Right Back Where We Came, 1 and 2
Title: Right Back Where We Came
Fandom: Sonic X
Rating: K+/PG
Word Count: 6,065
Main Characters: Christopher Thorndyke, Shadow the Hedgehog
Summary: Twoshot. When Chris runs into trouble coming home in Eggman's ship, it's a different hedgehog than Sonic who comes to his rescue ... despite insisting that Chris means nothing to him. Takes place immediately following episode 78.
Fanfiction.net Links:
Part 1: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5368749/1/
Part 2: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5368749/2/
Sonic X
Right Back Where We Came
By Lucky_Ladybug
Notes: The characters are not mine and the story is! I absolutely love season 3 (so much character development!), but it left a lot of loose ends. This is my attempt to tie up a couple, as well as to explore some of my ideas for an unofficial season 4. It seems to be ambiguous on how much Shadow remembers by the end of season 3, so I've taken some liberties. Any time you see asterisks, I'm switching between the characters' points of view. And I am one of the few who doesn't hate Chris Thorndyke, so if a pro-Chris story is going to bother you, it's probably better that you don't read this.
Part One
I wonder if everyone will hate me for leaving without saying goodbye.
Maybe I shouldn't have trusted Eggman. He helped us about the Metarex, but he came right out and said that he wanted to get me back to my world so I couldn't mess up his plans for the Eggman Empire. He also said he wanted me for a guinea pig to test out this ship of his. What if it doesn't even work?
What if I end up going back and I'm the wrong age? I could stay looking like I'm twelve. Or it could get worse, like Decoe and Bocoe were telling me. And would my mind stay the mind of an eighteen-year-old? What if I go back to being around six or something and my mind goes too? I don't want to repeat my childhood!
Maybe I should've just stayed in Sonic's world. Maybe Eggman was even lying about things only opening up every now and then. If I'd looked around and researched their world, maybe I could've found a different way to go back . . . a way that didn't mean I'd have to run off without telling anyone. I never wanted to do that.
Shadow always leaves without saying goodbye, too. . . .
He used Chaos Control to stop the planet eggs' power from exploding and killing all of us . . . but what happened to him then? He survived the fall from Space Colony ARK. Could he be that lucky a second time? Eggman saved his life back then. But there wasn't anyone around to help him this time.
Does Shadow even know we care about him and that we're worried about him? I feel so guilty for running off like I have. If Shadow's okay, he probably didn't have any regrets about not telling us. I know he cares about us, since he's always helping us out, but maybe he doesn't realize he's cared about too.
I hope I can find a way to go back someday. . . .
The ship's coming out of warp drive now. . . . Am I back on my planet? . . . Yeah, I must be! I think I can see my house over there! I can't wait to see everyone here again . . . Mom and Dad, Grandpa, Ella and Mr. Tanaka. . . . And my Earth friends too---Helen and Danny and Frances. . . . They'll all be wondering where I was and what happened.
Some of it I'm not sure I'm ready to tell.
But . . . why is the ship coming down so fast?
Oh no. . . . It's gaining momentum and there's nothing I can do to stop it!
I'm going to crash. . . .
****
Her grave is undisturbed after all this time.
The spot where I placed her memorial is still barren. Upon my arrival, I picked a nearby rose and laid it by the marker. She would like that---the fact that flowers are growing again.
She isn't even here to see her dream fulfilled.
She reminded me of Maria.
My memories are still only fleeting at best. I do not remember exactly who Maria is or how I knew her, only that she was someone important to me. I remember standing on what appeared to be a space station, looking out a window at the Earth below us while she stood at my side. I remember that she and I were each other's only friends---and that she was taken from me during a raid on the space station.
I remember bits and pieces of her personality---her compassionate smile, at times tinged with amusement or mischief. . . . Her gentle laugh. . . . Her blue eyes, filled with innocence and courage, also bore sorrow. I saw all of this reflected in Molly. They were both determined and courageous beyond their years.
And accepting of me. . . .
The boy was, too.
Why? Especially when it seems that all I have ever done is hurt him?
I feel that we share some sort of connection. He has been in several of the memories I've regained, pleading for me to stop a destructive plan. . . . Instead I attacked him, blasting him with Chaos energy. But he claimed I did stop the destruction, saving everyone both on the space station and on his planet. And he cared and remembered me throughout the ensuing months, even crafting a second inhibitor ring to match the one he had kept since our past meeting. The rings are what keep me from losing power after a taxing battle, but how would he, a mere boy, know that?
He told me things about my past, things that Doctor Eggman never told despite his promises. Was the boy right and Eggman was using me all that time? There was no lie in the boy's desperate, saddened eyes. The events he spoke of were the truth. By contrast, Eggman always had a smirk on his face. He spoke in such a smooth tone, assuring me that he would tell me of my past if I helped him get the Chaos Emeralds.
Now the galaxy has been purged of the Metarex. The planet eggs have been restored to their separate worlds. The survivors have returned to their world, and I imagine that they are going back to their normal lives.
But as for me . . . where is my world? What is my "normal life"? Or do I not have either?
I do not belong to Sonic's world. I don't know how I know this, but something tells me that I was never aware of his planet before I awakened on Eggman's ship. None of the other worlds I've seen over the past months have felt familiar, either. Perhaps I do not even have a world to call home.
And as for my life . . . perhaps it only consists of destruction. My powers are fatally dangerous if misused. Why would I have been given such lethal abilities? Maybe I exist solely to be a weapon. That boy would tell me otherwise, but he would not likely comprehend such grim possibilities.
The boy. . . .
What is this sudden feeling of urgency? Why do I have this need to find him again? He is nothing to me!
Nevertheless, the feeling is too strong to be ignored. Something is wrong.
I will use Chaos Control to go where he is.
****
The side of my head hurts. It feels like something warm and sticky is running from it into my left eye. I'm slumped back, still strapped into the seat. And everything's so hot. . . .
Did the ship really crash? I don't remember landing, so I guess I must have blacked out. And since it's so hot and hard to breathe . . . the ship must be on fire!
All I can see through the window now is thick black smoke. It's coming in here, too; I'm coughing and my eyes are watering. I try to wipe the blood away from my left eye before covering my nose and mouth.
I have to get out of here! I'll suffocate or burn to death if I stay. I didn't leave Sonic's world just to get killed trying to come home!
But there's nothing I can use to shatter the window. The glass is too thick for me to break myself. And the door's going to be really hot to touch. I pull my hands into my sleeves as I stumble over to the door and try to get out. The latch isn't turning. The door's stuck!
I throw all my weight against it, even as the heat starts to burn through my clothes. But it's no use! I can't get the door open and the smoke's getting stronger.
"Help!" I try to call over the sound of the fire. "Can anyone hear me?! I'm stuck in here!"
Somebody must have seen the ship crash, or at least, they must see the flames now. But maybe they won't get here in time. Or maybe there's nothing that can even be done. I can't tell how bad it looks from outside. And it's so dark in here! I can't see the fire at all, just this thick smoke.
Did Eggman plan this all along? Or did even he not know what would happen when the ship entered Earth's atmosphere?
"Sonic . . ." My eyes are watering again. "I'm sorry. . . . I shouldn't have left. . . ."
My body lurches as I try ramming the door another time. Something's ripping. . . . My sleeve tears and tightens around my arm before breaking. And I'm getting taller. . . .
I'm going back to the physical age I'm supposed to be. And what a time for it! If I can't get out, they're going to find me laying in here with clothes and shoes that are several sizes too small. Unless everything burns away. . . .
I hit the door again. "Help!" I scream. "Let me out of here!"
I can't hear anything outside. Maybe someone's out there, trying to get in, but maybe no one knows I'm here at all.
Maybe this really is the end. . . .
****
There is smoke in every direction as the light from Chaos Control fades. Something is burning, setting the grass of this field aflame. I run forward, staring into the heavy black clouds. What's going on? Is the boy here, somewhere in this fire? He must be; I used Chaos Control to seek his location.
"Help! Let me out of here!"
His voice is muffled, and . . . different somehow, but I recognize him. He's trapped, banging on something to be let free.
I remember pounding on the escape pod when Maria was being killed in front of my eyes. . . .
And Molly . . . Molly was killed in an explosion. . . .
Could the device the boy is in explode?
No! I have to find him!
"Can anyone hear me?! Is anyone out there?!"
I have to focus on his voice. Fire can play tricks, making it seem that someone is where he is not. And the frantic banging is growing louder. I shield myself from the flames as best as I can as I follow the sound's direction.
The object is here. I can feel the door when I reach into the darkness. Whatever it leads to, it's made of metal---and the fire's heat has enveloped it. If it's penetrated to the other side, the boy must be getting burned trying to get out.
"Stay back!" I call. "I'm going to open the door."
I don't even know if he hears me. But I can't waste time finding out.
I also can't risk crushing him by cutting the door or punching it inward. I'm going to have to pull it off its hinges, no matter the possible damage it may do to me. I can feel the heated metal burning through my gloves as I pry it from the opening and throw it aside. Flames rush at me from the side, burning my arms in spite of my attempts to shield myself.
There's only a small space beyond the door, barely room enough for one person. It seems to be some kind of ship . . . an egg-shaped ship. . . .
What has Eggman done now?!
The boy is stumbling out, coughing from the smoke and the lack of air---but he's changed. His clothes are in shreds, hanging from a body several years older than when I saw him last. He stares at me as he loses his balance, falling forward into my arms.
"Shadow . . . ?" he whispers in disbelief. "You're alive. . . ."
I catch him, my expression not changing. ". . . You've grown," is all I comment.
He gives a weak, awkward laugh. "Y-yeah. . . ."
I keep hold of him with one arm as I take out the Chaos Emerald I currently possess. It stings my damaged hand as it begins to glow. To our side, the ship vibrates in an unsettling way.
"It's going to blow!" the boy exclaims.
And I can feel the fire on my back even as I summon Chaos Control and we warp away.
****
I can hardly believe this is happening.
I was hoping . . . praying, even . . . that I'd be rescued. But I never thought the one who'd come would be a friend I thought I'd left behind on Sonic's world. . . . Someone I've been afraid was dead.
And he's hurt! I saw the burns on his arms and hands when he reached for me. He's just trying to ignore it now, but it's obvious he's in pain. He went through this to save me!
I crash to my knees as the last effects of the Chaos Control warp wear off. I'm coughing, trying to get the rest of the smoke out of my lungs. Shadow just watches me, not looking affected. Then he turns, like he's studying the area where we wound up. Or maybe he's uncomfortable.
He cringes, stiffening as he starts to double over.
My own pain is forgotten. "Shadow!" I cry, reaching for him.
"Don't touch me," he growls, flinching as he tries to move away.
I fall back. Why does he act like this? It's like he hates me even though he helps me. It's almost always been like this, too. He was so insistent that he wouldn't work as part of our team to stop the Metarex . . . even though he finally did in the end. Is it because he still doesn't remember things too well?
"Shadow, you're hurt," I try again. "You got burned . . . for me. Please let me help you. . . ."
"You're hurt yourself," he retorts, still not looking at me. "I'll be fine. We're in front of a house. You should go inside and see if they'll help you."
"A house . . . ?" I turn to look and my mouth drops open. We're not in front of just any house; we're in front of my house! There's the fountain, the stairs, the lab. . . .
"Shadow, this is my house!" I tell him. "Please come in with me. You need help too, even if you think you don't." My voice lowers. "Why are you so against staying?"
Now he finally turns, looking at me over his shoulder. He's more surprised than anything else. "Why do you want me to?" he asks.
I look back steadily. "Because you're my friend," I tell him.
He stiffens again. "I'm no one's friend," he says.
This isn't any time to argue about it. He turns away, trying to take a step forward. But his legs are giving out underneath him. He was hurt worse than either of us thought when the ship started to explode.
I try to catch him, even though my own hands are burned and sore. "Please, Shadow," I beg now, shuddering as I try to hold onto him. "Please come. . . ."
And something seems to change. He doesn't relax, but he doesn't push me away, either. And then he finally nods. "Fine," he snaps. "Just for a moment."
Well . . . it's a start.
****
I don't know why I'm agreeing to go with the boy. I had planned to leave him here, after making sure he would be taken care of. I make it a point to never stay long around him, or Sonic, or any of their friends. I don't belong with them.
But the pain I felt before has been returning. My energy is drained from using Chaos Control twice in the past five minutes. I wasn't fully recovered from stopping time during the battle against the Metarex when I came here. And the fire. . . . It burns worse now than it did a few moments ago.
I was unmoved by the boy's words as he tried to convince me to stay. But his last attempt reached something deep in my very being.
"Please, Shadow. . . ."
At that moment, I froze. Even as he spoke, I could hear the echo of Maria's voice in my mind, with the exact same words. I can still hear her.
"Please, Shadow. . . ."
I looked back to him. He was regarding me with those same, pleading eyes. And he is hurt himself, though he did not and has not seemed to notice. Blood is running from a cut on his left temple, while his hands are burned from struggling to open the door.
That was when I consented.
Now we are walking, or rather, stumbling, closer to the house. Right before we arrive at the stairs, the doors at the top fly open. A tall man is standing there, regarding us in shock.
"Mister Chris!" he gasps, looking from the boy's ragged and torn clothing to my burned body. "My goodness!"
The boy gives him a shaking smile filled with pain. "Hey, Mr. Tanaka," he says. "I'm home. And I'm sure you remember my friend---Shadow the Hedgehog." He is still trying to support me even though he is ready to fall. I'm trying to be strong enough for both of us, but it isn't working. We're a sorry sight, both staggering and at the point of collapse.
Tanaka hastens down the stairs to help us. "O-of course," he says, giving me a strange and clearly puzzled look. "I could never forget Shadow."
Unfortunately, I can't say the same for him. As far as I'm concerned, I've never seen him before in my life.
"I ran into some trouble on the way home," the boy tells him. "Shadow helped me, but now he's hurt! I know it must be a shock to see him alive, but . . ."
"Never mind," Tanaka says as he tries to guide us to the stairs. "Just come inside, both of you."
I still don't want to, but I already said I would. That settles the matter.
The boy tries to give me an encouraging smile.
I don't return it.
Part Two
Shadow's been laying in the guest-room for a long time now. He looks like he's asleep, so no one's wanted to disturb him. Mr. Tanaka said he was burned pretty bad, especially on his back. I feel awful about it. I mean, this happened because I decided to take a chance and come back in Eggman's ship. If I hadn't listened to Eggman, we'd probably both be better off.
After Ella treated my head and my hands, I decided to just sit here and think for a while. She and Mr. Tanaka are the only ones home right now, but Grandpa should be back soon. And nothing's been said to Mom and Dad yet. I thought it'd be better for them to just find me when they come home, instead of trying to explain on the phone. Anyway, before we have our reunion, there's some things I need to sort out in my mind.
How did Shadow get here? He came after the time limit Eggman set, didn't he? There really must be another way to pass between the worlds, one that Shadow can control.
. . . Sometimes it's easy to forget, but this world---my world---is Shadow's world, too. He didn't come from Sonic's world. And if Eggman's grandfather is from this world, what about Eggman? And the Chao refuge that Mr. Tanaka found years ago? There's more going on than meets the eye. Obviously our worlds have been in contact for decades, even after they split!
And I can't help wondering if there's a way to safely merge the two of them. Something tells me they weren't meant to be apart, no matter what the evidence seems to say. There's other evidence that our worlds could and should be bridged, such as the fact that they used to be one planet.
It's been hours now. I think I'm going to check on Shadow again.
I head down the hall, going to the closest guest-room and pushing the door open. Shadow's still laying in the bed, facing away from me. His back and middle spines are bandaged, but he doesn't act like he's in pain. Maybe I'll leave him alone for now. . . .
"I'm awake."
I nearly jump through the ceiling. "Shadow . . . !"
He keeps staring ahead into the room. "You want to talk to me. Go ahead."
I walk into the room, letting the door shut behind me. "How long have you been awake?" I ask, going around to be in front of him.
He looks at me with those ominous red eyes that have held so much pain and sorrow through the years. "A while," he says. "I heard the door open several times; I just didn't say anything then."
I sit down in a chair by the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." He just watches me, his bandaged hands resting on the mattress.
"I had a feeling you were going to say that." I sigh, shifting in the chair.
"Why were you in that ship?" He's direct, as always.
I look down. ". . . Eggman told me I had to go right then or I might not get another chance to get back to my world," I say. "He said every time we travel between the worlds, it's a fluke, a product of chance."
"And he built the ship."
"Yeah." I look at him again. "I don't know if he knew it would crash. . . ."
"I doubt anyone could know that." He's unmoved. "I could have brought you back."
"You weren't there," I remind him. "And . . . I wouldn't have wanted to ask you, after everything you'd already done."
"There are a lot of things Eggman doesn't know about passing between worlds." Shadow glances to the Chaos Emerald that Mr. Tanaka set on the nightstand by the bed. It's the purple one, the one Shadow took after he first came back during the fight with the Metarex.
". . . Do you know them?" I ask.
"Some." He looks at me. "It isn't something to tamper with. You took an immense risk, both to go to Sonic's world and to come back."
I give a grim nod. "Eggman said I was lucky that I only got my physical age reverted when I went there. I don't know what he thought could've happened instead."
"Some things are better left unknown." Shadow's voice doesn't betray any of his feelings.
". . . Like how you thought Cosmo shouldn't know why you were trying to kill her?" The words just tumble out before I can stop them. I don't know what Shadow will think of Cosmo being brought up right now, especially on this subject.
He stiffens. "I was right, wasn't I?" he says at last. "It was cruel for her to discover the truth."
I look away. Cream told me how devastated Cosmo was at the news that the implant in her eye---one we couldn't remove without seriously hurting her---made her an unwilling spy for the Metarex. Cosmo had even said that it would have been better to die than to live knowing the truth.
". . . If it was me, I'd want to know," I say, "no matter how horrible it would make me feel. Sure, Cosmo was upset when she found out that everything any of us said or did was being broadcast to the Metarex through her. Anyone would be! But she found a new strength after that, when all of us stood by her anyway."
Shadow doesn't say anything now. Instead he studies the quilt. I wonder if he's thinking about the same thing I am. After Cosmo sacrificed herself by restraining Dark Oak while Sonic and Shadow attacked him, it was Shadow who desperately led the attempt to try to revive her. But even the Chaos Regeneration power couldn't do that.
". . . We thought you were dead," I tell him.
He looks to me questioningly.
"First we thought you died after saving Earth from Space Colony ARK," I remind him. "Then you came back, fighting the Metarex . . . even though you refused to work with us until the end. And you used Chaos Control to stop the planet eggs' power. . . ." I look away. "Even Eggman wondered if you were gone. And Rouge. . . . We could all tell she was worried."
Shadow stays quiet so long I wonder if he's still awake. I sneak a glance back at him. He's looking at the quilt again, his mind a long way off from his body.
"It seems I'm very difficult to kill," he tells me. "I don't have the answers for you. If I ever had them, that knowledge is now sealed away." He glances to the window, at the rays of the setting sun shining on the curtains and the furniture. "Part of me feels invincible. Yet at the same time, I know I can't really be infallible."
". . . You were created to be the Ultimate Lifeform," I say. "I don't know exactly what that means, or if you really can't die, but . . ." I grip the knees of my pants. "I wish you wouldn't challenge it anymore. . . ."
". . . I have a memory of Maria pleading with me to help people," he replies. "If the only way I can do that is to place my life on the line, then I will do it."
I look to him. Before he remembered Maria's true wish, he still thought he was fulfilling what she wanted. For him, that was the only thing that mattered; he didn't care if he died, as long as he granted what she wanted. And even though he knows now what she really hoped he would do, he still feels that fulfilling her wish is the only important thing.
". . . You didn't come here to talk about that," he says now.
That's mostly true. I did want to talk about that too, though I had something else on my mind when I came in here. But while I know what I really want to say, I'm afraid to say it. I'm not sure whether I'm more afraid of the answer . . . or of how mad he might get. But he's looking at me, knowing that I'm not saying what's really on my mind. I'd better just come right out with it.
"Shadow . . . I've been wondering something for a long time now," I say at last. "Do . . . do you hate me?"
His eyes get wide and surprised. I've never seen him look like that before. But just as soon as the look's there, it's gone.
"No," he says then.
He says that, but it's not very satisfying.
"Then . . . why do you treat me like you do?" Now that I've got started, all of my feelings are coming out. "I mean . . . you save me if I'm in trouble, but you act like you don't want anything to do with me."
His eyes darken. "I said I don't hate you," he says, "but I don't care about you, either. You're nothing to me."
I rock back, probably not hiding that I'm hurt. But . . . something still doesn't add up. Once I get over the initial shock, I can clearly see it. No matter how much Shadow insists he doesn't care, I can't believe it.
"Funny," I say. "I thought you didn't lie, Shadow."
He glares at me. "I'm not lying," he growls.
I'm really glad looks can't kill.
"Maybe you think you aren't," I say. "Maybe you even lie to yourself. But if what you say is true, you wouldn't help me at all."
His look doesn't lighten. "I help you in order to fulfill Maria's wish. That's why I help everyone."
I know that's true. I'm the one who helped him remember Maria's wish back on the ARK. But I give him a sad look. "Helping people wasn't the only part of Maria's wish," I tell him. "She wanted you to live and be happy, too."
He grips the comforter, refusing to answer. I wait, just watching him. It needed to be said, but . . . how is he taking it? Is he going to be angry at me now?
". . . I know she did," he finally says. "But . . . fulfilling that part of her wish is much more difficult. Especially when history repeats itself."
My eyes widen. "History . . . repeats itself?"
And suddenly it all makes sense.
"You're so afraid it will happen again," I realize.
He sits up, glowering at me. "I bring destruction," he tells me. "I was created with extensively lethal abilities, but even when I'm not using them, I am a harbinger of death. Anyone who stays in contact with me will die! It happened to Maria. It happened to Molly. I won't let it happen to you."
Once again I'm stunned. This is the last thing I thought he would tell me. The pain in his eyes right now is greater than I've ever seen it before.
"Shadow . . . it wasn't your fault!" I exclaim. "About either of them!"
"Maria was killed because the government thought I was too dangerous to live," he retorts. "She was shot in front of my eyes while I was in the escape pod. I couldn't do anything! I was right there, but I couldn't save her.
"Molly was killed because her will to live was crushed by her comrades' betrayal. When they joined forces with the Metarex and it looked like there was no hope for her planet, she flew her plane directly into the line of fire! And I watched, helpless." His eyes flash. "I won't do that again! I'll never do that again!"
His voice is rising. I'm just sitting here, horrified. I don't know what to say.
"You mean nothing to me because I won't let you mean anything to me. That's why I won't stay here. I won't subject you to what they suffered!"
I finally find my voice. "Shadow. . . ." I still hardly know what to say to him. "Even . . . even trying our hardest doesn't mean we'll always be able to save the people we want to save the most. Sometimes there's nothing we can do. That doesn't mean you're at fault or that you should close yourself off from everyone!"
He struggles off the bed. "I will do what I must! I'm leaving." He trips and stumbles, falling to his hands and knees. He growls in pain as his injured palms push into the short carpet.
I drop down next to him. "This isn't what you should do!" I protest. "Maria wouldn't want it. Neither would Molly!" I reach to try to help him up.
He thrusts out his hands to push me away. "Stay back!" he growls. "You know what I'm capable of."
But I hold my ground. "I'm not afraid of you, Shadow," I tell him. "You say you don't care, that I mean nothing to you. The real truth is that you care so much, you're afraid of it. You don't want me to suffer like Maria and Molly; you just admitted that! And you wouldn't feel that way if you didn't care about me a lot."
For a moment he kneels there, shaking as he hold his hands up in a threatening way. But then, defeated, he lowers them. ". . . All I've ever done is hurt you," he says.
I shake my head. "That isn't true," I protest. "You've saved me! You saved me several times. I would've died if you hadn't been there." I look at him. "Shadow, you're my friend, even if you won't admit it."
He doesn't answer. I look at him, trying to judge whether I dare approach him another time. For now, he seems subdued. At last I reach out, trying to hug him. He freezes in my arms, too stunned to do anything.
****
My thoughts are a tangled whirl.
How did this happen? How did this boy manage to see what I'd tried to conceal from even myself? And now that he has, what am I going to do about it? I won't be able to hide it from myself any more.
Yes, I care about him. I want to protect him, just as I wanted to protect Maria and Molly. And I still feel that I should not get too close. If the government learns I'm back, they might come for me again. Innocent people could be killed, like this boy.
"Shadow, it's okay if you stay here. Please believe me when I say that. . . ."
"You just don't understand how cruel people can be," I try to retort. "Maria didn't, either." But even when she experienced it firsthand, she didn't lose her faith in humans, as I did. She told me to give them a chance, despite their selfishness.
"I've known cruel people," he says, "but I know it wasn't anything like what you saw. And I know I can't promise nothing bad will happen to me . . . but the people of Earth are really grateful for what you did to stop Space Colony ARK. They still talk about you and honor your sacrifice. They would accept and love you if they found out you're still alive!"
For some reason, I haven't tried to pull away. He holds onto me as he continues.
"Please, Shadow. . . . I don't want you to go again. . . ! You think it doesn't matter what happens to you, that no one will care if you're gone. But you're wrong. You're wrong, Shadow!"
Something in his words and voice reach my heart. I honestly don't understand why this---why I---mean so much to him. But . . . he is one of the only people who has ever wanted so much for me to be around---actually, the only one other than Maria. And I know he's right. Maria wanted me to find happiness . . . though I'm not entirely sure how to do that. Life is so uncertain. How can I be happy when I can't escape the fear that something drastic will go wrong and someone else will die?
Yet, in spite of my feelings, another part of my mind is entertaining a strange fantasy. What if perhaps, at least for a while, I could try to relax here and not worry? I doubt it could be accomplished, but . . . if it could, I would like that. Even without all of my memories, I can sense that I have not experienced a peaceful existence since I was aboard the ARK with Maria.
It's only in my mind, but still, I can hear her encouraging me. She would be happy and want me to stay.
"Everything will be alright, Shadow."
At last I look up at the boy . . . my friend. "Fine, then," I say. "So be it . . . Chris."
And slowly I return the embrace.
Fandom: Sonic X
Rating: K+/PG
Word Count: 6,065
Main Characters: Christopher Thorndyke, Shadow the Hedgehog
Summary: Twoshot. When Chris runs into trouble coming home in Eggman's ship, it's a different hedgehog than Sonic who comes to his rescue ... despite insisting that Chris means nothing to him. Takes place immediately following episode 78.
Fanfiction.net Links:
Part 1: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5368749/1/
Part 2: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5368749/2/
Sonic X
Right Back Where We Came
By Lucky_Ladybug
Notes: The characters are not mine and the story is! I absolutely love season 3 (so much character development!), but it left a lot of loose ends. This is my attempt to tie up a couple, as well as to explore some of my ideas for an unofficial season 4. It seems to be ambiguous on how much Shadow remembers by the end of season 3, so I've taken some liberties. Any time you see asterisks, I'm switching between the characters' points of view. And I am one of the few who doesn't hate Chris Thorndyke, so if a pro-Chris story is going to bother you, it's probably better that you don't read this.
Part One
I wonder if everyone will hate me for leaving without saying goodbye.
Maybe I shouldn't have trusted Eggman. He helped us about the Metarex, but he came right out and said that he wanted to get me back to my world so I couldn't mess up his plans for the Eggman Empire. He also said he wanted me for a guinea pig to test out this ship of his. What if it doesn't even work?
What if I end up going back and I'm the wrong age? I could stay looking like I'm twelve. Or it could get worse, like Decoe and Bocoe were telling me. And would my mind stay the mind of an eighteen-year-old? What if I go back to being around six or something and my mind goes too? I don't want to repeat my childhood!
Maybe I should've just stayed in Sonic's world. Maybe Eggman was even lying about things only opening up every now and then. If I'd looked around and researched their world, maybe I could've found a different way to go back . . . a way that didn't mean I'd have to run off without telling anyone. I never wanted to do that.
Shadow always leaves without saying goodbye, too. . . .
He used Chaos Control to stop the planet eggs' power from exploding and killing all of us . . . but what happened to him then? He survived the fall from Space Colony ARK. Could he be that lucky a second time? Eggman saved his life back then. But there wasn't anyone around to help him this time.
Does Shadow even know we care about him and that we're worried about him? I feel so guilty for running off like I have. If Shadow's okay, he probably didn't have any regrets about not telling us. I know he cares about us, since he's always helping us out, but maybe he doesn't realize he's cared about too.
I hope I can find a way to go back someday. . . .
The ship's coming out of warp drive now. . . . Am I back on my planet? . . . Yeah, I must be! I think I can see my house over there! I can't wait to see everyone here again . . . Mom and Dad, Grandpa, Ella and Mr. Tanaka. . . . And my Earth friends too---Helen and Danny and Frances. . . . They'll all be wondering where I was and what happened.
Some of it I'm not sure I'm ready to tell.
But . . . why is the ship coming down so fast?
Oh no. . . . It's gaining momentum and there's nothing I can do to stop it!
I'm going to crash. . . .
****
Her grave is undisturbed after all this time.
The spot where I placed her memorial is still barren. Upon my arrival, I picked a nearby rose and laid it by the marker. She would like that---the fact that flowers are growing again.
She isn't even here to see her dream fulfilled.
She reminded me of Maria.
My memories are still only fleeting at best. I do not remember exactly who Maria is or how I knew her, only that she was someone important to me. I remember standing on what appeared to be a space station, looking out a window at the Earth below us while she stood at my side. I remember that she and I were each other's only friends---and that she was taken from me during a raid on the space station.
I remember bits and pieces of her personality---her compassionate smile, at times tinged with amusement or mischief. . . . Her gentle laugh. . . . Her blue eyes, filled with innocence and courage, also bore sorrow. I saw all of this reflected in Molly. They were both determined and courageous beyond their years.
And accepting of me. . . .
The boy was, too.
Why? Especially when it seems that all I have ever done is hurt him?
I feel that we share some sort of connection. He has been in several of the memories I've regained, pleading for me to stop a destructive plan. . . . Instead I attacked him, blasting him with Chaos energy. But he claimed I did stop the destruction, saving everyone both on the space station and on his planet. And he cared and remembered me throughout the ensuing months, even crafting a second inhibitor ring to match the one he had kept since our past meeting. The rings are what keep me from losing power after a taxing battle, but how would he, a mere boy, know that?
He told me things about my past, things that Doctor Eggman never told despite his promises. Was the boy right and Eggman was using me all that time? There was no lie in the boy's desperate, saddened eyes. The events he spoke of were the truth. By contrast, Eggman always had a smirk on his face. He spoke in such a smooth tone, assuring me that he would tell me of my past if I helped him get the Chaos Emeralds.
Now the galaxy has been purged of the Metarex. The planet eggs have been restored to their separate worlds. The survivors have returned to their world, and I imagine that they are going back to their normal lives.
But as for me . . . where is my world? What is my "normal life"? Or do I not have either?
I do not belong to Sonic's world. I don't know how I know this, but something tells me that I was never aware of his planet before I awakened on Eggman's ship. None of the other worlds I've seen over the past months have felt familiar, either. Perhaps I do not even have a world to call home.
And as for my life . . . perhaps it only consists of destruction. My powers are fatally dangerous if misused. Why would I have been given such lethal abilities? Maybe I exist solely to be a weapon. That boy would tell me otherwise, but he would not likely comprehend such grim possibilities.
The boy. . . .
What is this sudden feeling of urgency? Why do I have this need to find him again? He is nothing to me!
Nevertheless, the feeling is too strong to be ignored. Something is wrong.
I will use Chaos Control to go where he is.
****
The side of my head hurts. It feels like something warm and sticky is running from it into my left eye. I'm slumped back, still strapped into the seat. And everything's so hot. . . .
Did the ship really crash? I don't remember landing, so I guess I must have blacked out. And since it's so hot and hard to breathe . . . the ship must be on fire!
All I can see through the window now is thick black smoke. It's coming in here, too; I'm coughing and my eyes are watering. I try to wipe the blood away from my left eye before covering my nose and mouth.
I have to get out of here! I'll suffocate or burn to death if I stay. I didn't leave Sonic's world just to get killed trying to come home!
But there's nothing I can use to shatter the window. The glass is too thick for me to break myself. And the door's going to be really hot to touch. I pull my hands into my sleeves as I stumble over to the door and try to get out. The latch isn't turning. The door's stuck!
I throw all my weight against it, even as the heat starts to burn through my clothes. But it's no use! I can't get the door open and the smoke's getting stronger.
"Help!" I try to call over the sound of the fire. "Can anyone hear me?! I'm stuck in here!"
Somebody must have seen the ship crash, or at least, they must see the flames now. But maybe they won't get here in time. Or maybe there's nothing that can even be done. I can't tell how bad it looks from outside. And it's so dark in here! I can't see the fire at all, just this thick smoke.
Did Eggman plan this all along? Or did even he not know what would happen when the ship entered Earth's atmosphere?
"Sonic . . ." My eyes are watering again. "I'm sorry. . . . I shouldn't have left. . . ."
My body lurches as I try ramming the door another time. Something's ripping. . . . My sleeve tears and tightens around my arm before breaking. And I'm getting taller. . . .
I'm going back to the physical age I'm supposed to be. And what a time for it! If I can't get out, they're going to find me laying in here with clothes and shoes that are several sizes too small. Unless everything burns away. . . .
I hit the door again. "Help!" I scream. "Let me out of here!"
I can't hear anything outside. Maybe someone's out there, trying to get in, but maybe no one knows I'm here at all.
Maybe this really is the end. . . .
****
There is smoke in every direction as the light from Chaos Control fades. Something is burning, setting the grass of this field aflame. I run forward, staring into the heavy black clouds. What's going on? Is the boy here, somewhere in this fire? He must be; I used Chaos Control to seek his location.
"Help! Let me out of here!"
His voice is muffled, and . . . different somehow, but I recognize him. He's trapped, banging on something to be let free.
I remember pounding on the escape pod when Maria was being killed in front of my eyes. . . .
And Molly . . . Molly was killed in an explosion. . . .
Could the device the boy is in explode?
No! I have to find him!
"Can anyone hear me?! Is anyone out there?!"
I have to focus on his voice. Fire can play tricks, making it seem that someone is where he is not. And the frantic banging is growing louder. I shield myself from the flames as best as I can as I follow the sound's direction.
The object is here. I can feel the door when I reach into the darkness. Whatever it leads to, it's made of metal---and the fire's heat has enveloped it. If it's penetrated to the other side, the boy must be getting burned trying to get out.
"Stay back!" I call. "I'm going to open the door."
I don't even know if he hears me. But I can't waste time finding out.
I also can't risk crushing him by cutting the door or punching it inward. I'm going to have to pull it off its hinges, no matter the possible damage it may do to me. I can feel the heated metal burning through my gloves as I pry it from the opening and throw it aside. Flames rush at me from the side, burning my arms in spite of my attempts to shield myself.
There's only a small space beyond the door, barely room enough for one person. It seems to be some kind of ship . . . an egg-shaped ship. . . .
What has Eggman done now?!
The boy is stumbling out, coughing from the smoke and the lack of air---but he's changed. His clothes are in shreds, hanging from a body several years older than when I saw him last. He stares at me as he loses his balance, falling forward into my arms.
"Shadow . . . ?" he whispers in disbelief. "You're alive. . . ."
I catch him, my expression not changing. ". . . You've grown," is all I comment.
He gives a weak, awkward laugh. "Y-yeah. . . ."
I keep hold of him with one arm as I take out the Chaos Emerald I currently possess. It stings my damaged hand as it begins to glow. To our side, the ship vibrates in an unsettling way.
"It's going to blow!" the boy exclaims.
And I can feel the fire on my back even as I summon Chaos Control and we warp away.
****
I can hardly believe this is happening.
I was hoping . . . praying, even . . . that I'd be rescued. But I never thought the one who'd come would be a friend I thought I'd left behind on Sonic's world. . . . Someone I've been afraid was dead.
And he's hurt! I saw the burns on his arms and hands when he reached for me. He's just trying to ignore it now, but it's obvious he's in pain. He went through this to save me!
I crash to my knees as the last effects of the Chaos Control warp wear off. I'm coughing, trying to get the rest of the smoke out of my lungs. Shadow just watches me, not looking affected. Then he turns, like he's studying the area where we wound up. Or maybe he's uncomfortable.
He cringes, stiffening as he starts to double over.
My own pain is forgotten. "Shadow!" I cry, reaching for him.
"Don't touch me," he growls, flinching as he tries to move away.
I fall back. Why does he act like this? It's like he hates me even though he helps me. It's almost always been like this, too. He was so insistent that he wouldn't work as part of our team to stop the Metarex . . . even though he finally did in the end. Is it because he still doesn't remember things too well?
"Shadow, you're hurt," I try again. "You got burned . . . for me. Please let me help you. . . ."
"You're hurt yourself," he retorts, still not looking at me. "I'll be fine. We're in front of a house. You should go inside and see if they'll help you."
"A house . . . ?" I turn to look and my mouth drops open. We're not in front of just any house; we're in front of my house! There's the fountain, the stairs, the lab. . . .
"Shadow, this is my house!" I tell him. "Please come in with me. You need help too, even if you think you don't." My voice lowers. "Why are you so against staying?"
Now he finally turns, looking at me over his shoulder. He's more surprised than anything else. "Why do you want me to?" he asks.
I look back steadily. "Because you're my friend," I tell him.
He stiffens again. "I'm no one's friend," he says.
This isn't any time to argue about it. He turns away, trying to take a step forward. But his legs are giving out underneath him. He was hurt worse than either of us thought when the ship started to explode.
I try to catch him, even though my own hands are burned and sore. "Please, Shadow," I beg now, shuddering as I try to hold onto him. "Please come. . . ."
And something seems to change. He doesn't relax, but he doesn't push me away, either. And then he finally nods. "Fine," he snaps. "Just for a moment."
Well . . . it's a start.
****
I don't know why I'm agreeing to go with the boy. I had planned to leave him here, after making sure he would be taken care of. I make it a point to never stay long around him, or Sonic, or any of their friends. I don't belong with them.
But the pain I felt before has been returning. My energy is drained from using Chaos Control twice in the past five minutes. I wasn't fully recovered from stopping time during the battle against the Metarex when I came here. And the fire. . . . It burns worse now than it did a few moments ago.
I was unmoved by the boy's words as he tried to convince me to stay. But his last attempt reached something deep in my very being.
"Please, Shadow. . . ."
At that moment, I froze. Even as he spoke, I could hear the echo of Maria's voice in my mind, with the exact same words. I can still hear her.
"Please, Shadow. . . ."
I looked back to him. He was regarding me with those same, pleading eyes. And he is hurt himself, though he did not and has not seemed to notice. Blood is running from a cut on his left temple, while his hands are burned from struggling to open the door.
That was when I consented.
Now we are walking, or rather, stumbling, closer to the house. Right before we arrive at the stairs, the doors at the top fly open. A tall man is standing there, regarding us in shock.
"Mister Chris!" he gasps, looking from the boy's ragged and torn clothing to my burned body. "My goodness!"
The boy gives him a shaking smile filled with pain. "Hey, Mr. Tanaka," he says. "I'm home. And I'm sure you remember my friend---Shadow the Hedgehog." He is still trying to support me even though he is ready to fall. I'm trying to be strong enough for both of us, but it isn't working. We're a sorry sight, both staggering and at the point of collapse.
Tanaka hastens down the stairs to help us. "O-of course," he says, giving me a strange and clearly puzzled look. "I could never forget Shadow."
Unfortunately, I can't say the same for him. As far as I'm concerned, I've never seen him before in my life.
"I ran into some trouble on the way home," the boy tells him. "Shadow helped me, but now he's hurt! I know it must be a shock to see him alive, but . . ."
"Never mind," Tanaka says as he tries to guide us to the stairs. "Just come inside, both of you."
I still don't want to, but I already said I would. That settles the matter.
The boy tries to give me an encouraging smile.
I don't return it.
Part Two
Shadow's been laying in the guest-room for a long time now. He looks like he's asleep, so no one's wanted to disturb him. Mr. Tanaka said he was burned pretty bad, especially on his back. I feel awful about it. I mean, this happened because I decided to take a chance and come back in Eggman's ship. If I hadn't listened to Eggman, we'd probably both be better off.
After Ella treated my head and my hands, I decided to just sit here and think for a while. She and Mr. Tanaka are the only ones home right now, but Grandpa should be back soon. And nothing's been said to Mom and Dad yet. I thought it'd be better for them to just find me when they come home, instead of trying to explain on the phone. Anyway, before we have our reunion, there's some things I need to sort out in my mind.
How did Shadow get here? He came after the time limit Eggman set, didn't he? There really must be another way to pass between the worlds, one that Shadow can control.
. . . Sometimes it's easy to forget, but this world---my world---is Shadow's world, too. He didn't come from Sonic's world. And if Eggman's grandfather is from this world, what about Eggman? And the Chao refuge that Mr. Tanaka found years ago? There's more going on than meets the eye. Obviously our worlds have been in contact for decades, even after they split!
And I can't help wondering if there's a way to safely merge the two of them. Something tells me they weren't meant to be apart, no matter what the evidence seems to say. There's other evidence that our worlds could and should be bridged, such as the fact that they used to be one planet.
It's been hours now. I think I'm going to check on Shadow again.
I head down the hall, going to the closest guest-room and pushing the door open. Shadow's still laying in the bed, facing away from me. His back and middle spines are bandaged, but he doesn't act like he's in pain. Maybe I'll leave him alone for now. . . .
"I'm awake."
I nearly jump through the ceiling. "Shadow . . . !"
He keeps staring ahead into the room. "You want to talk to me. Go ahead."
I walk into the room, letting the door shut behind me. "How long have you been awake?" I ask, going around to be in front of him.
He looks at me with those ominous red eyes that have held so much pain and sorrow through the years. "A while," he says. "I heard the door open several times; I just didn't say anything then."
I sit down in a chair by the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine." He just watches me, his bandaged hands resting on the mattress.
"I had a feeling you were going to say that." I sigh, shifting in the chair.
"Why were you in that ship?" He's direct, as always.
I look down. ". . . Eggman told me I had to go right then or I might not get another chance to get back to my world," I say. "He said every time we travel between the worlds, it's a fluke, a product of chance."
"And he built the ship."
"Yeah." I look at him again. "I don't know if he knew it would crash. . . ."
"I doubt anyone could know that." He's unmoved. "I could have brought you back."
"You weren't there," I remind him. "And . . . I wouldn't have wanted to ask you, after everything you'd already done."
"There are a lot of things Eggman doesn't know about passing between worlds." Shadow glances to the Chaos Emerald that Mr. Tanaka set on the nightstand by the bed. It's the purple one, the one Shadow took after he first came back during the fight with the Metarex.
". . . Do you know them?" I ask.
"Some." He looks at me. "It isn't something to tamper with. You took an immense risk, both to go to Sonic's world and to come back."
I give a grim nod. "Eggman said I was lucky that I only got my physical age reverted when I went there. I don't know what he thought could've happened instead."
"Some things are better left unknown." Shadow's voice doesn't betray any of his feelings.
". . . Like how you thought Cosmo shouldn't know why you were trying to kill her?" The words just tumble out before I can stop them. I don't know what Shadow will think of Cosmo being brought up right now, especially on this subject.
He stiffens. "I was right, wasn't I?" he says at last. "It was cruel for her to discover the truth."
I look away. Cream told me how devastated Cosmo was at the news that the implant in her eye---one we couldn't remove without seriously hurting her---made her an unwilling spy for the Metarex. Cosmo had even said that it would have been better to die than to live knowing the truth.
". . . If it was me, I'd want to know," I say, "no matter how horrible it would make me feel. Sure, Cosmo was upset when she found out that everything any of us said or did was being broadcast to the Metarex through her. Anyone would be! But she found a new strength after that, when all of us stood by her anyway."
Shadow doesn't say anything now. Instead he studies the quilt. I wonder if he's thinking about the same thing I am. After Cosmo sacrificed herself by restraining Dark Oak while Sonic and Shadow attacked him, it was Shadow who desperately led the attempt to try to revive her. But even the Chaos Regeneration power couldn't do that.
". . . We thought you were dead," I tell him.
He looks to me questioningly.
"First we thought you died after saving Earth from Space Colony ARK," I remind him. "Then you came back, fighting the Metarex . . . even though you refused to work with us until the end. And you used Chaos Control to stop the planet eggs' power. . . ." I look away. "Even Eggman wondered if you were gone. And Rouge. . . . We could all tell she was worried."
Shadow stays quiet so long I wonder if he's still awake. I sneak a glance back at him. He's looking at the quilt again, his mind a long way off from his body.
"It seems I'm very difficult to kill," he tells me. "I don't have the answers for you. If I ever had them, that knowledge is now sealed away." He glances to the window, at the rays of the setting sun shining on the curtains and the furniture. "Part of me feels invincible. Yet at the same time, I know I can't really be infallible."
". . . You were created to be the Ultimate Lifeform," I say. "I don't know exactly what that means, or if you really can't die, but . . ." I grip the knees of my pants. "I wish you wouldn't challenge it anymore. . . ."
". . . I have a memory of Maria pleading with me to help people," he replies. "If the only way I can do that is to place my life on the line, then I will do it."
I look to him. Before he remembered Maria's true wish, he still thought he was fulfilling what she wanted. For him, that was the only thing that mattered; he didn't care if he died, as long as he granted what she wanted. And even though he knows now what she really hoped he would do, he still feels that fulfilling her wish is the only important thing.
". . . You didn't come here to talk about that," he says now.
That's mostly true. I did want to talk about that too, though I had something else on my mind when I came in here. But while I know what I really want to say, I'm afraid to say it. I'm not sure whether I'm more afraid of the answer . . . or of how mad he might get. But he's looking at me, knowing that I'm not saying what's really on my mind. I'd better just come right out with it.
"Shadow . . . I've been wondering something for a long time now," I say at last. "Do . . . do you hate me?"
His eyes get wide and surprised. I've never seen him look like that before. But just as soon as the look's there, it's gone.
"No," he says then.
He says that, but it's not very satisfying.
"Then . . . why do you treat me like you do?" Now that I've got started, all of my feelings are coming out. "I mean . . . you save me if I'm in trouble, but you act like you don't want anything to do with me."
His eyes darken. "I said I don't hate you," he says, "but I don't care about you, either. You're nothing to me."
I rock back, probably not hiding that I'm hurt. But . . . something still doesn't add up. Once I get over the initial shock, I can clearly see it. No matter how much Shadow insists he doesn't care, I can't believe it.
"Funny," I say. "I thought you didn't lie, Shadow."
He glares at me. "I'm not lying," he growls.
I'm really glad looks can't kill.
"Maybe you think you aren't," I say. "Maybe you even lie to yourself. But if what you say is true, you wouldn't help me at all."
His look doesn't lighten. "I help you in order to fulfill Maria's wish. That's why I help everyone."
I know that's true. I'm the one who helped him remember Maria's wish back on the ARK. But I give him a sad look. "Helping people wasn't the only part of Maria's wish," I tell him. "She wanted you to live and be happy, too."
He grips the comforter, refusing to answer. I wait, just watching him. It needed to be said, but . . . how is he taking it? Is he going to be angry at me now?
". . . I know she did," he finally says. "But . . . fulfilling that part of her wish is much more difficult. Especially when history repeats itself."
My eyes widen. "History . . . repeats itself?"
And suddenly it all makes sense.
"You're so afraid it will happen again," I realize.
He sits up, glowering at me. "I bring destruction," he tells me. "I was created with extensively lethal abilities, but even when I'm not using them, I am a harbinger of death. Anyone who stays in contact with me will die! It happened to Maria. It happened to Molly. I won't let it happen to you."
Once again I'm stunned. This is the last thing I thought he would tell me. The pain in his eyes right now is greater than I've ever seen it before.
"Shadow . . . it wasn't your fault!" I exclaim. "About either of them!"
"Maria was killed because the government thought I was too dangerous to live," he retorts. "She was shot in front of my eyes while I was in the escape pod. I couldn't do anything! I was right there, but I couldn't save her.
"Molly was killed because her will to live was crushed by her comrades' betrayal. When they joined forces with the Metarex and it looked like there was no hope for her planet, she flew her plane directly into the line of fire! And I watched, helpless." His eyes flash. "I won't do that again! I'll never do that again!"
His voice is rising. I'm just sitting here, horrified. I don't know what to say.
"You mean nothing to me because I won't let you mean anything to me. That's why I won't stay here. I won't subject you to what they suffered!"
I finally find my voice. "Shadow. . . ." I still hardly know what to say to him. "Even . . . even trying our hardest doesn't mean we'll always be able to save the people we want to save the most. Sometimes there's nothing we can do. That doesn't mean you're at fault or that you should close yourself off from everyone!"
He struggles off the bed. "I will do what I must! I'm leaving." He trips and stumbles, falling to his hands and knees. He growls in pain as his injured palms push into the short carpet.
I drop down next to him. "This isn't what you should do!" I protest. "Maria wouldn't want it. Neither would Molly!" I reach to try to help him up.
He thrusts out his hands to push me away. "Stay back!" he growls. "You know what I'm capable of."
But I hold my ground. "I'm not afraid of you, Shadow," I tell him. "You say you don't care, that I mean nothing to you. The real truth is that you care so much, you're afraid of it. You don't want me to suffer like Maria and Molly; you just admitted that! And you wouldn't feel that way if you didn't care about me a lot."
For a moment he kneels there, shaking as he hold his hands up in a threatening way. But then, defeated, he lowers them. ". . . All I've ever done is hurt you," he says.
I shake my head. "That isn't true," I protest. "You've saved me! You saved me several times. I would've died if you hadn't been there." I look at him. "Shadow, you're my friend, even if you won't admit it."
He doesn't answer. I look at him, trying to judge whether I dare approach him another time. For now, he seems subdued. At last I reach out, trying to hug him. He freezes in my arms, too stunned to do anything.
****
My thoughts are a tangled whirl.
How did this happen? How did this boy manage to see what I'd tried to conceal from even myself? And now that he has, what am I going to do about it? I won't be able to hide it from myself any more.
Yes, I care about him. I want to protect him, just as I wanted to protect Maria and Molly. And I still feel that I should not get too close. If the government learns I'm back, they might come for me again. Innocent people could be killed, like this boy.
"Shadow, it's okay if you stay here. Please believe me when I say that. . . ."
"You just don't understand how cruel people can be," I try to retort. "Maria didn't, either." But even when she experienced it firsthand, she didn't lose her faith in humans, as I did. She told me to give them a chance, despite their selfishness.
"I've known cruel people," he says, "but I know it wasn't anything like what you saw. And I know I can't promise nothing bad will happen to me . . . but the people of Earth are really grateful for what you did to stop Space Colony ARK. They still talk about you and honor your sacrifice. They would accept and love you if they found out you're still alive!"
For some reason, I haven't tried to pull away. He holds onto me as he continues.
"Please, Shadow. . . . I don't want you to go again. . . ! You think it doesn't matter what happens to you, that no one will care if you're gone. But you're wrong. You're wrong, Shadow!"
Something in his words and voice reach my heart. I honestly don't understand why this---why I---mean so much to him. But . . . he is one of the only people who has ever wanted so much for me to be around---actually, the only one other than Maria. And I know he's right. Maria wanted me to find happiness . . . though I'm not entirely sure how to do that. Life is so uncertain. How can I be happy when I can't escape the fear that something drastic will go wrong and someone else will die?
Yet, in spite of my feelings, another part of my mind is entertaining a strange fantasy. What if perhaps, at least for a while, I could try to relax here and not worry? I doubt it could be accomplished, but . . . if it could, I would like that. Even without all of my memories, I can sense that I have not experienced a peaceful existence since I was aboard the ARK with Maria.
It's only in my mind, but still, I can hear her encouraging me. She would be happy and want me to stay.
"Everything will be alright, Shadow."
At last I look up at the boy . . . my friend. "Fine, then," I say. "So be it . . . Chris."
And slowly I return the embrace.