Angry venting... sorry.
So you'd think the last week of classes as a 2nd semester senior would be awesome and care-free, right? Wrong.
We got my e-commerce take home final in class on Wednesday... the assignment is to create a 20 page internet business plan (which we never learned how to do), due in one week. Ugh. And to cap it off the instruction page says at the bottom "This exam will be competitively graded. No two students will receive the same grade." Meaning that since there's 28 students in the class, one of us is going to get a 72 no matter how well we all do... WTF. A lot of students in the class are bringing it up to the Dean of the business school today, so maybe this will get remedied.
People in the house are increasingly irking my nerves as time goes by. I'm so glad that I only have 1 more day of truly living in this house. I start moving out of the house and into Shane's apartment on Saturday. Since I have work next Tuesday night & Wednesday morning, I'll be back to spend that night here, but my time in the house will consist of only packing the rest of my stuff and sleeping. To be honest, there's only one person that is REALLY bothering me... but there's no avoiding her. She's done multiple things that have pissed me off ever since she moved into the house, and what happened recently really took the cake. Unfortunately I can't say more here, since house sisters read this. But like I said... it's almost over! And I never have to see her again! Plus I'm sure once I get out of this house and remove myself from the situation, take some time to cool off, etc.... none of it will seem to be as big of a deal.
And then finally, the worst of it all... my parents. My mother has been the bane of my existence when it comes to this wedding. She seems to truly think that it is her wedding, and has been trying to force me to do everything her way... from wearing her 1980's wedding dress, to having it in a church which I am 100% against (Shane & I are not religious at all, and I've always wanted an outdoor wedding), to contacting various vendors on my behalf WITHOUT my permission, to trying to force me to have her best friend (who I don't know that well at all) to be the wedding's mistress of ceremonies. And I didn't even WANT a big wedding! Just close friends & immediately family. Something small & simple. But my mother has to invite everyone she's ever met, so the wedding guest list is now pushing 150 people. What's worse is that at times when I've disagreed with her on something, she threatened to lower my wedding budget. I absolutely HATE being financially dependent on my parents, and this is why. It always comes back to bite me in the ass. Unfortunately there's not much I can do about it.
Our orignal understanding for this wedding was that I could have a certain amount of money to spend any way I wanted. Period. That is what both my mother & father said to me. I was also told awhile back that when Shane & I got married, my parents would help me buy a little house, just like they did for my brother. So my mom & I got into an argument about the amount of alcohol to be served at the wedding the other day. I told her I didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on alcohol like she wanted because I'm trying to keep the wedding costs as low as possible so I can use the rest of my budget to go towards a house. Any way I wanted, right? Wrong. Last night while on the phone with my parents (on speaker phone, mind you, so my poor roommate had to hear the entire conversation), my mom starts screaming at me about how I can't use the budget for a house, and that whatever amount of the budget I don't use on the wedding goes straight back to them. That since they've paid my college tuition they're not going to help me with a house.
Don't get me wrong-- I am extremely grateful for my parents' help in paying my college tuition. But I really would've liked to have known that I was going to have to choose between college tuition and help with a house. I'd much rather pay low-interest student loans for 5 years after college then have to live in a microscopic apartment that doesn't even have a real kitchen for 5 years because Shane & I can't afford a down-payment on a house. And when you think about it, here are the facts: my older brother completely fucks up his life in so many different ways, and my parents buy him a house (which he proceeds to fuck up as well- my dad's had to go over there and fix appliances they've broken on multiple occaisions). I, however, do all the right things in life: never got in trouble, never got knocked up, always got good grades, went to college, call and visit my parents on a regular basis, did everything they've ever asked me to do- all the things that they brag about to their friends.... and I get shafted. Shane's parents did the exact same thing with him & his screw-up brother. Why do parents do this? The least deserving kids always get the most rewards. Ridiculous.
I don't know. I guess it sounds extremely selfish of me to feel this way, but I can't help it. That's how I feel. My whole life I've done everything in my power to make up for the complete shitty disappointment to my parents that is my brother, and they don't care or appreciate it at all. He has always been the favorite. There are times when my brother, parents & I will be in the room having a conversation & it's like I'm not even there. Shane says this is because Jeff doesn't visit my parents as much, so they are more excited to see him when he does show up. So again, punishment for doing the right thing? Wtf? And I'm sure I'll get into huge trouble if either of my parents ever read this... but oh well. I'm sorry, Mom & Dad, I really am. I know it is wrong for me to feel this way, it is selfish but it's how I feel & I needed to get it out somewhere. Now that I've gotten that off my chest I can let it go, be fine with my mom's ridiculous wedding plans, and figure out some other way to find and buy a nice little house.
In other news, it's Phi Mu's senior appreciation week! I've had lots of fun going on senior "clues" with some of my favorite sisters. And Christin is coming to visit! And tomorrow is the last day of classes! Yay blowout! I actually have a breakfast clue to go on right now, so I'd better wrap this up. Please pardon my angry venting... I've been holding some of that in for quite some time & just really need to get it out somewhere. It actually feels like a load off my chest now that I've written it all down.