Oh hey, stream of consciousness, long time no make.
========================================================
Opening Segment
> Oh hey, it's Nata---Nope, it's Bret Hart.
> We so need more Canadians up in here.
> ...Mark Henry, you're not Canadian.
> KING PAPA LOBSTERHEAD THOUGH. Yes. Your bedtime stories. Because yes. If you come over to tuck me into bed and tell me bedtime stories dressed like that, nobody is sleeping. Nobody.
Christian vs Daniel Bryan.
> ...Attempting to care...
> ...Failure to care. Would you like to try again?
> ...Do I look like I want to?
> Hey, Cracked.Com, how you doin' tonight.
Commercial time
> I honestly canNOT be the only one who must suppress a million and one sniggers everytime the commentators call Cody Ted's "Life Coach."
> Also: Aksana is Maryse Jr.-ing again. One year after she first did it. Only hotter this year. Also: Make out with Ted, go ahead.
Wade Barrett vs Eyebrow-Raising Local.
> OH YES. BITCHY!WADE TIME. "Hold your goddamn horses, I'm murrfuqqin' Caesar, I ain't no jim brones-cleaner. Fuck yo couches, I'm outty." Also: He said "DREGS."
> Dat strut.
Sin Cara vs Heath Slater
> LOOK GAIZE REAL SIN BOTCHA'S BACK. ...He has one of the most awesome finishers though. Also, that gear is COOL.
> ...Heath is just an orange blur. A full-out orange blur.
> The fuck is Heath Slater's theme song right now.
> ...Josh and Book have been texting all week long? Good luck with those phone bills, gentlemen. Also: two guys gossiping about another guy.
> ...LOLNOPE, that's still Sin Not-a.
> ...Randal, your perv smile. Seriously. Your perv smile.
Commercial time.
> ..........
Randy vs Ted w/ his "Life Coa---" OMG YOU GUYS I CAN'T SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
> ...Dat strut part 2.
> Warning: Tongue porn.
> Also: He kinda shaved.
> ...Cody's theme song. CODY'S theme song. WHY NOT TE----Cody in a suit. Everything is inv----That color on Ted, I swear.
> Cody is promo-sexing Randy. AGAIN. Forever nomz.
> ...He performs miracles. In a pink tie. And a see-through mask.
> ..."Dear" friend. ...Cody who are you trying to fool.
> ...................................ASS SHOT. YES.
> ...Well that just looked like that was an accidental collision.
> Does anyone ever wonder what they might be whispering at each other in close headlocks other than the next moves? "Did you remember to turn the gas off?" "..." "...Bitch."
> TED'S HAIR. BECAUSE YES.
> If Ted reaches down just a couple of inches, he's in perfect crotch-grabbing position. DO IIIIIIIIIT.
> Ortz stole Cena's clothesline. ...I wanted to stop at "CLOTHES" there.
> Ortz spreads apart Ted's legs and Cody looks away. AGAIN I ASK YOU: WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL CODY.
> I swear, Randy has the best "WHOA WTF" reactions during Ted's signature rebound clothesline.
> DROPKI---NO. DAMN. SHIT.
> NOTTHEFACENOTTHEFACENOTTHE----fuck.
> Ortz just tea-bagged Ted. Weelthan.
> LOL CODY. "NOT MY BOYFRIEND YOU BIT---Okay, never mind."
> ...And obligatory Candy stalking mome---Jealous Tedward is jealous.
> Someone just said "NICE SUIT!" at Cody. OH LOL.
> Randy, the skin above your eyebrows is SO sensitive. o.O
> ...That roll-up was QUICK.
> I'm in love with Ted's spinebuster.
> People are chanting "BORING."
> Ted just pancaked RIGHT into that mat.
> Randy is SO trying to Undertaker his eyes, it's so obvs.
> Dreamst---Never mind.
> Ted's "OH SHIT RKO" face, you guys.
> Nobody takes an RKO quite like Ted. Nobody BOUNCES off the mat after an RKO quite like Ted.
> Obligatory "And tonight Imma eat your children" creepy-perving Candy moment.
> WHAT IS WITH THE BACKSIDE OF THE LEATHER OF THE WORLD TITLE.
> Cody no gusta, Teodoro.
> Awww, look he's offering him a hand up. This is so sexy right n-----He just killed Ted.
> And paper bag.
> I thought at first they were chanting "Triple H." Turns out they were chanting "Paper bag." They should REALLY start selling those things on WWEShop.
> ...Look at that sexy torso heaving up and down as he's breathing hard underneath that paper bag, no, I'm totes not looking at his crotch, except that I am, and really, would you expect any more or less of me? Didn't think so.
> "LIFE COACH." COLE SRSLEH I KNOW I SHIP CODIASI BUT THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
Me vs the rest of the show because I will now care a lot less until the main event.
> Also known as "Me vs those stupid 'Did You Know' Things That Are Probably Made The Fuck Up Half The Fucking Time Anyway."
> TAMINA ON MY SCREEN YAY.
> ...Kelly Kelly on my screen wtf. Somewhere in the back, Justin Gabriel is making out with someone else (hopefully Wade or John Cena) with his eyes open just thinking, "I'm actually STILL trying to wash the taste of you out of my mouth."
> ...And it's now bad 80's porn with all her fucking screaming. Did she swallow a megaphone or something along with other things she's swallowed already?
> That stupid fucking stink-face srsleh. At least the Bronco actually seemed to effing HURT.
> Oh look, Kelly just Super-Cena'd. Somehow, she makes it more annoying.
Commercial break means no more K2. I love you, commercials.
> Oh look, Khali and Jindar Mahal. Two more people who need to GTFO my screen forever.
> Zeke. Acceptable. In black. SO much better than the red.
> Can't believe I'm actually cheering for Zeke, but KILL HIM ZEKE KILL HI----Oh fuck you, Khali.
> Oh, thank GOD.
Oh look, it's Todd Grisham's last WWE TV appearance.
> ...Randy, you are NOT alone with feeling that way.
> All these tight close-ups of Randy...I swear, they're trying to convince us to count all the hairs on his chinny-chin-chin, and then BAM they'll surprise us with some awesome contest or something.
> Look at Sheamus sexxing it up back there while he's walkin', lookit.
Commercial breaks times means random thoughts.
> I wanna be the Tonks to Justin Gabriel's Lupin. Few people will get this.
Sheamus vs the black bull on the farm that's about to get castrated, apparently.
> Also: I love the way Sheamus says "FARM." And "CASTRATED."
> I REALLY don't need to see how sweaty Mark Henry gets between the stage and half the ramp. QUITIT WITH THOSE TIGHT SHOTS.
> Sheamus cannot give enough fucks to smile during his match entrances despite now being face. I LOVE HIM.
> Also: OREO MATCH LOL. (I'm horrible.)
> Sheamus, that is one bouncy shoulder.
> Mark, y u mock the boobie-pounding.
> See? Sheamus no gusta. "EN DAH'S FORR MOCKIN' ME BOOBIE-POUNDING, FELLA."
> ...Sheamus cannot spaghetti legs, coz those thighs are MASSIVE. MASSIVE.
> OMG MARK ALMOST HURT SHEAMUS COCCYX. I am smiling inside at my own joke.
> ...Great, those shoe imprints are gonna be there forEVER, thanks a LOT, Mark.
> BITE HIS FINGERS, SHEAMUS, DO IT, BITE HIS FINGERS.
> OMG MARK HENRY GRABBED SHEAMUS'S HAIR. THAT FUCKING TEARS IT. WHERE'S MY BAZOOKA, IVY.
> ...Yes, Sheamus, I'd probably be that limp if you ever hugged me.
> Ted has sexy wrists. John has sexy knees. Sheamus has sexy elbows.
> I love that people actually cheer for that pounding at the ropes thing. I'm sitting here like, "YES! GET ANGER! GET ANGER!"
> That would NOT how I would like to be close to Sheamus's thighs. I think this is important to note.
> HE FLEW LIKE A FLUFFY CLOUD. (You're free to shoot me for this one.)
> ....................WHAT THE FUCKING HELL. Mark just pulled Sheamus out of the ring and onto the floor THROUGH THE FUCKING SECOND ROPE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
> And even after that, he STILL managed to get up a Brogue Kick?! HE'S A FUCKING GOD.
> Look at him, he's so happy, he's pounding BOTH his boobies.
> Mark Henry is now demanding respect from the announce table and the commentators' chairs, and Sheamus is just standing there like, "Well, leather IS made of cow, so they MUST have fee---Screw that, this is amusing."
> .......KILL HIM KING PAPA KILL HIM.
> That awkward moment when the awesome moment is ruined by the steel steps bounces off of the ring post and fucking clips you in the back of the knee.
> ...Mark just killed Sheamus. I am slightly turned on by the way Sheamus is lying on those steel steps.
> MARK QUIT SHEAMUSING.
> Sheamus has a jiggly butt, btw. It's important to point this out, it will change your life to know this.
> SERIOUSLY THOUGH. The way Sheamus is lying there, I'm just kind of like, "Oh, you poor thing! Here, let me nibble on your ear."
=========================================================
Welp. Been a while. Was it as good for you as it was for me? >:D
Love Lots And God Bless!
~ MARCIANA ~
http://twitter.com/whoa_incendio
Opening Segment
> Oh hey, it's Nata---Nope, it's Bret Hart.
> We so need more Canadians up in here.
> ...Mark Henry, you're not Canadian.
> KING PAPA LOBSTERHEAD THOUGH. Yes. Your bedtime stories. Because yes. If you come over to tuck me into bed and tell me bedtime stories dressed like that, nobody is sleeping. Nobody.
Christian vs Daniel Bryan.
> ...Attempting to care...
> ...Failure to care. Would you like to try again?
> ...Do I look like I want to?
> Hey, Cracked.Com, how you doin' tonight.
Commercial time
> I honestly canNOT be the only one who must suppress a million and one sniggers everytime the commentators call Cody Ted's "Life Coach."
> Also: Aksana is Maryse Jr.-ing again. One year after she first did it. Only hotter this year. Also: Make out with Ted, go ahead.
Wade Barrett vs Eyebrow-Raising Local.
> OH YES. BITCHY!WADE TIME. "Hold your goddamn horses, I'm murrfuqqin' Caesar, I ain't no jim brones-cleaner. Fuck yo couches, I'm outty." Also: He said "DREGS."
> Dat strut.
Sin Cara vs Heath Slater
> LOOK GAIZE REAL SIN BOTCHA'S BACK. ...He has one of the most awesome finishers though. Also, that gear is COOL.
> ...Heath is just an orange blur. A full-out orange blur.
> The fuck is Heath Slater's theme song right now.
> ...Josh and Book have been texting all week long? Good luck with those phone bills, gentlemen. Also: two guys gossiping about another guy.
> ...LOLNOPE, that's still Sin Not-a.
> ...Randal, your perv smile. Seriously. Your perv smile.
Commercial time.
> ..........
Randy vs Ted w/ his "Life Coa---" OMG YOU GUYS I CAN'T SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
> ...Dat strut part 2.
> Warning: Tongue porn.
> Also: He kinda shaved.
> ...Cody's theme song. CODY'S theme song. WHY NOT TE----Cody in a suit. Everything is inv----That color on Ted, I swear.
> Cody is promo-sexing Randy. AGAIN. Forever nomz.
> ...He performs miracles. In a pink tie. And a see-through mask.
> ..."Dear" friend. ...Cody who are you trying to fool.
> ...................................ASS SHOT. YES.
> ...Well that just looked like that was an accidental collision.
> Does anyone ever wonder what they might be whispering at each other in close headlocks other than the next moves? "Did you remember to turn the gas off?" "..." "...Bitch."
> TED'S HAIR. BECAUSE YES.
> If Ted reaches down just a couple of inches, he's in perfect crotch-grabbing position. DO IIIIIIIIIT.
> Ortz stole Cena's clothesline. ...I wanted to stop at "CLOTHES" there.
> Ortz spreads apart Ted's legs and Cody looks away. AGAIN I ASK YOU: WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL CODY.
> I swear, Randy has the best "WHOA WTF" reactions during Ted's signature rebound clothesline.
> DROPKI---NO. DAMN. SHIT.
> NOTTHEFACENOTTHEFACENOTTHE----fuck.
> Ortz just tea-bagged Ted. Weelthan.
> LOL CODY. "NOT MY BOYFRIEND YOU BIT---Okay, never mind."
> ...And obligatory Candy stalking mome---Jealous Tedward is jealous.
> Someone just said "NICE SUIT!" at Cody. OH LOL.
> Randy, the skin above your eyebrows is SO sensitive. o.O
> ...That roll-up was QUICK.
> I'm in love with Ted's spinebuster.
> People are chanting "BORING."
> Ted just pancaked RIGHT into that mat.
> Randy is SO trying to Undertaker his eyes, it's so obvs.
> Dreamst---Never mind.
> Ted's "OH SHIT RKO" face, you guys.
> Nobody takes an RKO quite like Ted. Nobody BOUNCES off the mat after an RKO quite like Ted.
> Obligatory "And tonight Imma eat your children" creepy-perving Candy moment.
> WHAT IS WITH THE BACKSIDE OF THE LEATHER OF THE WORLD TITLE.
> Cody no gusta, Teodoro.
> Awww, look he's offering him a hand up. This is so sexy right n-----He just killed Ted.
> And paper bag.
> I thought at first they were chanting "Triple H." Turns out they were chanting "Paper bag." They should REALLY start selling those things on WWEShop.
> ...Look at that sexy torso heaving up and down as he's breathing hard underneath that paper bag, no, I'm totes not looking at his crotch, except that I am, and really, would you expect any more or less of me? Didn't think so.
> "LIFE COACH." COLE SRSLEH I KNOW I SHIP CODIASI BUT THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
Me vs the rest of the show because I will now care a lot less until the main event.
> Also known as "Me vs those stupid 'Did You Know' Things That Are Probably Made The Fuck Up Half The Fucking Time Anyway."
> TAMINA ON MY SCREEN YAY.
> ...Kelly Kelly on my screen wtf. Somewhere in the back, Justin Gabriel is making out with someone else (hopefully Wade or John Cena) with his eyes open just thinking, "I'm actually STILL trying to wash the taste of you out of my mouth."
> ...And it's now bad 80's porn with all her fucking screaming. Did she swallow a megaphone or something along with other things she's swallowed already?
> That stupid fucking stink-face srsleh. At least the Bronco actually seemed to effing HURT.
> Oh look, Kelly just Super-Cena'd. Somehow, she makes it more annoying.
Commercial break means no more K2. I love you, commercials.
> Oh look, Khali and Jindar Mahal. Two more people who need to GTFO my screen forever.
> Zeke. Acceptable. In black. SO much better than the red.
> Can't believe I'm actually cheering for Zeke, but KILL HIM ZEKE KILL HI----Oh fuck you, Khali.
> Oh, thank GOD.
Oh look, it's Todd Grisham's last WWE TV appearance.
> ...Randy, you are NOT alone with feeling that way.
> All these tight close-ups of Randy...I swear, they're trying to convince us to count all the hairs on his chinny-chin-chin, and then BAM they'll surprise us with some awesome contest or something.
> Look at Sheamus sexxing it up back there while he's walkin', lookit.
Commercial breaks times means random thoughts.
> I wanna be the Tonks to Justin Gabriel's Lupin. Few people will get this.
Sheamus vs the black bull on the farm that's about to get castrated, apparently.
> Also: I love the way Sheamus says "FARM." And "CASTRATED."
> I REALLY don't need to see how sweaty Mark Henry gets between the stage and half the ramp. QUITIT WITH THOSE TIGHT SHOTS.
> Sheamus cannot give enough fucks to smile during his match entrances despite now being face. I LOVE HIM.
> Also: OREO MATCH LOL. (I'm horrible.)
> Sheamus, that is one bouncy shoulder.
> Mark, y u mock the boobie-pounding.
> See? Sheamus no gusta. "EN DAH'S FORR MOCKIN' ME BOOBIE-POUNDING, FELLA."
> ...Sheamus cannot spaghetti legs, coz those thighs are MASSIVE. MASSIVE.
> OMG MARK ALMOST HURT SHEAMUS COCCYX. I am smiling inside at my own joke.
> ...Great, those shoe imprints are gonna be there forEVER, thanks a LOT, Mark.
> BITE HIS FINGERS, SHEAMUS, DO IT, BITE HIS FINGERS.
> OMG MARK HENRY GRABBED SHEAMUS'S HAIR. THAT FUCKING TEARS IT. WHERE'S MY BAZOOKA, IVY.
> ...Yes, Sheamus, I'd probably be that limp if you ever hugged me.
> Ted has sexy wrists. John has sexy knees. Sheamus has sexy elbows.
> I love that people actually cheer for that pounding at the ropes thing. I'm sitting here like, "YES! GET ANGER! GET ANGER!"
> That would NOT how I would like to be close to Sheamus's thighs. I think this is important to note.
> HE FLEW LIKE A FLUFFY CLOUD. (You're free to shoot me for this one.)
> ....................WHAT THE FUCKING HELL. Mark just pulled Sheamus out of the ring and onto the floor THROUGH THE FUCKING SECOND ROPE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
> And even after that, he STILL managed to get up a Brogue Kick?! HE'S A FUCKING GOD.
> Look at him, he's so happy, he's pounding BOTH his boobies.
> Mark Henry is now demanding respect from the announce table and the commentators' chairs, and Sheamus is just standing there like, "Well, leather IS made of cow, so they MUST have fee---Screw that, this is amusing."
> .......KILL HIM KING PAPA KILL HIM.
> That awkward moment when the awesome moment is ruined by the steel steps bounces off of the ring post and fucking clips you in the back of the knee.
> ...Mark just killed Sheamus. I am slightly turned on by the way Sheamus is lying on those steel steps.
> MARK QUIT SHEAMUSING.
> Sheamus has a jiggly butt, btw. It's important to point this out, it will change your life to know this.
> SERIOUSLY THOUGH. The way Sheamus is lying there, I'm just kind of like, "Oh, you poor thing! Here, let me nibble on your ear."
=========================================================
Welp. Been a while. Was it as good for you as it was for me? >:D
Love Lots And God Bless!
~ MARCIANA ~
http://twitter.com/whoa_incendio