Request-a-fic: No People Like Show People
Title: No People Like Show People
Wordcount: ~1200
Summary: Arthur and Merlin discover fanfiction for Kilgharrah's Adventures. Set in the No Business Like Show Business 'verse.
A/N: The last request-a-fic, for hermette. This is so meta, I can't even.
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.
Merlin lets himself into Arthur’s apartment (using the key that Morgana pressed into his hand with a wink last week) to find Arthur staring with unadulterated horror at his laptop screen. Since Arthur isn’t quite in the twenty-first century with everyone else and tends to break his computer with alarming regularity, Merlin isn’t unduly worried when he asks “What’s up?” as he puts down his jacket.
“Our fans are horrible perverts,” says Arthur, which is very worrying indeed.
Because Merlin knows about fanfiction. He grew up lonely and gay in the country with internet too slow to download porn off of and an addiction to Star Wars, of course he knows about fanfiction (and if, somewhere in the bowels of the internet, there is some very badly written Luke/Wedge porn, he’s certainly not telling who wrote it). So of course he also knows that he and Arthur are in a bloody show about gay dragons and that there’s bound to be some stories out there. It’s half the reason he never Googles the show. “Better to have fans than religious fanatics burning us in effigy,” he tries, since he still has nightmares about that.
“They are writing porn. About dragons,” says Arthur, and Merlin goes to the couch and looks at the page Arthur has open.
He stops reading after two sentences because of course it’s the filthiest and most explicit dragon porn that could ever be imagined, not that he wants to imagine it. Ever again. And then he realizes that one of the other windows Arthur has up is an e-mail from Morgana entitled “For Your Perusal” so of course it is. One can expect nothing less from Morgana. “You probably shouldn’t click on any links she sends you,” says Merlin.
Arthur glowers and puts him in a headlock, which makes Merlin flail and nearly knock Arthur’s laptop to the ground. “That doesn’t matter. People are writing porn about a family show!”
“It means that people like us, it means people will keep watching and the show will get renewed for a third series, maybe even with more episodes, and then I can put off getting a real job for another year,” says Merlin, just like Gwen told him when he mentioned being maybe a bit terrified of some of the girls at conventions and panels who squeal and take pictures whenever he so much as looks at Arthur.
Arthur releases him from the headlock, partly so his attempt at a glare will be more impressive but probably more so he can drag Merlin over against him, because Arthur is an inveterate cuddler for all he denies it. “Are you saying that acting isn’t a real job, Merlin?”
“Of course it is. You’re doing it.” But it’s sort of a touchy subject, because halfway through recording the second series of Kilgharrah’s Adventures more and more people are asking Merlin why he isn’t auditioning for other roles like Arthur does when he isn’t recording. “Unless they call me to be the next Doctor, though, I don’t think I could do this forever.” He waves at Arthur’s laptop. “The fangirls are terrifying.”
“Yes, of course, Merlin, you girl. A bunch of fifteen-year-olds with cameraphones, however will you survive?”
Merlin gives him a pointed look that probably is actually not very pointed because Arthur mostly just laughs at him when he tries to glare. Which is actually a bit better than Gwen’s pitying looks or Morgana’s cooing when he does. A bit. “You’re the one getting disturbed at the stories,” he points out.
“And the pictures.” Merlin winces, and Arthur tabs up a picture that Morgana clearly also linked him. He thought the art department and their continuing habit of drawing pictures of Gary and Kestrel was bad.
But then again … he squints at the picture. “That looks a little too much like Anthony Hora’s stuff to be comforting.”
Arthur tilts his head and gives it another look, then closes the tab. “Couldn’t be. The artist is called ‘The Last Unicorn’ and I don’t think Anthony is quite that twee.”
Merlin considers bringing up the fact that Anthony Hora draws pictures of gay dragons for a living and probably actually is that twee, but that will just make Arthur look at him like he’s the worst sort of criminal whenever the art department sits in on a meeting. As if he doesn’t already. “He would probably try to hire whoever it is, though.”
Arthur grimaces and clicks through a few links from the story. Merlin makes a point of not looking. After a few seconds, it apparently occurs to Arthur that he and Merlin didn’t actually have plans for today. “Are you here for a particular reason, or just gifting me with your delightful company?”
“I’m avoiding Morgana. And Gwen, which really means Morgana.”
That makes Arthur laugh. “What’s she trying to make you do now? Is it worse than these stories? It can’t possibly be.”
“You’re still reading them. And she’s trying to talk me into auditioning for that new mini-series your father is doing.” Merlin waits while Arthur puts the connections together and realizes that Morgana is trying to get him to audition to play Oscar Wilde. And then again while Arthur tries to decide whether to let his desire to keep Merlin from kissing anyone but him override his attempts to keep Merlin in show business. “Not doing it,” he adds before Arthur comes to any concrete conclusions, and peeks at Arthur’s screen to find him looking at yet another story. “Microphones are bad enough, I can’t imagine dealing with cameras.”
“You are terrible at being in the spotlight.” He pauses. “You’d be good at it, you know. Morgana isn’t wrong about these sorts of things.”
That’s a compliment to Merlin and then one to Morgana in two consecutive sentences, which usually means that Arthur is up to something. Possibly he’ll actually support Morgana’s efforts, which will be nothing short of terrifying. Perhaps Merlin will actually manage to get Gwen on his side and not Morgana’s for once, if the Pendragons team up. Then again, he knows exactly how to get Arthur on his side, even if it is a bit underhanded. “And I’d get to work with Gwaine.” That makes Arthur freeze, sure enough. “He’s auditioning for a role, I thought you knew.”
“Perhaps you’d best concentrate on Kilgharrah’s Adventures for now. They’re going to start airing us in the States, you know. Plenty to fill your plate up.”
Merlin laughs. “If you say so.” Arthur musses up his hair and Merlin swats ineffectually at him. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to read the script for episode six before recording starts on it. Nimueh and Morgana both look way too smug about it.”
Arthur nods, and Merlin retreats to the opposite end of the couch with his script, since they’ve learned the hard way that prolonged physical contact really doesn’t help either of them get anything done. Arthur continues fiddling about with his laptop, and the occasional horrified looks or unwilling chuckles tell Merlin everything he needs to know, and he makes a note to tell Morgana how cruel she is when he is no longer avoiding her.
At least until Arthur looks up and blinks at him a few times. “Here’s one with our names on it. Have you got any idea what RPF stands for?”
Wordcount: ~1200
Summary: Arthur and Merlin discover fanfiction for Kilgharrah's Adventures. Set in the No Business Like Show Business 'verse.
A/N: The last request-a-fic, for hermette. This is so meta, I can't even.
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.
Merlin lets himself into Arthur’s apartment (using the key that Morgana pressed into his hand with a wink last week) to find Arthur staring with unadulterated horror at his laptop screen. Since Arthur isn’t quite in the twenty-first century with everyone else and tends to break his computer with alarming regularity, Merlin isn’t unduly worried when he asks “What’s up?” as he puts down his jacket.
“Our fans are horrible perverts,” says Arthur, which is very worrying indeed.
Because Merlin knows about fanfiction. He grew up lonely and gay in the country with internet too slow to download porn off of and an addiction to Star Wars, of course he knows about fanfiction (and if, somewhere in the bowels of the internet, there is some very badly written Luke/Wedge porn, he’s certainly not telling who wrote it). So of course he also knows that he and Arthur are in a bloody show about gay dragons and that there’s bound to be some stories out there. It’s half the reason he never Googles the show. “Better to have fans than religious fanatics burning us in effigy,” he tries, since he still has nightmares about that.
“They are writing porn. About dragons,” says Arthur, and Merlin goes to the couch and looks at the page Arthur has open.
He stops reading after two sentences because of course it’s the filthiest and most explicit dragon porn that could ever be imagined, not that he wants to imagine it. Ever again. And then he realizes that one of the other windows Arthur has up is an e-mail from Morgana entitled “For Your Perusal” so of course it is. One can expect nothing less from Morgana. “You probably shouldn’t click on any links she sends you,” says Merlin.
Arthur glowers and puts him in a headlock, which makes Merlin flail and nearly knock Arthur’s laptop to the ground. “That doesn’t matter. People are writing porn about a family show!”
“It means that people like us, it means people will keep watching and the show will get renewed for a third series, maybe even with more episodes, and then I can put off getting a real job for another year,” says Merlin, just like Gwen told him when he mentioned being maybe a bit terrified of some of the girls at conventions and panels who squeal and take pictures whenever he so much as looks at Arthur.
Arthur releases him from the headlock, partly so his attempt at a glare will be more impressive but probably more so he can drag Merlin over against him, because Arthur is an inveterate cuddler for all he denies it. “Are you saying that acting isn’t a real job, Merlin?”
“Of course it is. You’re doing it.” But it’s sort of a touchy subject, because halfway through recording the second series of Kilgharrah’s Adventures more and more people are asking Merlin why he isn’t auditioning for other roles like Arthur does when he isn’t recording. “Unless they call me to be the next Doctor, though, I don’t think I could do this forever.” He waves at Arthur’s laptop. “The fangirls are terrifying.”
“Yes, of course, Merlin, you girl. A bunch of fifteen-year-olds with cameraphones, however will you survive?”
Merlin gives him a pointed look that probably is actually not very pointed because Arthur mostly just laughs at him when he tries to glare. Which is actually a bit better than Gwen’s pitying looks or Morgana’s cooing when he does. A bit. “You’re the one getting disturbed at the stories,” he points out.
“And the pictures.” Merlin winces, and Arthur tabs up a picture that Morgana clearly also linked him. He thought the art department and their continuing habit of drawing pictures of Gary and Kestrel was bad.
But then again … he squints at the picture. “That looks a little too much like Anthony Hora’s stuff to be comforting.”
Arthur tilts his head and gives it another look, then closes the tab. “Couldn’t be. The artist is called ‘The Last Unicorn’ and I don’t think Anthony is quite that twee.”
Merlin considers bringing up the fact that Anthony Hora draws pictures of gay dragons for a living and probably actually is that twee, but that will just make Arthur look at him like he’s the worst sort of criminal whenever the art department sits in on a meeting. As if he doesn’t already. “He would probably try to hire whoever it is, though.”
Arthur grimaces and clicks through a few links from the story. Merlin makes a point of not looking. After a few seconds, it apparently occurs to Arthur that he and Merlin didn’t actually have plans for today. “Are you here for a particular reason, or just gifting me with your delightful company?”
“I’m avoiding Morgana. And Gwen, which really means Morgana.”
That makes Arthur laugh. “What’s she trying to make you do now? Is it worse than these stories? It can’t possibly be.”
“You’re still reading them. And she’s trying to talk me into auditioning for that new mini-series your father is doing.” Merlin waits while Arthur puts the connections together and realizes that Morgana is trying to get him to audition to play Oscar Wilde. And then again while Arthur tries to decide whether to let his desire to keep Merlin from kissing anyone but him override his attempts to keep Merlin in show business. “Not doing it,” he adds before Arthur comes to any concrete conclusions, and peeks at Arthur’s screen to find him looking at yet another story. “Microphones are bad enough, I can’t imagine dealing with cameras.”
“You are terrible at being in the spotlight.” He pauses. “You’d be good at it, you know. Morgana isn’t wrong about these sorts of things.”
That’s a compliment to Merlin and then one to Morgana in two consecutive sentences, which usually means that Arthur is up to something. Possibly he’ll actually support Morgana’s efforts, which will be nothing short of terrifying. Perhaps Merlin will actually manage to get Gwen on his side and not Morgana’s for once, if the Pendragons team up. Then again, he knows exactly how to get Arthur on his side, even if it is a bit underhanded. “And I’d get to work with Gwaine.” That makes Arthur freeze, sure enough. “He’s auditioning for a role, I thought you knew.”
“Perhaps you’d best concentrate on Kilgharrah’s Adventures for now. They’re going to start airing us in the States, you know. Plenty to fill your plate up.”
Merlin laughs. “If you say so.” Arthur musses up his hair and Merlin swats ineffectually at him. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to read the script for episode six before recording starts on it. Nimueh and Morgana both look way too smug about it.”
Arthur nods, and Merlin retreats to the opposite end of the couch with his script, since they’ve learned the hard way that prolonged physical contact really doesn’t help either of them get anything done. Arthur continues fiddling about with his laptop, and the occasional horrified looks or unwilling chuckles tell Merlin everything he needs to know, and he makes a note to tell Morgana how cruel she is when he is no longer avoiding her.
At least until Arthur looks up and blinks at him a few times. “Here’s one with our names on it. Have you got any idea what RPF stands for?”