(no subject)
Man O Man O Man O Man...
Feeling really out of control. Gabe's mood swings are getting more severe and intense. He is turning into Jekyll & Hyde. Yesterday he laid on his bed, face down, being barely responsive and had stuck a note on his door that said, "Just Fucking Kill Me". He regularly says his life sucks. No, I don't think he would actually hurt himself. We've talked about it with him, his counselor and even his psychiatrist. I know some of it is being a teenager and hormones and some of it is the autism and the recognition by him that his peers are drastically outpacing him socially and some of it is anxiety driven by change, but many of the things I used to be able to do to console him and help him through these meltdowns, distress and depression just aren't working anymore. I'm feeling pretty helpless and it is taking every ounce of my energy and will to not curl up in a ball and cry.
In anticipation of him being discharged from the day treatment program, we have contacted OPWDD and got the ball rolling on his evaluation for eligibility for their assistance and services. This process can take up to 90 days. He meets all the criteria to be eligible and Chris and his current counselor have both talked to the Eligibility Coordinator assigned to us so I am hoping it won't take very long. We started him with a new counselor this week (trying to overlap the 2 counselors so they can coordinate) and trying to make sure we have enough meds to get us through the summer (just realized one of them may be short by about 2 weeks). The new counselor is going to cost me $1000 out of pocket before my insurance kicks in and any visits to his PCP to get med refills etc. are going to cost me a bunch too.
I spoke to his psychiatrist this morning about maybe putting him back on a mood stabilizer to help him be able to better process through some of the craziness going on with him right now. He is getting discharged from day treatment in 2 weeks so she is hesitant to do anything even though she commented on how, when she met with Gabe this morning, she could even see his distress in his physical appearance because once he is discharged, she won't be his doctor anymore and won't be able to follow-up on any treatment plan. So panic sets in again! I called his new counselors office and they don't have a psychiatrist on staff or anyone that they partner with. I called his primary care physician and she is off today so I left a voice mail with her nurse.
My anxiety level is shooting through the roof and I'm having trouble managing it. I've only made it to 1 karate class this week and we are supposed to go to 2 each week. I had planned on going today to the 4:45 class but now I'm wondering if maybe instead I should curl up on the couch with Gabe and just watch a movie. We have Relay tomorrow (I still have a bunch of stuff to do for that) so I can't make class tomorrow night and I'll be at Relay till probalby about 2 am and the Saturday morning class is at 9:45 plus I have a hair appointment at 12:45. So do I really want to try and squeeze in a class Saturday morning? I know going to class is a great stress reliever for me but I'm debating if I should concentrate more on Gabe right now??
Gah! Sometimes it really sucks being a parent.
Feeling really out of control. Gabe's mood swings are getting more severe and intense. He is turning into Jekyll & Hyde. Yesterday he laid on his bed, face down, being barely responsive and had stuck a note on his door that said, "Just Fucking Kill Me". He regularly says his life sucks. No, I don't think he would actually hurt himself. We've talked about it with him, his counselor and even his psychiatrist. I know some of it is being a teenager and hormones and some of it is the autism and the recognition by him that his peers are drastically outpacing him socially and some of it is anxiety driven by change, but many of the things I used to be able to do to console him and help him through these meltdowns, distress and depression just aren't working anymore. I'm feeling pretty helpless and it is taking every ounce of my energy and will to not curl up in a ball and cry.
In anticipation of him being discharged from the day treatment program, we have contacted OPWDD and got the ball rolling on his evaluation for eligibility for their assistance and services. This process can take up to 90 days. He meets all the criteria to be eligible and Chris and his current counselor have both talked to the Eligibility Coordinator assigned to us so I am hoping it won't take very long. We started him with a new counselor this week (trying to overlap the 2 counselors so they can coordinate) and trying to make sure we have enough meds to get us through the summer (just realized one of them may be short by about 2 weeks). The new counselor is going to cost me $1000 out of pocket before my insurance kicks in and any visits to his PCP to get med refills etc. are going to cost me a bunch too.
I spoke to his psychiatrist this morning about maybe putting him back on a mood stabilizer to help him be able to better process through some of the craziness going on with him right now. He is getting discharged from day treatment in 2 weeks so she is hesitant to do anything even though she commented on how, when she met with Gabe this morning, she could even see his distress in his physical appearance because once he is discharged, she won't be his doctor anymore and won't be able to follow-up on any treatment plan. So panic sets in again! I called his new counselors office and they don't have a psychiatrist on staff or anyone that they partner with. I called his primary care physician and she is off today so I left a voice mail with her nurse.
My anxiety level is shooting through the roof and I'm having trouble managing it. I've only made it to 1 karate class this week and we are supposed to go to 2 each week. I had planned on going today to the 4:45 class but now I'm wondering if maybe instead I should curl up on the couch with Gabe and just watch a movie. We have Relay tomorrow (I still have a bunch of stuff to do for that) so I can't make class tomorrow night and I'll be at Relay till probalby about 2 am and the Saturday morning class is at 9:45 plus I have a hair appointment at 12:45. So do I really want to try and squeeze in a class Saturday morning? I know going to class is a great stress reliever for me but I'm debating if I should concentrate more on Gabe right now??
Gah! Sometimes it really sucks being a parent.