(no subject)
Well, it's been a long time since I've updated here. So, I figure now is a good time as any. I hope everyone had a pleasant New Year!!!! I was looking up something on blood (to see what the iron level had to be to actually be able to donate) and I notice on a side bar something about donating bone marrow. I never really thought much of it before and the only place I saw it mentioned was on television shows.
I thought back on some of my conversations for 'organ doners.' It seemed only natural to me to donate my organs. I mean, it's not like I'm going to be using them after I'm dead, why not let someone else use them. The same thing goes around, if I ever need a heart transplant, I would feel grateful to the person that was willing to give up their organs so I could live. The website I was at did not have much information about donating marrow because sadly the Red Cross had to shut down their bone marrow transplant service.
I read more about donating my marrow and I couldn't be more pleased. It isn't going to be like, "hum de hum hum hum.... Oh! Thank you for donating your marrow. We'll call you if we ever need to use it!!" Lol! I don't even know why I first thought donating marrow would be the same as donating blood. I think it's rather silly that I thought so.
Since, I get paranoid about these things, I researched more about panic attacks. lol, I suppose the smart thing would be just to go see my doctor and go from there. Knowing myself, I'll probably drive myself into a panic disorder. I'm really scaring myself about it though... That was my first unexpected panic attack. I shouldn't worry too much unless it happens again.... I effing hate this. The unknown. The fear of losing control. The inability to breathe. I just want to deal with things like normal people do. I hate being sent out of the room because I'm unprepared just because I can't breathe and won't stop shaking. I just want to be able to sit back, relax, and tell the teacher smoothly that I'm not ready and go from there. Why can't I? I was completely proud of myself too. I hadn't had a panic attack since last year. I was hoping to have an all control year. I looked up low blood sugar levels too. It seems highly unlikely that I suffered from my attack because of low blood sugar. I have a perfectly normal blood sugar and it seems unlikely for it to drop so low when I was eating perfectly fine all day. I sometimes wish that I wasn't so paranoid about when or if I'll get another attack. I think, what if the next time it doesn't stop and I just pass out. Will I feel as drained as I did next time? I don't like the feeling after an attack. How I feel completely mentally drained and just idly wish to fall asleep and never wake up.
Since I feel that I am taking too much space to write something, I think I should stop right here. Ha! Leave it to me to be unable to leave until I say good bye. I suppose it's good manners to warn someone before you leave.