On self...ishness?
I like to hike with my dog. I especially like it when there's no one else around. Admittedly, I enjoy a little company at times, but mostly I feel very free and calm when I go by myself. Today, while roaming the most beautiful fields (which seem to be Frederick's best kept secret) Ollie frolicked around me and I tried to face whether, in three
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Bob's been great about saying he'll take on baby-watching roles for the moments when I do need some alone time. I just wonder if I'll want it, or if I'll acknowledge when I want it? I feel like there's so much pressure on being the greatest mom ever that leaving baby Sadie for a few hours might feel like abandonment - both by myself internally and by people viewing my actions. I know that my mom has always been a little more independent of us kids than the stereotypical maternal figureheads we culturally revere. I sort of see myself being similar. We'll see though. Of course I want to incorporate Sadie into my favorite things as well. I'm sure it'll be a bit of an adjustment as I find that balance.
As far as our birthing methods go, we're trying not to plan too much, since it feels so out of our control. However, I want to take birth classes that focus on having a vaginal birth without an epidural. Unless Sadie comes really early, I'm going to be taken off of blood thinners and then induced with pitocin in order to labor within 48 hours of no blood thinners (this is safest because I'll then be able to have an epidural or c-section much more safely if necessary). If she comes early, I can't get an epidural and a c-section is incredibly dangerous (of course, we'll know as we get closer whether circumstances would dictate a c-section). So, I'm trying to put together a birth preference plan with the mind that this will be a perfectly normal ordeal where I can choose whether or not I want an epidural on-site, and I want to be fully prepared to choose no (the birth is more likely to go faster and be less complicated without the epidural - of course, word is, pitocin causes labor that hurts like a mother). So, it won't be completely natural, and will need to be a little more structured than normal, but I'm trying to take control where I have it. So many people (including some of the OBs at my practice) act like there are no choices in childbirth and that can be incredibly disturbing.
Anyway, yay next weekend! You guys rock!
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