We can't see eachother anymore
See subject. Yes, that's correct. I told him i was thinking that he was thinking we can't see eachother anymore and just didn't have the balls to say it, that's why we hadn't hung out in so long. He goes "i think what your thinkings is right, not all of it, but some" and so i ask him "tell me whats right?" at this point, I already know what is about to come after this. "we can't see eachother anymore"... I felt my heartbreak. Now that feeling, as you know, is very destructive, very upsetting, and just not what I would wish on my worst enemy. I knew it was coming, I'd basically asked him to spell it out for me. Then we continue to talk some more, about his work and stuff and he says 'we probably will still fool around'. I mean what the fuck? Obviously he's basically saying he doesn't want to, but he knows we probably will. So this is what I'm going to do. Next time I am able to be alone with him, first off i'll have sex with him (does that part surprise you?), then I will tell him how i've been feeling. How i have been trying to hard to not show my feelings its been difficult. So there it is, I tell him how I agree we can't see eachother anymore. Why? Because I have feelings for him, and I need more. He will be shocked, and then agree with me even moreso than he originally would have. Then it will be done, and I will feel better for at least being honest with him. As apposed to just saying "lets not see eachother anymore, AT ALL." no feelings exposed.. i'd like to life that off my shoulder before everything is done. I must have sex with him first, cause otherwise I probably wouldn't get any. I have a feeling that Chris has his eyes on someone else. He claims he told mayumi he's seeing someone, cause she wants to come and visit him in the spring. Now, is this him trying to tell me something? So of course, i ask. Are you seeing someone? he says no, its just for her to bugger off. So perhaps he is seeing someone and wants to wait and tell me in the flesh? Oh well either way, no matter what. I'm going to tell him how I feel. Everytime he has made a comment about us being a married couple who hates eachother but fucks like bunnies, i tell him never to joke about us being a couple let alone married. This is stupid, because i do want to be with him, but i'm trying so hard to make him think i don't cause thats what i think he wants. Fuck what he wants. I'm gonna tell him what I want. He can throw it right back at me if he doesn't like it. Or as i should say realistically, WHEN he doesn't. Anyways, just meaningless babbling. I probably won't see him for a while.. but next time I have sex with him I will let him know. Arrrggg. I hate being depressed and then having this ensue.