Adventures in Teaching: A Math Lesson
So, I was trying to tell my mother about my day and I think I need to post for everyone to see.
Picture, if you will, a classroom. 18 desks arranged like a giant square missing one side. A table at the open end, which I was standing behind--as the teacher's guide is on said table.
A math lesson, directly after lunch. (On scientific notation and exponents, if you are curious. Yes, in fifth grade. I know.)
My directions were "come in, sit down without talking at your desks, take out your math journal."
Remember, this is fifth grade.
So, here is how *my* part of the lesson went:
"Sit in your seat. Sit in your seat. Sit. In. Your. Seat.
Sit back down.
Don't get up without asking permission--raise your hand.
Raise your hand if you have something to say.
I only see three people with their journals out. You need your math journal and a pencil.
You may not go to the bathroom. No, you can't either. No, you can't get a drink instead. No, you can't fill your water bottle right now.
You need to raise your hand. No, you can't go to the nurse. I don't think you're actually bleeding. That's not blood, that's from a marker--okay, fine, here's a bandaid. ...What? No, you can't go to the nurse. No, you don't need neosporin. No, you don't need tylenol. No, you're not going to faint from blood loss. No, it did not puncture a vein. You won't bleed to death, go sit down.
Now, open your math--what is that? Is that a basketball? Why are--don't SIT on the basketball! Hand it over.
Open your--you need to wait until I'm done giving directions before you ask to leave the room, so no, you cannot sign out and you can't speak out--raise your hand.
Now--go back and sit down! No, you can't get something from your backpack. And why are you up? Now is not the time to sharpen your pencil.
Sit. Back. Down.
Where is your math journal?
Everyone open to page 214.
214.
214.
Page 214, and raise your hand if you have something to say.
...What page? Who can tell him what page you're supposed to be on?
NO, it was page 214, not 210!
Yes? NO, you may not go to the bathroom! If anyone has a question BESIDES asking for a bathroom break, raise your hand--yes? NO, you are still not bleeding to death, you can't go to the nurse! Yes? NO, now is not the time to go check to see if you are being picked up!
You should see--We're on page 214. I--that's your textbook, you need your *journal.* At the top--Pokemon cards are not allowed in school, you know that, give them to me. No, you can't put them in your bag, give them to me. You can get them at the end of the day. Give them to me.
Problem 1--what? You have them too? Yes, I'll put them on my desk--NO you can't have them at recess, they're not ALLOWED.
Yesterday we learned--SIT DOWN IN YOUR SEAT. He wasn't making faces at you, he was looking at me! Sit down! You do not YELL like that, for any reason, and you never say 'shut up.'
What--NO, no one is leaving the room until the directions are given! Is everyone on page 214? What? No, 214! It's written on the board. Put your finger on problem 1--who remembers what the exponent means?
Don't speak out--raise your hand if you have an answer. Sit down in your seat. Put away the markers. Wait, are you eating? You just had lunch--you brought a sausage from the cafeteria? How--you had a sausage in your pocket. Throw it away.
Okay, remember that an exponent tells you how many times you multiply the base by itself. We're still working on powers of ten, so--why are you on page 216? ...You went ahead? Oh--oh. Wait, okay--remember that the exponent is the number of times you multiply the base by itself, so 10 to the third power is 10 times 10 times 10, not 10 times 3.
If 10 to the third power is 100, who can tell me what 10 to the.....
Why. are. you. dancing?
Sit. Down. NOW.
.....Is that a stapler in your lap? ...Is that my stapler?
What do you mean he stabbed you with a pencil?
DO PROBLEMS ONE THROUGH TEN! You and you--in the hall!"
.....And that is how the first ten minutes of a lesson goes. The rest continues in the same vein.
Picture, if you will, a classroom. 18 desks arranged like a giant square missing one side. A table at the open end, which I was standing behind--as the teacher's guide is on said table.
A math lesson, directly after lunch. (On scientific notation and exponents, if you are curious. Yes, in fifth grade. I know.)
My directions were "come in, sit down without talking at your desks, take out your math journal."
Remember, this is fifth grade.
So, here is how *my* part of the lesson went:
"Sit in your seat. Sit in your seat. Sit. In. Your. Seat.
Sit back down.
Don't get up without asking permission--raise your hand.
Raise your hand if you have something to say.
I only see three people with their journals out. You need your math journal and a pencil.
You may not go to the bathroom. No, you can't either. No, you can't get a drink instead. No, you can't fill your water bottle right now.
You need to raise your hand. No, you can't go to the nurse. I don't think you're actually bleeding. That's not blood, that's from a marker--okay, fine, here's a bandaid. ...What? No, you can't go to the nurse. No, you don't need neosporin. No, you don't need tylenol. No, you're not going to faint from blood loss. No, it did not puncture a vein. You won't bleed to death, go sit down.
Now, open your math--what is that? Is that a basketball? Why are--don't SIT on the basketball! Hand it over.
Open your--you need to wait until I'm done giving directions before you ask to leave the room, so no, you cannot sign out and you can't speak out--raise your hand.
Now--go back and sit down! No, you can't get something from your backpack. And why are you up? Now is not the time to sharpen your pencil.
Sit. Back. Down.
Where is your math journal?
Everyone open to page 214.
214.
214.
Page 214, and raise your hand if you have something to say.
...What page? Who can tell him what page you're supposed to be on?
NO, it was page 214, not 210!
Yes? NO, you may not go to the bathroom! If anyone has a question BESIDES asking for a bathroom break, raise your hand--yes? NO, you are still not bleeding to death, you can't go to the nurse! Yes? NO, now is not the time to go check to see if you are being picked up!
You should see--We're on page 214. I--that's your textbook, you need your *journal.* At the top--Pokemon cards are not allowed in school, you know that, give them to me. No, you can't put them in your bag, give them to me. You can get them at the end of the day. Give them to me.
Problem 1--what? You have them too? Yes, I'll put them on my desk--NO you can't have them at recess, they're not ALLOWED.
Yesterday we learned--SIT DOWN IN YOUR SEAT. He wasn't making faces at you, he was looking at me! Sit down! You do not YELL like that, for any reason, and you never say 'shut up.'
What--NO, no one is leaving the room until the directions are given! Is everyone on page 214? What? No, 214! It's written on the board. Put your finger on problem 1--who remembers what the exponent means?
Don't speak out--raise your hand if you have an answer. Sit down in your seat. Put away the markers. Wait, are you eating? You just had lunch--you brought a sausage from the cafeteria? How--you had a sausage in your pocket. Throw it away.
Okay, remember that an exponent tells you how many times you multiply the base by itself. We're still working on powers of ten, so--why are you on page 216? ...You went ahead? Oh--oh. Wait, okay--remember that the exponent is the number of times you multiply the base by itself, so 10 to the third power is 10 times 10 times 10, not 10 times 3.
If 10 to the third power is 100, who can tell me what 10 to the.....
Why. are. you. dancing?
Sit. Down. NOW.
.....Is that a stapler in your lap? ...Is that my stapler?
What do you mean he stabbed you with a pencil?
DO PROBLEMS ONE THROUGH TEN! You and you--in the hall!"
.....And that is how the first ten minutes of a lesson goes. The rest continues in the same vein.