For Zara.
I felt the need to write something silly and dedicate it to Zara, so here you go. Hopefully you'll all get it without me having to explain it.
A Tale of Two Brits
Once upon a time there were two British men. One was named Andrew, and one was named William. This was not uncommon, for there are many British men named William, and many named Andrew. There are also several Richards, Johns, Henrys, and an occasional Charles, but none of them come into this tale. William and Andrew did not live at the same time. However, both men were considered by people who were living at the same time to be very brilliant.
One day something very strange happened. William awoke and found himself in a very bright white room. There was another man there too, and somehow William felt this man’s name must be Andrew. Then again, it could have been the name tag he was wearing. The two men looked at each other.
“Where are we?” asked Andrew.
“I know not,” replied William.
Suddenly, a frighteningly perky voice boomed over a previously-un-aforementioned loudspeaker. “Hello, and welcome to the Disney International headquarters! Although some *censorship beep* like to refer to this place as purgatory, we prefer to think of it as the brain of the Disney Corporation. You have been brought here through some highly-illegal-and-yet-untraceable methods to sell your soul to us, by which we mean come up with out next great blockbuster animated film! You have twenty-four hours, or we’ll slaughter you in a grisly manner and film it to be released under our Touchstone Label! See you in twenty-four hours, and have a nice day!”
William and Andrew again exchanged looks. Andrew spoke. “So, what I’m understanding is that if we don’t come up with a story for a movie that will attract children and hold the interest of the parents to be marketed by a giant mouse and his world monopolizing corporation, we die?”
William blinked. “When I find I need to meet a fast approaching ‘deadline’, I find it best to alter an existing manuscript. What might you have for us to use?” Andrew thought for a moment. “I have a tale about felines with human emotions. What about you?” William thought again. “I have a tragedy of pain and suffering which explores the depths of the human mind.” The two men smile and shook hands.
About twelve hours later, a man with an impossibly fake smile checked on them. He brought with him another British man, Mr. John, who was to help them. William thought Mr. John was frighteningly effeminate. Andrew found Mr. John reminded him strangely of his ex-wife Sarah, a very unnerving thought. Mr. John thought the story should be a musical. Andrew pointed out that he wrote music too. Mr. John pointed out that Andrew didn’t have enough shock factor in his personal tastes to sell his music. William and Andrew both decided that Mr. John was obviously off his bloody rocker and living in a fantasy world, and left him alone after that.
When William and Andrew saw the final cut of Disney’s “The Lion King”, they both decided to stick with theatre. Movies like that were just cheap knockoffs of their great works anyway.
A Tale of Two Brits
Once upon a time there were two British men. One was named Andrew, and one was named William. This was not uncommon, for there are many British men named William, and many named Andrew. There are also several Richards, Johns, Henrys, and an occasional Charles, but none of them come into this tale. William and Andrew did not live at the same time. However, both men were considered by people who were living at the same time to be very brilliant.
One day something very strange happened. William awoke and found himself in a very bright white room. There was another man there too, and somehow William felt this man’s name must be Andrew. Then again, it could have been the name tag he was wearing. The two men looked at each other.
“Where are we?” asked Andrew.
“I know not,” replied William.
Suddenly, a frighteningly perky voice boomed over a previously-un-aforementioned loudspeaker. “Hello, and welcome to the Disney International headquarters! Although some *censorship beep* like to refer to this place as purgatory, we prefer to think of it as the brain of the Disney Corporation. You have been brought here through some highly-illegal-and-yet-untraceable methods to sell your soul to us, by which we mean come up with out next great blockbuster animated film! You have twenty-four hours, or we’ll slaughter you in a grisly manner and film it to be released under our Touchstone Label! See you in twenty-four hours, and have a nice day!”
William and Andrew again exchanged looks. Andrew spoke. “So, what I’m understanding is that if we don’t come up with a story for a movie that will attract children and hold the interest of the parents to be marketed by a giant mouse and his world monopolizing corporation, we die?”
William blinked. “When I find I need to meet a fast approaching ‘deadline’, I find it best to alter an existing manuscript. What might you have for us to use?” Andrew thought for a moment. “I have a tale about felines with human emotions. What about you?” William thought again. “I have a tragedy of pain and suffering which explores the depths of the human mind.” The two men smile and shook hands.
About twelve hours later, a man with an impossibly fake smile checked on them. He brought with him another British man, Mr. John, who was to help them. William thought Mr. John was frighteningly effeminate. Andrew found Mr. John reminded him strangely of his ex-wife Sarah, a very unnerving thought. Mr. John thought the story should be a musical. Andrew pointed out that he wrote music too. Mr. John pointed out that Andrew didn’t have enough shock factor in his personal tastes to sell his music. William and Andrew both decided that Mr. John was obviously off his bloody rocker and living in a fantasy world, and left him alone after that.
When William and Andrew saw the final cut of Disney’s “The Lion King”, they both decided to stick with theatre. Movies like that were just cheap knockoffs of their great works anyway.