(no subject)
So I have about one more day to decide what to do with next semester. Either I enroll, or I don't and there's no wasting anymore time thinking. Tomorrow I will be going to New York to take a drawing class in the afternoon, and as I'm at it I have to go to Parsons and get all the signatures I need to transfer out (more like drop out, whatever, even though I will be transferring my semester later, just didn't make it to the spring deadline to schools). I still don't know what to do. I'm well aware of the fact that my choices here are very limited, that I'm in a new place where I don't have friends, and that my time off from college would be extremely boring and perhaps extremely unproductive as well (which could be the same thing if you think about it). I have this tendency to let go, which bothers me because it shows how much this robotic lifestyle has kicked into my system, but the thing work this way: either I'm totally wound up, and I work like crazy, I sleep too little and my mind is constantly focusing on what to do next, or I don't do anything at all, and anything, even sitting down and answering an email, is a strain for me.
I don't want to become that way, and let myself sink in, especially being as, like I said before, it's not like I KNOW any people around here or anything, and would be able to hang out or any of the normal activities people do.
If I went back to school I could take two classes less then what I was taking last semester, turning my week into a three day frenzy but nothing else. Imagine having long four day weekends everyweek?
But then three days or five, I would still be attending a horrible design school were I shouldn't be to begin with, listening to dumb fashion majors, surrounded by them! Hell, everyone in my school wants to be a Fashion Major!! At least I give some credit to the people that want to go into product design. Even the name of that major is boring. Product Design. There's a girl in my class who is going into that and she looks like she could be the prototype for a Korean doll, she smiles with all her face. I liked her, and then I also like this other girl that was into product design as well, even though she says she's going into fashion, I think she's too cool and like a robot to go into fashion. In the 3D design class she would start talking to her model, like getting all exited about how everything was working, and then she would laugh at my jokes, but like REALLY laugh. I always love a person that appreciates my sense of humor. The Korean girl is like a robot too. Robots are cool. I was the most anti-robot person in parsons though, or at least one of the unlucky few, which made my life there pretty grueling and monotonous. Things are more complicated when you think.
On the last day though the 3D design guy announced that I had finally turned into a little more of a robot. It was officially my clockwork orange moment of the year. "I am cured".
I was thinking of calling my roommate and asking her nicely to remind me of how much I hated school. Everything is blurry now, everything seems so easy to pull off. Why do I do this to myself? I think the mind has this tendency to shut off horrible periods of pain and suffering. I really do. Because I tend to notice that I forget so easily, or pretty easily, about very bad moments in my life, it's not that they go away, it's just that they land way back in my mind, and I can't really look them in the eye as I'm sorting out memories.
I had though of attending this really nice school for the spring semester. it gives you no credits, but you learn so much. I actually had an interview there and they said I could attend even though the deadline was past. It's called the New York Studio School and it's right across the street from my dorm. But then I wouldn't have a dorm anymore, and would have to get an apartment really quickly, I don't know how I could work that out. It's everyday and a three hour commute would be very difficult.
For the time being I am taking a drawing class at the Art Students League twice a week, just to maintain my sanity, and to see people, I do like New York, its just that a school like Parsons, and dumb rich people make me hate it. Idiot internationalists.
Then there's option number three which would be the easiest, taking the rest of my classes in a community college so I could live at home in CT and maybe take and Art class in New York the way I am doing right now. My Art History teacher said I would get pretty depressed in a Community College. I don't know, is it really that bad? It's not like the people at my school inspire me or anything anyway, so socially it would be pretty similar. Not that similar but whatever.
I don't want to write anymore. I've been working on my portfolio and that was nice, I missed doing things on my own for my very own. I would like to do a picture post someday with my things, drawings and stuff, but everything has become to much of a secret, I can't really explain it very clearly.
I don't want to become that way, and let myself sink in, especially being as, like I said before, it's not like I KNOW any people around here or anything, and would be able to hang out or any of the normal activities people do.
If I went back to school I could take two classes less then what I was taking last semester, turning my week into a three day frenzy but nothing else. Imagine having long four day weekends everyweek?
But then three days or five, I would still be attending a horrible design school were I shouldn't be to begin with, listening to dumb fashion majors, surrounded by them! Hell, everyone in my school wants to be a Fashion Major!! At least I give some credit to the people that want to go into product design. Even the name of that major is boring. Product Design. There's a girl in my class who is going into that and she looks like she could be the prototype for a Korean doll, she smiles with all her face. I liked her, and then I also like this other girl that was into product design as well, even though she says she's going into fashion, I think she's too cool and like a robot to go into fashion. In the 3D design class she would start talking to her model, like getting all exited about how everything was working, and then she would laugh at my jokes, but like REALLY laugh. I always love a person that appreciates my sense of humor. The Korean girl is like a robot too. Robots are cool. I was the most anti-robot person in parsons though, or at least one of the unlucky few, which made my life there pretty grueling and monotonous. Things are more complicated when you think.
On the last day though the 3D design guy announced that I had finally turned into a little more of a robot. It was officially my clockwork orange moment of the year. "I am cured".
I was thinking of calling my roommate and asking her nicely to remind me of how much I hated school. Everything is blurry now, everything seems so easy to pull off. Why do I do this to myself? I think the mind has this tendency to shut off horrible periods of pain and suffering. I really do. Because I tend to notice that I forget so easily, or pretty easily, about very bad moments in my life, it's not that they go away, it's just that they land way back in my mind, and I can't really look them in the eye as I'm sorting out memories.
I had though of attending this really nice school for the spring semester. it gives you no credits, but you learn so much. I actually had an interview there and they said I could attend even though the deadline was past. It's called the New York Studio School and it's right across the street from my dorm. But then I wouldn't have a dorm anymore, and would have to get an apartment really quickly, I don't know how I could work that out. It's everyday and a three hour commute would be very difficult.
For the time being I am taking a drawing class at the Art Students League twice a week, just to maintain my sanity, and to see people, I do like New York, its just that a school like Parsons, and dumb rich people make me hate it. Idiot internationalists.
Then there's option number three which would be the easiest, taking the rest of my classes in a community college so I could live at home in CT and maybe take and Art class in New York the way I am doing right now. My Art History teacher said I would get pretty depressed in a Community College. I don't know, is it really that bad? It's not like the people at my school inspire me or anything anyway, so socially it would be pretty similar. Not that similar but whatever.
I don't want to write anymore. I've been working on my portfolio and that was nice, I missed doing things on my own for my very own. I would like to do a picture post someday with my things, drawings and stuff, but everything has become to much of a secret, I can't really explain it very clearly.