"Adult" musings...
I can see the sun rising from my little corner of the library. It's absolutely beautiful, even if it never seems to compare to all those crazy mornings I spent watching the dawn from my backyard/school trip. There's something unspeakably enchanting about the sunrise, and it illudes me to this day. The soft smell of grass, pine, and that undefineable scent that just screams morning. I've been watching a great deal of sunrises lately, and while it's done leaps and bounds to my soul, I fear that my sleeping habits have been suffering from it.
That aside, these past two days and nights have serioiusly bordered on my favorite memories of the entire year. For whatever reason that might illude me, I've found myself part of a group of friends as nutty or nuttier than I am. From Anime Club to Risk to X-Men 2, I've slowly found myself falling deeper and deeper into this group. I try not to think that I may not be back next year, for it inevitably leaves me in need of tears, and instead opt for buring my nose in my calculus book or the nearest fanfic. Not too healthy when you're avoiding studying for the two subjects you're failing. Laura-chan's going kill me eventually, I just know it. I try, I really do... but it's so hard to focus on things when your mind and soul are buried in inner turmoil.
For the first time, I find myself understanding the sea of emotions I've always kept stored away more than my logic. That alone is terrifying enough to send my eyes watering. I cry far too easily, I suppose. The sun is so beautiful... and look, I've done it again. I need to heal, but I can't find the wound. A blind man locked in a ceiling-less room with no doors or windows trying to find his way out, never noticing the only way out is right above him. Everywhere I turn I find happiness, love, friendship, and a goal to continue, but I cannot bring myself to follow. Two weeks ago, I talked to all my teachers and my dean; had I written my papers like I was supposed to, I would probably have passed this semester with a B, C, and likely a D. I would have continued to stay at this school and attempt to bring my GPA up enough to attempt to be a canidate to go to Japan Junior year.
But that was two weeks ago.
With today's dawn I have found myself hitting realization head-on, the prickle of pain, fear, and self-loathing inching it's way down my cheeks. For years I had been looking down my nose at the people who thought that just because you turned a different number on the calendar, your personality completely changed. For years I had rolled my eyes at the stupid people who have looked down their nose at me for not having achieved that "magical" number. In some ways, I was right. My style of dress will not drasically change tomorrow from yesterday's random apparel, nor does my body suddenly turn to a state of shock and mature 10 years. Physically, I am the same person I was at yesterday's dawn. My personality will not change. I have come to accept who I am, and I'm slowly learning to love that person.
However, last dawn I did not have tears running down my cheeks.
At 2:36 this morning I became an "adult" in the eyes of the government. At dawn this morning I finally realized what the word "adult" meant. It has absolutely nothing to do with age, even though that is the particular thing that began this line of thought. All this morn has done is made me painfully aware that... that I can no longer return. Somewhere along the line these past two years I crossed from being a naive child into a young adult in it's truest sense. I simply never realized it before; instead damning myself to a perpetual illusion that spawned from pure teenage angst that was neither here nor there.
Part of maturity is realizing that humor and sillyness are just as essential to one's life as duty and responsibility. They are the same, these two.
Once again I allow my mind to drift until the sun is no longer in my sight, instead I am forced to peer at the tree-shadows it creates on it's path across the sky. The distraction has calmed me, somewhat. I wanted to make sure all the graphics would show before I posted this particular entry. To tell you true, I do not know what my fingers will end up doing after I post this entry. Part of me is leaning towards cracking open that darling calculus book beside me, because - strangest of the strange - solving equastions has always brought a smile to my face.
I've always loved mathematics, especially when I was younger. It was a game I could play with my father anywhere we went, and for hours on end. I would never tire of the mulipication table games nor the basic algebra equations he sent my way. I especially miss the long nights in first, second, and third grade where my dad and I would trot over to the planetarium on the University of Arizona campus after dinner. I could still spend days in that place and not even begin to be bored. There was always so much to discover, and the shows were the highlight of my week. It was there that I learned the basic principles of physics, pure, practical physics, and puzzle-solving skills.
When we finally arrived home around eight or nine, we'd sit at the kitchen table and my dad would slowly teach me the workings of calculus. By the time I was seven I could solve for the area underneath the basic curve on my own, as well as follow my dad as he solved higher-level problems. It was rather amusing, actually... my dad had not practiced calculus in so long that even he needed to look up the basic steps in one of his old textbooks. I suppose that's a sign that one doesn't really use calculus in daily real life... but not a day goes by when my dad doesn't mention how much he would have liked to learn a great deal of the calculus I am learning now... how practical it would be if he could only solve the volume of any given container. What can I say? We think alike at times. ^.^
I might begin work on my anime site, screenshotting the few episodes that I have on my computer. My fingers practically itch to start work on the html... on that wonderful puzzle of symbols that somehow transfers into a darling webpage. I want to try something new - something completely original and unexpected - even though it will most likely have been done before. I don't really care. I have not done it yet, and that's all that matters at the moment.
I could start writing the third chapter of my fanfic, which has been festering and begging to be written for a good three days now. I must say that I was beyond surprised to recieve 11 reviews on fanfiction.net, as well as all the positive feedback (and ideas! *cackles*) from SG, Anne-chan, Sakuma-san, and Chapel-san. Not to mention my faithful editor-of-sorts and Aniki!! I don't know what I would do without his humous banter and comforting friendship. We Slytherins have to stick together, you know. *wink*
I'm going to try and fit as many people as I can into that story, but we shall see. Aniki and Laura-chan simply have to be mentioned at some point, considering I talk to them nearly every day. SG and Anne-chan already have lovely cameos that are deveolping rather... how should I say it... interestingly. (I wonder if that's a word... humm!) Rena-sempai and Joe-chan'll probably make appearances as well as the story continues.
Ah! But I should move on to happier thoughts. Tears have always helped me smile... even if it seemed odd at the time.
Katie's and Will's packages arrived on Friday, much to my surprise and delight! I was rather amused at Will's choices, actually. He sent me a large MegaTokyo t-shirt (which is happily huge and will make a wonderful nightshirt) and Volume One of the printed manga. That alone sent me into amused and ironic laughter. Why? Well, that book is now the third one I've recieved this year. When the book first came out, they accidentally sent me two books instead of one, so I kept one and gave the other to Crystal, since she was the one who had asked me first. Now, I found myself giving this third copy to Joe-chan last night (he even asked me to sign it, silly man!) as I found out he read the comic but did not yet own the book. I felt bad that I couldn't give one to Rena-sempai as well, but I'll figure out a gift for her as well.
Oh, but Katie's package sent me into laughter, nostalgia, and tears of joy. I simply adore the clay cup/pot, and am determined to find a good use for it as soon as I get home. Hot chocolate or tea springs to mind immediately, but as I would rather not risk setting the thing in the microwave till I know for sure, that idea has been put on hold in favor of sporting a flower or two. We shall see. *smiles* The dolphin ring is currently resting on my right ring finger, and I could not be happier with it. From the moment I placed it there it simply felt right.
I don't know exactly when or where it happened, but I've gone from wearing nothing but a watch and my choir graduation medallion to sporting three (technically four) rings as well! I feel so lost without them now, it's rather strange, but comforting at the same time. (It helps for my constantly restless fingers and keeping them away from grabbing a snack to keep them occupied. My ever-pudgy stomach thanks you. *grin*)
Oh, how I wish I had the time to read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone! But as it stands, I need to focus at least part of my reading attention towards finals. The other book... *chuckles* That particular one I'm starting as soon as I finish my last final. Just glancing at the map as sent my curiosity ablaze! The "wand" I will treasure, and I'll even bring it around campus a bit, pointing it at random people crying "Wingardium leviosa!" and see if they start floating. (One can wish, ne? *chuckles*)
The palanca letter is the most beautiful thing I have ever recieved for this day. I tried my best not to blur the words with my tears so that I can one day read those simple pink-and-black words to comfort and remember my dearest little sister. It not only made my day, but it made the entire week, and I am fully convinced that it was that letter that sent my weekend soaring to such heights. Who knows, maybe that wound is healing slowly just beyond my sight... I love you, and thank you for everything.
Anne-chan never ceases to amaze me with her humor and drawing talent. Last night (just after midnight... tee hee) she presented me with a package full of drawings, a disk with color versions of the drawings, and Trigun CDs! I was literally squealing when I realized who exactly was drawn on the first page - none other than my mysteriously cynical character, Cameron Holmes! I can't wait to put the disk in my computer and look at the colored versions!! (I'll probably be linking them somewhere in my fanfic as well... *giggles madly*)
If that didn't have me squealing enough, I was bouncing when I realized the next figure in the line of art. It was my husband!!! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees all over again* Can I just say that Harry looked oh-so-sexy in that drawing? I thought I was going to faint from bouncing too much. :P After that came a drawing of Colly, one of her comic characters that I've rather taken a liking to. Sure, he's a cold-blooded, heartless vampire, but I love him anyway! I'm absolutely determined to make a shrine for him, and this drawing is the perfect thing to start it off with!! Ontop of it all, she gave me a happy rice crispy treat, with shall soon become my breakfast. *grin*
**(Warning: Traumatizing material follows... please avoid if sexual references make you uncomfortable. Or queasy. I don't know how to cut these lovely things out yet, so I'll just have to make due with putting in bold warnings for this stuff. Just scroll down till you come across another bold note like this. You have been warned! :P)**
As for why I'm sequestering myself in a little corner of the library... well, ther are many reasons. First and foremost being that I am now severely traumatized by that blasted horny roommate of mine and her boyfriend. He visited last weekend, and after that first night, I was too terrified to even enter my room till after four in the morning. I've talked to her about the matter, but her only responce to my offer of leaving them to some "private time" was, "No, it's okay. I'm tired now."
... *cough* I wonder why...
That was the night before they woke me up at 10 in the morning... the bed shaking so much that it had jarred me from my sleep. (And I'm a bloody deep sleeper.) I have to give them quite high marks for their near-silence, but BLOODY HELL!!! It's not like I can't smell it... *shivers* I'm sorry... I don't mean to traumatize anyone else... tis simply that I must get it out of my system or risk never being able to sit through a romantic lemon/limey scene again.
Well, last weekend I finally couldn't take it any more. Shumei went to bed quite early (eleven o'clock) and Heidi and Alex had finally settled in her bed around one, leaving me merrily chattering away to Laura-chan on MSN. Mind you, even if my heavenly laptop's keys are relatively silent, they're still audiable, and my light was on. Both of them have known for well over seven months that I don't go to bed till two-thirty to four in the morning. And yet, that night, at around one-thirty I started to hear kissing noises.
Mind you, the very first time he visited, they had made out the entire night, barring around two hours where I think they attempted to sleep. Needless to say, I was very awake and working on my computer when they started, and I couldn't very well sleep while they were making those horrid noises. It still makes me sick, just remembering. I'm all for kissing and passion and such... but not while your roommate is still in the room and very obviously awake.
So it's one-thirty and they start making out. I can feel my stomach begin to churn, but my will to talk to Laura-chan was greater than just a few measely kisses. I had just plugged my headphones in when I heard the most stomach-twisting noise I've heard in my life.
Pftt-pftt..... Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip riip riip... thwack!
Oh god. Now I may be insanely naive when it comes to actually experiencing these things, I too took Sex-Ed in 8th grade, and I knew the sound of a condom when I heard it. I wanted to vomit right then and there, but for the moment all I could do was furiously apologize to Laura-chan that I couldn't exactly stay in the room. I shut my laptop noisily and crawled up on top my bed, (the top bunk... Heidi has the lower bed), grabbed my pillow, blanket, stuffed animal, and travel alarm clock and raced out of the room, trying in vain not to look at my bed as I closed the door. I think the thing that shook me the most is that the noises didn't even pause as I made my loud exit.
I spent the night in the disgusting-smelling lounge, spread out on a couch and covering as much of the strangely-stained cushions as I could with my jacket and cover. I didn't dare go down to the room till after noon, when I was relieved to note that they had already left for lunch. I took a shower, but my sheets were sadly unrecoverable, absolutely soaked in that disgusting, oily smell.
I asked Shumei once if she noticed anything that had happened at night... she just gave me the most condesending look and gave me a curt "No." before going back to whatever it was she was doing and completely avoiding the rest of my speech. *sigh* She just rolls her eyes every time I mention possibly talking to Heidi about "privacy". I suppose to her, if she doesn't hear it, it doesn't exist. The two are now practically inseperable... it wouldn't surprise me if Shumei was actually awake for those, but chose not to respond to my questions because she thought it was none of my business.
Well I'm sorry but if people having sex in my room while I'm not only in the room but blatantly awake isn't my business, then I don't know what damn well is. I don't care what the hell they do, but I'd like it if they at least saved me the trauma of being in the room while it happened. I could care less what they said to get me out of the room, just as long as they gave me that much curtesy. I've known for a long time that they don't respect me at all, but that it just not right.
I'm planning on giving her a nice letter right before she leaves for the summer and giving her some "suggestions" on curtesy towards roommates in general for next year. Although I think she's rooming with Shumei again so she probably won't have to worry about it. Either way, it'll feel good to get her back for it all. I'm a horridly shy person, else I probably would have done worse to exclaim that yes, I was in the room and yes, I did know what the hell they were doing, and NO, I was not comfortable with it. Instead I rather shy away and just avoid them. *sigh*
At least I won't have to worry about that next year. *chuckles* Anne-chan, Laurie, and I don't have boyfriends at the moment, and even if we did, the three of us have enough curtesy to at least inform the other two that they would likely rather be in a different place from this time to this time. Yes... that letter shall be fun to write.
On top of everything else, I didn't even get informed that he was even arriving until that very day. By post-it note, asking if it was okay if he came to visit that weekend. By the time I actually read the note, he was well on his way from New York City, and was due to arrive in around an hour. I wonder what would have happened if I has simply told her that "No, I'm sorry, but it's not okay if he visits this weekend." Humm... I'll save that for the letter. *grin* Laurie, who is not exactly friends with them, had heard about this on Monday of that week. And yet, they didn't think of mentioning it to their roommate. How kind.
**(End traumatizing section, continuing ranting mode... next bold line indicates end of rant, if you feel the need to skip once again.)**
My roommates seem obsessed with a lack of communication. They didn't even think to tell me that we were hosting a prospective for April Visit Days. Mikey came up to me that Sunday after our choir concert and asked when our prospective was arriving. I blinked. What prospective? By the time I managed to squeeze out of the reception and run home to ask if this was true, Heidi was already standing outside waiting for the van to bring the prospective up the hill. I had a huge mess around my bed and hadn't even seen the floor around my desk for two weeks, not to mention the things my parents had sent up spilled into the center of the room where the prospective was going to sleep. So kind. I walked through the door and asked Shumei if we were hosting a prospective. the conversation...
Me: Hey Shumei? Is Heidi hosting a prospective?
Shumei: (focused on the computer, IMing her "crush") Yeah.
Me: Lovely. Did Heidi tell you?
Shumei: (still distracted) Yeah.
Me: Well... she didn't mention it to me.
Shumei: (laughs randomly at the IM on the screen and continues to ignore my presence)
Me: ... Do you know when she's coming?
Shumei: (laughs again and types frantically, waiting a moment after she sends it before answering, eyes not wavering from the screen) I think Heidi said around five... (goes back to typing)
Me: (Looks at clock... oh lovely... 5:05pm) Huh. It would have been nice if she'd've told me.
Shumei: (finally looks up) Oh... she didn't tell you? Yeah. She just went out to pick her up. (returns to computer)
Me: (GLARE) Thanks... I think I'll clean up now...
Somehow, I managed to stuff everything away and put things in a relatively neat order before Heidi came back. I didn't talk to them, as I was still furious, but after they each sat at their own computers for 10 minutes completely ignoring the girl sitting on Shumei's bed I finally struck up a conversation with her until Heidi said they had to head down to dinner.
I really felt sorry for the girl... Ah well. In less than a week I won't have to share the same room with them every again. Hallelujah.
Second reason I'm holed up in the library... Heidi couldn't hold a tune in a bucket with someone screaming the notes in her ear. I'm a pretty tolerant person, and I usually don't mind her singing at all, but there's no way I can actually study with her singing, her headphones blaring so loud I can hear every word of the song, and Shumei go speaker-happy and blare a completely different song. I've even learned to go to sleep with all that and the lights blaring in my eyes... they don't really pay attention to anything besides themselves sometimes. *sigh* Oh... and on a rather semi-nauseating note that deals with the above rant, Heidi's singing seems to get worse every time Alex comes to visit... *cough* ;)
**(End rant! Yay! Finally!)**
My my my! This post has gotten rather long, ne? I think I need to go get some breakfast now, and possibly another cup of coffee. I've typed away long enough... so long that poor Aniki's going to take one look at this and go "control-find" to search for his name. *chuckles* It's in here a few times, although it will be interesting to see if he searches for the right name. :P
If I was in my room right now I'd pull down that silly calendar of mine and paste it's simple yet insightful quote here, but as I've taken sanctuary in the library for the time being, it shall simply have to wait until I climb up those 170 stairs again and jot them down on a post-it note. (i.e., I'll add them in tonight. Tee hee!)
On another random thought, my CD drive has died once again, leaving me unable to burn my precious space-gobbling anime for either Laura-chan, Pan-sama, SG, Katie, or myself. *sniffles* Hopefully it will get over it's sorrow and "slight" overuse soon! Especially since I had just managed to find the little codec that enables me to listen to all those episodes I thought did not have sound. (Like Gravitation, for instance. *cackles*)
So begins the eighteenth year of my life.
Let's see what happens, ne? :)
Zutto,
Ana-chan
Random Notes:
1. People ~
SG ~ The Soulless Goat, and the inspiration behind Cameron Holmes. I'm currently attempting to burn my entire anime collection for him in exchange for $20 worth of chocolate. *dreamy grin* I think I got the better half of the deal, personally... gomen ne, SG, that I haven't gone faster!!
Anne-chan ~ My future roommate, (hopefully), and the inspiration behind Ana, Robin Watson's anime-obsessed friend. She has a great coming called "All Roses Have Thorns" that will be going up as soon as stupid keenspace authorizes her account.
Laura-chan ~ *snugs* I love ya, hun! :)
Chapel-san ~ Devil-obsessed friend who remembered my birthday!! *preens* He's also a very very avid hockey fan. :) (Arigato for behaving!!! *gives him a reward cookie*)
Sakuma-san ~ SAKUMA-SAN!!! ... That's really the only way to describe him. Sakuma-san RULES!!! And Kumagoro rocks my socks. *gives him a happy cookie and another for Kuma... making sure that Chapel-san doesn't eat either of them *wink*)
Pan-sama ~ The greatly admired webmistress and overworked gal. :P I'm attempting to burn Rurouni Kenshin for her. *mutters about silly CD drives and dying painful, spork-poked deaths*
Rena-sempai ~ President of the Anime Club, Yaoi-addicted good friend. :)
Joe-chan ~ Silly Asian guy who loves to tease us... and willing to take a few pokes/thwaps for his own pokes/tortures.
Will ~ Ex-boyfriend, also known as Tobin in the NWT circles
Shumei, Heidi, Alex ~ Roommate #1, Roommate #2, and Roommate #2's boyfriend, respectively
Aniki ~ (Elder brother), Justin
Aniue ~ (Elder sister), Cindy
Toumo ~ (Younter sister), Katie
Cameron Holmes, Robin Watson, Ana ~ All characters in my Sherlock Holmes fanfic. :)
2. The Smattering Playlist ~ (there's been a few new editions)
Key of the Twilight ~ .hack//SIGN
Gluhen ~ Weiss Kreuz Gluhen
Stone Roses ~ Weiss Kreuz Gluhen
The World ~ .hack//SIGN
Will ~ .hack//SIGN
White Destiny ~ Pretear
Ender Will Save Us All ~ Dashboard Confessional
Haven't Seen For Awhile ~ Pat Mcgee Band
I'm In A Hurry ~ Alabama
These Days ~ Rascal Flatts
It's Gonna Rain! ~ Rurouni Kenshin
Nah! ~ Shania Twain
Half-Pain ~ Witch Hunter Robin
Shell ~ Witch Hunter Robin
Love Deeper ~ Samurai Deeper Kyo
Catch You Catch Me ~ Card Captor Sakurai
Opening Theme (Cool) ~ Hellsing
3. The Lusty Month of May ~ lyrics (shortened version)
(*cackles* I couldn't resist!! I always find myself singing this song come the first day of May! Tis from Camelot, the musical)
Tra la, it's May, the lusty Month of May
That lovely month when everyone goes blissfully astray
Tra la, it's here, that shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts merrily appear
It's May, It's May, that gorgeous holiday
When every maiden prays that her lad will be a cad
It's mad, it's gay, alive, a lust display
Those dreary vows that everyone takes, everyone breaks
Everyone makes divine mistakes
The Lusty Month of May
It's May, the lusty month of May
That darling month when everyone throws self-control away
It's time to do a wretched thing or two
And try to make each precious day one you'll always rue
It's May, it's may, the month of great dismay
when all the world is brimming with fun, wholesome or un-
It's mad, it's gay, alive a lust display
The birds and bees with all of their vast amorous past
Gaze at the human race aghast
The Lusty Month of May!!
That aside, these past two days and nights have serioiusly bordered on my favorite memories of the entire year. For whatever reason that might illude me, I've found myself part of a group of friends as nutty or nuttier than I am. From Anime Club to Risk to X-Men 2, I've slowly found myself falling deeper and deeper into this group. I try not to think that I may not be back next year, for it inevitably leaves me in need of tears, and instead opt for buring my nose in my calculus book or the nearest fanfic. Not too healthy when you're avoiding studying for the two subjects you're failing. Laura-chan's going kill me eventually, I just know it. I try, I really do... but it's so hard to focus on things when your mind and soul are buried in inner turmoil.
For the first time, I find myself understanding the sea of emotions I've always kept stored away more than my logic. That alone is terrifying enough to send my eyes watering. I cry far too easily, I suppose. The sun is so beautiful... and look, I've done it again. I need to heal, but I can't find the wound. A blind man locked in a ceiling-less room with no doors or windows trying to find his way out, never noticing the only way out is right above him. Everywhere I turn I find happiness, love, friendship, and a goal to continue, but I cannot bring myself to follow. Two weeks ago, I talked to all my teachers and my dean; had I written my papers like I was supposed to, I would probably have passed this semester with a B, C, and likely a D. I would have continued to stay at this school and attempt to bring my GPA up enough to attempt to be a canidate to go to Japan Junior year.
But that was two weeks ago.
With today's dawn I have found myself hitting realization head-on, the prickle of pain, fear, and self-loathing inching it's way down my cheeks. For years I had been looking down my nose at the people who thought that just because you turned a different number on the calendar, your personality completely changed. For years I had rolled my eyes at the stupid people who have looked down their nose at me for not having achieved that "magical" number. In some ways, I was right. My style of dress will not drasically change tomorrow from yesterday's random apparel, nor does my body suddenly turn to a state of shock and mature 10 years. Physically, I am the same person I was at yesterday's dawn. My personality will not change. I have come to accept who I am, and I'm slowly learning to love that person.
However, last dawn I did not have tears running down my cheeks.
At 2:36 this morning I became an "adult" in the eyes of the government. At dawn this morning I finally realized what the word "adult" meant. It has absolutely nothing to do with age, even though that is the particular thing that began this line of thought. All this morn has done is made me painfully aware that... that I can no longer return. Somewhere along the line these past two years I crossed from being a naive child into a young adult in it's truest sense. I simply never realized it before; instead damning myself to a perpetual illusion that spawned from pure teenage angst that was neither here nor there.
Part of maturity is realizing that humor and sillyness are just as essential to one's life as duty and responsibility. They are the same, these two.
Once again I allow my mind to drift until the sun is no longer in my sight, instead I am forced to peer at the tree-shadows it creates on it's path across the sky. The distraction has calmed me, somewhat. I wanted to make sure all the graphics would show before I posted this particular entry. To tell you true, I do not know what my fingers will end up doing after I post this entry. Part of me is leaning towards cracking open that darling calculus book beside me, because - strangest of the strange - solving equastions has always brought a smile to my face.
I've always loved mathematics, especially when I was younger. It was a game I could play with my father anywhere we went, and for hours on end. I would never tire of the mulipication table games nor the basic algebra equations he sent my way. I especially miss the long nights in first, second, and third grade where my dad and I would trot over to the planetarium on the University of Arizona campus after dinner. I could still spend days in that place and not even begin to be bored. There was always so much to discover, and the shows were the highlight of my week. It was there that I learned the basic principles of physics, pure, practical physics, and puzzle-solving skills.
When we finally arrived home around eight or nine, we'd sit at the kitchen table and my dad would slowly teach me the workings of calculus. By the time I was seven I could solve for the area underneath the basic curve on my own, as well as follow my dad as he solved higher-level problems. It was rather amusing, actually... my dad had not practiced calculus in so long that even he needed to look up the basic steps in one of his old textbooks. I suppose that's a sign that one doesn't really use calculus in daily real life... but not a day goes by when my dad doesn't mention how much he would have liked to learn a great deal of the calculus I am learning now... how practical it would be if he could only solve the volume of any given container. What can I say? We think alike at times. ^.^
I might begin work on my anime site, screenshotting the few episodes that I have on my computer. My fingers practically itch to start work on the html... on that wonderful puzzle of symbols that somehow transfers into a darling webpage. I want to try something new - something completely original and unexpected - even though it will most likely have been done before. I don't really care. I have not done it yet, and that's all that matters at the moment.
I could start writing the third chapter of my fanfic, which has been festering and begging to be written for a good three days now. I must say that I was beyond surprised to recieve 11 reviews on fanfiction.net, as well as all the positive feedback (and ideas! *cackles*) from SG, Anne-chan, Sakuma-san, and Chapel-san. Not to mention my faithful editor-of-sorts and Aniki!! I don't know what I would do without his humous banter and comforting friendship. We Slytherins have to stick together, you know. *wink*
I'm going to try and fit as many people as I can into that story, but we shall see. Aniki and Laura-chan simply have to be mentioned at some point, considering I talk to them nearly every day. SG and Anne-chan already have lovely cameos that are deveolping rather... how should I say it... interestingly. (I wonder if that's a word... humm!) Rena-sempai and Joe-chan'll probably make appearances as well as the story continues.
Ah! But I should move on to happier thoughts. Tears have always helped me smile... even if it seemed odd at the time.
Katie's and Will's packages arrived on Friday, much to my surprise and delight! I was rather amused at Will's choices, actually. He sent me a large MegaTokyo t-shirt (which is happily huge and will make a wonderful nightshirt) and Volume One of the printed manga. That alone sent me into amused and ironic laughter. Why? Well, that book is now the third one I've recieved this year. When the book first came out, they accidentally sent me two books instead of one, so I kept one and gave the other to Crystal, since she was the one who had asked me first. Now, I found myself giving this third copy to Joe-chan last night (he even asked me to sign it, silly man!) as I found out he read the comic but did not yet own the book. I felt bad that I couldn't give one to Rena-sempai as well, but I'll figure out a gift for her as well.
Oh, but Katie's package sent me into laughter, nostalgia, and tears of joy. I simply adore the clay cup/pot, and am determined to find a good use for it as soon as I get home. Hot chocolate or tea springs to mind immediately, but as I would rather not risk setting the thing in the microwave till I know for sure, that idea has been put on hold in favor of sporting a flower or two. We shall see. *smiles* The dolphin ring is currently resting on my right ring finger, and I could not be happier with it. From the moment I placed it there it simply felt right.
I don't know exactly when or where it happened, but I've gone from wearing nothing but a watch and my choir graduation medallion to sporting three (technically four) rings as well! I feel so lost without them now, it's rather strange, but comforting at the same time. (It helps for my constantly restless fingers and keeping them away from grabbing a snack to keep them occupied. My ever-pudgy stomach thanks you. *grin*)
Oh, how I wish I had the time to read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone! But as it stands, I need to focus at least part of my reading attention towards finals. The other book... *chuckles* That particular one I'm starting as soon as I finish my last final. Just glancing at the map as sent my curiosity ablaze! The "wand" I will treasure, and I'll even bring it around campus a bit, pointing it at random people crying "Wingardium leviosa!" and see if they start floating. (One can wish, ne? *chuckles*)
The palanca letter is the most beautiful thing I have ever recieved for this day. I tried my best not to blur the words with my tears so that I can one day read those simple pink-and-black words to comfort and remember my dearest little sister. It not only made my day, but it made the entire week, and I am fully convinced that it was that letter that sent my weekend soaring to such heights. Who knows, maybe that wound is healing slowly just beyond my sight... I love you, and thank you for everything.
Anne-chan never ceases to amaze me with her humor and drawing talent. Last night (just after midnight... tee hee) she presented me with a package full of drawings, a disk with color versions of the drawings, and Trigun CDs! I was literally squealing when I realized who exactly was drawn on the first page - none other than my mysteriously cynical character, Cameron Holmes! I can't wait to put the disk in my computer and look at the colored versions!! (I'll probably be linking them somewhere in my fanfic as well... *giggles madly*)
If that didn't have me squealing enough, I was bouncing when I realized the next figure in the line of art. It was my husband!!! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees all over again* Can I just say that Harry looked oh-so-sexy in that drawing? I thought I was going to faint from bouncing too much. :P After that came a drawing of Colly, one of her comic characters that I've rather taken a liking to. Sure, he's a cold-blooded, heartless vampire, but I love him anyway! I'm absolutely determined to make a shrine for him, and this drawing is the perfect thing to start it off with!! Ontop of it all, she gave me a happy rice crispy treat, with shall soon become my breakfast. *grin*
**(Warning: Traumatizing material follows... please avoid if sexual references make you uncomfortable. Or queasy. I don't know how to cut these lovely things out yet, so I'll just have to make due with putting in bold warnings for this stuff. Just scroll down till you come across another bold note like this. You have been warned! :P)**
As for why I'm sequestering myself in a little corner of the library... well, ther are many reasons. First and foremost being that I am now severely traumatized by that blasted horny roommate of mine and her boyfriend. He visited last weekend, and after that first night, I was too terrified to even enter my room till after four in the morning. I've talked to her about the matter, but her only responce to my offer of leaving them to some "private time" was, "No, it's okay. I'm tired now."
... *cough* I wonder why...
That was the night before they woke me up at 10 in the morning... the bed shaking so much that it had jarred me from my sleep. (And I'm a bloody deep sleeper.) I have to give them quite high marks for their near-silence, but BLOODY HELL!!! It's not like I can't smell it... *shivers* I'm sorry... I don't mean to traumatize anyone else... tis simply that I must get it out of my system or risk never being able to sit through a romantic lemon/limey scene again.
Well, last weekend I finally couldn't take it any more. Shumei went to bed quite early (eleven o'clock) and Heidi and Alex had finally settled in her bed around one, leaving me merrily chattering away to Laura-chan on MSN. Mind you, even if my heavenly laptop's keys are relatively silent, they're still audiable, and my light was on. Both of them have known for well over seven months that I don't go to bed till two-thirty to four in the morning. And yet, that night, at around one-thirty I started to hear kissing noises.
Mind you, the very first time he visited, they had made out the entire night, barring around two hours where I think they attempted to sleep. Needless to say, I was very awake and working on my computer when they started, and I couldn't very well sleep while they were making those horrid noises. It still makes me sick, just remembering. I'm all for kissing and passion and such... but not while your roommate is still in the room and very obviously awake.
So it's one-thirty and they start making out. I can feel my stomach begin to churn, but my will to talk to Laura-chan was greater than just a few measely kisses. I had just plugged my headphones in when I heard the most stomach-twisting noise I've heard in my life.
Pftt-pftt..... Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip riip riip... thwack!
Oh god. Now I may be insanely naive when it comes to actually experiencing these things, I too took Sex-Ed in 8th grade, and I knew the sound of a condom when I heard it. I wanted to vomit right then and there, but for the moment all I could do was furiously apologize to Laura-chan that I couldn't exactly stay in the room. I shut my laptop noisily and crawled up on top my bed, (the top bunk... Heidi has the lower bed), grabbed my pillow, blanket, stuffed animal, and travel alarm clock and raced out of the room, trying in vain not to look at my bed as I closed the door. I think the thing that shook me the most is that the noises didn't even pause as I made my loud exit.
I spent the night in the disgusting-smelling lounge, spread out on a couch and covering as much of the strangely-stained cushions as I could with my jacket and cover. I didn't dare go down to the room till after noon, when I was relieved to note that they had already left for lunch. I took a shower, but my sheets were sadly unrecoverable, absolutely soaked in that disgusting, oily smell.
I asked Shumei once if she noticed anything that had happened at night... she just gave me the most condesending look and gave me a curt "No." before going back to whatever it was she was doing and completely avoiding the rest of my speech. *sigh* She just rolls her eyes every time I mention possibly talking to Heidi about "privacy". I suppose to her, if she doesn't hear it, it doesn't exist. The two are now practically inseperable... it wouldn't surprise me if Shumei was actually awake for those, but chose not to respond to my questions because she thought it was none of my business.
Well I'm sorry but if people having sex in my room while I'm not only in the room but blatantly awake isn't my business, then I don't know what damn well is. I don't care what the hell they do, but I'd like it if they at least saved me the trauma of being in the room while it happened. I could care less what they said to get me out of the room, just as long as they gave me that much curtesy. I've known for a long time that they don't respect me at all, but that it just not right.
I'm planning on giving her a nice letter right before she leaves for the summer and giving her some "suggestions" on curtesy towards roommates in general for next year. Although I think she's rooming with Shumei again so she probably won't have to worry about it. Either way, it'll feel good to get her back for it all. I'm a horridly shy person, else I probably would have done worse to exclaim that yes, I was in the room and yes, I did know what the hell they were doing, and NO, I was not comfortable with it. Instead I rather shy away and just avoid them. *sigh*
At least I won't have to worry about that next year. *chuckles* Anne-chan, Laurie, and I don't have boyfriends at the moment, and even if we did, the three of us have enough curtesy to at least inform the other two that they would likely rather be in a different place from this time to this time. Yes... that letter shall be fun to write.
On top of everything else, I didn't even get informed that he was even arriving until that very day. By post-it note, asking if it was okay if he came to visit that weekend. By the time I actually read the note, he was well on his way from New York City, and was due to arrive in around an hour. I wonder what would have happened if I has simply told her that "No, I'm sorry, but it's not okay if he visits this weekend." Humm... I'll save that for the letter. *grin* Laurie, who is not exactly friends with them, had heard about this on Monday of that week. And yet, they didn't think of mentioning it to their roommate. How kind.
**(End traumatizing section, continuing ranting mode... next bold line indicates end of rant, if you feel the need to skip once again.)**
My roommates seem obsessed with a lack of communication. They didn't even think to tell me that we were hosting a prospective for April Visit Days. Mikey came up to me that Sunday after our choir concert and asked when our prospective was arriving. I blinked. What prospective? By the time I managed to squeeze out of the reception and run home to ask if this was true, Heidi was already standing outside waiting for the van to bring the prospective up the hill. I had a huge mess around my bed and hadn't even seen the floor around my desk for two weeks, not to mention the things my parents had sent up spilled into the center of the room where the prospective was going to sleep. So kind. I walked through the door and asked Shumei if we were hosting a prospective. the conversation...
Me: Hey Shumei? Is Heidi hosting a prospective?
Shumei: (focused on the computer, IMing her "crush") Yeah.
Me: Lovely. Did Heidi tell you?
Shumei: (still distracted) Yeah.
Me: Well... she didn't mention it to me.
Shumei: (laughs randomly at the IM on the screen and continues to ignore my presence)
Me: ... Do you know when she's coming?
Shumei: (laughs again and types frantically, waiting a moment after she sends it before answering, eyes not wavering from the screen) I think Heidi said around five... (goes back to typing)
Me: (Looks at clock... oh lovely... 5:05pm) Huh. It would have been nice if she'd've told me.
Shumei: (finally looks up) Oh... she didn't tell you? Yeah. She just went out to pick her up. (returns to computer)
Me: (GLARE) Thanks... I think I'll clean up now...
Somehow, I managed to stuff everything away and put things in a relatively neat order before Heidi came back. I didn't talk to them, as I was still furious, but after they each sat at their own computers for 10 minutes completely ignoring the girl sitting on Shumei's bed I finally struck up a conversation with her until Heidi said they had to head down to dinner.
I really felt sorry for the girl... Ah well. In less than a week I won't have to share the same room with them every again. Hallelujah.
Second reason I'm holed up in the library... Heidi couldn't hold a tune in a bucket with someone screaming the notes in her ear. I'm a pretty tolerant person, and I usually don't mind her singing at all, but there's no way I can actually study with her singing, her headphones blaring so loud I can hear every word of the song, and Shumei go speaker-happy and blare a completely different song. I've even learned to go to sleep with all that and the lights blaring in my eyes... they don't really pay attention to anything besides themselves sometimes. *sigh* Oh... and on a rather semi-nauseating note that deals with the above rant, Heidi's singing seems to get worse every time Alex comes to visit... *cough* ;)
**(End rant! Yay! Finally!)**
My my my! This post has gotten rather long, ne? I think I need to go get some breakfast now, and possibly another cup of coffee. I've typed away long enough... so long that poor Aniki's going to take one look at this and go "control-find" to search for his name. *chuckles* It's in here a few times, although it will be interesting to see if he searches for the right name. :P
If I was in my room right now I'd pull down that silly calendar of mine and paste it's simple yet insightful quote here, but as I've taken sanctuary in the library for the time being, it shall simply have to wait until I climb up those 170 stairs again and jot them down on a post-it note. (i.e., I'll add them in tonight. Tee hee!)
On another random thought, my CD drive has died once again, leaving me unable to burn my precious space-gobbling anime for either Laura-chan, Pan-sama, SG, Katie, or myself. *sniffles* Hopefully it will get over it's sorrow and "slight" overuse soon! Especially since I had just managed to find the little codec that enables me to listen to all those episodes I thought did not have sound. (Like Gravitation, for instance. *cackles*)
So begins the eighteenth year of my life.
Let's see what happens, ne? :)
Zutto,
Ana-chan
Random Notes:
1. People ~
SG ~ The Soulless Goat, and the inspiration behind Cameron Holmes. I'm currently attempting to burn my entire anime collection for him in exchange for $20 worth of chocolate. *dreamy grin* I think I got the better half of the deal, personally... gomen ne, SG, that I haven't gone faster!!
Anne-chan ~ My future roommate, (hopefully), and the inspiration behind Ana, Robin Watson's anime-obsessed friend. She has a great coming called "All Roses Have Thorns" that will be going up as soon as stupid keenspace authorizes her account.
Laura-chan ~ *snugs* I love ya, hun! :)
Chapel-san ~ Devil-obsessed friend who remembered my birthday!! *preens* He's also a very very avid hockey fan. :) (Arigato for behaving!!! *gives him a reward cookie*)
Sakuma-san ~ SAKUMA-SAN!!! ... That's really the only way to describe him. Sakuma-san RULES!!! And Kumagoro rocks my socks. *gives him a happy cookie and another for Kuma... making sure that Chapel-san doesn't eat either of them *wink*)
Pan-sama ~ The greatly admired webmistress and overworked gal. :P I'm attempting to burn Rurouni Kenshin for her. *mutters about silly CD drives and dying painful, spork-poked deaths*
Rena-sempai ~ President of the Anime Club, Yaoi-addicted good friend. :)
Joe-chan ~ Silly Asian guy who loves to tease us... and willing to take a few pokes/thwaps for his own pokes/tortures.
Will ~ Ex-boyfriend, also known as Tobin in the NWT circles
Shumei, Heidi, Alex ~ Roommate #1, Roommate #2, and Roommate #2's boyfriend, respectively
Aniki ~ (Elder brother), Justin
Aniue ~ (Elder sister), Cindy
Toumo ~ (Younter sister), Katie
Cameron Holmes, Robin Watson, Ana ~ All characters in my Sherlock Holmes fanfic. :)
2. The Smattering Playlist ~ (there's been a few new editions)
Key of the Twilight ~ .hack//SIGN
Gluhen ~ Weiss Kreuz Gluhen
Stone Roses ~ Weiss Kreuz Gluhen
The World ~ .hack//SIGN
Will ~ .hack//SIGN
White Destiny ~ Pretear
Ender Will Save Us All ~ Dashboard Confessional
Haven't Seen For Awhile ~ Pat Mcgee Band
I'm In A Hurry ~ Alabama
These Days ~ Rascal Flatts
It's Gonna Rain! ~ Rurouni Kenshin
Nah! ~ Shania Twain
Half-Pain ~ Witch Hunter Robin
Shell ~ Witch Hunter Robin
Love Deeper ~ Samurai Deeper Kyo
Catch You Catch Me ~ Card Captor Sakurai
Opening Theme (Cool) ~ Hellsing
3. The Lusty Month of May ~ lyrics (shortened version)
(*cackles* I couldn't resist!! I always find myself singing this song come the first day of May! Tis from Camelot, the musical)
Tra la, it's May, the lusty Month of May
That lovely month when everyone goes blissfully astray
Tra la, it's here, that shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts merrily appear
It's May, It's May, that gorgeous holiday
When every maiden prays that her lad will be a cad
It's mad, it's gay, alive, a lust display
Those dreary vows that everyone takes, everyone breaks
Everyone makes divine mistakes
The Lusty Month of May
It's May, the lusty month of May
That darling month when everyone throws self-control away
It's time to do a wretched thing or two
And try to make each precious day one you'll always rue
It's May, it's may, the month of great dismay
when all the world is brimming with fun, wholesome or un-
It's mad, it's gay, alive a lust display
The birds and bees with all of their vast amorous past
Gaze at the human race aghast
The Lusty Month of May!!