being with Ryosuke was different. He never nagged me. He never asked me to be there for him, but he always there when I needed him. He never spammed my inbox with his mail if I didn’t answer it. He never complained when I spend a whole day sleeping on his bed. He brought me to anywhere I wanted to go. He cooked anything I wanted to eat. Before I realized, I depended too much to him and I wouldn’t lie when I said he was part of my life right now. Something you usually called, sex-friend. Yes, no strings attached.
When I opened my eyes again, the clock stroke exactly at eleven. After fully registered the outline of Ryosuke’s bedroom, I went to kitchen to get drink.
“Morning,” greeted Ryosuke when I took the glass for water. The empty laundry basket was on his hand, seemed he just finished hanging the laundry on veranda.
“Morning,” I answered him back, “I’m hungry.”
“Do you want to eat something?” asked him, putting back the basket to empty spot beside refrigerator.
“Japanese breakfast,” I said, “Miso soup, white rice and rolled eggs.”
Ryosuke beamed a smile and told me to brush my teeth first so we could make breakfast together.
Once done with brushing my teeth (I have my own brush here since I spent countless night on Ryosuke’s) I smell something nice on air. I’m sure it was egg rolls. I quickly walked into kitchen and helped Ryosuke with his miso soup.
”Stop staring at me like I’m some sort of freak,” said Ryosuke as I stopped on stirring the soup, with my mouth slightly opened.
“Sorry,” I said, giving attention back to the soup, “I’m thinking you look good with glasses.”
He murmured small thank you as his ear turned red, which I found sort of cute.
I was not dense, people. I knew very well how he was head-over-heels right now towards me. As the matter of facts, he had crush on me since his first day as barista in our café. Ryuu (our common friend) said many times he liked me since first time he saw me. I didn’t buy it. Not until that day I cross dress-ed, the accident.
After that accident, it was me who called him for sex (I remembered I said I got addicted and always called him for sex). He just accepted it. We set the rules about this relationship. We agreed to stay on this relationship as long as he did not say a love word, because it made me cringe and turned off. Ryosuke, as much as he loved me and maybe saw this as chance to be with me, agreed reluctantly.
“You better finished your breakfast faster. The afternoon class is started soon,” said Ryosuke, he already finished his breakfast. Well, he was on diet. I’m on my second bowl.
“No class today. Sensei was out of town for some seminar,” I answered, stuffing egg rolls into my mouth, “You don’t have class today?”
“No,” Ryosuke said, cleaning mess on his table and decided to stare at me gobbled up everything, “But I need to write lab assignment due tomorrow. I have to finish everything before I went to café.”
After finished my second bowl, I cleaned up everything and washed the dishes. Ryosuke already buried deep in his laptop. We went to same university by the way. I was in economy department while he was in biology department. We never knew each other until his first day worked on café.
“Do you want your strawberry?” asked me as I joined him on coffee table. I snuggled to his shoulder as I scanned through his laptop screen, some kind of plant and another kind of lab tools.
He shook his head, “But if you don’t mind, takes my yogurt for me?”
I quickly processed to refrigerator and took his strawberry yogurt. God knows why, Ryosuke had obsessions with strawberry. Most of his kitchen tools were strawberry shape, he always had a mountain of fresh strawberry on refrigerator, not to mention several strawberry-flavor snacks. Sometimes I had this feeling the only reason he choose biology major was because he wanted to make special kind of gigantic-super-sweet strawberry.
After handing him his yogurt, I sat across him and put my chin lazily on table. He gave a concern look.
“Still sleepy?” asked him, eyes shifted to his paper.
I shook my head, “You shouldn’t say those words last night.”
Silence. Ryosuke sighed deeply before said, “Sorry. I was kind of carried away.”
As genuine as it sounded, his apology triggered some unexplainable feeling on the pit of my stomach. It was triumphant feelings as well as… sorry? I knew I played around with his feelings, but he was agree with the whole thing so the risks were on his hands.
Ryosuke was keeping his sorry face and I just nodded, okay-ing his apology. He smiled and patted my head. Not really his usual smile, though. I could tell he was a little bit upset.
“You really won’t give chance, will you?” asked Ryosuke with his pleading eyes, hands stayed on my hair.
I took off his hand gently, staring it at few moment before said, “I wish I could.”
**
I worked at Full House Café four days a week, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. On Monday and Wednesday I only worked for six hours a day, but on Saturday and Sunday, I worked from morning till closing time. On weekends the café always full, we barely had time for breathing. I felt my back lighter when we escorted the last costumer out. As we finished cleaning the café, Kei thanked us. He told us to be careful of the monster on our way.
“Let’s go, Yuuri?” asked Ryosuke as I closed my locker.
I was on the way to accept him when my body halted, “I will go home tonight, sorry.” Something curled my tongue back my I said ‘home’.
“Really?” he asked me. I nodded. He stretched his arms, I thought he wanted to pull me into hug or kisses, but he just patted my shoulder and said to be careful on the way. I waved him goodbye.
Since I’m the last person in locker room, I had to lock the door and gave the key back to Kei. I couldn’t find him in café and kitchen so I assumed he was in his office so without knocking I turned the knob to his room. Those instances I regretted every moment I could take to knock his room first. An unfamiliar guy sat on Kei’s desk with Kei on his lap, hands tangled around each other and mouths savored in delight. I was taken aback, losing the grip of keys and the moment its hit the floor, both of them untangled them self and fix their eyes on me.
That unknown guy grinned awkwardly when he saw me, showing his crooked teeth. On the other hand Kei looked flush, his lips swollen as he had to catch breath. His eyes were unfocused for a second. Once he gained his composure, his eyes fell on me. He threw me death glares once he caught me was still on door, frozen.
I apologetically mouthed sorry to Kei and immediately closed the door behind.
**
The next morning, Kei dragged me on my arms to his office before I finished my morning greeting.
“You. Didn’t. See. Anything. Yesterday,” he hissed on every word, eyes were glaring at mine.
“Easy, Kei-chan,” I smirked, seeing Kei lost his composure was amusing, “You know I always shut my mouth.”
Kei squint his eyes in which I send my playful smug look to him. Kei kept staring at me, drilling through my eyes to inside my brain. Actually he had no reason to doubt me. We’ve been close since eight and he was more than cousin for me. He was like my brother and very best friend. Of course, we kept each other dirty laundry.
“You never break your promise, anyway,” finally Kei said after glaring for a good minute.
“So, who is he?” Asked me as I sit on chair before Kei’s desk. It was a bit gross when I remembered what they’d done on that desk last night.
“Yaotome Hikaru,” he answered, “My boyfriend.”
I rolled my eyes, “Duh, it’s obvious he is your boyfriend unless you won’t let him touch you.”
Kei crossed his arms and displayed his famous smug face, “Well, you let Ryosuke touches you even he is not your boyfriend.”
Told you we kept each other dirty laundry right? I told Kei everything about me and Ryosuke. Indeed he didn’t tell anyone about this matter, however he never let a chance to tease me with this dirty laundry slipped.
“It’s surprising how he can endure for… how long has it been?”
“Six months,” I answered as Kei sat on his director chair, “But he is fine with this kind of relationship.”
“Well…?” Kei’s eye brow raised, playful smirk in his face. I knew he caught a slight hesitation on my line, “I’m not sure about it either if I were you.”
Without further ado, I excused myself to get on my work before Kei could tease me even more.
**
Unexpectedly the impact of Kei’s words is bigger than I imagined. I only thought about it once and twice, maybe thrice, and later on that evening every time I saw Ryosuke, I couldn’t help but avert my gaze somewhere else because the guilt was definitely there. Inside my brain was messed up as if there was two party debated of pros and cons about our relationship. The pros said that Ryosuke was the one who okay-ed everything and whatever the risks in the end, he had to accept it. However, the other party said, as human being with feeling do the greatest Chinen Yuri really thought it was fine to play around with people’s feeling? If I had no intention to love him in the end, I better stopped right now.
Fuck you, my brain.
“Are you okay, Yuri?”
Suddenly that voice rang in my ear.
I turned to my left and found Ryosuke already squeezed beside me in the corner of the locker room. Apparently he got his break too.
“Your focus is everywhere else today,” he chuckled, taking cola can on my grip and drunk it as if it was his own.
“Perhaps,” I replied, “I need to rearrange my brain.”
He looked confused but didn’t ask more about my statement which I was really glad because I didn’t have any idea how to explain the messiness to Ryosuke.
“So, you plan to stay over today? I will make gyoza for dinner.”
“Maybe not today. Sorry.”
Ryosuke only shrugged and muttered, “Next time then.”
I took my cola from his and gulped down the remaining. My break time was over so I went ahead to café, leaving him without a word.
I wonder why I thought there would be no ‘next time’.
**
After that, apparently the ‘next time’ was still on hold for three weeks. I used ‘assignment’ as rejection every time Ryosuke asked me to stay over. I tried to avoid same break time as him too in café. I made communication with him as less as possible. We didn’t talk unless for works. It sucks, I needed to get laid so badly but every time I saw his face the messiness on my brain was built up again, the guilt was there, so I stopped. It’s all because of Inoo Kei I swear, if only he didn’t tease me at that time.
“Seriously, Yuri. Hikaru will come in any minutes so go away!”
I stretched my arms to take Kei’s kitten-shape mug from coffee table, sipping my peach tea in calm with Eragorn book in the other hand while Kei was ready to kick me out from his couch.
Because I lost Ryosuke’s places to hang around I switched to Kei’s apartment. His place wasn’t as organized as Ryosuke’s but he kept everything in place. I came mostly to lazy around or to mess his book shelves or to eat everything on his fridge or just to spoil his quality time with Hikaru. It was fun seeing Kei whined and tried to push me out from his place.
“But I don’t have any place to hang out,” I faked a pout and puppy eyes too, attacking him, “Can’t Yuri stayed in Kei’s places for a while?”
“No. You may not,” Kei crossed his arms, “Go and bother Yamada Ryosuke because I need my time and place with Hikaru.”
I snorted at the name.
“What’s wrong?” asked Kei once he realized my expressions changed, “Anything goes wrong between you two?”
“Everything,” I sighed, “Nothing goes right ever since beginning.”
Kei was puzzled with my statement, “Wait. Huh? You think everything was wrong? Wow. That’s new. I don’t know Chinen Yuri could show concern to others.”
I threw Eragorn book to him, which gleefully landed on his feet. Kei cursed, swearing he would take away my height.
“Whatever. Just don't mop around in someone else's house,” He plopped down beside me on sofa to take care of his feet.
“I’m not mopping!”
“But you drink peach tea and read Eragorn! Clearly, you are mopping!”
Okay, maybe Kei was right. I was mopping.
“And if you want to continue your mopping, at least do it in your home,” Kei grunted.
“No one at home, so quiet, I hate it. Your place is more comfortable,” I murmured, “Can’t you just cancel your plan with Hikaru? Please?”
Kei sighed and crossed him arms. He pouted but, “This will be the last time ever you ruined my date with Hikaru.”
I glomp him instance, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
For the rest of the night both of us watched Addams Family Value in our matching kigurumi pajamas, mine was grey mouse and his was cats. We bought it just because it looked ridiculous, surprisingly it was all warm and fluffy so we wore it when there was only two of us.
“So, tell me how you can stay in ‘relationship’ with Yamada for that long?” asked Inoo as both of his index fingers were threw up to air, quoting the word.
“He endures it so well,” I replied, sipping my third mug of warm peach tea, “And not gonna lie, his foods are awesome.”
Kei smirked, “Good food and good sex. Of course, you can’t resist that.”
My brain stopped for split seconds. Well, Kei was not wrong. However the way he said it made me felt like I was the villain here. I shook my head, throwing away things on my brain, “What about your new boyfriend? Where you meet him? You don’t tell me anything about that!”
“It was because someone is too busy with Yamada Ryosuke’s pants!” I chuckled at Kei’s attacks, he was right tho, “We just meet two months ago,” Kei started, sipping his tomato juice, “And we have sex three days after that. That simple.”
“Ugh, too much info.”
“We have our first sex in dressing room--“
“Dressing room??”
“Hikaru has band, he played bass and it just happened I was bored and went to his gig-“
“He has band??”
“Yeah, they are a bunch of hotties. After his performance I said hi to him and on the very moment there’s a click between us. That’s when I decided to chase after this guy--“
“Just that simple?” I asked, couldn’t believe what Kei just said, “You decided to love him in just that second?”
“Yeah…?” Kei gave me the look as if it was the most obvious things on world, “I don’t really think about it and apparently Hikaru got the same click too and voila! This is us.”
I froze at Kei’s words. It was totally a way of thinking that I couldn’t comprehend or imagine at all. Love couldn’t be that easy, right? It was complicated, that why there’re fight, commitment, break up and all the bullshit. Eighty percent of relationship consisted of arguments and considerations, where one have to hold back for the other. Sometimes people couldn’t even say their honest opinion only to protect the relationship. Okay, I admitted the sparks, flowers and butterfly were there but compared to the negative things, it was just no balance. Why people would protect things that bought little merit? I saw no good things could happen on relationship.
“Yuri?” Kei snapped his fingers at me, “You are not listening.”
I snapped, “Am I?”
“You didn’t say anything when I talked about my and Hikaru’s first sex in dressing room. Obviously, you’re not listening.”
I wanted to puke and threw Eragorn book to Kei at instance, “Glad I didn’t put my ear on that.”
Kei chuckled.
“You know, Yuri?”
I looked up to Kei, raising one of my eyebrows in questioning way.
“I think Yamada is not bad. He is really boyfriend material, you know.”
I tilted my head, couldn’t catch what this conversation went to.
“He came to me few months ago. Asking me about you, you know, trivial things. Your favorite food, colors, hobbies,” He chuckled remembering it, “I felt like was interviewed by girls who tried to find out her crushes’ info.”
Then he sighed, “Not gonna lie, he looks genuine and too pure, that I can’t even play tricks on him.”
My jaw hung open in disbelief at the fact that Kei gave Ryosuke my real, proper information. He never answered properly others’ questions, let alone questions about me. He always answered anything in his randomness, but he gave up to a human name Yamada Ryosuke only because he looked genuine and pure? Okay, I believed something hard fell on his head.
“So I thought, why don’t try to open your heart for him a bit?”
Now I pretty sure something hard fell on Kei’s head. He got some spinal cord in his brain twisted. I looked up to Kei, eyes stared him as I blinked in disbelief way, “It was the cheesiest line you ever said on the past 4 years.”
Instantly Kei snatched the cushion and threw it exactly on my face. As I yelled, “Pillow fight!” we grabbed another cushion at the same time and hit each other face merciless.
Amidst our shrieks and laughter, deep inside my brain, I thought Kei’s words carefully.
**
The next day, after my morning class I found Ryosuke was standing on the lobby of my department. He waved eagerly as I walked approaching him.
“I called, chatted and texted you, but you didn’t reply at all,” answered him as I threw what-are-you-doing-here look, “I have something to tell you. Do you have time?”
His begging eyes just made my head automatically nodded. First, indeed things had to be steeled faster and second, he was too cute that I couldn’t resist it. He took my wrist and dragged me to the back of building where it was usually used for stored unused properties. No one came except when university festival period.
“Am I doing something wrong?” he shot the questions as soon as the coast was clear, “What’s wrong? You ignore me for this past week.”
I sighed, letting my wrist free from his grip, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I need time for myself. To think about things between us.”
There was horror on Ryosuke’s face, “I’m sorry, what did I do wrong? Is it because of that night? I promised I will not repeat it anymore, I will self-reflect. You can add more rules, I’m fine with that. As long as we don’t end I will do anything. Please don’t do this to me.”
I grabbed both of his hand, feeling the familiar warm which I missed so much, “I’m thinking to make it real.”
His face looked perplexed. I took a deep breath and choose the words carefully on my brain.
“You know, the real relationship. Date, romantic dinner, or whatever shits are. No rules anymore.”
Ryosuke still looked confused, blinking in disbelief, “Are you asking me to going out?”
I smile, reaching out my left hand to fix his glasses, “Yeah, Ryosuke.”
It took more than ten seconds before he shook his head and pinched his cheek, making sure he wasn’t dreaming. When he looked me in the eyes, his face still uttered confusion, “Do you really mean it?”
I nodded.
Slowly, the corner of his lips pulled up as the sparks on his eyes built. I grinned back, leaning up to kiss his lips with mine, “Would you be my boyfriend, Yamada Ryosuke?”
I couldn’t forget that idiotic smile on his face.
**
That night Ryosuke invited me to his apartment. As expected from Ryosuke, he prepared the most cringed scenario people could think of. Once he opened the door, the trail of petal flower and candle was displayed behind him, lead to dining room. He switched to orange shade of light so the atmosphere turned so disgustingly romantic. A bunch of chamomile flower was place in transparent vase in the middle of dining table. Two wine glasses, a bucket of ice to cold the wine and a set of steak was set nicely in front of the dining seat.
“You really put effort,” I said as I threw my bag on sofa, cringing on the setting. Everything was really disgustingly cute and now, somehow I regretted my decision to ‘open my heart’ for him.
That idiotic grin still displayed on his face as he proceeded to pull the dining chair for me, “I always wanted to do this for you.”
After made sure he put the napkin on my lap properly, Ryosuke popped the wine bottle like a pro and pour it gently to both glasses. He went over to his seat and lifted the glass for cheers. I followed him, just because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Do you like the steak, Yuri?” he asked excitedly even before I shoved that meat to my mouth.
I sighed deeply, putting down the knife and fork.
“Ryosuke, I really appreciate your effort. Thank you. This is beautiful, really,” Ryosuke stiffed on his seat as if he knew it would lead to something unpleasant, “But this is too fancy… I like it simple.”
He looked down like a dog who just got scolded by the owner, somehow it made my heart sank (but he looked so cute at the same time). I knew he did his best to spoil me, but everything was not my liking. Everything was just too romantic and cheesy, this was not my preferences at all.
“But I really appreciate the thought. The steak is superb,” I popped the steak into my mouth, made exaggerated expressions to please him. Thankfully, it worked. Those eyes behind frame was sparkling again and he dig in to his steak too. The conversation went smoothly after that.
Hopefully this was the last time I lied to Ryosuke.
**
Then the best part came after that horrible dinner. Ryosuke prepared the warm bath with petals and aromatic candle (Looked pretty, at the same time a No). The moment he told me to enjoy the bath and pivoted on his heels to prepare towel, I asked him to enjoy the bath together. His ear turned pink nevertheless, started stripping, washing his body first and soaked in bath with me.
Once he entered the bath, I pulled him on wrist, his back hit my chest lightly as I enveloped him into my arms.
“Oh gosh, how long has it been,” I nuzzled his nape with my nose, healing his scent deeply.
“Look who always run away from me,” he chuckled, shivering a bit when I kissed the end of his nape.
He was right, “Yeah. Sorry. I needed some time for myself.”
The water spilled when Ryosuke turned around and embraced me on hips. I put my arms around his neck, kissing those lips him so slowly which reciprocated with sensual nips from Ryosuke, if not eager and impatient. His arms were tightened as my lips parted, welcoming his tongue and let him take the lead. Between the kiss and among strong scent of roses, he only gave me a second to take a breath and after that the kisses came even fiercier and needier.
“Next time let’s solve it together, okay?” he said between kiss, nipping my lower lips, “I will always be there for you.”
I splashed the water to his face as I put unpleasant look on my face, “Only if you stop saying cheesy things.”
Ryosuke wiped the water away from his eyes, chuckling, “I’m sorry I can’t help it. I only want to voice out my feeling right now. Beside, I was holding back my feeling for quite long time.”
“I love you.”
For the umpteenth time I heard those word and I couldn’t ignore the shiver on my nape. I really needed more time to adjust myself hearing Ryosuke’s confession every day. However, when I looked into his eyes I saw how much he really meant it and it made my heart skipped a beat. He kept staring at my eyes, waiting for my answer. So I just leant up to kiss those lips away, hoping he got my ‘I love you too’ back.
Oh, shit. Now I am just as cheesy as him.
**
Pairing: Yamada/Chinen, Hikaru/Inoo
Rating: NC17
A/N: Written from Chinen's POV. Continuation of Barista's Break Time. The story taken place 6 months after the previous fic.
Everything about Ryosuke always addicting.
Those eyes behind those glasses frame, his nose, his lips, his kiss, his biceps, his torso, his bare skin, his everything could make my mind went go mad. Seriously, I could spend a day touching everything Ryosuke had without feeling bored at all. My friend over here was every best thing I could ask for a partner. Plus, he never complained when I came to his apartment asking for good sex at 2 am. The only time I hated Ryosuke the most was when he whispered the words ‘love’ over his throat, with hands roaming over my naked skin, I couldn’t help but pushed him away. The switch was turned off.
“What’s wrong?” asked Ryosuke as he saw me left the bed with disgusting face. I didn’t answer and took my t-shirt on the floor and put it on over my head.
“Fine, I’m sorry,” Ryosuke quickly scooted over and hugged me from behind before I could slip into my boxers, “Sorry for saying the forbidden words.”
I didn’t answer but stand still on my spot.
“Why you left me half-done like this,” said Ryosuke with pleaded tone, purposely played his arousal on my thigh, “I want it done inside you.”
As much as it sounded so hot and sensual, I fought the urge back and pushed Ryosuke away once again. Pulling up my pants, I answered in the most I-don’t-care tone, “Then jerk off yourself.”
Ryosuke groaned in annoyance and secluded himself in bathroom for a good fifteen minute. I couldn’t help but loved the small moans of Ryosuke that echoed through the door while he jerked off. It sounded beautiful, really. Even so, I liked it better when Ryosuke inside me and I was the one who could make him pulled off those cute groans, whimpers, even moans. However, Ryosuke broke the rules and I had to make sure he knew his mistakes.
“I hate you,” said Ryosuke once he’d done with his business. I only stuck out my tongue in response and got ready for bed.
**
Nothing annoyed me more when someone disturbed my beauty sleep. Everyone around me pretty much aware how bad my mood would be if they purposely and or un-purposely woke me up in the morning. Everyone, except Ryosuke.
“What are you doing?” I asked, rather sternly.
“Your eyelash,” he said, fingers brushed lightly against my eyes in process, “It’s long.”
I swatted away his hands and rolled to the other side of his bed. A second later, I could feel the bed bouncing up and his footsteps faded away behind the door.
Everything was started six months ago. We worked on same café which belonged to my cousin. I was a barista until that day my cousin asked me to cross dress for a day as maid. I couldn’t say no to him, so I wore it and who knows, maid costume was one of Ryosuke’s favorite kink? He kinda needed to get laid so badly at that time and I sort of get carried away (it had been so long since I got laid. I knew, I’m so pathetic) so in the end we did it. The accident, I called it. There’s nothing special about that time, really, except I got addicted and I looked for Ryosuke every time I needed to release.
As far as I concerned, I never interested in relationship. Of course, I dated several guys and girls, mainly because I just wanted to show off to my friends. However, the relationship never worked. They craved for so much attention while I barely had time for myself. I had university, a part-time every day and I needed 8-hour sleep fulfilled. On weekend I needed to sleep more than 10 hour so I could recharge for the beginning of the week. How could I get all of that when they kept pestering me with let’s-go-date and fucking-quality-time-together?
However being with Ryosuke was different. He never nagged me. He never asked me to be there for him, but he always there when I needed him. He never spammed my inbox with his mail if I didn’t answer it. He never complained when I spend a whole day sleeping on his bed. He brought me to anywhere I wanted to go. He cooked anything I wanted to eat. Before I realized, I depended too much to him and I wouldn’t lie when I said he was part of my life right now. Something you usually called, sex-friend. Yes, no strings attached.
When I opened my eyes again, the clock stroke exactly at eleven. After fully registered the outline of Ryosuke’s bedroom, I went to kitchen to get drink.
“Morning,” greeted Ryosuke when I took the glass for water. The empty laundry basket was on his hand, seemed he just finished hanging the laundry on veranda.
“Morning,” I answered him back, “I’m hungry.”
“Do you want to eat something?” asked him, putting back the basket to empty spot beside refrigerator.
“Japanese breakfast,” I said, “Miso soup, white rice and rolled eggs.”
Ryosuke beamed a smile and told me to brush my teeth first so we could make breakfast together.
Once done with brushing my teeth (I have my own brush here since I spent countless night on Ryosuke’s) I smell something nice on air. I’m sure it was egg rolls. I quickly walked into kitchen and helped Ryosuke with his miso soup.
”Stop staring at me like I’m some sort of freak,” said Ryosuke as I stopped on stirring the soup, with my mouth slightly opened.
“Sorry,” I said, giving attention back to the soup, “I’m thinking you look good with glasses.”
He murmured small thank you as his ear turned red, which I found sort of cute.
I was not dense, people. I knew very well how he was head-over-heels right now towards me. As the matter of facts, he had crush on me since his first day as barista in our café. Ryuu (our common friend) said many times he liked me since first time he saw me. I didn’t buy it. Not until that day I cross dress-ed, the accident.
After that accident, it was me who called him for sex (I remembered I said I got addicted and always called him for sex). He just accepted it. We set the rules about this relationship. We agreed to stay on this relationship as long as he did not say a love word, because it made me cringe and turned off. Ryosuke, as much as he loved me and maybe saw this as chance to be with me, agreed reluctantly.
“You better finished your breakfast faster. The afternoon class is started soon,” said Ryosuke, he already finished his breakfast. Well, he was on diet. I’m on my second bowl.
“No class today. Sensei was out of town for some seminar,” I answered, stuffing egg rolls into my mouth, “You don’t have class today?”
“No,” Ryosuke said, cleaning mess on his table and decided to stare at me gobbled up everything, “But I need to write lab assignment due tomorrow. I have to finish everything before I went to café.”
After finished my second bowl, I cleaned up everything and washed the dishes. Ryosuke already buried deep in his laptop. We went to same university by the way. I was in economy department while he was in biology department. We never knew each other until his first day worked on café.
“Do you want your strawberry?” asked me as I joined him on coffee table. I snuggled to his shoulder as I scanned through his laptop screen, some kind of plant and another kind of lab tools.
He shook his head, “But if you don’t mind, takes my yogurt for me?”
I quickly processed to refrigerator and took his strawberry yogurt. God knows why, Ryosuke had obsessions with strawberry. Most of his kitchen tools were strawberry shape, he always had a mountain of fresh strawberry on refrigerator, not to mention several strawberry-flavor snacks. Sometimes I had this feeling the only reason he choose biology major was because he wanted to make special kind of gigantic-super-sweet strawberry.
After handing him his yogurt, I sat across him and put my chin lazily on table. He gave a concern look.
“Still sleepy?” asked him, eyes shifted to his paper.
I shook my head, “You shouldn’t say those words last night.”
Silence. Ryosuke sighed deeply before said, “Sorry. I was kind of carried away.”
As genuine as it sounded, his apology triggered some unexplainable feeling on the pit of my stomach. It was triumphant feelings as well as… sorry? I knew I played around with his feelings, but he was agree with the whole thing so the risks were on his hands.
Ryosuke was keeping his sorry face and I just nodded, okay-ing his apology. He smiled and patted my head. Not really his usual smile, though. I could tell he was a little bit upset.
“You really won’t give chance, will you?” asked Ryosuke with his pleading eyes, hands stayed on my hair.
I took off his hand gently, staring it at few moment before said, “I wish I could.”
**
I worked at Full House Café four days a week, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. On Monday and Wednesday I only worked for six hours a day, but on Saturday and Sunday, I worked from morning till closing time. On weekends the café always full, we barely had time for breathing. I felt my back lighter when we escorted the last costumer out. As we finished cleaning the café, Kei thanked us. He told us to be careful of the monster on our way.
“Let’s go, Yuuri?” asked Ryosuke as I closed my locker.
I was on the way to accept him when my body halted, “I will go home tonight, sorry.” Something curled my tongue back my I said ‘home’.
“Really?” he asked me. I nodded. He stretched his arms, I thought he wanted to pull me into hug or kisses, but he just patted my shoulder and said to be careful on the way. I waved him goodbye.
Since I’m the last person in locker room, I had to lock the door and gave the key back to Kei. I couldn’t find him in café and kitchen so I assumed he was in his office so without knocking I turned the knob to his room. Those instances I regretted every moment I could take to knock his room first. An unfamiliar guy sat on Kei’s desk with Kei on his lap, hands tangled around each other and mouths savored in delight. I was taken aback, losing the grip of keys and the moment its hit the floor, both of them untangled them self and fix their eyes on me.
That unknown guy grinned awkwardly when he saw me, showing his crooked teeth. On the other hand Kei looked flush, his lips swollen as he had to catch breath. His eyes were unfocused for a second. Once he gained his composure, his eyes fell on me. He threw me death glares once he caught me was still on door, frozen.
I apologetically mouthed sorry to Kei and immediately closed the door behind.
**
The next morning, Kei dragged me on my arms to his office before I finished my morning greeting.
“You. Didn’t. See. Anything. Yesterday,” he hissed on every word, eyes were glaring at mine.
“Easy, Kei-chan,” I smirked, seeing Kei lost his composure was amusing, “You know I always shut my mouth.”
Kei squint his eyes in which I send my playful smug look to him. Kei kept staring at me, drilling through my eyes to inside my brain. Actually he had no reason to doubt me. We’ve been close since eight and he was more than cousin for me. He was like my brother and very best friend. Of course, we kept each other dirty laundry.
“You never break your promise, anyway,” finally Kei said after glaring for a good minute.
“So, who is he?” Asked me as I sit on chair before Kei’s desk. It was a bit gross when I remembered what they’d done on that desk last night.
“Yaotome Hikaru,” he answered, “My boyfriend.”
I rolled my eyes, “Duh, it’s obvious he is your boyfriend unless you won’t let him touch you.”
Kei crossed his arms and displayed his famous smug face, “Well, you let Ryosuke touches you even he is not your boyfriend.”
Told you we kept each other dirty laundry right? I told Kei everything about me and Ryosuke. Indeed he didn’t tell anyone about this matter, however he never let a chance to tease me with this dirty laundry slipped.
“It’s surprising how he can endure for… how long has it been?”
“Six months,” I answered as Kei sat on his director chair, “But he is fine with this kind of relationship.”
“Well…?” Kei’s eye brow raised, playful smirk in his face. I knew he caught a slight hesitation on my line, “I’m not sure about it either if I were you.”
Without further ado, I excused myself to get on my work before Kei could tease me even more.
**
Unexpectedly the impact of Kei’s words is bigger than I imagined. I only thought about it once and twice, maybe thrice, and later on that evening every time I saw Ryosuke, I couldn’t help but avert my gaze somewhere else because the guilt was definitely there. Inside my brain was messed up as if there was two party debated of pros and cons about our relationship. The pros said that Ryosuke was the one who okay-ed everything and whatever the risks in the end, he had to accept it. However, the other party said, as human being with feeling do the greatest Chinen Yuri really thought it was fine to play around with people’s feeling? If I had no intention to love him in the end, I better stopped right now.
Fuck you, my brain.
“Are you okay, Yuri?”
Suddenly that voice rang in my ear.
I turned to my left and found Ryosuke already squeezed beside me in the corner of the locker room. Apparently he got his break too.
“Your focus is everywhere else today,” he chuckled, taking cola can on my grip and drunk it as if it was his own.
“Perhaps,” I replied, “I need to rearrange my brain.”
He looked confused but didn’t ask more about my statement which I was really glad because I didn’t have any idea how to explain the messiness to Ryosuke.
“So, you plan to stay over today? I will make gyoza for dinner.”
“Maybe not today. Sorry.”
Ryosuke only shrugged and muttered, “Next time then.”
I took my cola from his and gulped down the remaining. My break time was over so I went ahead to café, leaving him without a word.
I wonder why I thought there would be no ‘next time’.
**
After that, apparently the ‘next time’ was still on hold for three weeks. I used ‘assignment’ as rejection every time Ryosuke asked me to stay over. I tried to avoid same break time as him too in café. I made communication with him as less as possible. We didn’t talk unless for works. It sucks, I needed to get laid so badly but every time I saw his face the messiness on my brain was built up again, the guilt was there, so I stopped. It’s all because of Inoo Kei I swear, if only he didn’t tease me at that time.
“Seriously, Yuri. Hikaru will come in any minutes so go away!”
I stretched my arms to take Kei’s kitten-shape mug from coffee table, sipping my peach tea in calm with Eragorn book in the other hand while Kei was ready to kick me out from his couch.
Because I lost Ryosuke’s places to hang around I switched to Kei’s apartment. His place wasn’t as organized as Ryosuke’s but he kept everything in place. I came mostly to lazy around or to mess his book shelves or to eat everything on his fridge or just to spoil his quality time with Hikaru. It was fun seeing Kei whined and tried to push me out from his place.
“But I don’t have any place to hang out,” I faked a pout and puppy eyes too, attacking him, “Can’t Yuri stayed in Kei’s places for a while?”
“No. You may not,” Kei crossed his arms, “Go and bother Yamada Ryosuke because I need my time and place with Hikaru.”
I snorted at the name.
“What’s wrong?” asked Kei once he realized my expressions changed, “Anything goes wrong between you two?”
“Everything,” I sighed, “Nothing goes right ever since beginning.”
Kei was puzzled with my statement, “Wait. Huh? You think everything was wrong? Wow. That’s new. I don’t know Chinen Yuri could show concern to others.”
I threw Eragorn book to him, which gleefully landed on his feet. Kei cursed, swearing he would take away my height.
“Whatever. Just don't mop around in someone else's house,” He plopped down beside me on sofa to take care of his feet.
“I’m not mopping!”
“But you drink peach tea and read Eragorn! Clearly, you are mopping!”
Okay, maybe Kei was right. I was mopping.
“And if you want to continue your mopping, at least do it in your home,” Kei grunted.
“No one at home, so quiet, I hate it. Your place is more comfortable,” I murmured, “Can’t you just cancel your plan with Hikaru? Please?”
Kei sighed and crossed him arms. He pouted but, “This will be the last time ever you ruined my date with Hikaru.”
I glomp him instance, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
For the rest of the night both of us watched Addams Family Value in our matching kigurumi pajamas, mine was grey mouse and his was cats. We bought it just because it looked ridiculous, surprisingly it was all warm and fluffy so we wore it when there was only two of us.
“So, tell me how you can stay in ‘relationship’ with Yamada for that long?” asked Inoo as both of his index fingers were threw up to air, quoting the word.
“He endures it so well,” I replied, sipping my third mug of warm peach tea, “And not gonna lie, his foods are awesome.”
Kei smirked, “Good food and good sex. Of course, you can’t resist that.”
My brain stopped for split seconds. Well, Kei was not wrong. However the way he said it made me felt like I was the villain here. I shook my head, throwing away things on my brain, “What about your new boyfriend? Where you meet him? You don’t tell me anything about that!”
“It was because someone is too busy with Yamada Ryosuke’s pants!” I chuckled at Kei’s attacks, he was right tho, “We just meet two months ago,” Kei started, sipping his tomato juice, “And we have sex three days after that. That simple.”
“Ugh, too much info.”
“We have our first sex in dressing room--“
“Dressing room??”
“Hikaru has band, he played bass and it just happened I was bored and went to his gig-“
“He has band??”
“Yeah, they are a bunch of hotties. After his performance I said hi to him and on the very moment there’s a click between us. That’s when I decided to chase after this guy--“
“Just that simple?” I asked, couldn’t believe what Kei just said, “You decided to love him in just that second?”
“Yeah…?” Kei gave me the look as if it was the most obvious things on world, “I don’t really think about it and apparently Hikaru got the same click too and voila! This is us.”
I froze at Kei’s words. It was totally a way of thinking that I couldn’t comprehend or imagine at all. Love couldn’t be that easy, right? It was complicated, that why there’re fight, commitment, break up and all the bullshit. Eighty percent of relationship consisted of arguments and considerations, where one have to hold back for the other. Sometimes people couldn’t even say their honest opinion only to protect the relationship. Okay, I admitted the sparks, flowers and butterfly were there but compared to the negative things, it was just no balance. Why people would protect things that bought little merit? I saw no good things could happen on relationship.
“Yuri?” Kei snapped his fingers at me, “You are not listening.”
I snapped, “Am I?”
“You didn’t say anything when I talked about my and Hikaru’s first sex in dressing room. Obviously, you’re not listening.”
I wanted to puke and threw Eragorn book to Kei at instance, “Glad I didn’t put my ear on that.”
Kei chuckled.
“You know, Yuri?”
I looked up to Kei, raising one of my eyebrows in questioning way.
“I think Yamada is not bad. He is really boyfriend material, you know.”
I tilted my head, couldn’t catch what this conversation went to.
“He came to me few months ago. Asking me about you, you know, trivial things. Your favorite food, colors, hobbies,” He chuckled remembering it, “I felt like was interviewed by girls who tried to find out her crushes’ info.”
Then he sighed, “Not gonna lie, he looks genuine and too pure, that I can’t even play tricks on him.”
My jaw hung open in disbelief at the fact that Kei gave Ryosuke my real, proper information. He never answered properly others’ questions, let alone questions about me. He always answered anything in his randomness, but he gave up to a human name Yamada Ryosuke only because he looked genuine and pure? Okay, I believed something hard fell on his head.
“So I thought, why don’t try to open your heart for him a bit?”
Now I pretty sure something hard fell on Kei’s head. He got some spinal cord in his brain twisted. I looked up to Kei, eyes stared him as I blinked in disbelief way, “It was the cheesiest line you ever said on the past 4 years.”
Instantly Kei snatched the cushion and threw it exactly on my face. As I yelled, “Pillow fight!” we grabbed another cushion at the same time and hit each other face merciless.
Amidst our shrieks and laughter, deep inside my brain, I thought Kei’s words carefully.
**
The next day, after my morning class I found Ryosuke was standing on the lobby of my department. He waved eagerly as I walked approaching him.
“I called, chatted and texted you, but you didn’t reply at all,” answered him as I threw what-are-you-doing-here look, “I have something to tell you. Do you have time?”
His begging eyes just made my head automatically nodded. First, indeed things had to be steeled faster and second, he was too cute that I couldn’t resist it. He took my wrist and dragged me to the back of building where it was usually used for stored unused properties. No one came except when university festival period.
“Am I doing something wrong?” he shot the questions as soon as the coast was clear, “What’s wrong? You ignore me for this past week.”
I sighed, letting my wrist free from his grip, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I need time for myself. To think about things between us.”
There was horror on Ryosuke’s face, “I’m sorry, what did I do wrong? Is it because of that night? I promised I will not repeat it anymore, I will self-reflect. You can add more rules, I’m fine with that. As long as we don’t end I will do anything. Please don’t do this to me.”
I grabbed both of his hand, feeling the familiar warm which I missed so much, “I’m thinking to make it real.”
His face looked perplexed. I took a deep breath and choose the words carefully on my brain.
“You know, the real relationship. Date, romantic dinner, or whatever shits are. No rules anymore.”
Ryosuke still looked confused, blinking in disbelief, “Are you asking me to going out?”
I smile, reaching out my left hand to fix his glasses, “Yeah, Ryosuke.”
It took more than ten seconds before he shook his head and pinched his cheek, making sure he wasn’t dreaming. When he looked me in the eyes, his face still uttered confusion, “Do you really mean it?”
I nodded.
Slowly, the corner of his lips pulled up as the sparks on his eyes built. I grinned back, leaning up to kiss his lips with mine, “Would you be my boyfriend, Yamada Ryosuke?”
I couldn’t forget that idiotic smile on his face.
**
That night Ryosuke invited me to his apartment. As expected from Ryosuke, he prepared the most cringed scenario people could think of. Once he opened the door, the trail of petal flower and candle was displayed behind him, lead to dining room. He switched to orange shade of light so the atmosphere turned so disgustingly romantic. A bunch of chamomile flower was place in transparent vase in the middle of dining table. Two wine glasses, a bucket of ice to cold the wine and a set of steak was set nicely in front of the dining seat.
“You really put effort,” I said as I threw my bag on sofa, cringing on the setting. Everything was really disgustingly cute and now, somehow I regretted my decision to ‘open my heart’ for him.
That idiotic grin still displayed on his face as he proceeded to pull the dining chair for me, “I always wanted to do this for you.”
After made sure he put the napkin on my lap properly, Ryosuke popped the wine bottle like a pro and pour it gently to both glasses. He went over to his seat and lifted the glass for cheers. I followed him, just because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Do you like the steak, Yuri?” he asked excitedly even before I shoved that meat to my mouth.
I sighed deeply, putting down the knife and fork.
“Ryosuke, I really appreciate your effort. Thank you. This is beautiful, really,” Ryosuke stiffed on his seat as if he knew it would lead to something unpleasant, “But this is too fancy… I like it simple.”
He looked down like a dog who just got scolded by the owner, somehow it made my heart sank (but he looked so cute at the same time). I knew he did his best to spoil me, but everything was not my liking. Everything was just too romantic and cheesy, this was not my preferences at all.
“But I really appreciate the thought. The steak is superb,” I popped the steak into my mouth, made exaggerated expressions to please him. Thankfully, it worked. Those eyes behind frame was sparkling again and he dig in to his steak too. The conversation went smoothly after that.
Hopefully this was the last time I lied to Ryosuke.
**
Then the best part came after that horrible dinner. Ryosuke prepared the warm bath with petals and aromatic candle (Looked pretty, at the same time a No). The moment he told me to enjoy the bath and pivoted on his heels to prepare towel, I asked him to enjoy the bath together. His ear turned pink nevertheless, started stripping, washing his body first and soaked in bath with me.
Once he entered the bath, I pulled him on wrist, his back hit my chest lightly as I enveloped him into my arms.
“Oh gosh, how long has it been,” I nuzzled his nape with my nose, healing his scent deeply.
“Look who always run away from me,” he chuckled, shivering a bit when I kissed the end of his nape.
He was right, “Yeah. Sorry. I needed some time for myself.”
The water spilled when Ryosuke turned around and embraced me on hips. I put my arms around his neck, kissing those lips him so slowly which reciprocated with sensual nips from Ryosuke, if not eager and impatient. His arms were tightened as my lips parted, welcoming his tongue and let him take the lead. Between the kiss and among strong scent of roses, he only gave me a second to take a breath and after that the kisses came even fiercier and needier.
“Next time let’s solve it together, okay?” he said between kiss, nipping my lower lips, “I will always be there for you.”
I splashed the water to his face as I put unpleasant look on my face, “Only if you stop saying cheesy things.”
Ryosuke wiped the water away from his eyes, chuckling, “I’m sorry I can’t help it. I only want to voice out my feeling right now. Beside, I was holding back my feeling for quite long time.”
“I love you.”
For the umpteenth time I heard those word and I couldn’t ignore the shiver on my nape. I really needed more time to adjust myself hearing Ryosuke’s confession every day. However, when I looked into his eyes I saw how much he really meant it and it made my heart skipped a beat. He kept staring at my eyes, waiting for my answer. So I just leant up to kiss those lips away, hoping he got my ‘I love you too’ back.
Oh, shit. Now I am just as cheesy as him.
**