OH, I am so pumped right now...
I finished reading Phantom of the Opera again, second time this year, and made it through the end without crying. But it may have been because I was reading it for soaking up ideas and not to really submerge myself in the content. It really did touch me again hearing Erik beg for marriage, though... "...But you'd have fun with me!" Oh, it gets me.
In fact, I feel so differently appreciative of this story right now, like I've never felt before. A few years ago I wouldn't be sold on the idea that I was going to find the book so capturing. For years, I didn't think the book was very good, but I know now it was because my stupid young self thought Gaston Leroux was too wordy and the gravity of the scenes was lost on me.
Now I feel like a book nut -- I know why a friend of mine loves it so much, even enough that it's her one true commitment (and she doesn't think the musical's that great.) I'm a little different from her because, even though the musical IS very much a straying interpretation, I feel like it captured a lot of the feelings from the book and did have music that I can hear while I read it. It's very close to me, and it's not ambiguous at all that my "Erik"'s mannerisms and outward show are musical-like, because he knows Lily likes that. He's There shows it's made by a musical lover, but that's not all that I am.
And neither am I a lover of just a couple of the movies. I know right now that I have closed the period of time in which I wrote He's There, inspired by Robert Englund and Charles Dance. I believe the rest of this book is going to have Leroux splashed all over it and that will pack the BIGGEST punch. It will unite phans who might be a little torn by their opinions of what's the best adaptation by bringing them back to the darkness, passion, and obsession that started it all -- what made this story cared about 100 years after it was written and retold so many times. I lament, however, that there isn't much said by Gaston Leroux about his own characters. He was alive during the shooting of the silent film, though he died two years later... did he have a hand in that? I don't know. I should probably look into it...
That said, I'm in a state of mind where, when I think of Erik, I see the man in the book instead of the man in the musical, which was my natural and preferred vision for a long time. (Please feel free to view my fanart by clicking on the thumb. :D)
While I was reading, I sometimes got carried away with my ideas for imitation of him. What I mean is, I would be so in that world that I would be so out of the He's There world, and it would become apparent to me later that not every way that Leroux Erik acts works with my "Erik". Despite how much inspiration I've had from all over the place, my "Erik" is his own person, so with my pages of notes, I had to put into the plot what was believable given what he's already like. On the other hand, not all that he does is what's natural to him because he feels kindred enough with this Erik -- this Erik he thinks existed, and all the others don't -- that he sometimes finds himself willingly hijacked by the impulse to do what that character he looks up to would do.
I thought about, also, how different he is from Leroux Erik, and yet he still thinks he shared his spirit. Where is his musical genius (even if he can play the piano quite well?) Where is his mastery of ventriloquism, of magic, of his own voice? I have to remember before I consider him a disappointing fraud that he IS technically a fraud and that is the point - that from the outside of his troubled mind, he is clearly not Erik to anyone but poor Lily whose treatment has been so tailored, she doesn't care if they're confused together about his identity. Also, Leroux Erik is 50 years old and lived that life - a life "Erik" has never lived. "Erik" is younger than Raoul! "Erik" is a depressed young man who was overwhelmed by the world and said "fuck it". I consider him, if anything, as a seedling of the real Erik, and I think he does too. He has just started on a journey he deems similar.
Even with all of Leroux Erik's experiences and growth, one big thing I think they have in common is neither has really grown up, or in a way they've grown up in so much emotional isolation that what they are now isn't agreeable with everyone else. Yet they know it and stubbornly maintain their own ideas about how they will live. Other people's rules are meaningless to them. It would be too overwhelming and painful to try and change, so they get by without changing. Thinking they need only their privacy, room to create as they please, and a woman who's supposed to endure that lifestyle so against the grain they must be isolated... He thinks he can make her drunk off love for him and she'll just be fine living like a beautiful thing put into a box.
It made me feel so uncomfortable that he didn't know the real way to be with and love someone else - that he had a fantasy about being loved and would kill everyone if he couldn't realize it.
Ah, but I'm going off on such a long tangent. The book is a trip to a dark place in all our hearts, where we've been before, whether in reality or imagination, when we loved someone so much it hurt; hurt even before it became clear they would never see us that way, so that afterward it felt like the world was ending. The part that makes me cry is Erik's fruitless fighting, every word dripping with realization that it isn't reaching inside the girl, who's become too terrified even to refuse him. It's almost worse than anger and an open desire to get away. Imagine someone you love afraid of you because they see you as a monster, who hurts rather than understands. Sometimes I worry my father feels that way.
Another tangent!
He's There chapter scripting starts today, hopefully. I'll write soon.
...I think everyone will be pleased. I think what comes out of him will be what we could suspect him hiding all this time.
One last thing -- I was very excited to learn that one of my favorite Phantom of the Opera songs, Let Me Love You Now, is from an entire album of music written by Vox Lumiere for the silent film. It's very clear they're inspired by the book as well as that film, and it gives me shivers thinking they are writing ABOUT the Phantom, and it isn't coincidental lyrics that I'm applying to the story.
I found this little gem while looking on the website... Oh, so simple but expressive!
http://audio.isg.si/audiox/?q=node/64500
Mine could be the name you long to say!
♥,
Jennifer
In fact, I feel so differently appreciative of this story right now, like I've never felt before. A few years ago I wouldn't be sold on the idea that I was going to find the book so capturing. For years, I didn't think the book was very good, but I know now it was because my stupid young self thought Gaston Leroux was too wordy and the gravity of the scenes was lost on me.
Now I feel like a book nut -- I know why a friend of mine loves it so much, even enough that it's her one true commitment (and she doesn't think the musical's that great.) I'm a little different from her because, even though the musical IS very much a straying interpretation, I feel like it captured a lot of the feelings from the book and did have music that I can hear while I read it. It's very close to me, and it's not ambiguous at all that my "Erik"'s mannerisms and outward show are musical-like, because he knows Lily likes that. He's There shows it's made by a musical lover, but that's not all that I am.
And neither am I a lover of just a couple of the movies. I know right now that I have closed the period of time in which I wrote He's There, inspired by Robert Englund and Charles Dance. I believe the rest of this book is going to have Leroux splashed all over it and that will pack the BIGGEST punch. It will unite phans who might be a little torn by their opinions of what's the best adaptation by bringing them back to the darkness, passion, and obsession that started it all -- what made this story cared about 100 years after it was written and retold so many times. I lament, however, that there isn't much said by Gaston Leroux about his own characters. He was alive during the shooting of the silent film, though he died two years later... did he have a hand in that? I don't know. I should probably look into it...
That said, I'm in a state of mind where, when I think of Erik, I see the man in the book instead of the man in the musical, which was my natural and preferred vision for a long time. (Please feel free to view my fanart by clicking on the thumb. :D)
While I was reading, I sometimes got carried away with my ideas for imitation of him. What I mean is, I would be so in that world that I would be so out of the He's There world, and it would become apparent to me later that not every way that Leroux Erik acts works with my "Erik". Despite how much inspiration I've had from all over the place, my "Erik" is his own person, so with my pages of notes, I had to put into the plot what was believable given what he's already like. On the other hand, not all that he does is what's natural to him because he feels kindred enough with this Erik -- this Erik he thinks existed, and all the others don't -- that he sometimes finds himself willingly hijacked by the impulse to do what that character he looks up to would do.
I thought about, also, how different he is from Leroux Erik, and yet he still thinks he shared his spirit. Where is his musical genius (even if he can play the piano quite well?) Where is his mastery of ventriloquism, of magic, of his own voice? I have to remember before I consider him a disappointing fraud that he IS technically a fraud and that is the point - that from the outside of his troubled mind, he is clearly not Erik to anyone but poor Lily whose treatment has been so tailored, she doesn't care if they're confused together about his identity. Also, Leroux Erik is 50 years old and lived that life - a life "Erik" has never lived. "Erik" is younger than Raoul! "Erik" is a depressed young man who was overwhelmed by the world and said "fuck it". I consider him, if anything, as a seedling of the real Erik, and I think he does too. He has just started on a journey he deems similar.
Even with all of Leroux Erik's experiences and growth, one big thing I think they have in common is neither has really grown up, or in a way they've grown up in so much emotional isolation that what they are now isn't agreeable with everyone else. Yet they know it and stubbornly maintain their own ideas about how they will live. Other people's rules are meaningless to them. It would be too overwhelming and painful to try and change, so they get by without changing. Thinking they need only their privacy, room to create as they please, and a woman who's supposed to endure that lifestyle so against the grain they must be isolated... He thinks he can make her drunk off love for him and she'll just be fine living like a beautiful thing put into a box.
It made me feel so uncomfortable that he didn't know the real way to be with and love someone else - that he had a fantasy about being loved and would kill everyone if he couldn't realize it.
Ah, but I'm going off on such a long tangent. The book is a trip to a dark place in all our hearts, where we've been before, whether in reality or imagination, when we loved someone so much it hurt; hurt even before it became clear they would never see us that way, so that afterward it felt like the world was ending. The part that makes me cry is Erik's fruitless fighting, every word dripping with realization that it isn't reaching inside the girl, who's become too terrified even to refuse him. It's almost worse than anger and an open desire to get away. Imagine someone you love afraid of you because they see you as a monster, who hurts rather than understands. Sometimes I worry my father feels that way.
Another tangent!
He's There chapter scripting starts today, hopefully. I'll write soon.
...I think everyone will be pleased. I think what comes out of him will be what we could suspect him hiding all this time.
One last thing -- I was very excited to learn that one of my favorite Phantom of the Opera songs, Let Me Love You Now, is from an entire album of music written by Vox Lumiere for the silent film. It's very clear they're inspired by the book as well as that film, and it gives me shivers thinking they are writing ABOUT the Phantom, and it isn't coincidental lyrics that I'm applying to the story.
I found this little gem while looking on the website... Oh, so simple but expressive!
http://audio.isg.si/audiox/?q=node/64500
Mine could be the name you long to say!
♥,
Jennifer