(no subject)
two months. two stinking months left in this shithole.
the waiting period is always the most uncertain time. so much planning to do... so many mysteries to put your faith into. so many decisions to be made. and as if that weren't enough, there's all this other fog covering any rays of clarity the world might offer you.
it's hit me -- the stress depression. all i wanna do is fucking sleep. but i can't, because i have decisions to make. i don't even want to talk, and that's a bitch when someone else is living in your tiny shoebox.
my switch has flicked to "off" and i can't find it to turn it back on. well, that's a load of shit -- i haven't even bothered looking. i'm just blindly assigning hatred to things.
i feel so lost. so fucking misguided (by myself). i feel that i'll remain lost for these two months until i'm settled again. and i'd hardly call it "settled" even then. just a stop-gap for a few months, until i recover and it's time to start the game again.
i want out of all this bullshit. one thing's for certain -- i gotta get it together before the next time i decide to "live my life" and spare myself the senseless agony.
for chrissake, sometimes i think i know what i want and i just keep swallowing what i don't need instead.
what an ass.
the waiting period is always the most uncertain time. so much planning to do... so many mysteries to put your faith into. so many decisions to be made. and as if that weren't enough, there's all this other fog covering any rays of clarity the world might offer you.
it's hit me -- the stress depression. all i wanna do is fucking sleep. but i can't, because i have decisions to make. i don't even want to talk, and that's a bitch when someone else is living in your tiny shoebox.
my switch has flicked to "off" and i can't find it to turn it back on. well, that's a load of shit -- i haven't even bothered looking. i'm just blindly assigning hatred to things.
i feel so lost. so fucking misguided (by myself). i feel that i'll remain lost for these two months until i'm settled again. and i'd hardly call it "settled" even then. just a stop-gap for a few months, until i recover and it's time to start the game again.
i want out of all this bullshit. one thing's for certain -- i gotta get it together before the next time i decide to "live my life" and spare myself the senseless agony.
for chrissake, sometimes i think i know what i want and i just keep swallowing what i don't need instead.
what an ass.