(no subject)
Howdy all - I know it's been awhile since I've posted here but eh.. hasn't been much to write about. My health is still up and down, but no more trips to hospital which is always a good thing.
More than likely going to Tamworth in a couple of weeks - well, it's not technically Tamworth, it's a town outside of it called Quirindi - and I probably spelt that wrong but eh, sounds right. Probably going for a week and a bit to visit old friends that my mum grew up with and the person that I'm named after. I haven't seen my friends up there for about 5 years, one of my friends has two kids that I've only ever seen pictures of so it'll be nice to meet them too.
I wasn't going to go up there until I'd lost more weight and was feeling better about myself but I can't hold myself back all the time and I think I'd be kidding myself to think that a certain person up there would be interested anyway so why miss out on things, even though I know I'll end up being depressed even more when I come back just like I used to everytime I'd see him growing up, it's like.. am I invisible? But then again I shouldn't really be surprised that I've been invisible to him, it seems like to the majority of guys I'm invisible and the times that I'm NOT invisible, it's only when they want something or there's no one else around to talk to. I'm over it though but not really and I'm not going to define myself by what other people think of me even though we all know that's not true because I'm weak and let people walk all over me whenever they want and put way too much stock in what people think..
I wish I was a stronger person.. The kind that didn't let people walk over them. The kind that people wanted to spend time with.. The kind that was happy.. The kind that was healthy.. meh.. Life sucks..
Found out yesterday that we might be heading to Hawaii next year around August. Our friends in Florida have been thinking about it and they like the idea of meeting halfway for a combined holiday. I'd like to catch up with a friend there too. I met him 7 years ago when we were in New York and he and I kept in touch over AIM - but hmm.. I haven't actually seen him online for awhile.. I hope everything is okay, I might have to email him later and check. But if we do go to Hawaii, I don't want to go looking like I do now, and I think it might be even more of an inspiration to get off my arse and do something.. If only I wasn't so damn scared of everything. But at least now I can admit that I'm scared. sigh.
I need to find some money to a) pay my phone bills and b) get my hair done. I wanted it done before Tamworth, but I don't see that happening so I'll just have to make do with regrowth that seems to glow in pictures lol At least it's not as bad as when I was blonde and had dark dark regrowth.. that was nasty to look at!
I need to look for a cattery here in town so Boof and Mini (who turn 1 next week!) have somewhere to go while we're up in Tamworth. The lady next door will feed Okie - but the cats are a different story.. bloody cats.. lol..
I was supposed to be in Melbourne this weekend, well.. right now as a matter of fact, but I'm not because of my stupid health issues. I was going to see Elton John tomorrow night with Casey but I've done way too much these past few weeks with my LAST trip to Melbourne a couple of weeks ago and my body just went 'Nope. Not again.' and I was having panic attacks daily at the thought of having to face the train again and then the crowds and ugh.. again, life sucks.
Speaking of Melbourne though.. I was wondering if any of you would like to go see Evanescense Feb 10th? I'd really love to go but yeah.. at the moment it doesn't look like it'll be happening. I'm not overly fussed.. I really can't afford it, not when I'm needing to save for a new computer AND a car and now a possible trip to Hawaii, and not to mention the next Hanson tour.. I need to get myself better so I can get a job..
Anyway, I'm just rambling about nothing here so I should probably end it already..
Love to all,
~Bella.
PS. In The Setting Sun [dot] net
More than likely going to Tamworth in a couple of weeks - well, it's not technically Tamworth, it's a town outside of it called Quirindi - and I probably spelt that wrong but eh, sounds right. Probably going for a week and a bit to visit old friends that my mum grew up with and the person that I'm named after. I haven't seen my friends up there for about 5 years, one of my friends has two kids that I've only ever seen pictures of so it'll be nice to meet them too.
I wasn't going to go up there until I'd lost more weight and was feeling better about myself but I can't hold myself back all the time and I think I'd be kidding myself to think that a certain person up there would be interested anyway so why miss out on things, even though I know I'll end up being depressed even more when I come back just like I used to everytime I'd see him growing up, it's like.. am I invisible? But then again I shouldn't really be surprised that I've been invisible to him, it seems like to the majority of guys I'm invisible and the times that I'm NOT invisible, it's only when they want something or there's no one else around to talk to. I'm over it though but not really and I'm not going to define myself by what other people think of me even though we all know that's not true because I'm weak and let people walk all over me whenever they want and put way too much stock in what people think..
I wish I was a stronger person.. The kind that didn't let people walk over them. The kind that people wanted to spend time with.. The kind that was happy.. The kind that was healthy.. meh.. Life sucks..
Found out yesterday that we might be heading to Hawaii next year around August. Our friends in Florida have been thinking about it and they like the idea of meeting halfway for a combined holiday. I'd like to catch up with a friend there too. I met him 7 years ago when we were in New York and he and I kept in touch over AIM - but hmm.. I haven't actually seen him online for awhile.. I hope everything is okay, I might have to email him later and check. But if we do go to Hawaii, I don't want to go looking like I do now, and I think it might be even more of an inspiration to get off my arse and do something.. If only I wasn't so damn scared of everything. But at least now I can admit that I'm scared. sigh.
I need to find some money to a) pay my phone bills and b) get my hair done. I wanted it done before Tamworth, but I don't see that happening so I'll just have to make do with regrowth that seems to glow in pictures lol At least it's not as bad as when I was blonde and had dark dark regrowth.. that was nasty to look at!
I need to look for a cattery here in town so Boof and Mini (who turn 1 next week!) have somewhere to go while we're up in Tamworth. The lady next door will feed Okie - but the cats are a different story.. bloody cats.. lol..
I was supposed to be in Melbourne this weekend, well.. right now as a matter of fact, but I'm not because of my stupid health issues. I was going to see Elton John tomorrow night with Casey but I've done way too much these past few weeks with my LAST trip to Melbourne a couple of weeks ago and my body just went 'Nope. Not again.' and I was having panic attacks daily at the thought of having to face the train again and then the crowds and ugh.. again, life sucks.
Speaking of Melbourne though.. I was wondering if any of you would like to go see Evanescense Feb 10th? I'd really love to go but yeah.. at the moment it doesn't look like it'll be happening. I'm not overly fussed.. I really can't afford it, not when I'm needing to save for a new computer AND a car and now a possible trip to Hawaii, and not to mention the next Hanson tour.. I need to get myself better so I can get a job..
Anyway, I'm just rambling about nothing here so I should probably end it already..
Love to all,
~Bella.
PS. In The Setting Sun [dot] net