Westmark-"Secrets"
Justin/Zara, with lots of secrets. Rated PG-13 for language, and contains OMGSPOILERS for the Westmark Trilogy Written at the request of rainbowjehan, ever my Westmarkian muse.
Secrets
Zara knew secrets, lots of secrets, and Zara in herself was a secret that even she did not know. Florian knew, because he had to know her secret, but now that had been forgotten and her secret was one which Florian did not know (or that was what she thought, for it was still the same secret, and she did not remember that he knew). She had been with him a year, and her ribs still showed too much, but she had found the one person to whom she would give her trust and loyalty, in fact, the only person (although she did not know it then). And one day he went away, as he often did, and then he came back, and things were different.
“What’s that?” she said, glaring at the doorway behind him.
Florian turned and looked at the boy who lingered hesitantly in the doorway, his eyes fixed on the floor, his entire body hiding a violent passion (which even then Florian saw would be his victory or his downfall). The boy was older than Zara, and bigger, but she was stronger, and would always be.
“This is Justin. He’ll be staying with us for a while,” said Florian.
The violet eyes flicked up from the floor only long enough to catch a glimpse of red hair.
*******
They grew up, until they were not children, but Justin wore long pants and trimmed his chin, and Zara filled out her shirts more; and Zara knew Justin’s secret. She always had, just as she had always known Florian’s secret, and she was good with secrets. She had two secrets, two that she knew, that no one else knew, and no one else would ever know. When it was still just them, just Zara and Justin (and Florian, because Florian was always there), Justin had almost learned one of her secrets. But then came the boy with the ratty clothes and the hat and the papers full of silly rhyming words, and Zara withdrew into herself again, and Justin did not know the one secret. Justin had never forgiven her for not telling him her secret when she knew his. (It was all fair though, because she had never forgiven him for coming in the first place and ruining the way things were when it was just herself and Florian.)
*******
“There’s going to be a war,” said Florian. Zara didn’t look up from her sewing, she just grunted an affirmation that she had heard him. Justin looked up though, his eyes blazing from his scarred face.
“Who will be your second?” he said. Why there would be a war didn’t matter, for there was going to be a war; what mattered was who would be Florian’s second (for it had to be Florian who would lead).
“I am,” said Zara, still not looking up.
“You’re a girl.” It was a statement, flat and cold; his violet eyes carried all the inflection of what he meant by the words.
“You’re an idiot,” she replied, and bit off a thread and threw the newly mended shirt at him. He did not catch it, he let it fall.
”Florian-” he started to say, but Florian stopped him.
“Zara will be my second. I’m putting you in command of a separate troop, with Stock for a second. Luther will be our spy, and Rina will be put somewhere out of danger.”
Justin was appeased, even pleased, though in a way that he felt he had never expected anything less. (Only Florian saw Zara’s cold look, the one that said that she hadn’t planned it like that, and he gave her a look that told her no to question him, because he knew both her secrets now and thought this was best.)
*******
“Stop sulking,” said Zara. Justin ignored her. He mostly always ignored her now, he had ever since the battle at Eschbach when Rina had died. (She was buried somewhere with Luther, but no one could say exactly where, just as Stock was buried somewhere with Rosana and no one could quite tell you where.) Florian looked up at them from his seat by the window, then returned to his book.
Zara threw a pillow at Justin. He turned on her angrily when it hit him. “What?” he growled at her.
The sparks in her eyes matched the blaze in his. “You’ve been sulking around for months without a damn reason and I’m getting sick of it.”
“Then leave and go back to Freyborg,” he snarled. “No one asked you to stay in Marianstat.” He turned his back to her.
Zara stood up and crossed her arms. “Florian asked me to stay.”
Justin whirled around and came at her so quickly that she stumbled backward into the wall. “Of course! Florian asked you, just like he made you his second-in-command so that you two could stay all warm and comfy while you send all of us and Rina to get killed!”
Zara shoved him away. “Don’t say that or I’ll claw your eyes out.”
“You’re just damn bloody lucky because the man you’re so in love with didn’t get killed, but that doesn’t give you any right to tell me what I can and can’t do! Rina is dead, and it should have been you!” Florian grabbed Zara’s arm and held her back while Justin fled the room. (He held her and stroked her hair the was he had when she was very small, and he did his best to soothe her, because he knew both her secrets, and he knew that Justin did not, and he would never understand.)
*******
Zara had two secrets that no one knew (until Florian knew, but she hardly counted that). The first was that she admired her older brother more than anyone in the world. She loved and admired him enough that she had done what he had done, she had left home and run away from the endless fancy dresses and embroidery, and had made herself a common seamstress until her brother had found her and scolded her gently and taken her to a farm outside of Freyborg and a new life where they could believe in any ideal they wished, or no ideal at all.
The second secret was that the only person she loved more than her brother was the violent and passionate boy who her brother had brought home, the boy whose violet eyes were filled with pain and fire and who she knew was in love with her too, but would never admit it, just as she would never admit it.
She took both her secrets, and all the others she knew, to her death.
(When Florian came back to Westmark, Zara and Justin were both dead. It took some time, and some well-placed coin, but he managed to find them both, both dumped in ditches like commoners (and he knew they were both of most uncommon kind). He took them to the farm outside Freyborg and buried them together somewhere, together with each other and their secrets.)
Secrets
Zara knew secrets, lots of secrets, and Zara in herself was a secret that even she did not know. Florian knew, because he had to know her secret, but now that had been forgotten and her secret was one which Florian did not know (or that was what she thought, for it was still the same secret, and she did not remember that he knew). She had been with him a year, and her ribs still showed too much, but she had found the one person to whom she would give her trust and loyalty, in fact, the only person (although she did not know it then). And one day he went away, as he often did, and then he came back, and things were different.
“What’s that?” she said, glaring at the doorway behind him.
Florian turned and looked at the boy who lingered hesitantly in the doorway, his eyes fixed on the floor, his entire body hiding a violent passion (which even then Florian saw would be his victory or his downfall). The boy was older than Zara, and bigger, but she was stronger, and would always be.
“This is Justin. He’ll be staying with us for a while,” said Florian.
The violet eyes flicked up from the floor only long enough to catch a glimpse of red hair.
*******
They grew up, until they were not children, but Justin wore long pants and trimmed his chin, and Zara filled out her shirts more; and Zara knew Justin’s secret. She always had, just as she had always known Florian’s secret, and she was good with secrets. She had two secrets, two that she knew, that no one else knew, and no one else would ever know. When it was still just them, just Zara and Justin (and Florian, because Florian was always there), Justin had almost learned one of her secrets. But then came the boy with the ratty clothes and the hat and the papers full of silly rhyming words, and Zara withdrew into herself again, and Justin did not know the one secret. Justin had never forgiven her for not telling him her secret when she knew his. (It was all fair though, because she had never forgiven him for coming in the first place and ruining the way things were when it was just herself and Florian.)
*******
“There’s going to be a war,” said Florian. Zara didn’t look up from her sewing, she just grunted an affirmation that she had heard him. Justin looked up though, his eyes blazing from his scarred face.
“Who will be your second?” he said. Why there would be a war didn’t matter, for there was going to be a war; what mattered was who would be Florian’s second (for it had to be Florian who would lead).
“I am,” said Zara, still not looking up.
“You’re a girl.” It was a statement, flat and cold; his violet eyes carried all the inflection of what he meant by the words.
“You’re an idiot,” she replied, and bit off a thread and threw the newly mended shirt at him. He did not catch it, he let it fall.
”Florian-” he started to say, but Florian stopped him.
“Zara will be my second. I’m putting you in command of a separate troop, with Stock for a second. Luther will be our spy, and Rina will be put somewhere out of danger.”
Justin was appeased, even pleased, though in a way that he felt he had never expected anything less. (Only Florian saw Zara’s cold look, the one that said that she hadn’t planned it like that, and he gave her a look that told her no to question him, because he knew both her secrets now and thought this was best.)
*******
“Stop sulking,” said Zara. Justin ignored her. He mostly always ignored her now, he had ever since the battle at Eschbach when Rina had died. (She was buried somewhere with Luther, but no one could say exactly where, just as Stock was buried somewhere with Rosana and no one could quite tell you where.) Florian looked up at them from his seat by the window, then returned to his book.
Zara threw a pillow at Justin. He turned on her angrily when it hit him. “What?” he growled at her.
The sparks in her eyes matched the blaze in his. “You’ve been sulking around for months without a damn reason and I’m getting sick of it.”
“Then leave and go back to Freyborg,” he snarled. “No one asked you to stay in Marianstat.” He turned his back to her.
Zara stood up and crossed her arms. “Florian asked me to stay.”
Justin whirled around and came at her so quickly that she stumbled backward into the wall. “Of course! Florian asked you, just like he made you his second-in-command so that you two could stay all warm and comfy while you send all of us and Rina to get killed!”
Zara shoved him away. “Don’t say that or I’ll claw your eyes out.”
“You’re just damn bloody lucky because the man you’re so in love with didn’t get killed, but that doesn’t give you any right to tell me what I can and can’t do! Rina is dead, and it should have been you!” Florian grabbed Zara’s arm and held her back while Justin fled the room. (He held her and stroked her hair the was he had when she was very small, and he did his best to soothe her, because he knew both her secrets, and he knew that Justin did not, and he would never understand.)
*******
Zara had two secrets that no one knew (until Florian knew, but she hardly counted that). The first was that she admired her older brother more than anyone in the world. She loved and admired him enough that she had done what he had done, she had left home and run away from the endless fancy dresses and embroidery, and had made herself a common seamstress until her brother had found her and scolded her gently and taken her to a farm outside of Freyborg and a new life where they could believe in any ideal they wished, or no ideal at all.
The second secret was that the only person she loved more than her brother was the violent and passionate boy who her brother had brought home, the boy whose violet eyes were filled with pain and fire and who she knew was in love with her too, but would never admit it, just as she would never admit it.
She took both her secrets, and all the others she knew, to her death.
(When Florian came back to Westmark, Zara and Justin were both dead. It took some time, and some well-placed coin, but he managed to find them both, both dumped in ditches like commoners (and he knew they were both of most uncommon kind). He took them to the farm outside Freyborg and buried them together somewhere, together with each other and their secrets.)