(no subject)
i'm less than a month close to going back to miami.
it's weird that i'd be so excited. but i'm going home... with focus.
i'm going to make things work. once and for all, i'm going to get my life on track. even if that means succumbing to shit i wouldn't normally have found palatable... it's going to work and that's that. and if it means taking night classes for bullshit like finance or accounting or some stupidity, then so be it. let's fucking come down to brass tacks here... i'm not going to end up "going back to school" to pursue something that my heart beats for. honestly, i just don't see myself doing it. yes, we only have one life and yes, you might as well make the most of it. yes, yes, yes. but all i want are the simple things. i want to work somewhere where i can immerse myself in it but not drown in it. at the end of the day, i want to meet up with friends and have a nice dinner or a drink. relax on my brother's couch with the kids on weekends and have wii marathons. maybe someday if i meet someone outstanding, i'll get married. but probably not. in that case, i might move somewhere near water so that i can save up and get a boat. live my life for my small creature comforts. i think that's where i'm at right now. and really, what's wrong with it? simple susan. that's me.
i started packing some clothes up tonight. i sat and looked around the apartment and i inhaled deeply. it felt nice. this was my life for two years. and half of it was great and the other half not so great. i ran myself into the ground financially and i'm going to have a bitch of a time getting up... but i take that medal and pin it on my lapel. i've "been there" now, and i can only move upwards from what i consider 'rock bottom'.
so onwards and upwards, my friends.
i saw an X-File tonight that made me emotional... the one Gillian Anderson wrote, called "all things" (season 7, aka: "the decline of one of the best shows ever"). it meant a lot to me on lots of levels. it felt good watching that. i felt something of a reflection of myself in it. the paths we choose, the things we accept and deny, the paths we do or don't take... they shape us. could i be in a better place right now in life? somehow, i don't believe i could. i believe i was meant to live through this, the way that i am now. i've come to realize a lot about myself and what i want and don't want. and the undercurrent is good, things at the surface being what they are.
this grasshopper is learning, day by day...
it's weird that i'd be so excited. but i'm going home... with focus.
i'm going to make things work. once and for all, i'm going to get my life on track. even if that means succumbing to shit i wouldn't normally have found palatable... it's going to work and that's that. and if it means taking night classes for bullshit like finance or accounting or some stupidity, then so be it. let's fucking come down to brass tacks here... i'm not going to end up "going back to school" to pursue something that my heart beats for. honestly, i just don't see myself doing it. yes, we only have one life and yes, you might as well make the most of it. yes, yes, yes. but all i want are the simple things. i want to work somewhere where i can immerse myself in it but not drown in it. at the end of the day, i want to meet up with friends and have a nice dinner or a drink. relax on my brother's couch with the kids on weekends and have wii marathons. maybe someday if i meet someone outstanding, i'll get married. but probably not. in that case, i might move somewhere near water so that i can save up and get a boat. live my life for my small creature comforts. i think that's where i'm at right now. and really, what's wrong with it? simple susan. that's me.
i started packing some clothes up tonight. i sat and looked around the apartment and i inhaled deeply. it felt nice. this was my life for two years. and half of it was great and the other half not so great. i ran myself into the ground financially and i'm going to have a bitch of a time getting up... but i take that medal and pin it on my lapel. i've "been there" now, and i can only move upwards from what i consider 'rock bottom'.
so onwards and upwards, my friends.
i saw an X-File tonight that made me emotional... the one Gillian Anderson wrote, called "all things" (season 7, aka: "the decline of one of the best shows ever"). it meant a lot to me on lots of levels. it felt good watching that. i felt something of a reflection of myself in it. the paths we choose, the things we accept and deny, the paths we do or don't take... they shape us. could i be in a better place right now in life? somehow, i don't believe i could. i believe i was meant to live through this, the way that i am now. i've come to realize a lot about myself and what i want and don't want. and the undercurrent is good, things at the surface being what they are.
this grasshopper is learning, day by day...