Ay, Dios mio
You know, just thinkin back on the past week of my life, i think i've been really really good about how things happened. other than tuesday night (which was the most i've cried in awhile, but then again, thats the night it all ended, so who can blame me?), i've been good.
tonight, lauren is out in JAX with her aunts, so it's just me and the kitties. i've watched Friends, then went to BBV and rented Hotel Rwanda, Ray, Miss Congeniality 2, and The Crow: Wicked Prayer. a good variety. i think we cover all bases there. lol. but Crow was a bit disturbing, much more so than the previous three Crow movies, so now i'm watching Miss Congeniality in hopes of getting a much needed comedy fix. And, as was the case with the other 3 Crows, it made me think and regret and miss and long.
As I've said, i've been really really good, but tonight, i had to smother the urge to wear one of his shirts to bed again. that's the second time this week i had to smother that urge. least i havent gotten to the point where i'm going outside to smoke it out. i think that's just when im upset and stressed. no stress today. and i totally haven't pulled any CG crap, so i'm proud of me...
i still don't blame him for anything, it's my fault, and no one has any idea how much i wanna shut my head in the oven or something for it. i just wish he'd have been more compassionate, and quick to forgive. and as i've said, he does remind me of dave, and it's pretty interesting to compare and contrast the two of them. it's gonna suck though, in that short time we knew each other, we conjured up a lot of memories, so it's like the post-david syndrome all over again, but to a lesser degree.
and another unsettling coincidence... Bad Boys II was one of david and i's last dates, if not the very last one. it was a special movie to us, even after the split, and he bought it, and we watched it (we ride together, we die together, lindemans for life. yup, that scar is still there), and after he moved up here, i couldn't watch the movie again. until he came along. and we made our own memories with it. and now, he's gone too. so again, the movie has been taken away.
I have to stop typing, i'm welling up like a big boob. Sigh.
tonight, lauren is out in JAX with her aunts, so it's just me and the kitties. i've watched Friends, then went to BBV and rented Hotel Rwanda, Ray, Miss Congeniality 2, and The Crow: Wicked Prayer. a good variety. i think we cover all bases there. lol. but Crow was a bit disturbing, much more so than the previous three Crow movies, so now i'm watching Miss Congeniality in hopes of getting a much needed comedy fix. And, as was the case with the other 3 Crows, it made me think and regret and miss and long.
As I've said, i've been really really good, but tonight, i had to smother the urge to wear one of his shirts to bed again. that's the second time this week i had to smother that urge. least i havent gotten to the point where i'm going outside to smoke it out. i think that's just when im upset and stressed. no stress today. and i totally haven't pulled any CG crap, so i'm proud of me...
i still don't blame him for anything, it's my fault, and no one has any idea how much i wanna shut my head in the oven or something for it. i just wish he'd have been more compassionate, and quick to forgive. and as i've said, he does remind me of dave, and it's pretty interesting to compare and contrast the two of them. it's gonna suck though, in that short time we knew each other, we conjured up a lot of memories, so it's like the post-david syndrome all over again, but to a lesser degree.
and another unsettling coincidence... Bad Boys II was one of david and i's last dates, if not the very last one. it was a special movie to us, even after the split, and he bought it, and we watched it (we ride together, we die together, lindemans for life. yup, that scar is still there), and after he moved up here, i couldn't watch the movie again. until he came along. and we made our own memories with it. and now, he's gone too. so again, the movie has been taken away.
I have to stop typing, i'm welling up like a big boob. Sigh.