erf..
it is 4:16am... why i am still awake i dunno.... i can't sleep....... i'm so sad ....... yes i hurt myself today..... i regret it now... i'm going to have to wear long sleeves in hot weather.. i hate life so much... i love kenton beyond reason.. i'm foolish..... i think tomorrow, when i wake up i'm going to start all over again.. i'll FORCE myself to be happy if i have to.. anything is better than this man... as for now.. i'm miserable.. i'm feeling like it's 3 years ago again.. frick man... frick.. i feel like an outsider in this house... i just wish sept 25 would come along already.. that's when i get married.. i'm sad... i hate myself so vehemently right now.. i just need to be with kenton right now.. and i'm not being one of those mindless girls who depend on a guy for fulfillment.. i just miss him soo bad right now, he is really nice to me, my best friend... he respects me with no alternative motives.. i'm looked down upon in this house.. i just need to get away.. everything is empty here..... i *will* be happy tomorrow.. even if i have to double my medication!! everyone can shove it an deal with my excessive happiness (including me)