(no subject)
I hate birthdays. Mine. Yours. Everybody's. It's so hyped up and usually a let down.
I'm sorry.
I'm sick of being somebody for everyone else. I think that other than my friends at Emory, I'm totally myself with less that five people in my life. Which is pretty sad, still. Even at Emory though, when I went to visit I was the outsider. I don't even belong there, anymore. I think I'll try to just be and not care. it's tough because people don't care about people like that. Perhaps it's just better to accept it for what it is. Maybe I'll just never have more than a few people I'm close with. Maybe I will be that hermit of my high school prophesies. It sucks.
I'm also sick of my face.
and my personality.
and my stupidity and apathy and lethargy and arrogance and selfishness.
My body's broken I think. No. I think my brain is inhibited more than anyone else's. I can't even achieve the most primitive of bodily responses.
There's really nothing good about being good, kids. Or 'nice'. Takes me back to the end of 8th grade when most people when evaluating me could only think of the ever so descriptive adjective, 'nice'. or 'smart'. I hate that too. I'm nothing more. good nice smart. They get you nowhere. I have no solid interests nor any friends with common interests. Just common experiences. Which is a lot weaker bond than the former.
goddamn it all.
I'm sorry.
I'm sick of being somebody for everyone else. I think that other than my friends at Emory, I'm totally myself with less that five people in my life. Which is pretty sad, still. Even at Emory though, when I went to visit I was the outsider. I don't even belong there, anymore. I think I'll try to just be and not care. it's tough because people don't care about people like that. Perhaps it's just better to accept it for what it is. Maybe I'll just never have more than a few people I'm close with. Maybe I will be that hermit of my high school prophesies. It sucks.
I'm also sick of my face.
and my personality.
and my stupidity and apathy and lethargy and arrogance and selfishness.
My body's broken I think. No. I think my brain is inhibited more than anyone else's. I can't even achieve the most primitive of bodily responses.
There's really nothing good about being good, kids. Or 'nice'. Takes me back to the end of 8th grade when most people when evaluating me could only think of the ever so descriptive adjective, 'nice'. or 'smart'. I hate that too. I'm nothing more. good nice smart. They get you nowhere. I have no solid interests nor any friends with common interests. Just common experiences. Which is a lot weaker bond than the former.
goddamn it all.