SIMON'S GARDEN (Oneshot)
SIMON’S GARDEN
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Rating: G
Warnings: Insanity. LOTS OF IT.
Genre: Plants Versus Zombies AU. Crack. Comedy.
Summary: Protecting Simon Cowell's garden was a tough job during the winter, especially for a sunflower like Kris. Fortunately, Adam the Snow Pea is there to keep him bouncing to the beat.
Disclaimers: I own neither any of this people or Plants Versus Zombies.
Notes: I have nothing to say except that this is on the high end of the Cray Scale. Oh my god. If you have never played the game, you can check out the plants on Wikipedia.
ART BY eirana_regan
Protecting Simon Cowell's garden was a tough job during the winter, especially for a sunflower like Kris. He hated the snow and the cold made him miserable, but without him, Simon's garden would have been infiltrated by the zombies by now. Sometimes, Kris still couldn't get over the idea that without him, Simon's army of plants would be pretty much non-existent. He loved his job, but winter just wasn't his season. He preferred the short days of summer where the sun kept him cozy and warm under its watchful gaze.
He was, after all, a sunflower.
"Penny for your thoughts, oh pretty one?"
Brad the Peashooter was bouncing steadily in the plot next to his. Just like Kris, Brad never fared too well during the winter season. For some reason, the cold weather gave him mood swings; sometimes, he was snarky and sweet, other times, he was snarky and downright irritable. Still, he had never said an unkind word to Kris and was always willing to serve as his first line of defense when the zombies came out to play.
"I'm having the winter blues," Kris sighed. "I feel limp and awful in the cold, and I always feel like I'm not functioning at my best. For one thing, natural sunlight is weak during this season."
"Same goes for me, but at least we get by." Brad nudged him affectionately. "Besides, I know there's at least one good thing about winter that keeps you smiling and singing, ‘There's a Zombie on Your Lawn' everytime we score a big victory. I have a feeling he comes in a nice shade of baby blue."
In Kris' opinion, the one good thing about winter was Adam the Snow Pea.
Adam had been a product of carelessness on Simon's part when he had been running tests on samples of Brad's DNA to produce a Peashooter that could fire multiple projectiles in one puff (the birth of Andrew the Repeater had come a little later than planned). Kris had no idea what nitty gritty had gone on in Simon's cauldron that night, but Adam had emerged as the result of the failed experiment, and Simon had ended up uncharacteristically pleased in the end. Despite the icy nature of his special abilities, Adam was, in a nutshell, the garden sweetheart. He'd managed to befriend everyone from the day shift plants to the shrooms that only came out at night unless Simon felt like adding Sasha the Coffee Bean to his daytime arsenal. For some crazy reason, Adam had taken special interest in Kris as soon as his roots had been planted in the plot right in front of him. He would always end up having to sing something for Adam aside from that zombie song Simon had composed especially for him. Oftentimes, Adam would join in, and Kris felt like he was the happiest little sunflower on earth.
Okay, so maybe he had a bit of a crush on Adam the Snow Pea (Brad enjoyed putting ideas into Kris' pretty yellow-petaled head).
"Is this going to be about Adam again?" he asked.
"Of course it is," Brad simpered prettily. "The entire garden knows about your adorable little crush on him. Seriously, honey, you should just tell him; everyone knows he likes you right back."
"Oh, I don't know." Kris turned his head a little so he could watch Adam shoot some peas in a game of--he had no idea, really--at Allison the Cat Tail. "It might ruin everything."
"Winter should just go away," Brad sighed. "It makes you so pessimistic. Pessimism is not pretty on the prettiest face in this garden."
Kris sighed. It was going to be a long winter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Night battles were a pain in the root for most plants. For one thing, they had very little sunlight to work with, so Cassidy the Sun Shroom had to be brought out to assist Kris. Fog and darkness were bad enough, but snow meant the presence of bobsled zombies and other snow-borne horrors. Fortunately, Tommy the Doom Shroom had been blessed by science with the ability to burn zombies to a crisp by means of massive explosions that resulted to craters in the soil.
"If I were human, I would be asking for a raise right about now," Adam said stoutly between religious bouts of firing peas at the incoming zombies. "I mean, look at all the manual labor we're doing! I barely even have time to pat down the little tufts of blue behind my head in between onslaughts."
"Beating zombies to a pulp is serious business," Andrew agreed. "Last time I head, Simon is trying to find a way to turn me into a Gatling Pea of some sort. Imagine being able to fire four peas at a time!"
"We already know you're the top of the line in the Peashooter series, honey," Adam said plaintively. "I, however, am still proud of the fact that I can slow zombies with my awesome and really pretty icy blue peas."
"That's a lot of adjectives right there, man," Andrew chuckled. "Hey, Kris! Some more sun, please? You can stare at Adam later when we have Torres the Tall-nut stationed at the very front of the yard."
If sunflowers could blush, Kris was sure he would have already morphed into a rose. Instead, he squirmed a little and exhausted a few more rays of sun, relieved when Cassidy did the same.
"So, I want to ask you something." Adam's tone was casual. "After this is over--provided we don't get eaten--would you like to watch the stars at the Zen Garden with me tonight? I can always have Sutan provide the mood lighting, given that he is a Plantern and all."
Kris blinked. Was Adam actually asking him on an actual plant date? At the Zen Garden, even!
"Of course, that's only if you don't have other plans," Adam was quick to say. "For all I know, you could uhm, be hanging out at the Night Garden with Tommy and the other shrooms."
"...oh, no!" Kris babbled. "I'd love to uhm, hang out with you. I can visit Tommy on any other night, so, yeah. Okay."
"Okay." Adam sounded equally pleased.
"Alli! Adam finally asked Kris out!" Andrew announced over the din of the peashooting and shroom exploding.
"See? I told you it would be tonight!" Allison squealed with glee, cat tails flying about just everywhere. "Pay up, hermano!"
"...you bet on us?" Kris asked, surprised.
"Of course we did, sunshine," Tommy replied smartly. "It's not like you don't glow brighter when Simon frees up a seed slot for Adam next to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm fucking ready to explode again."
"Which means he is going to leave craters," Adam sighed. "Thank goodness for Allison and her ability to attack in any lane."
"I'm gonna bring us all to victory!" Allison crowed. "That way, Kris and Adam can have their adorable little date in the Zen Garden after."
Needless to say, it was good enough motivation for Simon's garden to survive another night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The thing about being a plant was that they had their own brand of botanical politics. Every other night, the plants would convene in the Night Garden to discuss their new battle strategies and Simon’s plans among themselves. Given that he was the first ever attacking plant that Simon had created, Brad liked to shepherd their nightly discussions, pointing out each and every combination that could possibly make them a stronger collective force on the battlefield. From time to time, Taylor the Hypno Shroom would manage to lure in one of the stray zombies with his hypnotizing abilities so Tommy could grill it for information. Not surprisingly, Tommy could never get anything but “brains” from their end, so that plan had quickly been abandoned. Tonight, they were testing the effectiveness of Neil the Imitator, but Kris and Adam had politely bowed out to go on their much-talked-about stargazing date at the Zen Garden.
“Don’t mind me, lovelies!” Sutan called out. “I’m just here to provide you some nice mood lighting; I won’t be listening to your conversations-or rather, I’ll be pretending not to.”
“S’cool, Sutan,” Adam said with a grin. “It’s not like Kris and I have anything to hide from the rest of you botanical beauties. Plants don’t really have secrets.”
“Agreed,” Kris giggled. “I think we know almost everything there is to know about everyone.”
“Especially because most of us are very up-front when it comes to showing off our personalities,” Adam chuckled. “I, for one, always knew that you weren’t too fond of the cold.”
“I’m sorry,” Kris said quietly. “It must be such a turn-off for you; you’re a Snow Pea for a reason. I understand your special relationship with the winter season.”
“Just as I understand your special bond with the summer,” Adam assured him. “You’re a Sunflower, Kris; the Sun God smiles down at you each time he drives his chariot across the sky.”
“For a plant, you’re really quite profound,” Kris laughed. “But thank you, Adam. I’m really glad to know that we can get along despite our very obvious differences.”
“It’s just climate, Kris.” Adam leaned over to bop Kris with his snout. “I’d be seriously shallow if I let that get in between me and a date with the prettiest plant in Simon’s garden.”
“Oh, but I’m nothing special,” Kris protested. “I’m just…well, there.”
“You have got to be kidding me!” Adam exclaimed. “You’re…you’re sunshine, baby! Without you exhausting heat from the sun, none of us would even be around to defend Simon’s garden. Don’t you ever say you’re useless because you keep us all alive.”
“…that kind of sounds like you like me.”
“I do.” Adam averted his gaze. “I kind of like like you.”
Kris let out an undignified squeak. Adam laughed and nuzzled him affectionately, leaving the sunflower to squirm under his ministrations.
“…I-I don’t know what to say,” Kris stammered. “I didn’t expect this. At all.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Adam said pleasantly. “Just accept it-and deal with my neverending number of obnoxious invitations for dates and my sulking when you cuddle too much with Brad or Tommy. Who knows; maybe Simon will see our love and make ice pea-shooting Sunflowers.”
“You’re weird,” Kris giggled. “So, so weird.”
Needless to say, he had ended up cuddling with Adam all night. And when all the snow melted away and the sun was beginning to peek out again, it was Kris’ turn to deal with Adam’s seasonal mood swings.
It was good to be a Sunflower.
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Rating: G
Warnings: Insanity. LOTS OF IT.
Genre: Plants Versus Zombies AU. Crack. Comedy.
Summary: Protecting Simon Cowell's garden was a tough job during the winter, especially for a sunflower like Kris. Fortunately, Adam the Snow Pea is there to keep him bouncing to the beat.
Disclaimers: I own neither any of this people or Plants Versus Zombies.
Notes: I have nothing to say except that this is on the high end of the Cray Scale. Oh my god. If you have never played the game, you can check out the plants on Wikipedia.
ART BY eirana_regan
Protecting Simon Cowell's garden was a tough job during the winter, especially for a sunflower like Kris. He hated the snow and the cold made him miserable, but without him, Simon's garden would have been infiltrated by the zombies by now. Sometimes, Kris still couldn't get over the idea that without him, Simon's army of plants would be pretty much non-existent. He loved his job, but winter just wasn't his season. He preferred the short days of summer where the sun kept him cozy and warm under its watchful gaze.
He was, after all, a sunflower.
"Penny for your thoughts, oh pretty one?"
Brad the Peashooter was bouncing steadily in the plot next to his. Just like Kris, Brad never fared too well during the winter season. For some reason, the cold weather gave him mood swings; sometimes, he was snarky and sweet, other times, he was snarky and downright irritable. Still, he had never said an unkind word to Kris and was always willing to serve as his first line of defense when the zombies came out to play.
"I'm having the winter blues," Kris sighed. "I feel limp and awful in the cold, and I always feel like I'm not functioning at my best. For one thing, natural sunlight is weak during this season."
"Same goes for me, but at least we get by." Brad nudged him affectionately. "Besides, I know there's at least one good thing about winter that keeps you smiling and singing, ‘There's a Zombie on Your Lawn' everytime we score a big victory. I have a feeling he comes in a nice shade of baby blue."
In Kris' opinion, the one good thing about winter was Adam the Snow Pea.
Adam had been a product of carelessness on Simon's part when he had been running tests on samples of Brad's DNA to produce a Peashooter that could fire multiple projectiles in one puff (the birth of Andrew the Repeater had come a little later than planned). Kris had no idea what nitty gritty had gone on in Simon's cauldron that night, but Adam had emerged as the result of the failed experiment, and Simon had ended up uncharacteristically pleased in the end. Despite the icy nature of his special abilities, Adam was, in a nutshell, the garden sweetheart. He'd managed to befriend everyone from the day shift plants to the shrooms that only came out at night unless Simon felt like adding Sasha the Coffee Bean to his daytime arsenal. For some crazy reason, Adam had taken special interest in Kris as soon as his roots had been planted in the plot right in front of him. He would always end up having to sing something for Adam aside from that zombie song Simon had composed especially for him. Oftentimes, Adam would join in, and Kris felt like he was the happiest little sunflower on earth.
Okay, so maybe he had a bit of a crush on Adam the Snow Pea (Brad enjoyed putting ideas into Kris' pretty yellow-petaled head).
"Is this going to be about Adam again?" he asked.
"Of course it is," Brad simpered prettily. "The entire garden knows about your adorable little crush on him. Seriously, honey, you should just tell him; everyone knows he likes you right back."
"Oh, I don't know." Kris turned his head a little so he could watch Adam shoot some peas in a game of--he had no idea, really--at Allison the Cat Tail. "It might ruin everything."
"Winter should just go away," Brad sighed. "It makes you so pessimistic. Pessimism is not pretty on the prettiest face in this garden."
Kris sighed. It was going to be a long winter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Night battles were a pain in the root for most plants. For one thing, they had very little sunlight to work with, so Cassidy the Sun Shroom had to be brought out to assist Kris. Fog and darkness were bad enough, but snow meant the presence of bobsled zombies and other snow-borne horrors. Fortunately, Tommy the Doom Shroom had been blessed by science with the ability to burn zombies to a crisp by means of massive explosions that resulted to craters in the soil.
"If I were human, I would be asking for a raise right about now," Adam said stoutly between religious bouts of firing peas at the incoming zombies. "I mean, look at all the manual labor we're doing! I barely even have time to pat down the little tufts of blue behind my head in between onslaughts."
"Beating zombies to a pulp is serious business," Andrew agreed. "Last time I head, Simon is trying to find a way to turn me into a Gatling Pea of some sort. Imagine being able to fire four peas at a time!"
"We already know you're the top of the line in the Peashooter series, honey," Adam said plaintively. "I, however, am still proud of the fact that I can slow zombies with my awesome and really pretty icy blue peas."
"That's a lot of adjectives right there, man," Andrew chuckled. "Hey, Kris! Some more sun, please? You can stare at Adam later when we have Torres the Tall-nut stationed at the very front of the yard."
If sunflowers could blush, Kris was sure he would have already morphed into a rose. Instead, he squirmed a little and exhausted a few more rays of sun, relieved when Cassidy did the same.
"So, I want to ask you something." Adam's tone was casual. "After this is over--provided we don't get eaten--would you like to watch the stars at the Zen Garden with me tonight? I can always have Sutan provide the mood lighting, given that he is a Plantern and all."
Kris blinked. Was Adam actually asking him on an actual plant date? At the Zen Garden, even!
"Of course, that's only if you don't have other plans," Adam was quick to say. "For all I know, you could uhm, be hanging out at the Night Garden with Tommy and the other shrooms."
"...oh, no!" Kris babbled. "I'd love to uhm, hang out with you. I can visit Tommy on any other night, so, yeah. Okay."
"Okay." Adam sounded equally pleased.
"Alli! Adam finally asked Kris out!" Andrew announced over the din of the peashooting and shroom exploding.
"See? I told you it would be tonight!" Allison squealed with glee, cat tails flying about just everywhere. "Pay up, hermano!"
"...you bet on us?" Kris asked, surprised.
"Of course we did, sunshine," Tommy replied smartly. "It's not like you don't glow brighter when Simon frees up a seed slot for Adam next to you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm fucking ready to explode again."
"Which means he is going to leave craters," Adam sighed. "Thank goodness for Allison and her ability to attack in any lane."
"I'm gonna bring us all to victory!" Allison crowed. "That way, Kris and Adam can have their adorable little date in the Zen Garden after."
Needless to say, it was good enough motivation for Simon's garden to survive another night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The thing about being a plant was that they had their own brand of botanical politics. Every other night, the plants would convene in the Night Garden to discuss their new battle strategies and Simon’s plans among themselves. Given that he was the first ever attacking plant that Simon had created, Brad liked to shepherd their nightly discussions, pointing out each and every combination that could possibly make them a stronger collective force on the battlefield. From time to time, Taylor the Hypno Shroom would manage to lure in one of the stray zombies with his hypnotizing abilities so Tommy could grill it for information. Not surprisingly, Tommy could never get anything but “brains” from their end, so that plan had quickly been abandoned. Tonight, they were testing the effectiveness of Neil the Imitator, but Kris and Adam had politely bowed out to go on their much-talked-about stargazing date at the Zen Garden.
“Don’t mind me, lovelies!” Sutan called out. “I’m just here to provide you some nice mood lighting; I won’t be listening to your conversations-or rather, I’ll be pretending not to.”
“S’cool, Sutan,” Adam said with a grin. “It’s not like Kris and I have anything to hide from the rest of you botanical beauties. Plants don’t really have secrets.”
“Agreed,” Kris giggled. “I think we know almost everything there is to know about everyone.”
“Especially because most of us are very up-front when it comes to showing off our personalities,” Adam chuckled. “I, for one, always knew that you weren’t too fond of the cold.”
“I’m sorry,” Kris said quietly. “It must be such a turn-off for you; you’re a Snow Pea for a reason. I understand your special relationship with the winter season.”
“Just as I understand your special bond with the summer,” Adam assured him. “You’re a Sunflower, Kris; the Sun God smiles down at you each time he drives his chariot across the sky.”
“For a plant, you’re really quite profound,” Kris laughed. “But thank you, Adam. I’m really glad to know that we can get along despite our very obvious differences.”
“It’s just climate, Kris.” Adam leaned over to bop Kris with his snout. “I’d be seriously shallow if I let that get in between me and a date with the prettiest plant in Simon’s garden.”
“Oh, but I’m nothing special,” Kris protested. “I’m just…well, there.”
“You have got to be kidding me!” Adam exclaimed. “You’re…you’re sunshine, baby! Without you exhausting heat from the sun, none of us would even be around to defend Simon’s garden. Don’t you ever say you’re useless because you keep us all alive.”
“…that kind of sounds like you like me.”
“I do.” Adam averted his gaze. “I kind of like like you.”
Kris let out an undignified squeak. Adam laughed and nuzzled him affectionately, leaving the sunflower to squirm under his ministrations.
“…I-I don’t know what to say,” Kris stammered. “I didn’t expect this. At all.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Adam said pleasantly. “Just accept it-and deal with my neverending number of obnoxious invitations for dates and my sulking when you cuddle too much with Brad or Tommy. Who knows; maybe Simon will see our love and make ice pea-shooting Sunflowers.”
“You’re weird,” Kris giggled. “So, so weird.”
Needless to say, he had ended up cuddling with Adam all night. And when all the snow melted away and the sun was beginning to peek out again, it was Kris’ turn to deal with Adam’s seasonal mood swings.
It was good to be a Sunflower.