i'm disturbed
so, i spent a long time on the phone with my brother tonight. late for both of us. like after 9pm. it was a good chat.
so, a bit of history....
last year in june, his wife moved to oregon while he stayed here to finish up a contracted job and sell the house. the house sold in july, he moved to oregon, and they went on a cruise to alaska in august. while on the cruise, she became pregnant, which they had been preparing and trying for, for about 6 months. two weeks after she found out, she had a miscarriage. 2 weeks later, she announced she didn't want to be married anymore. my brother was devastated.
he found out that while she was in oregon, and he was down here, she had been having a relationship with someone else. he wasn't sure how extensive the relationship was, but he found evidence she denied, and he proved it to her with cell phone records.
the divorce did not get ugly, the only reason being there were no children. they split all the property, debt, and savings 50/50, and went their separate ways. my brother claims to be happy, but more on that later.
so, we're talking, b.s.ing, and i mention my new facebook account. we're both on the computer, and he tells me to search his ex. i do, and the picture that pops up is....ready? of her....about 6-7 months pregnant. i'm shocked. i don't know what to say. he says no big deal, it's over, there's nothing to say, but i hear the pain in his voice. he feels like that could have been him. he was sooooo ready to have kids, and now, he has decided he will never have them. he won't have kids with someone he's not married to, and he won't get married. ever. and my brother.... he'll stick to it for the sake of being stubborn.
i'm so hurt for my little brother. i know he's in pain. he asked me again when the kids are going to come visit him in oregon. he wants me to come in march when i'm off track. he can't come for the holidays this year cuz he just started a new job, but his probation will be over at the end of january, so he wants us to come up. he loves my girls. last week he re-wrote his will and called me to verify info on the girls, and let me know that they get all he has.
i miss my brother, and i am hurting for him. the pain he won't express. i know i'll never be able to think of her in the same way again. and the worst? he hasn't told anyone else yet, and asked me not to say anything. of course i'll respect his wishes, but darn it.... why do i have to be the one to hold the secret? i hate it.