A bit of an explanation...
I feel like I really don't use my online journals for anything particularly important. Dreamwidth is full of only a couple private posts, pitas has been defunct for almost six years now, and... well, you can see how Livejournal is. If you look back on my entries, most of them are inane drivel about what's gone on in the last couple days (actually, usually several months) of my life. It's maybe handy for the handful of people who read my journal, but I've never been a true "write what your thoughts are every day" sort of person.
When I write in this thing, I feel like I'm writing for an audience. And to be perfectly frank, I'm not that interesting of a person. No one wants to read about how I'm working on new ads for the hospital I work for, and it's not like I can really talk about work anyway, thanks to HIPAA.
As for my projects, there's not a lot to talk about. The cowrite with aliasheist is going well, but we're looking at publishing it, so snips on the journal is out. Not many of you care about the urban fantasy I write, either.
Since I can't talk about work or politics, how about domestic issues? I could gush about my cats, or that my husband and I are going to start trying to conceive once I finish this BC pack... but then I'm being too domestic, and gushing about things that make people feel uncomfortable.
Probably the big reason on top of everything is the depression. Last year, I was diagnosed with "Major Depression and PTSD." To explain the difference between "major" depression and "clinical" depression, if I'm not on medication, my base mood is what most people would classify as "depressed." Before I'm even out of the chutes, I'm already in the dumps. And if something upsets me, it just gets worse. Generally I'll pass "clinically depressed" fairly quickly and go into "majorly, almost suicidally depressed" within a few hours. I think the only reason I never truly get to "suicidal" is because I'm fucking stubborn. And the hubby would cry. That's about it.
The depression is probably what makes me feel most of what's in the preceding paragraphs, honestly. I feel like I'm a dancing monkey, and I also feel like there's nothing left for me to perform. I prefer not to discuss my views on politics, work has a strict "only talk in the vaguest of terms if at all" policy, I don't watch TV, I barely play video games, and I can't post any of my current projects due to future attempts at publishing.
I apologize for both the bluntness and the bitterness of this post, but I guess it makes sense why I don't post much anymore. I'm not sure if I'll keep trying or not, but at least most people won't be shocked when I go months without updating anymore.
When I write in this thing, I feel like I'm writing for an audience. And to be perfectly frank, I'm not that interesting of a person. No one wants to read about how I'm working on new ads for the hospital I work for, and it's not like I can really talk about work anyway, thanks to HIPAA.
As for my projects, there's not a lot to talk about. The cowrite with aliasheist is going well, but we're looking at publishing it, so snips on the journal is out. Not many of you care about the urban fantasy I write, either.
Since I can't talk about work or politics, how about domestic issues? I could gush about my cats, or that my husband and I are going to start trying to conceive once I finish this BC pack... but then I'm being too domestic, and gushing about things that make people feel uncomfortable.
Probably the big reason on top of everything is the depression. Last year, I was diagnosed with "Major Depression and PTSD." To explain the difference between "major" depression and "clinical" depression, if I'm not on medication, my base mood is what most people would classify as "depressed." Before I'm even out of the chutes, I'm already in the dumps. And if something upsets me, it just gets worse. Generally I'll pass "clinically depressed" fairly quickly and go into "majorly, almost suicidally depressed" within a few hours. I think the only reason I never truly get to "suicidal" is because I'm fucking stubborn. And the hubby would cry. That's about it.
The depression is probably what makes me feel most of what's in the preceding paragraphs, honestly. I feel like I'm a dancing monkey, and I also feel like there's nothing left for me to perform. I prefer not to discuss my views on politics, work has a strict "only talk in the vaguest of terms if at all" policy, I don't watch TV, I barely play video games, and I can't post any of my current projects due to future attempts at publishing.
I apologize for both the bluntness and the bitterness of this post, but I guess it makes sense why I don't post much anymore. I'm not sure if I'll keep trying or not, but at least most people won't be shocked when I go months without updating anymore.