The New Job; The New Life; My Old Friend the Blues
So, as you all are well aware, I've changed locations, and generally speaking, my life is better. I live closer to home, I have a job that pays me more than any job I've had since I was a lead teacher in Gardner, and I am reasonably certain that I won't have to file for bankruptcy any time soon.
I'm staying with my best friend M, and her wife, A. And they are lovely people who provide me with Kool-Aid and don't mind that my room in their apartment is a mess and they are forever saying lovely things like: "Would you like a hot dog? We're making some." or "You should really do your laundry here" and "don't worry about paying us money". Lovely people.
Still, however, I find myself plagued by this -- sense that nothing is good enough, or, rather, that I am not good enough. Not good enough at my job, not a good enough friend, not a good enough human being.
I'm really concerned about the second thing. I am really not a good friend, it seems. I am forever letting people down, or disappointing them, or lying to them.
Part of me is still this awkward 7th grader, you know? Who desperately wants to be cool and wicked smart and skinny and attractive and have everybody like her, but at my new job, I am the only single woman without a child. Seriously. Everyone else has boyfriends and babies and families... I feel like there's no one here with whom I can relate. They tell husband stories and baby stories and I'm all.. "I went home and wrote... uh.. porn?"
Just feel like my life is still, to some degree, empty.
But good news, now! I have started the process to sign a lease on a townhome with a friend of mine. 2-bedroom, 2-bath. I'm getting rid of most of the furniture I had in Manhattan because, well... it's just... not me. I don't know. It's the stuff I thought I wanted to be. It's just a little ridiculous for a 23-year-old grown ass woman to have a pinky fuzzy chair, don't you think?
Long story short: I need hugs. Kthxbai.
Also, I am wanting opinions. Should I post the first chapter of the noir-Bones story (which is still untitled) or write them all out and post it once it's completed? Kinda feeling like I could use the motivation of reviews...
I'm staying with my best friend M, and her wife, A. And they are lovely people who provide me with Kool-Aid and don't mind that my room in their apartment is a mess and they are forever saying lovely things like: "Would you like a hot dog? We're making some." or "You should really do your laundry here" and "don't worry about paying us money". Lovely people.
Still, however, I find myself plagued by this -- sense that nothing is good enough, or, rather, that I am not good enough. Not good enough at my job, not a good enough friend, not a good enough human being.
I'm really concerned about the second thing. I am really not a good friend, it seems. I am forever letting people down, or disappointing them, or lying to them.
Part of me is still this awkward 7th grader, you know? Who desperately wants to be cool and wicked smart and skinny and attractive and have everybody like her, but at my new job, I am the only single woman without a child. Seriously. Everyone else has boyfriends and babies and families... I feel like there's no one here with whom I can relate. They tell husband stories and baby stories and I'm all.. "I went home and wrote... uh.. porn?"
Just feel like my life is still, to some degree, empty.
But good news, now! I have started the process to sign a lease on a townhome with a friend of mine. 2-bedroom, 2-bath. I'm getting rid of most of the furniture I had in Manhattan because, well... it's just... not me. I don't know. It's the stuff I thought I wanted to be. It's just a little ridiculous for a 23-year-old grown ass woman to have a pinky fuzzy chair, don't you think?
Long story short: I need hugs. Kthxbai.
Also, I am wanting opinions. Should I post the first chapter of the noir-Bones story (which is still untitled) or write them all out and post it once it's completed? Kinda feeling like I could use the motivation of reviews...