In the Round
Title: In the Round
Fandom: Farscape
Character/Pairing: John/John. References to John/Aeryn.
Time Frame: Between Eat Me and Thanks for Sharing
Spoilers: Oh yeah.
Synopsis: Two Johns. One Shower. No Waiting.
Word Count: 946
Rating: This'd be a big fat R, for language if nothing else.
Warning: Uhm.... See the pairing? That should cover it, really. Oh, and DialougeFic, UnBeta'd.
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therin are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money.
Acknowledgements: kazbaby provided the title because she was listening to "Bille Jean" while I was writing this. I also have to say this fic couldn't possibly be written in any fandom but Farscape.
Author's Notes: For kazbaby as a combination Birthday and Xmas gift, written over Yahoo messenger and then cleaned up. Which is actually kinda too bad, because some of her reactions were hilarious. :)
In The Round
"Hey man, I'm trying to shower here!"
"Frell you buddy, it's my shower."
"Oh, no, no, no, Bucko, it's MY shower, you're the clone, and anyway I was here first."
"The hell you were here first, you're the Xerox!"
"I meant I was in the shower first, ya dumb ass. Christ, no wonder Aeryn says we're stupid."
"Hey, you leave Aeryn out of this!"
"Well, I'm gonna have to now. I was planning on jacking off but you showing up kinda kills that idea."
"Go ahead! Nothing I haven't seen before!"
"..."
"..."
"This is weird" "This is weird"
"Hey waitaminute, man, hold the phone, did I just see... are you checking me out?"
"What! No! I... I just... I've never seen it from that angle before it looks..."
"...What?"
"Will you stop jiggling it like that? Jeez! That's distracting! It looks bigger, okay?"
"Hah, you must be the clone!"
"Oh shut up! Look, it isn't bigger, it just looks like it. See, if I..."
"Hey hey hey! No hands! Back off!"
"Dammit, man, I'm trying to demonstrate something here! Can't I touch my own dick?"
"My dick! It's attached to me, ergo it is my dick. I don't care what you look like, you are not me. This is my dick, that's your dick. My dick, your dick. My dick, your dick. You touch your own dick!"
"..."
"...I'm really sorry I just did that."
"You said it, man. Nothing kills an erection like Stark."
"Wait, why the hell did you have a boner anyway, man? Nobody here but us chickens!"
"Because before you came barging in here, I was having a little me and imaginary Aeryn time! And you show up with your perverted Banik fantasies..."
"STOP IT! SHUT UP! Stark is now a forbidden topic for the shower! Das Astrojungen ist verboten! Nada AstroBoy! Capiche?"
"I get it, I get it. By the way, you have no idea how weird it is when you do that, man. Translator microbes...."
"You mean it turns it into English? Weird... Wait, what am I doing? GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS SHOWER ALREADY!"
"Hey man, I have as much right to be in this frelling shower as you do! More, in fact, since I'm not a goddamned copy!"
"Hey, ix-nay on the opy-cay, okay? We're not getting anywhere with that, so let's table it. Moya's only got so much hot water, so since we already know what we look like naked, we might as well share."
"Fine, but let's get one thing straight there are some things we are not sharing!"
"Well no dren. But we can fight it out over who gets Aeryn first later."
"You mean who gets Aeryn at all!"
"...yeah. Wait, what did I say?"
"You said who gets her first."
"...dammit, how come there couldn't have been two Aeryns?"
"Amen dude. That would have been fun."
"A lot more fun than this."
"I dunno, man. it looks like you think this is pretty fun."
"Hey, eyes up here, man, eyes up here! Anyway, I'm thinking about two Aeryns and you know it!"
"I know man, but you gotta admit this is kinda distracting. Looking at your face is just too creepy. I look down, I can just pretend I'm in gym class or something."
"Hey you know what this reminds me of?"
"God I hope not, because that means you're thinking about what I'm thinking about, and I don't want to be thinking about it."
"Ahah! You totally are thinking about Ryan Alderson in sixth grade convincing us to join that circle jerk, and we were freaked out because we couldn't stop thinking about his sister, oh, what was her name?"
"Shannon, her name was Shannon, and did you have to bring that up? Ryan kept looking at me, us, whatever, and you're killing my Aeryn buzz again."
"Ryan Alderson - also Verboten. And I dunno why I brought it up - pass the soap, would you? - misery loves company, I guess."
"Boy howdy, DOES it! That must be why the universe conspired to make another John Crichton, there was too much suffering for one human whipping boy to take it all."
"And now, we can't even jerk off thinking about Aeryn, because we don't get to shower alone."
"...look man, don't get wierded out, but it's not like we can walk onto command giving everybody the leather tent salute, in stereo, I mean not to go all Peacekeeper on you but fluid levels must be reduced, you know?"
"No, you're right man, you're right. We gotta do... something. Just... what, you face that way I face this way?"
"I honestly think trying to ignore each other's not gonna work. I was just thinking... what ABOUT those circle jerrs, man? Remember the contest to see who could jizz the farthest?"
"Jesus, man, you wanna have a jizzing contest?"
"Why the hell not, man? I mean, what the frell else have we got to do? Plus, where the same guy, with the same dick, who hasn't gotten any for the same amount of time, thinking about the same girl. I mean, who would win?"
"I would, man, 'cause you're the Xerox!"
"That's the spirit! So whaddya say? It's either this or we turn the cold water on and start the Delvian chanting."
"Screw that noise. Fine. But let's get one thing absolutely clear - we're thinking about Aeryn."
"Well, duh. Though I mean, if we want a little variety, we could always go Grey."
"Or Blue."
"Or we could return to the classics. Uma, Cameron, the other Winnona..."
"John boy, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
~fin~
Is it bad form to laugh your ass off at your own fic? 'Cause damn.
Fandom: Farscape
Character/Pairing: John/John. References to John/Aeryn.
Time Frame: Between Eat Me and Thanks for Sharing
Spoilers: Oh yeah.
Synopsis: Two Johns. One Shower. No Waiting.
Word Count: 946
Rating: This'd be a big fat R, for language if nothing else.
Warning: Uhm.... See the pairing? That should cover it, really. Oh, and DialougeFic, UnBeta'd.
Disclaimer: Farscape and the characters and settings therin are the property of the Henson Company, and are used here entirely without permission but entirely with respect. This is for love, not for money.
Acknowledgements: kazbaby provided the title because she was listening to "Bille Jean" while I was writing this. I also have to say this fic couldn't possibly be written in any fandom but Farscape.
Author's Notes: For kazbaby as a combination Birthday and Xmas gift, written over Yahoo messenger and then cleaned up. Which is actually kinda too bad, because some of her reactions were hilarious. :)
In The Round
"Hey man, I'm trying to shower here!"
"Frell you buddy, it's my shower."
"Oh, no, no, no, Bucko, it's MY shower, you're the clone, and anyway I was here first."
"The hell you were here first, you're the Xerox!"
"I meant I was in the shower first, ya dumb ass. Christ, no wonder Aeryn says we're stupid."
"Hey, you leave Aeryn out of this!"
"Well, I'm gonna have to now. I was planning on jacking off but you showing up kinda kills that idea."
"Go ahead! Nothing I haven't seen before!"
"..."
"..."
"This is weird" "This is weird"
"Hey waitaminute, man, hold the phone, did I just see... are you checking me out?"
"What! No! I... I just... I've never seen it from that angle before it looks..."
"...What?"
"Will you stop jiggling it like that? Jeez! That's distracting! It looks bigger, okay?"
"Hah, you must be the clone!"
"Oh shut up! Look, it isn't bigger, it just looks like it. See, if I..."
"Hey hey hey! No hands! Back off!"
"Dammit, man, I'm trying to demonstrate something here! Can't I touch my own dick?"
"My dick! It's attached to me, ergo it is my dick. I don't care what you look like, you are not me. This is my dick, that's your dick. My dick, your dick. My dick, your dick. You touch your own dick!"
"..."
"...I'm really sorry I just did that."
"You said it, man. Nothing kills an erection like Stark."
"Wait, why the hell did you have a boner anyway, man? Nobody here but us chickens!"
"Because before you came barging in here, I was having a little me and imaginary Aeryn time! And you show up with your perverted Banik fantasies..."
"STOP IT! SHUT UP! Stark is now a forbidden topic for the shower! Das Astrojungen ist verboten! Nada AstroBoy! Capiche?"
"I get it, I get it. By the way, you have no idea how weird it is when you do that, man. Translator microbes...."
"You mean it turns it into English? Weird... Wait, what am I doing? GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS SHOWER ALREADY!"
"Hey man, I have as much right to be in this frelling shower as you do! More, in fact, since I'm not a goddamned copy!"
"Hey, ix-nay on the opy-cay, okay? We're not getting anywhere with that, so let's table it. Moya's only got so much hot water, so since we already know what we look like naked, we might as well share."
"Fine, but let's get one thing straight there are some things we are not sharing!"
"Well no dren. But we can fight it out over who gets Aeryn first later."
"You mean who gets Aeryn at all!"
"...yeah. Wait, what did I say?"
"You said who gets her first."
"...dammit, how come there couldn't have been two Aeryns?"
"Amen dude. That would have been fun."
"A lot more fun than this."
"I dunno, man. it looks like you think this is pretty fun."
"Hey, eyes up here, man, eyes up here! Anyway, I'm thinking about two Aeryns and you know it!"
"I know man, but you gotta admit this is kinda distracting. Looking at your face is just too creepy. I look down, I can just pretend I'm in gym class or something."
"Hey you know what this reminds me of?"
"God I hope not, because that means you're thinking about what I'm thinking about, and I don't want to be thinking about it."
"Ahah! You totally are thinking about Ryan Alderson in sixth grade convincing us to join that circle jerk, and we were freaked out because we couldn't stop thinking about his sister, oh, what was her name?"
"Shannon, her name was Shannon, and did you have to bring that up? Ryan kept looking at me, us, whatever, and you're killing my Aeryn buzz again."
"Ryan Alderson - also Verboten. And I dunno why I brought it up - pass the soap, would you? - misery loves company, I guess."
"Boy howdy, DOES it! That must be why the universe conspired to make another John Crichton, there was too much suffering for one human whipping boy to take it all."
"And now, we can't even jerk off thinking about Aeryn, because we don't get to shower alone."
"...look man, don't get wierded out, but it's not like we can walk onto command giving everybody the leather tent salute, in stereo, I mean not to go all Peacekeeper on you but fluid levels must be reduced, you know?"
"No, you're right man, you're right. We gotta do... something. Just... what, you face that way I face this way?"
"I honestly think trying to ignore each other's not gonna work. I was just thinking... what ABOUT those circle jerrs, man? Remember the contest to see who could jizz the farthest?"
"Jesus, man, you wanna have a jizzing contest?"
"Why the hell not, man? I mean, what the frell else have we got to do? Plus, where the same guy, with the same dick, who hasn't gotten any for the same amount of time, thinking about the same girl. I mean, who would win?"
"I would, man, 'cause you're the Xerox!"
"That's the spirit! So whaddya say? It's either this or we turn the cold water on and start the Delvian chanting."
"Screw that noise. Fine. But let's get one thing absolutely clear - we're thinking about Aeryn."
"Well, duh. Though I mean, if we want a little variety, we could always go Grey."
"Or Blue."
"Or we could return to the classics. Uma, Cameron, the other Winnona..."
"John boy, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
~fin~
Is it bad form to laugh your ass off at your own fic? 'Cause damn.