Among the best AUsj_s_cavalcanteMarch 1 2006, 21:30:58 UTC
Wow...I LOVE this story and I think it's brilliant. I'm adding it to my collection of the best-of-the-best AUs. You NAILED the characters (oops, pun unintentional!), and you managed to do so even though not one of them is a policeman! Welsh as the Welsh captain! The Stella Maris..."The" Stella--that was simply inspired! Vecchio in Renaissance-peacock clothes, including "ridiculous shoes"! ROFL! His exasperation with Frasier and Stanislaus was just pitch-perfect. And RayK and Fraser especially, so recognizably themselves! Ray rescuing youth-at-risk, and Fraser treating everyone as equal. Kit Marlowe! I loved it ALL. Especially, especially the artwork, of course. That yummy description of RayK as the suffering Christ...wow. I could see the painting as I read. The love scene with its angelic descriptions was exactly right for the story and for the characters. The colloquial speech didn't bother me a bit; I thought it enhanced the characterizations and the clarity. The setting and the customs and prejudices of the times--all were so well done. I roared with laughter at this bit:
Voltabufalo blanched, and began to hyperventilate. Between gasps, he squeaked out: ‘I could be excommunicated! I could be accused of - of - PROTESTANTISM!’ He sank to sit down on a plank of scaffolding. He held his head.
Protestantism! OMG, fate worse than death. LOL!
I agree it needs a beta, but only for minor things. In order to be able to read it, I copied it into Word and fixed the formatting on my copy. I'll be happy to email it to you if you like. There are a couple of other minor things and I'll be happy to email those as well.
A couple of pronunciation notes: "Voltabufalo" would actually have the accent on the "boo." VOHL-tah-BOO-fah-lo. Pronunciation in Italian is quite regular. To have the accent on the "FAH" the word would have to be spelled "Voltabufallo," which would be the wrong spelling; "bufalo" is correct. So I'd suggest making Ray's attempt at the pronunciation different. Maybe give him the accent-on-the-"FAH" version and have Fraser correct him back to "VOHL-ta-BOO-fah-lo."
Also, Ray shouldn't get "icksy" from Fraser's pronunciation of Ecce, because it should be Church Latin, right? It would be "ECK-chay."
Anyway...I have to say again, this story is brilliant, and I sincerely hope you figure out your issues with your word processor and LJ, because I'd hate to see silly tech issues stand in the way of our reading your great fic!
Re: Among the best AUslady_sylviaMarch 8 2006, 17:22:19 UTC
Dear J S Cavalcante,
Thank you for the comment every writer wants to read! I am truly grateful that you took the time to pass along your appreciation AND corrections! I have incorporated both of the pronunciation suggestions & added a different joke to replace the "ick-sy" (hope you like!)
I've done a quick mend to get the end into the journal (next entry page), but any other corrections can be sent to me at nenefrancula@yahoo.com Or send your whole Word copy if that's easier (and if my entry still looks WRONG!).
Would YOU be willing to beta for me? I'm asking around - I have a huge long contemporary piece in the works (no end of the first draft in sight) that will definitely need help one day. Plus one day I would like to get something posted to ds_flashfiction (on time, following all the rules), if shorter pieces are more feasible. Let me know! And THANK YOU KINDLY for the Italian corrections! [By the way, I'd really like to make Contessa de L'Espina into a "Thatcher", but I didn't think Contessa Margherita Paglia di Tettore (from paglia di tetto) would come across - any suggestions?]
Re: Among the best AUsj_s_cavalcanteMarch 9 2006, 06:20:19 UTC
Would YOU be willing to beta for me?
Sure, I'd be honored.
I'm asking around - I have a huge long contemporary piece in the works (no end of the first draft in sight) that will definitely need help one day.
Now you've got me salivating. :) You need the editorial cattle prod? --Zap!-- Get to work! :) :) (Actually, that's what I need, so feel free to zap me back, OK?)
Plus one day I would like to get something posted to ds_flashfiction (on time, following all the rules), if shorter pieces are more feasible.
Yeah, that's my dream, too. To write something short enough for flashfiction, and to write it to deadline!
[By the way, I'd really like to make Contessa de L'Espina into a "Thatcher", but I didn't think Contessa Margherita Paglia di Tettore (from paglia di tetto) would come across - any suggestions?]
Paglia di Tetto works for me! Makes me laugh, actually, because in the sense that a roof could be a metaphor for a person's head (somewhat like "bats in one's belfry"), it makes me think of "straw in her head"...and she does give that impression sometimes, doesn't she? ("Tettore" is a little odd, used that way. Because what is it, straw of the roofer? But you used "Benedetto" and "Stanislaus," which aren't exact translations, either, and "paglia di tetto" is already a lot closer that those two.)
You're right that most readers won't pick up on it, but they certainly might pick up on "Margherita," and if you describe her in the painting as looking like Thatcher (maybe give her Thatcher's exasperated expression?), it might be more clear. If not, it's still funny, and to those who do get the joke, it'll be even more fun, like some of those Canadian in-jokes they made on DS.
Please consider yourself zapped! I would love to read anything you've written, and I appreciate your notes re: Maggie Thatcher. I haven't had time to revise the name in the story, but I will get to that. The long piece is pretty explicit and extremely raw right now, but I hope to have at least the opening section in a workable "rough cut" soon. P.S. If you are near NYC, the Museum of Modern Art is showing two CKR films this week - see my post at ds_noticeboard.
Re: Thanks again!j_s_cavalcanteMarch 16 2006, 15:50:43 UTC
Thanks! Send the story for beta anytime. My email's on my userinfo page.
I'm 3 hrs from NYC by car or train, so I normally could do this, but as it happens, my husband's away, so I can't take off and go, darn it! (We have two school-age kids.) Wish I'd known that MOMA shows a mini Canadian film festival! I guess the good news is that whenever they do it, CKR's likely to be in it somewhere...the man works constantly! Which is good for us CKR fanatics!! :)
Thanks for the ZAP! It's working; I'm writing. :) :)
Voltabufalo blanched, and began to hyperventilate. Between gasps, he squeaked out: ‘I could be excommunicated! I could be accused of - of - PROTESTANTISM!’ He sank to sit down on a plank of scaffolding. He held his head.
Protestantism! OMG, fate worse than death. LOL!
I agree it needs a beta, but only for minor things. In order to be able to read it, I copied it into Word and fixed the formatting on my copy. I'll be happy to email it to you if you like. There are a couple of other minor things and I'll be happy to email those as well.
A couple of pronunciation notes: "Voltabufalo" would actually have the accent on the "boo." VOHL-tah-BOO-fah-lo. Pronunciation in Italian is quite regular. To have the accent on the "FAH" the word would have to be spelled "Voltabufallo," which would be the wrong spelling; "bufalo" is correct. So I'd suggest making Ray's attempt at the pronunciation different. Maybe give him the accent-on-the-"FAH" version and have Fraser correct him back to "VOHL-ta-BOO-fah-lo."
Also, Ray shouldn't get "icksy" from Fraser's pronunciation of Ecce, because it should be Church Latin, right? It would be "ECK-chay."
Anyway...I have to say again, this story is brilliant, and I sincerely hope you figure out your issues with your word processor and LJ, because I'd hate to see silly tech issues stand in the way of our reading your great fic!
Reply
Thank you for the comment every writer wants to read! I am truly grateful that you took the time to pass along your appreciation AND corrections! I have incorporated both of the pronunciation suggestions & added a different joke to replace the "ick-sy" (hope you like!)
I've done a quick mend to get the end into the journal (next entry page), but any other corrections can be sent to me at nenefrancula@yahoo.com Or send your whole Word copy if that's easier (and if my entry still looks WRONG!).
Would YOU be willing to beta for me? I'm asking around - I have a huge long contemporary piece in the works (no end of the first draft in sight) that will definitely need help one day. Plus one day I would like to get something posted to ds_flashfiction (on time, following all the rules), if shorter pieces are more feasible. Let me know! And THANK YOU KINDLY for the Italian corrections! [By the way, I'd really like to make Contessa de L'Espina into a "Thatcher", but I didn't think Contessa Margherita Paglia di Tettore (from paglia di tetto) would come across - any suggestions?]
Reply
Sure, I'd be honored.
I'm asking around - I have a huge long contemporary piece in the works (no end of the first draft in sight) that will definitely need help one day.
Now you've got me salivating. :) You need the editorial cattle prod? --Zap!-- Get to work! :) :) (Actually, that's what I need, so feel free to zap me back, OK?)
Plus one day I would like to get something posted to ds_flashfiction (on time, following all the rules), if shorter pieces are more feasible.
Yeah, that's my dream, too. To write something short enough for flashfiction, and to write it to deadline!
[By the way, I'd really like to make Contessa de L'Espina into a "Thatcher", but I didn't think Contessa Margherita Paglia di Tettore (from paglia di tetto) would come across - any suggestions?]
Paglia di Tetto works for me! Makes me laugh, actually, because in the sense that a roof could be a metaphor for a person's head (somewhat like "bats in one's belfry"), it makes me think of "straw in her head"...and she does give that impression sometimes, doesn't she? ("Tettore" is a little odd, used that way. Because what is it, straw of the roofer? But you used "Benedetto" and "Stanislaus," which aren't exact translations, either, and "paglia di tetto" is already a lot closer that those two.)
You're right that most readers won't pick up on it, but they certainly might pick up on "Margherita," and if you describe her in the painting as looking like Thatcher (maybe give her Thatcher's exasperated expression?), it might be more clear. If not, it's still funny, and to those who do get the joke, it'll be even more fun, like some of those Canadian in-jokes they made on DS.
Reply
Please consider yourself zapped! I would love to read anything you've written, and I appreciate your notes re: Maggie Thatcher. I haven't had time to revise the name in the story, but I will get to that. The long piece is pretty explicit and extremely raw right now, but I hope to have at least the opening section in a workable "rough cut" soon. P.S. If you are near NYC, the Museum of Modern Art is showing two CKR films this week - see my post at ds_noticeboard.
Reply
I'm 3 hrs from NYC by car or train, so I normally could do this, but as it happens, my husband's away, so I can't take off and go, darn it! (We have two school-age kids.) Wish I'd known that MOMA shows a mini Canadian film festival! I guess the good news is that whenever they do it, CKR's likely to be in it somewhere...the man works constantly! Which is good for us CKR fanatics!! :)
Thanks for the ZAP! It's working; I'm writing. :) :)
Reply
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