On Plants, and Why They Love The Light
And now, something a little more normal for me - which is ironic, given what challange this was written for.
Title: On Plants, and Why They Love the Light
Fandom: Farscape
Characters: The Moyans
Pairing: Stark/Zhaan
Time Frame: Various
Spoilers: Through PKWars
Synopsis: fourteen complex answers to one simple question
Word Count: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therein are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money.
Acknowledgments: Thank you to chazjazz and kazbaby, who both gave this the once-over and beta, even if I ended up ignoring all their good advice, and all faults are thus mine, and catherinebruce, who said the one thing that helped me figure out the title.
Author's Notes: Written for the 4th Starbust Challange on Terra Firma: Not The Writer's Usual Character POV, and fanfic100 for the prompt 080. Why?
Okay, okay, listen. Now, I know, at first it doesn't make any sense, right? I mean, you just look at it and go "oh, okay..." and shake your head and wonder where the hell Blue Girl's taste went.
But you listen to me. 'Cause really, I've known him longer than anyone - shut up Harvey, you know Scorpy doesn't count - and though he makes a hell of a bad first impression, trust me, I know, there's a lot more there than you might think.
Sometimes I try to think what two years in that damn chair would have done to me, and I always end up feeling guilty as hell for about a million different things. Not to mention he didn't know me from Adam and he didn't hesitate to help.
I mean, I've been thinking about it a lot, actually, and two things keep coming back to me.
One is that - in a messed up way like this whole family is, they were perfect for each other. Because they were both people who couldn't stand to see suffering, and do nothing. Because both of them in their own way were incredibly strong.
The second thing that keeps coming back to me is...
Look, I've done the math. I'm not an idiot. I couldn't help but notice, right? Scorpy tortured him, hounded him for years, screwed with his head. The Scarrens took a crack at him, too. The woman he loved most in the universe died, sacrificed on the alter of bozo obsessed with wormholes. He died and in a really weird way came back, but he wasn't the same. He carried the secret of the universe around in his head, and it hurt like hell, and he never asked for it. Everybody thinks he's nuts, and half the things he says make no sense to anybody, because he's talking about things that they can't understand, but mean so much to him. Things that are only real for him. Voices only he can hear.
Shit, you think I hadn't noticed that he's me?
Except - there is no happily ever after. No second chance, no little bald blue one-eyed Astro-sprout, no rings on fingers and loving kiss, nothing except memories and a sad smile.
And part of him blames me.
And part of me agrees.
And the hell of it is - Zhaan forgives us both. So we keep going.
~~~
I don't want to discuss this. It's not a painful subject, exactly, it's just that...
I should have hovered. I should have followed through on the promise I made myself, and not let myself...
I don't know what I should have done, exactly. He just... he was always strange, but after she died, whatever seemed to have been holding him down was - gone - and it was as if he was… floating, or perhaps more as if whatever was keeping him tied to our reality was gone and he existed just a little… shifted from the rest of us.
Keeping him here was my job. I owed it to her.
But I couldn't, because he wanted so much of me. I couldn't be his Zhaan; I couldn't be Zhaan at all.
And when I finally realized that wasn't what he had wanted at all, that all he really wanted was for me - for us - to be happy, because it's what she wanted - it made it all so much worse.
That's all I can tell you. That and… I'm sorry. Truly sorry.
~~~
If you ever want to truly understand the beauty and the cruelty of the universe - that is the story for you. But I suppose that goes for any of us, any story of love.
It's funny, you know - if things had gone a little differently, it could have been me, not him. And I'm not sure I can honestly say I would have ended up much saner than him when I lost her. There was definitely something about her - something deep and beautiful. Maybe too deep. I think in the end that's why I never took my chance with her - and was never really sorry. She was the kind of woman a man like me could drown in - I could never be enough for her. I could never understand her, in ways she needed to be understood. I'm not a mystic - and the last thing she needed was a warrior. She had too much in her already.
Besides, I have allergies. I really didn't need to risk finding out the hard way that her pollen would set them off.
So, he was welcome to her - and I suppose in his own way, he was even worthy of her. That he still honours her memory is proof of that. And she kept him calmer, that's for sure. So I suppose they were good for each other.
But like all the beautiful things in the universe, it couldn't last…
~~~
I know what you mean! For the longest time it didn't make any sense to me either, I mean, she's Zhaan, she's so calm and and and and Zhaan and... and he's... not.
But then I get to thinking - I mean, there's all this… stuff, out there, spirits and dren, that you can never be sure if it's there or not. I'm pretty sure it is there, but I'll never understand it. And that's it. She could. And nobody else around here could - until he showed up. They could… they could relate to each other, I guess.
So… maybe that's it. They just… they could talk. And do that unity stuff. And maybe they never even… I mean, not with their bodies. How kinkoid is that?
And hey, like the man said: plants… they love the light. Heh.
~~~
What? Why the yotz are you wasting my time with this?
Oh, alright. Well if you ask me they were perfect for each other. The meddlesome blue bitch and the one-eyed lunatic? A match made in paradise! Pity they didn't go off together, leave the rest of us in peace!
Her and her chanting, and he picked it up from her, and that made it even worse, him and his talking to thin air.
If you ask me anyone who believes in a higher power or spirits of the dead is deluding themselves!
He thought he brought me back from the dead! Can you believe that? And he said he saw her, that she was watching us…
Yotz. It can't be true. It simply can't. No goddess Zhaan would believe in is watching out for us, nor Zhaan herself. Neither one would be so cruel.
Especially not to him.
They deserved each other. It was the only thing either of them got they truly deserved.
You've made me lose my appetite. Is that what you wanted? There! Now get the frell out and leave me alone!
~~~
Why in hezmana are you asking me? I barely knew either of them. Any time I talked to either one, I got screamed at or threatened. All I can tell you is what anybody knows: Delvians are delusional mystics, and Baniks are mindless automatons.
But then… Hierarch Yondalao has opened my eyes to a lot since I've been here, and I haven't forgotten everything D'argo and the others taught me about looking past preconceptions and received wisdom… so who knows. Maybe there was something there. Something I… wouldn't have been able to understand. At first. Maybe if I got the chance to get to know either or both of them, when the ship wasn't dying, I'd be able to understand. But I guess I'll never know.
Whatever it was… I hope they were happy. That's all. Everybody deserves to be happy, one time in their lives.
~~~
Ah yes - I did wonder if they were… involved. She was very protective of him, on the one occasion I encountered them together - and then of course after she died he would speak of nothing but her, though he seemed to transfer his feelings for her onto Aeryn, and develop a most unhealthy obsession.
Though in the end, he did say he left on Valdon to pursue her - so after all was said and done the first obsession was stronger, I suppose.
Honestly, I can't claim to have known her well enough to say whether the feelings were returned or not - though her prisoner profile did show she had a great store of compassion. Perhaps she pitied him.
At any rate she is dead and he is hopelessly insane - so it truly doesn't matter. I sometimes wonder if all emotional attachments are doomed to end similarly.
~~~
Well, I never knew her, of course - though the others thought of her often, and loved her very very much.
But him! Oh, he is a special one! Handsome, brave - the others don't see it, but I do. Takes a special sort of sight to see past the dirt and scars and slave to see the shining gold.
And he is utterly, totally and completely devoted to her.
What must she have been like, I wonder, to inspire the love and devotion of a soul like that? Remarkable, remarkable.
And the others can't understand what she saw in him. I'm not sure if that makes them idiots or her doubly remarkable, that her worth was obvious even to them.
Maybe both, maybe both.
OH! And I could be wrong, you know. Maybe it really is just as simple as a plant, turning to the only source of light it can find. I'd like to think not. I'm a romantic, you know.
~~~
What? Who? Oh. The slave. I didn't realize they could love. A Delvian? That's perverse. I suppose she took pleasure from him - Delvians have been known to harbor… unique preferences. And perhaps she felt it necessary to justify that with weak sentimentality.
But since I never knew either one, this is conjecture, and utterly pointless. Now leave, I have work to do.
~~~
I must admit, I fail to understand what you possibly could gain by asking this question at all, let alone asking it of me.
But since you have…
Hmmm. I suppose it's only natural that a Pa'u, confined on a ship with so many others, none of whom were inclined towards spiritual matters would find a natural affinity with a Stykera. And while common wisdom says that Stykera, like all Baniks, are incapable of higher emotions and attachments, I assure you nothing could be further from the truth.
Especially not in the case of that Banik. Certain memories were very enlightening in that regard.
In any case - by all accounts, she was a stabilizing influence on a decidedly unstable being. More than that I cannot say.
I hope that aided you in finding whatever it was you were looking for? I have more pressing matters to attend to.
~~~
The concept of romantic relationships differ between species. Pilots take mates for the purpose of producing children. In that respect, the joining of two such wildly diverse species, who could not possibly interbreed is incomprehensible to me.
But I have observed that many other species seek companionship in their mates. Moreover, both Delvians and Baniks appear to seek out and cherish a deeper level of connection, an innate understanding that transcends usual companionship. A direct sharing of minds.
This is something I understand all too well.
~~~
Talyn's Pilot. Moya's protector.
Beautiful. Gentle. Loving. Selfless.
Two the same, joined together. Torn apart.
Sad. So sad. Strong, so strong to still live. Moya lives without Talyn, also.
One day, will be together again.
Until then, remember. Sing. Love.
Fitting and precious family. Moya is honoured.
~~~
Don't ask me. I never understood why she bothered myself. I don't love me very much, if at all. But I'm grateful. Always, always grateful. My Zhaan. My Zhaan. Thank the goddess.
~~~
I love him. He loves me. What is there to question?
Okay, so, this might be cheating, a little - but the rules of the challange said to write from the POV of a character you normally don't. It didn't say anything about subject matter. And I'd already started this fic, and had paused because - well, because I had so much trouble with some of the character voices. So. Perfect challange. And while I cheated on the last two... I like to think it's the best way to end.
I also deliberately didn't lable the sections - the idea was to write the character voice clearly enough that you'd be able to tell who everybody was. Please tell me if I suceeded.
Back to my BIG DAMN TABLE
Title: On Plants, and Why They Love the Light
Fandom: Farscape
Characters: The Moyans
Pairing: Stark/Zhaan
Time Frame: Various
Spoilers: Through PKWars
Synopsis: fourteen complex answers to one simple question
Word Count: 2018
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therein are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money.
Acknowledgments: Thank you to chazjazz and kazbaby, who both gave this the once-over and beta, even if I ended up ignoring all their good advice, and all faults are thus mine, and catherinebruce, who said the one thing that helped me figure out the title.
Author's Notes: Written for the 4th Starbust Challange on Terra Firma: Not The Writer's Usual Character POV, and fanfic100 for the prompt 080. Why?
Okay, okay, listen. Now, I know, at first it doesn't make any sense, right? I mean, you just look at it and go "oh, okay..." and shake your head and wonder where the hell Blue Girl's taste went.
But you listen to me. 'Cause really, I've known him longer than anyone - shut up Harvey, you know Scorpy doesn't count - and though he makes a hell of a bad first impression, trust me, I know, there's a lot more there than you might think.
Sometimes I try to think what two years in that damn chair would have done to me, and I always end up feeling guilty as hell for about a million different things. Not to mention he didn't know me from Adam and he didn't hesitate to help.
I mean, I've been thinking about it a lot, actually, and two things keep coming back to me.
One is that - in a messed up way like this whole family is, they were perfect for each other. Because they were both people who couldn't stand to see suffering, and do nothing. Because both of them in their own way were incredibly strong.
The second thing that keeps coming back to me is...
Look, I've done the math. I'm not an idiot. I couldn't help but notice, right? Scorpy tortured him, hounded him for years, screwed with his head. The Scarrens took a crack at him, too. The woman he loved most in the universe died, sacrificed on the alter of bozo obsessed with wormholes. He died and in a really weird way came back, but he wasn't the same. He carried the secret of the universe around in his head, and it hurt like hell, and he never asked for it. Everybody thinks he's nuts, and half the things he says make no sense to anybody, because he's talking about things that they can't understand, but mean so much to him. Things that are only real for him. Voices only he can hear.
Shit, you think I hadn't noticed that he's me?
Except - there is no happily ever after. No second chance, no little bald blue one-eyed Astro-sprout, no rings on fingers and loving kiss, nothing except memories and a sad smile.
And part of him blames me.
And part of me agrees.
And the hell of it is - Zhaan forgives us both. So we keep going.
~~~
I don't want to discuss this. It's not a painful subject, exactly, it's just that...
I should have hovered. I should have followed through on the promise I made myself, and not let myself...
I don't know what I should have done, exactly. He just... he was always strange, but after she died, whatever seemed to have been holding him down was - gone - and it was as if he was… floating, or perhaps more as if whatever was keeping him tied to our reality was gone and he existed just a little… shifted from the rest of us.
Keeping him here was my job. I owed it to her.
But I couldn't, because he wanted so much of me. I couldn't be his Zhaan; I couldn't be Zhaan at all.
And when I finally realized that wasn't what he had wanted at all, that all he really wanted was for me - for us - to be happy, because it's what she wanted - it made it all so much worse.
That's all I can tell you. That and… I'm sorry. Truly sorry.
~~~
If you ever want to truly understand the beauty and the cruelty of the universe - that is the story for you. But I suppose that goes for any of us, any story of love.
It's funny, you know - if things had gone a little differently, it could have been me, not him. And I'm not sure I can honestly say I would have ended up much saner than him when I lost her. There was definitely something about her - something deep and beautiful. Maybe too deep. I think in the end that's why I never took my chance with her - and was never really sorry. She was the kind of woman a man like me could drown in - I could never be enough for her. I could never understand her, in ways she needed to be understood. I'm not a mystic - and the last thing she needed was a warrior. She had too much in her already.
Besides, I have allergies. I really didn't need to risk finding out the hard way that her pollen would set them off.
So, he was welcome to her - and I suppose in his own way, he was even worthy of her. That he still honours her memory is proof of that. And she kept him calmer, that's for sure. So I suppose they were good for each other.
But like all the beautiful things in the universe, it couldn't last…
~~~
I know what you mean! For the longest time it didn't make any sense to me either, I mean, she's Zhaan, she's so calm and and and and Zhaan and... and he's... not.
But then I get to thinking - I mean, there's all this… stuff, out there, spirits and dren, that you can never be sure if it's there or not. I'm pretty sure it is there, but I'll never understand it. And that's it. She could. And nobody else around here could - until he showed up. They could… they could relate to each other, I guess.
So… maybe that's it. They just… they could talk. And do that unity stuff. And maybe they never even… I mean, not with their bodies. How kinkoid is that?
And hey, like the man said: plants… they love the light. Heh.
~~~
What? Why the yotz are you wasting my time with this?
Oh, alright. Well if you ask me they were perfect for each other. The meddlesome blue bitch and the one-eyed lunatic? A match made in paradise! Pity they didn't go off together, leave the rest of us in peace!
Her and her chanting, and he picked it up from her, and that made it even worse, him and his talking to thin air.
If you ask me anyone who believes in a higher power or spirits of the dead is deluding themselves!
He thought he brought me back from the dead! Can you believe that? And he said he saw her, that she was watching us…
Yotz. It can't be true. It simply can't. No goddess Zhaan would believe in is watching out for us, nor Zhaan herself. Neither one would be so cruel.
Especially not to him.
They deserved each other. It was the only thing either of them got they truly deserved.
You've made me lose my appetite. Is that what you wanted? There! Now get the frell out and leave me alone!
~~~
Why in hezmana are you asking me? I barely knew either of them. Any time I talked to either one, I got screamed at or threatened. All I can tell you is what anybody knows: Delvians are delusional mystics, and Baniks are mindless automatons.
But then… Hierarch Yondalao has opened my eyes to a lot since I've been here, and I haven't forgotten everything D'argo and the others taught me about looking past preconceptions and received wisdom… so who knows. Maybe there was something there. Something I… wouldn't have been able to understand. At first. Maybe if I got the chance to get to know either or both of them, when the ship wasn't dying, I'd be able to understand. But I guess I'll never know.
Whatever it was… I hope they were happy. That's all. Everybody deserves to be happy, one time in their lives.
~~~
Ah yes - I did wonder if they were… involved. She was very protective of him, on the one occasion I encountered them together - and then of course after she died he would speak of nothing but her, though he seemed to transfer his feelings for her onto Aeryn, and develop a most unhealthy obsession.
Though in the end, he did say he left on Valdon to pursue her - so after all was said and done the first obsession was stronger, I suppose.
Honestly, I can't claim to have known her well enough to say whether the feelings were returned or not - though her prisoner profile did show she had a great store of compassion. Perhaps she pitied him.
At any rate she is dead and he is hopelessly insane - so it truly doesn't matter. I sometimes wonder if all emotional attachments are doomed to end similarly.
~~~
Well, I never knew her, of course - though the others thought of her often, and loved her very very much.
But him! Oh, he is a special one! Handsome, brave - the others don't see it, but I do. Takes a special sort of sight to see past the dirt and scars and slave to see the shining gold.
And he is utterly, totally and completely devoted to her.
What must she have been like, I wonder, to inspire the love and devotion of a soul like that? Remarkable, remarkable.
And the others can't understand what she saw in him. I'm not sure if that makes them idiots or her doubly remarkable, that her worth was obvious even to them.
Maybe both, maybe both.
OH! And I could be wrong, you know. Maybe it really is just as simple as a plant, turning to the only source of light it can find. I'd like to think not. I'm a romantic, you know.
~~~
What? Who? Oh. The slave. I didn't realize they could love. A Delvian? That's perverse. I suppose she took pleasure from him - Delvians have been known to harbor… unique preferences. And perhaps she felt it necessary to justify that with weak sentimentality.
But since I never knew either one, this is conjecture, and utterly pointless. Now leave, I have work to do.
~~~
I must admit, I fail to understand what you possibly could gain by asking this question at all, let alone asking it of me.
But since you have…
Hmmm. I suppose it's only natural that a Pa'u, confined on a ship with so many others, none of whom were inclined towards spiritual matters would find a natural affinity with a Stykera. And while common wisdom says that Stykera, like all Baniks, are incapable of higher emotions and attachments, I assure you nothing could be further from the truth.
Especially not in the case of that Banik. Certain memories were very enlightening in that regard.
In any case - by all accounts, she was a stabilizing influence on a decidedly unstable being. More than that I cannot say.
I hope that aided you in finding whatever it was you were looking for? I have more pressing matters to attend to.
~~~
The concept of romantic relationships differ between species. Pilots take mates for the purpose of producing children. In that respect, the joining of two such wildly diverse species, who could not possibly interbreed is incomprehensible to me.
But I have observed that many other species seek companionship in their mates. Moreover, both Delvians and Baniks appear to seek out and cherish a deeper level of connection, an innate understanding that transcends usual companionship. A direct sharing of minds.
This is something I understand all too well.
~~~
Talyn's Pilot. Moya's protector.
Beautiful. Gentle. Loving. Selfless.
Two the same, joined together. Torn apart.
Sad. So sad. Strong, so strong to still live. Moya lives without Talyn, also.
One day, will be together again.
Until then, remember. Sing. Love.
Fitting and precious family. Moya is honoured.
~~~
Don't ask me. I never understood why she bothered myself. I don't love me very much, if at all. But I'm grateful. Always, always grateful. My Zhaan. My Zhaan. Thank the goddess.
~~~
I love him. He loves me. What is there to question?
Okay, so, this might be cheating, a little - but the rules of the challange said to write from the POV of a character you normally don't. It didn't say anything about subject matter. And I'd already started this fic, and had paused because - well, because I had so much trouble with some of the character voices. So. Perfect challange. And while I cheated on the last two... I like to think it's the best way to end.
I also deliberately didn't lable the sections - the idea was to write the character voice clearly enough that you'd be able to tell who everybody was. Please tell me if I suceeded.
Back to my BIG DAMN TABLE