do I really need a subject?
Well since last time I updated a few things have happened. I got to go to renn faire with Meghan and Chris. It was interesting because I saw so many people from high school that I hadn't seen since graduation or even longer. Chris bought his leather doublet...and it looks SO nice on him too. I had an awesome time seeing old friends and hanging out with Meg and Chris. Meg and I even danced at the evening Kally (sp?)! Oh and I also bought this really good, really hot peach salsa from the peper lady out there ( I used to work next door to her, so I also stopped to say hi). After faire we all went back to my house...Meg had to leave though cause she was tired and her leg hurt. If she hadn't had to leave we all would have gone out for sushi. Instead it was just Chris and I. It was really good too! Now that we know where a good place is...Chris and I may go again next time we want to go out and eat.
Sunday I was in a bad mood (and part of Sat. night) in the morning cause the night before I was thnking about several things (one of which turned into a good thing later on) and cause I gained weight again from all the food I ate...I always get grummpy when that happens. Anyways...late the night before I was thinking about the fact that Chris and I had been "engaged" for nearly two years...and about the fact that he still hadn't told his parents...or most of his friends (where as just about everyone that I know...family included knows). I had realized that he was afraid to tell his parents...as was I when I told mine, and that we really didn't seem to be going anywhere. It seemed kinda silly to be "engaged" and keep if from everyone. I could easily say that we have the intentions to marry someday and not be engaged. I felt like we were just playing pretend, and that it really wasn't real even. Like it wasn't important, and that perhaps I was unworthy of telling anyone. So that night I wrote a letter (and I admit...i'm not always nice with letters) basically saying that there was no point in us being engaged. When he read it (which I debated even letting him cause looking back I thought it was a bit harsh) he got pretty upset. Basically what went on from there was him convincing me to stay engaged...and that he wanted to make it official. However, here is my delema...
I feel that I have forced his hand, so to speak, and that's not what I wanted to do. I honestly wanted/hoped he'd do it when he was ready all on his own, but it didn't look like it would happen for at least another year...if at all. I guess I wanted to know if we were honestly serious, or just saying we were. Since Sunday he's been seeming really tired (which is understandable) and also not talkitive at all. I donno if he honestly is ok/happy or if he wants to do it just for me (cause if that's the case...it shouldn't happen). I love him so much...I certainly don't want him unhappy with me..or in general. If he honestly does want that as well..then I'm happy with the outcome...I just wish I hadn't had to say anything.
Oh yeah...if you want to read what his journal type thingy says...go to his site www.intellectualistic.com
Sunday I was in a bad mood (and part of Sat. night) in the morning cause the night before I was thnking about several things (one of which turned into a good thing later on) and cause I gained weight again from all the food I ate...I always get grummpy when that happens. Anyways...late the night before I was thinking about the fact that Chris and I had been "engaged" for nearly two years...and about the fact that he still hadn't told his parents...or most of his friends (where as just about everyone that I know...family included knows). I had realized that he was afraid to tell his parents...as was I when I told mine, and that we really didn't seem to be going anywhere. It seemed kinda silly to be "engaged" and keep if from everyone. I could easily say that we have the intentions to marry someday and not be engaged. I felt like we were just playing pretend, and that it really wasn't real even. Like it wasn't important, and that perhaps I was unworthy of telling anyone. So that night I wrote a letter (and I admit...i'm not always nice with letters) basically saying that there was no point in us being engaged. When he read it (which I debated even letting him cause looking back I thought it was a bit harsh) he got pretty upset. Basically what went on from there was him convincing me to stay engaged...and that he wanted to make it official. However, here is my delema...
I feel that I have forced his hand, so to speak, and that's not what I wanted to do. I honestly wanted/hoped he'd do it when he was ready all on his own, but it didn't look like it would happen for at least another year...if at all. I guess I wanted to know if we were honestly serious, or just saying we were. Since Sunday he's been seeming really tired (which is understandable) and also not talkitive at all. I donno if he honestly is ok/happy or if he wants to do it just for me (cause if that's the case...it shouldn't happen). I love him so much...I certainly don't want him unhappy with me..or in general. If he honestly does want that as well..then I'm happy with the outcome...I just wish I hadn't had to say anything.
Oh yeah...if you want to read what his journal type thingy says...go to his site www.intellectualistic.com