very sad :'(
this is a bit of a rant so I know people wont bother reading this, it's okay. i need to get this out and thats what blogs are for, right?
i have a bit of a psychological issue, (just one?)
normally i'm a very quiet,shy person but something kind of snaps when people call me stupid,
she didn't expect me to jump up like i did, that was clear by her expression.
don't call me that word. call me anything, but not stupid.
for one i express myself differently and sometimes its not easy for me to get out what i'm thinking;
but i actually do understand.
second, i bottle my feelings A LOT. but when i do snap, lord help us both. i have a lot of rage.
don't make yourself a target for my years of anger.
in short, i was able to pull my hands back but not my mouth. she will not be welcome at my engagement even though she is my blood relation.
all this over something she wasnt even involved in. i agreed with her advice for crying out loud!
AND BY THE WAY NOTE TO SELF: WHEN DID ENGAGEMENT PARTIES HAVE TO DO WITH MAKING FAMILY HAPPY. ITS ABOUT ME AND MY FIANCEE BEING HAPPY!
i feel so sad and angry at a time which should be the happiest in my life. everytime someone calls me this all the years of school come rushing back. I dont want to think about that time, all of those people have moved on, why cant i? why does it still hurt? i want to hurt them back, i sound like a psycho but its true. i want to see them cry like i did. i'm angry at myself for letting them hurt me and just taking it. being too frightened and polite to stand up for myself.
i have to stop this. its holding me back and i have to learn to move on.
okay i guess thats it.
i'll just slink off into the corner and cry now.
i have a bit of a psychological issue, (just one?)
normally i'm a very quiet,shy person but something kind of snaps when people call me stupid,
she didn't expect me to jump up like i did, that was clear by her expression.
don't call me that word. call me anything, but not stupid.
for one i express myself differently and sometimes its not easy for me to get out what i'm thinking;
but i actually do understand.
second, i bottle my feelings A LOT. but when i do snap, lord help us both. i have a lot of rage.
don't make yourself a target for my years of anger.
in short, i was able to pull my hands back but not my mouth. she will not be welcome at my engagement even though she is my blood relation.
all this over something she wasnt even involved in. i agreed with her advice for crying out loud!
AND BY THE WAY NOTE TO SELF: WHEN DID ENGAGEMENT PARTIES HAVE TO DO WITH MAKING FAMILY HAPPY. ITS ABOUT ME AND MY FIANCEE BEING HAPPY!
i feel so sad and angry at a time which should be the happiest in my life. everytime someone calls me this all the years of school come rushing back. I dont want to think about that time, all of those people have moved on, why cant i? why does it still hurt? i want to hurt them back, i sound like a psycho but its true. i want to see them cry like i did. i'm angry at myself for letting them hurt me and just taking it. being too frightened and polite to stand up for myself.
i have to stop this. its holding me back and i have to learn to move on.
okay i guess thats it.
i'll just slink off into the corner and cry now.