Worth it...
ETA: Originally posted private July 3 2011. After the cascade of crises commencing a couple of days later it is even more important to think it, say it, and share it. Yeah, it's *still* worth it.
I seem to be having a whole bunch of conversations in a particular vein lately... I don't know if it's a commentary on where my life is (or appears to be), health, circumstances or just something floating around in the Universe's collective conscience. Friends, family, beloved ones and the assorted shrink(s) have wended their way around to choices, losses and regrets.
The short question generally comes back to “Was 'x' worth it”? The even shorter answer is unequivocally “Yes”.
I've easily done my share (and then some) of 'Extreme' things; climbed and jumped off cliffs, hunted, been hunted, driven fast cars and ridden faster motorcycles, flown airplanes (upside down) and helicopters (right side up). I've hiked and camped and lived in some of the most remote and desolate (and most beautiful and dangerous) country in the United States.
I've loved women and men and a couple or three. I've lost loved ones to tragic mishap, unspeakable violence, intractable disease and, possibly most insidiously, blind indifference.
I lost my FAA medical many years ago, and my ability to ride motorcycles a decade or so later. I've lost a lot of mobility to broken down body mechanics and fine tactile control to a pesky tremor. I've lost some facility with language to a traumatic brain injury and my once near eidetic memory to a series of strokes.
Could I have avoided or mitigated some of those losses? Probably. Am I aware of them and their impact in my life? Absolutely. Do I dwell on them? Not if I can help it.
All factors considered, though, I don't hold onto any regrets. What I've done, seen and experienced - from the train-wreck relationships to the physical damage - contributed, informed and influenced my becoming who I am today. I won't dwell on the 'woulda, coulda, shoulda'. I am who I am because of (and in some cases in spite of) the life I've lived thus far. The things I can do nothing about are so far outside my consciousness as not to exist. If there's nothing beneficial to be gained it's not even worth the trouble to consign them to the cosmic compost heap.
Getting up close and personal with death tends to make one rather circumspect about living every moment 'In The Now' because it can change in a blink. Whether I live to be 106 or get hit by lightning 30 seconds from now life is simply too short to dwell on 'Not'. Living every moment with vigor, loving with unbridled passion and doing what I can, as I can (and not sweating the rest of it) means that I am, inasmuch as is possible, living a truly fulfilled life.
That really is the best one can do, isn't it?
This entry was originally posted at http://somewhatbent.dreamwidth.org/434412.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I seem to be having a whole bunch of conversations in a particular vein lately... I don't know if it's a commentary on where my life is (or appears to be), health, circumstances or just something floating around in the Universe's collective conscience. Friends, family, beloved ones and the assorted shrink(s) have wended their way around to choices, losses and regrets.
The short question generally comes back to “Was 'x' worth it”? The even shorter answer is unequivocally “Yes”.
I've easily done my share (and then some) of 'Extreme' things; climbed and jumped off cliffs, hunted, been hunted, driven fast cars and ridden faster motorcycles, flown airplanes (upside down) and helicopters (right side up). I've hiked and camped and lived in some of the most remote and desolate (and most beautiful and dangerous) country in the United States.
I've loved women and men and a couple or three. I've lost loved ones to tragic mishap, unspeakable violence, intractable disease and, possibly most insidiously, blind indifference.
I lost my FAA medical many years ago, and my ability to ride motorcycles a decade or so later. I've lost a lot of mobility to broken down body mechanics and fine tactile control to a pesky tremor. I've lost some facility with language to a traumatic brain injury and my once near eidetic memory to a series of strokes.
Could I have avoided or mitigated some of those losses? Probably. Am I aware of them and their impact in my life? Absolutely. Do I dwell on them? Not if I can help it.
All factors considered, though, I don't hold onto any regrets. What I've done, seen and experienced - from the train-wreck relationships to the physical damage - contributed, informed and influenced my becoming who I am today. I won't dwell on the 'woulda, coulda, shoulda'. I am who I am because of (and in some cases in spite of) the life I've lived thus far. The things I can do nothing about are so far outside my consciousness as not to exist. If there's nothing beneficial to be gained it's not even worth the trouble to consign them to the cosmic compost heap.
Getting up close and personal with death tends to make one rather circumspect about living every moment 'In The Now' because it can change in a blink. Whether I live to be 106 or get hit by lightning 30 seconds from now life is simply too short to dwell on 'Not'. Living every moment with vigor, loving with unbridled passion and doing what I can, as I can (and not sweating the rest of it) means that I am, inasmuch as is possible, living a truly fulfilled life.
That really is the best one can do, isn't it?
This entry was originally posted at http://somewhatbent.dreamwidth.org/434412.html. Please comment there using OpenID.