everything is changing
so its been a while. oh well. i moved out of my parents house. tonight is officially my first night in the new place and i'm scared. not scared to be alone or anything, there are two other girls here, just scared that i cant do this. i've only lived "alone" at college and that was totally different. it was like summer camp there all the time. this is the real thing. there's no going back now. this is home now whether i like it or not. i realized that my sense of home changed when i got back from mexico. all i wanted that night was to sleep in "my bed" but i didnt even know what that meant. strangely enough what i really wanted when it came down to it was to sleep in ali's bed which is where i'm beginning to feel most at home. the room at my parents house that i've called mine since birth no longer feels like home, but neither does the room in my new place. i'm not comfortable anywhere. ugh!
so now its time for bed cause i start back to work tomorrow. i'm not even sure what i'm doing when i get there. i'm pretty sure theres a district wide meeting at the high school at 8 but then i have no clue. i'm just gonna go and hope someone tells me what to do when i get there. i dont know who would be there to help though since everyone i've talked to in that place seems to have gone retarded. i thought the kids had that covered but apparently i was wrong. so i'm going to get in this strange bed that is to become my own and sleep all alone. i hate it, i dont even have my stitch or my eagles pillow for comfort.
on another note my tv reception blows monkey cock. i wanted to put on the vma's while i fall asleep but its so static-y it'll drive me nuts. guess i'll ask the other girls tomorrow if theirs are like that too. one more week still till classes start again. thats just gonna add to my feeling of spiraling out of control. but as i said earlier today, i am happier now than i was a year ago, or even just a few months ago, so that is good. i just need to get through the adjustment phase and things will all be fine.
sweet dreams.
so now its time for bed cause i start back to work tomorrow. i'm not even sure what i'm doing when i get there. i'm pretty sure theres a district wide meeting at the high school at 8 but then i have no clue. i'm just gonna go and hope someone tells me what to do when i get there. i dont know who would be there to help though since everyone i've talked to in that place seems to have gone retarded. i thought the kids had that covered but apparently i was wrong. so i'm going to get in this strange bed that is to become my own and sleep all alone. i hate it, i dont even have my stitch or my eagles pillow for comfort.
on another note my tv reception blows monkey cock. i wanted to put on the vma's while i fall asleep but its so static-y it'll drive me nuts. guess i'll ask the other girls tomorrow if theirs are like that too. one more week still till classes start again. thats just gonna add to my feeling of spiraling out of control. but as i said earlier today, i am happier now than i was a year ago, or even just a few months ago, so that is good. i just need to get through the adjustment phase and things will all be fine.
sweet dreams.