Bed Time Methods - An AIW One-Shot
Last but not least... Ohh, good times, good times... XD
Bed Time Methods
One day, Jenna and Rabbit were in Rabbit's room watching a delightful, magical movie. I don't know, Ever After or something. But while they were cuddling, Rabbit accidentally farted, and he knew how much Jenna hated farts so he felt absolutely awful. He tried to cover it up, but she knew what it was, so he said "excuse mehhh~" and left the room and cried in his hands.
He called up Hare, asking how he joked about these types of things.
"OHHhhh, calling MEEEE, huh??!?!" Hare answered. Hare was not sure if he was flattered that Rabbit considered farts to be his near only area of expertise. “Well I tell my lady she looked cold.”
“That's ridiculous," Rabbit said.
“Exactly! It makes her laugh!"
"I don't think Jenna would like a joke like that, He'a~... she's already complained it's stuffy in here."
“Fine. Tell her.... tell her dinner was excellent tonight and it was just your asshole's way of saying thank you."
"Oh God, that's even worse.”
[8/19/2014 9:55:10 PM] Phantomwise: it is
“What is wrong with you?!?!?"
“Jenny asks me the same thing.”
“Besides, I cooked dinner.”
[8/19/2014 9:56:56 PM] Princess Orlokz: ggughghhuu... I like the idea of hare calling me jenny
[8/19/2014 9:57:21 PM] Phantomwise: lol that is cute
So Rabbit continued to argue with Hare on his cellphone in the palace hallway. “You know, I think I was wrong to ask for your help. Goodnight," Rabbit said, and he hung up on Hare.
So he goes back into his room and Jenna's standing by a window, fanning the fresh air on her face. Rabbit stumbles over his words for a moment. "I-I-I... I'm sorrehhh... When you're old like me, they just slap on out."
[8/19/2014 10:03:50 PM] Princess Orlokz: kidding kidding
"I wasn't expecting that," is what he really said.
“Expecting what?" Jenna tries to ask politely. “Were you arguing with someone out there?"
“Oh... yes.... the Hare likes to, um... prank call me.”
“You'd think he wouldn't have time anymore, what with Jennifer's ferocious appetite," Jenna says.
“Oh, he makes timeee... yes, he~ does~~~...."
[8/19/2014 10:07:56 PM] Phantomwise: he has time set aside to prank Rabbit
[8/19/2014 10:09:12 PM] Princess Orlokz: "I've always wanted to call Rabbit while I was in the middle of intercourse"
[8/19/2014 10:09:20 PM] Princess Orlokz: "just to make him uncomfortable"
[8/19/2014 10:09:26 PM] Phantomwise: oh god
[8/19/2014 10:10:17 PM] Princess Orlokz: me: "sorry, but no"
[8/19/2014 10:10:20 PM] Princess Orlokz: "put the phone down"
[8/19/2014 10:10:46 PM] Princess Orlokz: he's the kind of guy who bursts into the bedroom with a safari hat and a net
[8/19/2014 10:11:11 PM] Phantomwise: lol
[8/19/2014 10:11:56 PM] Princess Orlokz: and nothing else
* * *
Completely different story on a different night, but related to the previous scene:
I just pictured Hatter and Hare having a business card for bedroom skillz, and Rabbit calls it up, and they come over and they're like "you need to learn how to breakdance on the bed.”
Rabbit: "I think the only thing I'd be breaking is my back.”
“Well, what YOU need to do is learn to make it LOOK like it's breakdancing! Try the backwards riverdance. Jenna's jaw will drop. She'll be mesmerized.”
Then Hatter goes: “Now here's the next thing - this lamp post. Do some hip-rocking on this thing and she's yours forever.”
[8/19/2014 10:17:58 PM] Phantomwise: lol what
"Hatta~, I'm not 30 anymore."
“When you get changed here at the dresser, do it in slow motion and make gurgly roaring noises like a bear on tranquilizers. She wants to feel like she's got a wild man in the house.”
[8/19/2014 10:20:04 PM] Phantomwise: XDDD
“But a man she's ensnared.”
[8/19/2014 10:20:39 PM] Phantomwise: I'd probably take him to the doctor if he made "gurgly roaring noises like a bear on tranquilizers"
[8/19/2014 10:20:54 PM] Princess Orlokz: a point rabbit makes
“At the very least, you'll get her attention, and she'll hold you close to examine you and make sure you're not dying,” Hare says.
“Tell her you're alright... now that she's there,” Hatter adds matter-of-factly.
“Keep a wine bottle in your sock drawer,” Hare says.
“I don't wear socks," Rabbit says.
“Then keep it in your bedside drawer next to your letters from Nor-- I mean.”
“How do you know about that?!!"
“Lucky guess?" Hare clears his throat and continues. “Last, but not least, buy some lady's lingirie.” Rabbit glances to the fourth wall on the verge of face-palming. “Get yourself a flowy transparent nightdress that cuts off just below your buttcheeks.”
“Well, with Her majesteh's line of plus-size clothing, I could find some that work, but... I'd rather not... Besides, I don't think Jenna's into the same things as Jennifer, Hare."
“So horizontal river-dancing on the bed, lamp-post hip-rocking, and slow-mo dresser roaring,” Hatter continues on obliviously.
"I'll... um... try that out next time." Rabbit says, but in the back of his mind he wonders if Jenna would think he looked crazy, if anything... like some kind of animal doing a mating ritual.
[8/19/2014 10:32:08 PM] Phantomwise: not crazy, just...confused and maybe sick
[8/19/2014 10:32:12 PM] Princess Orlokz: xDDD
Besides, all he wanted to do was seem more interesting after hours! It was not a booty call, he thought to himself indignantly. Besides, his booty couldn't even call anymore. The most it could do was whisper... very faintly... "I'm still here.... even though you've fallen on me a million times..."
Back at home, Hare was rubbing some body butter on his and looking at himself in the mirror. “Mmmm... now I smell like fresh bamboo and honeydew melon~! And I'm wearing green underwear today!!!" He's very proud about this.
[8/19/2014 10:36:38 PM] Phantomwise: I
[8/19/2014 10:36:42 PM] Phantomwise: I'm sure he is
The end.
Bed Time Methods
One day, Jenna and Rabbit were in Rabbit's room watching a delightful, magical movie. I don't know, Ever After or something. But while they were cuddling, Rabbit accidentally farted, and he knew how much Jenna hated farts so he felt absolutely awful. He tried to cover it up, but she knew what it was, so he said "excuse mehhh~" and left the room and cried in his hands.
He called up Hare, asking how he joked about these types of things.
"OHHhhh, calling MEEEE, huh??!?!" Hare answered. Hare was not sure if he was flattered that Rabbit considered farts to be his near only area of expertise. “Well I tell my lady she looked cold.”
“That's ridiculous," Rabbit said.
“Exactly! It makes her laugh!"
"I don't think Jenna would like a joke like that, He'a~... she's already complained it's stuffy in here."
“Fine. Tell her.... tell her dinner was excellent tonight and it was just your asshole's way of saying thank you."
"Oh God, that's even worse.”
[8/19/2014 9:55:10 PM] Phantomwise: it is
“What is wrong with you?!?!?"
“Jenny asks me the same thing.”
“Besides, I cooked dinner.”
[8/19/2014 9:56:56 PM] Princess Orlokz: ggughghhuu... I like the idea of hare calling me jenny
[8/19/2014 9:57:21 PM] Phantomwise: lol that is cute
So Rabbit continued to argue with Hare on his cellphone in the palace hallway. “You know, I think I was wrong to ask for your help. Goodnight," Rabbit said, and he hung up on Hare.
So he goes back into his room and Jenna's standing by a window, fanning the fresh air on her face. Rabbit stumbles over his words for a moment. "I-I-I... I'm sorrehhh... When you're old like me, they just slap on out."
[8/19/2014 10:03:50 PM] Princess Orlokz: kidding kidding
"I wasn't expecting that," is what he really said.
“Expecting what?" Jenna tries to ask politely. “Were you arguing with someone out there?"
“Oh... yes.... the Hare likes to, um... prank call me.”
“You'd think he wouldn't have time anymore, what with Jennifer's ferocious appetite," Jenna says.
“Oh, he makes timeee... yes, he~ does~~~...."
[8/19/2014 10:07:56 PM] Phantomwise: he has time set aside to prank Rabbit
[8/19/2014 10:09:12 PM] Princess Orlokz: "I've always wanted to call Rabbit while I was in the middle of intercourse"
[8/19/2014 10:09:20 PM] Princess Orlokz: "just to make him uncomfortable"
[8/19/2014 10:09:26 PM] Phantomwise: oh god
[8/19/2014 10:10:17 PM] Princess Orlokz: me: "sorry, but no"
[8/19/2014 10:10:20 PM] Princess Orlokz: "put the phone down"
[8/19/2014 10:10:46 PM] Princess Orlokz: he's the kind of guy who bursts into the bedroom with a safari hat and a net
[8/19/2014 10:11:11 PM] Phantomwise: lol
[8/19/2014 10:11:56 PM] Princess Orlokz: and nothing else
* * *
Completely different story on a different night, but related to the previous scene:
I just pictured Hatter and Hare having a business card for bedroom skillz, and Rabbit calls it up, and they come over and they're like "you need to learn how to breakdance on the bed.”
Rabbit: "I think the only thing I'd be breaking is my back.”
“Well, what YOU need to do is learn to make it LOOK like it's breakdancing! Try the backwards riverdance. Jenna's jaw will drop. She'll be mesmerized.”
Then Hatter goes: “Now here's the next thing - this lamp post. Do some hip-rocking on this thing and she's yours forever.”
[8/19/2014 10:17:58 PM] Phantomwise: lol what
"Hatta~, I'm not 30 anymore."
“When you get changed here at the dresser, do it in slow motion and make gurgly roaring noises like a bear on tranquilizers. She wants to feel like she's got a wild man in the house.”
[8/19/2014 10:20:04 PM] Phantomwise: XDDD
“But a man she's ensnared.”
[8/19/2014 10:20:39 PM] Phantomwise: I'd probably take him to the doctor if he made "gurgly roaring noises like a bear on tranquilizers"
[8/19/2014 10:20:54 PM] Princess Orlokz: a point rabbit makes
“At the very least, you'll get her attention, and she'll hold you close to examine you and make sure you're not dying,” Hare says.
“Tell her you're alright... now that she's there,” Hatter adds matter-of-factly.
“Keep a wine bottle in your sock drawer,” Hare says.
“I don't wear socks," Rabbit says.
“Then keep it in your bedside drawer next to your letters from Nor-- I mean.”
“How do you know about that?!!"
“Lucky guess?" Hare clears his throat and continues. “Last, but not least, buy some lady's lingirie.” Rabbit glances to the fourth wall on the verge of face-palming. “Get yourself a flowy transparent nightdress that cuts off just below your buttcheeks.”
“Well, with Her majesteh's line of plus-size clothing, I could find some that work, but... I'd rather not... Besides, I don't think Jenna's into the same things as Jennifer, Hare."
“So horizontal river-dancing on the bed, lamp-post hip-rocking, and slow-mo dresser roaring,” Hatter continues on obliviously.
"I'll... um... try that out next time." Rabbit says, but in the back of his mind he wonders if Jenna would think he looked crazy, if anything... like some kind of animal doing a mating ritual.
[8/19/2014 10:32:08 PM] Phantomwise: not crazy, just...confused and maybe sick
[8/19/2014 10:32:12 PM] Princess Orlokz: xDDD
Besides, all he wanted to do was seem more interesting after hours! It was not a booty call, he thought to himself indignantly. Besides, his booty couldn't even call anymore. The most it could do was whisper... very faintly... "I'm still here.... even though you've fallen on me a million times..."
Back at home, Hare was rubbing some body butter on his and looking at himself in the mirror. “Mmmm... now I smell like fresh bamboo and honeydew melon~! And I'm wearing green underwear today!!!" He's very proud about this.
[8/19/2014 10:36:38 PM] Phantomwise: I
[8/19/2014 10:36:42 PM] Phantomwise: I'm sure he is
The end.