Genie Rumors & Dracula
Oh my Lord, I was up laughing last night. Well, discreetly laughing; I didn't want to be too loud.
As per this entry, I started a little thing called The AIW One-Shot Collection, which conglomerates all of the tiny little on-a-whim stories I've told only Jenna the past two years. Skype has been difficult to work with, but I'm pulling things out of the past by searching keywords, and it has been immensely rewarding. I'm finding them very inspiring and fresh to read through since I hadn't seen some of them since the time I was writing them. They weren't planned, plotted, or edited. They weren't intended for anything. However, I do wonder if I'll find one or two that work to fill the one-shot buffers I'm going to have between short stories in my future AIW Fanfiction eBook. More on that another time.
Some of them aren't strictly AIW -- Jenna and I have a world in our heads that includes not only Rabbit, Hare, and Hatter, but Charles Dodgson (who is a highly deviant mathematician living in a large house with her where he has a secret "Number Studio" where he makes numbers come alive and uses 8's as springy steps to jump through second story windows), Max Schreck (who visits me and usually looks down upon the other people I associate with, in broken English of course), the comedian/Whose Line player Greg Proops (who has become Dodgson's friend and developed "The Candy Underground" with him in order to steal everybody's candy. Max only tentatively got involved with that but has since renounced the project), and also Ellen and Hutter. We sometimes talk about "how things are going" in terms of this fictional situation, and I've even resorted to playing card tarot readings to give her advice about how to deal with the stress of being in a love triangle between a bunny and a man who's, well, if I may use this apt British idiom, all sixes and sevens. *chortle*
Anyway, I found a few last night, and I'm planning a post a couple that have been re-formatted. May they bring anyone who sees them even half the amount of jollies I had.
Genie Rumors
I'm a genie,
I'm a genie
with a ten foot weenie,
and I showed it to the woman next door
She thought it was a snake,
so she hit it with a rake,
and now it's only seven foot four.
I can picture Hare saying this to me, trying not to snicker, like at a really inappropriate time, like when I think I'm by myself. I'd slap him with a dish towel or something and be like "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO IMMATURE." He would just keep laughing and run away from me, and then come back and say "Rabbit taught me that. It's a story about him. He used to have a ten foot w-"
"Stop."
"Weenie."
"Stop it!"
"The queen got rid of the other seven feet and four inches."
"GET OUT OF HERE."
Somehow he tells me an elaborate and somewhat convincing story later that night, under the covers. The next time I see Rabbit, I say very tentatively... "did you used to be a genie?" He just squints.
Somehow it gets around. Weeks and weeks later, Max is like "your friend, she had better get her priorities straight. Herr Proops tells me his past is magical and peculiar."
"Don't listen to hairy proop, okay? He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's got his own problems." Max just looks at me like he doesn't get it.
"I'm just saying she better get her shit together."
"Her shit's together, Max. He's just a 70 year old bunny."
"700 year old."
"No."
"I'm just stating the rumors."
"Max, I thought you were actually a critical thinker. This is very disappointing."
"I think there is language gap," he says.
"Listen. Do you want cream in your tea, or what?"
And life goes on.
* * *
Phantomwise: Dodgson hears about it and for some reason, he thinks it means that I'm into genies, so he tries to convince me he's a mathematics genie who grants math wishes with an even longer weenie
Mrs. Bouncy Ears: XDDD
"I've seen your weenie. It's not that big."
"DID NOT.”
“I did. Unfortunately. You ran around the yard naked.”
"You saw it when I wasn't in my full transformed genie state. And it was freezing out.
Phantomwise: I'd say "besides, math wishes are lame.”
“ARE NOT.”
“Then you just suck at making good math wishes.”
“Oh? How do I make a good math wish?"
“There are some fantastic ones out there, that are unspeakably indulgent. Well, now that I've sat through all this torture, why would I help you make a good math wish?!"
“Fine, I don't want a stupid math wish anyway.”
"I don't want you to want to make a math wish, anyway, because then I'd have to obey it. I want somebody who despises you as much as I do to rub my lamp and make the most scandalous number wish ever.”
The end.
Dracula
What if Rabbit thought he was Dracula?
Like he sleep-walked and got himself a cloak, and put on fake fangs, and wandered to Hatter's house. And he was all "blehhHHHHH~~~...."
And Hatter was like "what the fuck?"
So he called up Hare because Rabbit wouldn't get out of his room. He kept insisting he was going to suck his blood, then forgot where he was and started bumping into things. Hare was like "you need to kick him out. Forcefully shove that bunny out of the house and lock the doors."
Hatter was like "who knows what could happen to him out there!"
"Hey, he made it all the way there. He can find his way back." So he goes back to the palace and into the queen's room, and Queenie's like "AGGGHGHG!" and slaps him until he wakes up.
He feels awfully embarrassed, just mortified about this. He's afraid she thought he was hitting on her, or trying to commit sexual assault or something. He wonders if he's going to be fired. He tries to apologize, but he can barely speak with those fake fangs. He spits them out: "your majesteh!, I'm sorry. I had no idea what I was doing."
The End.
Moar scandalous ones later, like if I dressed up Hare in nothing but barrettes, short-shorts, and pasties and sent him to Hatter's tea party.
As per this entry, I started a little thing called The AIW One-Shot Collection, which conglomerates all of the tiny little on-a-whim stories I've told only Jenna the past two years. Skype has been difficult to work with, but I'm pulling things out of the past by searching keywords, and it has been immensely rewarding. I'm finding them very inspiring and fresh to read through since I hadn't seen some of them since the time I was writing them. They weren't planned, plotted, or edited. They weren't intended for anything. However, I do wonder if I'll find one or two that work to fill the one-shot buffers I'm going to have between short stories in my future AIW Fanfiction eBook. More on that another time.
Some of them aren't strictly AIW -- Jenna and I have a world in our heads that includes not only Rabbit, Hare, and Hatter, but Charles Dodgson (who is a highly deviant mathematician living in a large house with her where he has a secret "Number Studio" where he makes numbers come alive and uses 8's as springy steps to jump through second story windows), Max Schreck (who visits me and usually looks down upon the other people I associate with, in broken English of course), the comedian/Whose Line player Greg Proops (who has become Dodgson's friend and developed "The Candy Underground" with him in order to steal everybody's candy. Max only tentatively got involved with that but has since renounced the project), and also Ellen and Hutter. We sometimes talk about "how things are going" in terms of this fictional situation, and I've even resorted to playing card tarot readings to give her advice about how to deal with the stress of being in a love triangle between a bunny and a man who's, well, if I may use this apt British idiom, all sixes and sevens. *chortle*
Anyway, I found a few last night, and I'm planning a post a couple that have been re-formatted. May they bring anyone who sees them even half the amount of jollies I had.
Genie Rumors
I'm a genie,
I'm a genie
with a ten foot weenie,
and I showed it to the woman next door
She thought it was a snake,
so she hit it with a rake,
and now it's only seven foot four.
I can picture Hare saying this to me, trying not to snicker, like at a really inappropriate time, like when I think I'm by myself. I'd slap him with a dish towel or something and be like "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO IMMATURE." He would just keep laughing and run away from me, and then come back and say "Rabbit taught me that. It's a story about him. He used to have a ten foot w-"
"Stop."
"Weenie."
"Stop it!"
"The queen got rid of the other seven feet and four inches."
"GET OUT OF HERE."
Somehow he tells me an elaborate and somewhat convincing story later that night, under the covers. The next time I see Rabbit, I say very tentatively... "did you used to be a genie?" He just squints.
Somehow it gets around. Weeks and weeks later, Max is like "your friend, she had better get her priorities straight. Herr Proops tells me his past is magical and peculiar."
"Don't listen to hairy proop, okay? He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's got his own problems." Max just looks at me like he doesn't get it.
"I'm just saying she better get her shit together."
"Her shit's together, Max. He's just a 70 year old bunny."
"700 year old."
"No."
"I'm just stating the rumors."
"Max, I thought you were actually a critical thinker. This is very disappointing."
"I think there is language gap," he says.
"Listen. Do you want cream in your tea, or what?"
And life goes on.
* * *
Phantomwise: Dodgson hears about it and for some reason, he thinks it means that I'm into genies, so he tries to convince me he's a mathematics genie who grants math wishes with an even longer weenie
Mrs. Bouncy Ears: XDDD
"I've seen your weenie. It's not that big."
"DID NOT.”
“I did. Unfortunately. You ran around the yard naked.”
"You saw it when I wasn't in my full transformed genie state. And it was freezing out.
Phantomwise: I'd say "besides, math wishes are lame.”
“ARE NOT.”
“Then you just suck at making good math wishes.”
“Oh? How do I make a good math wish?"
“There are some fantastic ones out there, that are unspeakably indulgent. Well, now that I've sat through all this torture, why would I help you make a good math wish?!"
“Fine, I don't want a stupid math wish anyway.”
"I don't want you to want to make a math wish, anyway, because then I'd have to obey it. I want somebody who despises you as much as I do to rub my lamp and make the most scandalous number wish ever.”
The end.
Dracula
What if Rabbit thought he was Dracula?
Like he sleep-walked and got himself a cloak, and put on fake fangs, and wandered to Hatter's house. And he was all "blehhHHHHH~~~...."
And Hatter was like "what the fuck?"
So he called up Hare because Rabbit wouldn't get out of his room. He kept insisting he was going to suck his blood, then forgot where he was and started bumping into things. Hare was like "you need to kick him out. Forcefully shove that bunny out of the house and lock the doors."
Hatter was like "who knows what could happen to him out there!"
"Hey, he made it all the way there. He can find his way back." So he goes back to the palace and into the queen's room, and Queenie's like "AGGGHGHG!" and slaps him until he wakes up.
He feels awfully embarrassed, just mortified about this. He's afraid she thought he was hitting on her, or trying to commit sexual assault or something. He wonders if he's going to be fired. He tries to apologize, but he can barely speak with those fake fangs. He spits them out: "your majesteh!, I'm sorry. I had no idea what I was doing."
The End.
Moar scandalous ones later, like if I dressed up Hare in nothing but barrettes, short-shorts, and pasties and sent him to Hatter's tea party.