ZEITGEIST (Oneshot)
ZEITGEIST
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, mentions of past Adam Lambert/Drake LaBry and past Kris Allen/Katy O'Connell
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mention of past a sexual tryst, infidelity, foul language
Genre: Romance/Drama
Summary: Adam’s internal clock was never at par with the International Date Line.
Disclaimers: I don’t own Kradam, but it would be lovely if they owned each other.
Notes: Zeitgeist means ‘the spirit of the times’ in German.
It had all began the night he screwed Kris Allen into the mattress.
Adam Lambert had a long to-blame list: the overindulgence of vodka mixing, the truth-or-dare game, Anoop Desai for suggesting the fucking game, Megan Joy for daring him to make out with Kris, Kris Allen for being 100% his type since forever or himself for being such a stupid, sex-crazed drunk. Either way, blaming whatever thing on his list was going to change the fact that he slept with his very cute, very drunk and very married Christian best friend.
Whoop de doo.
The sex had ruined everything between them. Kris hadn’t placed the blame directly on him, but quietly said that it would be best if they stayed away from each other for awhile. ‘Awhile’ turned out to be ‘til tour ends’, and this greatly upset Adam. He knew they were going to be busy doing their own things after the tour, which consequently meant that he wasn’t going to see too much of Kris then. Despite that, he did not argue because he just respected Kris’ decisions that much. During the last nights of the Idols Live Tour, he spent his time staring at the bus ceiling from his top bunk, agonizing over the fact that he couldn’t crawl down to Kris’ bunk and pounce on him like he usually did. He could probably do that (and even more) in an alternate world where Kris wasn’t married and he actually had a shot, but definitely not in this one. The tour had officially ended a month ago, and they were still not on speaking terms. Thrice - or perhaps more, he couldn’t really remember - a day, Adam would pick up his phone and attempt to call Kris, but he always ended up merely staring at Kris’ number, too scared to even try. If he did call Kris, what he had to say would probably have a worse impact than that of the sex.
It has always been Kris, yet Adam could - and would - not tell him that.
He thought of Drake LaBry and how their relationship had been a one-hit wonder kind of thing. He had used Drake as a shield from his feelings for Kris, but it hadn’t worked in the very least. He was glad when he found out that Drake had been getting it on with another guy behind his back since it gave him the graceful exit he wanted. Drake had tried to apologize, but Adam waved him off and said that they weren’t working out properly anyway. With Drake happily offering his ass to the general public and Adam knowing that his heart belonged elsewhere, there was nothing else to say. It had been both liberating and terrifying, because the only way to go from there was towards Kris. Neil constantly bugged him about it, as so did Allison and Megan, who had somehow found out his little secret. They all had things to say, but all those long speeches basically boiled down to one mission: tell Kris the truth. Megan also added that there was no need to expect an answer, but Adam knew what it would be, so he waved her off. But when he actually had time to think, he realized that they were all right about the whole damn thing. Regardless of what Kris would say, the fact that Adam would get it all off his chest would be rather liberating. After all, it was always better to have loved and lost rather than to not have loved at all.
The downside would be that he would lose his best friend and one true love - as cheesy as it may sound - at the same time.
He had always been about taking risks, though, which was why he was now in the Arkansas airport, waiting for a cab that would take him to his hotel. He planned on getting a good night’s sleep before setting out on tomorrow’s mission.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Adam stared at his reflection in the mirror, feeling vulnerable without his glittery armor. Today, he had opted for dressing simply, selecting a plain black tee, grey skinny jeans, black flip-flops and a couple of silver necklaces. For makeup, he merely caked on a light layer of foundation onto his face and rimmed his lids with kohl before he decided it was time to go. Kris needed to see the real Adam, not the sexual stage persona. He felt like a soldier going into battle without his rifle, but he felt Kris would appreciate him looking like this. After all, he was on a mission to confess love, not cause orgasms.
“…it’s now or never”, he said softly. “Be brave, Lambert.”
He grabbed his wallet from the bedside table, and then left his hotel room, determined not to chicken out. Taking the next flight back to Los Angeles would make him less of a man, and he felt like cringing at the very notion of it. He valued his feelings and his pride too much. As soon as the elevator reached the lobby, he headed to the designated taxi lane and hailed the first cab he saw. As soon as he got himself settled in, he gave the cabbie Kris’ address, and then retreated back into his thoughts. It hadn’t occurred to him earlier that Katy might be home, so he would have to opt for asking Kris to take a walk with him or something after guaranteeing that the door wouldn’t be slammed in his face.
Katy O’Connell - he had a hard time referring to her as an Allen - wasn’t really a bad character. She was pleasant, smart and pretty hard-working, all of which he admired. She was never bothered by the Kradam following and simply thought it was cute, which made Adam feel even guiltier about what he was planning to do. Still, he couldn’t help but theorize about the lack of love in the Allen marriage. It was almost as if people had to ask Kris and Katy to behave like sweethearts. He thought that asking Kris to talk about his wife was like asking Adam to turn straight.
He gazed down at the chipped nail polish on his fingertips, zeroing in on his unpainted thumb. He has left it clean since the tour ended, desperate to feel like he was carrying a part of Kris. It was a sweet little act he’d come up with when they had gone home for awhile during Idol, and he had painted Kris’ thumbnail blue to give him a bit of Adam Lambert to bring to Arkansas. He could still remember the astonished yet delighted expression on Kris’ face when Adam cheekily explained to him what the nail polish thing was all about. Something about that smile made Adam’s heart melt, and it was all he could do not to kiss Kris and ask for his hand in marriage. It reminded him of how much he missed his best friend. Remembering the good times with Kris brought down all the painful nostalgia. If he had superpowers, he would trap himself within the confines of time to live those moments over and over again.
The cab pulled up in front of the Kris’ apartment complex, interrupting his thoughts. Adam paid the cabbie before scrambling out of the vehicle, and then made his way up to Kris’ unit via the fire escape stairway. Normally, he would have taken the elevator, but people would probably recognize him and bombard him with all sorts of fan freakiness. It wasn’t something he usually minded, but he wasn’t in the mood to entertain the world at the moment.
First things always came first, and Adam never doubted the fact that Kristopher Neil Allen always came in first place.
He paused in front of unit number 302, drawing in a shaky breath before finally pressing the buzzer. The door opened almost immediately, revealing Kris’ pretty blond wife.
“Adam!” Katy squealed, enveloping him in a hug. “It’s so good to see you! It’s been such a long time.”
“Hello, doll”, Adam forced a smiled, returning the hug. “It’s good to see you, too. You look really great, by the way. I mean, you’ve always been pretty, but you’re glowing now.”
He wasn’t lying. Katy was dressed to the nines in a floral green dress and an exuberant smile. He couldn’t help but wonder if it had to do with Kris.
“Thanks”, she beamed at him, cheeks coloring slightly. "Come on in, make yourself at home.”
Adam walked in hesitantly, feeling like an intruder in The Realm of Kris and Katy Allen. However, a quick survey of the place made him take a step back and correct the name to ‘The Realm of Katy O’Connell’. There were floral curtains, lace doilies and fresh flowers everywhere, none of which fit Kris’ personality at all. Katy seemed to notice his interest, for she immediately launched into an explanation.
“I’ve started redecorating. So far, this room and the kitchen are the only ones I’ve managed to finish. The bedroom is going to be my next project, and I’m looking forward to painting it salmon pink.”
“…salmon pink?” Adam stared at her. “Since when did Krissifer go for salmon pink?”
“Oh, he gave me the place”, Katy replied. “Don’t tell me Kris forgot to tell you that he was moving back into his parents’ house.”
“Katy, what the fuck is going on?” Adam felt his temper rising.
Katy stares back at him, all the color draining from her face. She clapped a hand over her mouth and sank down on a chintz armchair, looking confused and scared.
“…oh god. Kris didn’t tell you anything, Adam?”
“No”, Adam slammed his fist against the wall in agitation. “He doesn’t fucking tell me anything because we haven’t spoken since the last week of tour!”
“We’re splitting up, Adam”, Katy said softly. “Kris signed the papers two weeks ago.”
“…why?” Adam managed to choke out, suddenly scared that Katy had somehow found out about their little tryst. “You don’t love him anymore?’
“It’s not that”, Katy closed her eyes, looking pained. “I love Kris and I’ll always continue to do so, but we just aren’t meant to be. We got married too early and both missed out on a lot of things because of that. Kris winning Idol made me realize that we both still have so much to discover on our own. Ever since went on tour and I started auditioning for small roles, I realized that our marriage isn’t going to work because we both chose our careers. Sadly, I realized that too late in the game, so I had to opt for divorce. It was an amicable parting, Adam. We’re always going to be friends.”
Adam stared at the braided rug, unsure of what to say. None of this was his fault, but he felt like he was partly to blame.
“…can I ask you something, Adam?”
“Sure”, he said hoarsely. “Go ahead.”
“I know the Kradam thing was just something started by the fans, but one aspect of it used to bother me a lot”, the blond girl started clasping and unclasping her hands on her lap. “Adam, did you and Kris ever do something that went beyond friendship?”
“I can’t lie to you anymore, Katy”, Adam exhaled. “Yes, we went beyond the boundaries. We were always more affectionate than your usual pair of best friends, which was perfectly normal to us both. I’ve always liked Kris, Katy, and I’m sure you know that. I never acted on my feelings out of respect to your marriage, but I like him nonetheless. Two weeks before the tour ended, we got drunk and played a game of truth-or-dare. I was dared to kiss Kris, which I went through with because it was a game, we were fucking drunk and a peck on the lips isn’t much. I didn’t expect for him to thrust his tongue into my mouth, and the next thing I knew, we were buck naked and spooned up against each other. Maybe it was the alcohol’s fault, but I’m at fault too. I love him, Katy. Nothing’s going to change that.”
He paused for breath, surprised at how passionate he had sounded. He couldn’t help but wish that Kris heard his little speech.
“You changed Kris, Adam”, Katy reached out to squeeze his hand. “Whenever I saw you interact on the show, I couldn’t help but feel envious. He was always so happy and carefree around you, Adam. Next to you, he was finally able to shine in the way he had always dreamed of. Also, I saw how adoringly and lovingly he looked at you, and it was almost unbearable. He never looked at me that way, Adam.”
“…what are you trying to say?”
“Perhaps you’re really the one for him”, Katy suggested. “No one has been able to pull out the real Kris Allen until you came along. I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life wandering like a lost child.”
“…can I have the address?”
“Of course”, Katy hastily scribbled it down on a piece of paper for him. “I really hope you can talk some sense into him, Adam. Your fight affected him greatly because he’s been out of it since tour ended.”
“I promise I will”, Adam nodded, taking the paper from Katy as she walked him to the door. “Thanks for everything, Katy. I have nothing but best wishes for you.”
“Same here, Adam”, Katy gave him a quick hug. “I know you’re going to do well in everything. Don’t be a stranger, okay? My door’s always open for you and Kris.”
“Relax, Katy”, Adam rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “My friends say I’m like cancer when it comes to friendship. You’ll get sick of me when I decide to come around too often.”
He dashed out of the apartment complex and hailed another cab to take him to the Allen house. Thankfully, it wasn’t far, and he found himself on the doorstep of said house in nearly fifteen minutes.
“Jesus, you’re still alive.”
Daniel Allen threw the door open as soon as Adam rang the doorbell. He stared at his brother’s dark-haired friend for several long moments before trapping him in a one-armed hug.
“Kris has taken to living in that tree house like a six-year-old”, he gestured towards a small wooden structure across the front yard. “Please invade his personal space and return him to the land of the living. If you need any help, yell for me through the kitchen window.”
Unable to say anything, Adam simply nodded and walked towards the tree house, secretly amused at how Daniel had been able to figure his intentions out so quickly. He reminded Adam a little of Neil, who was eerily perceptive and also downright annoying.
Heaving a sigh, he planted his foot on the first rung of the ladder and began to climb, feeling nervous yet excited at the prospect of seeing Kris again.
“…Adam?”
Kris was as adorable as Adam remembered him to be, curled up on a large beanbag in the corner of the small space. His face was smudged with dirt and his white shirt had certainly seen better days, but Kris would always be Kris and Adam loved him the way he was. He crossed the small space in a single stride, squatted down next to Kris, and proceeded to attack the dirt on his face with a linen hanky.
“Have you been playing in pigpens while I was away, honey?”
Kris made a soft whimpering noise and threw himself at Adam, sobbing quietly into his best friend’s shoulder. Adam embraced him tightly, breathing in the scent that was purely Kris.
“I can’t believe you’re here”, Kris murmured. “Not after how I treated you for the past few months.”
“The silent treatment hurt me”, Adam admitted. “I was angry as well - and I still am, actually.”
“I deserve it.”
Adam pulled away a little so he could look Kris in the eye. He needed to make sure that Kris was going to understand everything he was going to say.
“Damn right, you do. Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? Almost three months of not knowing how you were and what you were up to nearly killed me, Kristopher Allen. I’m still fucking pissed because I only found out about your divorce today when I spoke to Katy. You’re my best friend, Kris - regardless of what happened. I want to always be able to comfort you when you’re sad and hold you when you cry. Don’t do this to me, baby.”
“I’ve been an ass”, Kris sounded weary and tired. “After I told you that it would be best if we avoided each other, I was more miserable than you could ever imagine. It was so stupid of me to set those boundaries when I was the one who kissed you. I wanted to apologize so badly.”
“…why didn’t you?” Adam stroked his cheek.
“I guess I thought I didn’t deserve your forgiveness.”
Adam squeezed Kris tightly, feeling his heart break.
“Kris honey, don’t say things like that. As long as you still want to knock on my door, it will always open for you.”
Kris was silent, so Adam decided it was safe to continue.
“If you don’t want to remember what happened between us, it’s okay. I don’t mind not acknowledging it as long as we can go back to what we used to be.”
“…do you love me, Adam?”
Shocked, Adam pulled away from Kris once again to stare at him, mouth slightly agape. The expressions that were reflected in Kris’ eyes were ones he had seen before, but certainly not altogether in the same muddled mess. He could see a mix of determination, fear and even hope, which caused his heart to beat double time.
Suddenly, he understood everything all too well.
He thought of himself and Drake, then Kris and Katy. Lack of love was not always the reason for leaving a relationship, but love itself was not always the reason for staying in one, either. He thought of the possibility of himself and Kris, a small smile pulling up the corners of his lips. He didn’t need to come up with another philosophical idea for that because the answers were all in Kris’ eyes. The naked love was right there, shining for Adam like a beacon amidst the stormy sea.
“Yes, Kris”, his voice was scratchy with emotion. “I do love you - always have and always will.”
Something in Kris seemed to crumble - the walls around his heart, Adam assumed - because he suddenly launched himself at Adam, sending them both toppling to the floor.
“I love you, too”, he said softly, hiding his face in Adam’s neck. “I always thought it was just hero worship, but it turned out to be more. You unnerved and fascinated me, Adam. We lived in such different worlds, so I got pretty hung up on you - especially since I never experienced half the things your daily life consisted of. I guess everything started when I saw the real Adam, though I love that you’re like a walking, talking teddy bear. You’ve always been so good to me, and I got a taste of what I was missing out on as a married guy. I freaked out after we slept together because I finally came face-to-face with the real me. I realized that I wasn’t meant to be the dominant one in a relationship. You spoil me too much; Adam, but I love it. I just really love you, that’s all.”
He looked away, embarrassed. Chuckling softly, Adam turned Kris’ face towards him and kissed his new boyfriend tenderly, wanting to assure Kris that everything was okay now. Kris immediately opened up to the kiss, allowing Adam to slide his tongue into his mouth. They kissed for awhile, simply savoring the taste of each other. It had never occurred to Adam that he could miss something this much.
“…wow”, Kris whispered when they pulled away for air. “I feel like a girl who’s been kissed for the first time. Too bad I was too drunk to remember the other ones we shared before.”
“There’s plenty more where those came from, baby”, Adam smirked. “I’m going to make sure you get more than enough loving from now on.”
“I’d like that”, Kris giggled, resting his head on Adam’s broad chest.
Adam moved one arm to the back of his head for support, and then allowed the other one to card through Kris’ hair, petting it soothingly. It was probably a silly sight from a third-person perspective since grown men didn’t usually cuddle in tree houses, but he was perfectly happy at the moment.
“Hey, Adam…?”
“What is it, hun?”
“…why do you think it took us so long to get to this point?”
Adam had a ready answer to that question.
“Zeitgeist, Kris. If we jumped into things earlier in the game, we would’ve probably ended up losing each other. I guess we weren’t ready yet - or rather, time wasn’t ready for us.”
As he closed his eyes, he thought he heard a ticking sound from somewhere inside him. It seemed that his internal clock was finally in harmony with Father Time’s.
By: Lady Michaelis
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen, mentions of past Adam Lambert/Drake LaBry and past Kris Allen/Katy O'Connell
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mention of past a sexual tryst, infidelity, foul language
Genre: Romance/Drama
Summary: Adam’s internal clock was never at par with the International Date Line.
Disclaimers: I don’t own Kradam, but it would be lovely if they owned each other.
Notes: Zeitgeist means ‘the spirit of the times’ in German.
It had all began the night he screwed Kris Allen into the mattress.
Adam Lambert had a long to-blame list: the overindulgence of vodka mixing, the truth-or-dare game, Anoop Desai for suggesting the fucking game, Megan Joy for daring him to make out with Kris, Kris Allen for being 100% his type since forever or himself for being such a stupid, sex-crazed drunk. Either way, blaming whatever thing on his list was going to change the fact that he slept with his very cute, very drunk and very married Christian best friend.
Whoop de doo.
The sex had ruined everything between them. Kris hadn’t placed the blame directly on him, but quietly said that it would be best if they stayed away from each other for awhile. ‘Awhile’ turned out to be ‘til tour ends’, and this greatly upset Adam. He knew they were going to be busy doing their own things after the tour, which consequently meant that he wasn’t going to see too much of Kris then. Despite that, he did not argue because he just respected Kris’ decisions that much. During the last nights of the Idols Live Tour, he spent his time staring at the bus ceiling from his top bunk, agonizing over the fact that he couldn’t crawl down to Kris’ bunk and pounce on him like he usually did. He could probably do that (and even more) in an alternate world where Kris wasn’t married and he actually had a shot, but definitely not in this one. The tour had officially ended a month ago, and they were still not on speaking terms. Thrice - or perhaps more, he couldn’t really remember - a day, Adam would pick up his phone and attempt to call Kris, but he always ended up merely staring at Kris’ number, too scared to even try. If he did call Kris, what he had to say would probably have a worse impact than that of the sex.
It has always been Kris, yet Adam could - and would - not tell him that.
He thought of Drake LaBry and how their relationship had been a one-hit wonder kind of thing. He had used Drake as a shield from his feelings for Kris, but it hadn’t worked in the very least. He was glad when he found out that Drake had been getting it on with another guy behind his back since it gave him the graceful exit he wanted. Drake had tried to apologize, but Adam waved him off and said that they weren’t working out properly anyway. With Drake happily offering his ass to the general public and Adam knowing that his heart belonged elsewhere, there was nothing else to say. It had been both liberating and terrifying, because the only way to go from there was towards Kris. Neil constantly bugged him about it, as so did Allison and Megan, who had somehow found out his little secret. They all had things to say, but all those long speeches basically boiled down to one mission: tell Kris the truth. Megan also added that there was no need to expect an answer, but Adam knew what it would be, so he waved her off. But when he actually had time to think, he realized that they were all right about the whole damn thing. Regardless of what Kris would say, the fact that Adam would get it all off his chest would be rather liberating. After all, it was always better to have loved and lost rather than to not have loved at all.
The downside would be that he would lose his best friend and one true love - as cheesy as it may sound - at the same time.
He had always been about taking risks, though, which was why he was now in the Arkansas airport, waiting for a cab that would take him to his hotel. He planned on getting a good night’s sleep before setting out on tomorrow’s mission.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Adam stared at his reflection in the mirror, feeling vulnerable without his glittery armor. Today, he had opted for dressing simply, selecting a plain black tee, grey skinny jeans, black flip-flops and a couple of silver necklaces. For makeup, he merely caked on a light layer of foundation onto his face and rimmed his lids with kohl before he decided it was time to go. Kris needed to see the real Adam, not the sexual stage persona. He felt like a soldier going into battle without his rifle, but he felt Kris would appreciate him looking like this. After all, he was on a mission to confess love, not cause orgasms.
“…it’s now or never”, he said softly. “Be brave, Lambert.”
He grabbed his wallet from the bedside table, and then left his hotel room, determined not to chicken out. Taking the next flight back to Los Angeles would make him less of a man, and he felt like cringing at the very notion of it. He valued his feelings and his pride too much. As soon as the elevator reached the lobby, he headed to the designated taxi lane and hailed the first cab he saw. As soon as he got himself settled in, he gave the cabbie Kris’ address, and then retreated back into his thoughts. It hadn’t occurred to him earlier that Katy might be home, so he would have to opt for asking Kris to take a walk with him or something after guaranteeing that the door wouldn’t be slammed in his face.
Katy O’Connell - he had a hard time referring to her as an Allen - wasn’t really a bad character. She was pleasant, smart and pretty hard-working, all of which he admired. She was never bothered by the Kradam following and simply thought it was cute, which made Adam feel even guiltier about what he was planning to do. Still, he couldn’t help but theorize about the lack of love in the Allen marriage. It was almost as if people had to ask Kris and Katy to behave like sweethearts. He thought that asking Kris to talk about his wife was like asking Adam to turn straight.
He gazed down at the chipped nail polish on his fingertips, zeroing in on his unpainted thumb. He has left it clean since the tour ended, desperate to feel like he was carrying a part of Kris. It was a sweet little act he’d come up with when they had gone home for awhile during Idol, and he had painted Kris’ thumbnail blue to give him a bit of Adam Lambert to bring to Arkansas. He could still remember the astonished yet delighted expression on Kris’ face when Adam cheekily explained to him what the nail polish thing was all about. Something about that smile made Adam’s heart melt, and it was all he could do not to kiss Kris and ask for his hand in marriage. It reminded him of how much he missed his best friend. Remembering the good times with Kris brought down all the painful nostalgia. If he had superpowers, he would trap himself within the confines of time to live those moments over and over again.
The cab pulled up in front of the Kris’ apartment complex, interrupting his thoughts. Adam paid the cabbie before scrambling out of the vehicle, and then made his way up to Kris’ unit via the fire escape stairway. Normally, he would have taken the elevator, but people would probably recognize him and bombard him with all sorts of fan freakiness. It wasn’t something he usually minded, but he wasn’t in the mood to entertain the world at the moment.
First things always came first, and Adam never doubted the fact that Kristopher Neil Allen always came in first place.
He paused in front of unit number 302, drawing in a shaky breath before finally pressing the buzzer. The door opened almost immediately, revealing Kris’ pretty blond wife.
“Adam!” Katy squealed, enveloping him in a hug. “It’s so good to see you! It’s been such a long time.”
“Hello, doll”, Adam forced a smiled, returning the hug. “It’s good to see you, too. You look really great, by the way. I mean, you’ve always been pretty, but you’re glowing now.”
He wasn’t lying. Katy was dressed to the nines in a floral green dress and an exuberant smile. He couldn’t help but wonder if it had to do with Kris.
“Thanks”, she beamed at him, cheeks coloring slightly. "Come on in, make yourself at home.”
Adam walked in hesitantly, feeling like an intruder in The Realm of Kris and Katy Allen. However, a quick survey of the place made him take a step back and correct the name to ‘The Realm of Katy O’Connell’. There were floral curtains, lace doilies and fresh flowers everywhere, none of which fit Kris’ personality at all. Katy seemed to notice his interest, for she immediately launched into an explanation.
“I’ve started redecorating. So far, this room and the kitchen are the only ones I’ve managed to finish. The bedroom is going to be my next project, and I’m looking forward to painting it salmon pink.”
“…salmon pink?” Adam stared at her. “Since when did Krissifer go for salmon pink?”
“Oh, he gave me the place”, Katy replied. “Don’t tell me Kris forgot to tell you that he was moving back into his parents’ house.”
“Katy, what the fuck is going on?” Adam felt his temper rising.
Katy stares back at him, all the color draining from her face. She clapped a hand over her mouth and sank down on a chintz armchair, looking confused and scared.
“…oh god. Kris didn’t tell you anything, Adam?”
“No”, Adam slammed his fist against the wall in agitation. “He doesn’t fucking tell me anything because we haven’t spoken since the last week of tour!”
“We’re splitting up, Adam”, Katy said softly. “Kris signed the papers two weeks ago.”
“…why?” Adam managed to choke out, suddenly scared that Katy had somehow found out about their little tryst. “You don’t love him anymore?’
“It’s not that”, Katy closed her eyes, looking pained. “I love Kris and I’ll always continue to do so, but we just aren’t meant to be. We got married too early and both missed out on a lot of things because of that. Kris winning Idol made me realize that we both still have so much to discover on our own. Ever since went on tour and I started auditioning for small roles, I realized that our marriage isn’t going to work because we both chose our careers. Sadly, I realized that too late in the game, so I had to opt for divorce. It was an amicable parting, Adam. We’re always going to be friends.”
Adam stared at the braided rug, unsure of what to say. None of this was his fault, but he felt like he was partly to blame.
“…can I ask you something, Adam?”
“Sure”, he said hoarsely. “Go ahead.”
“I know the Kradam thing was just something started by the fans, but one aspect of it used to bother me a lot”, the blond girl started clasping and unclasping her hands on her lap. “Adam, did you and Kris ever do something that went beyond friendship?”
“I can’t lie to you anymore, Katy”, Adam exhaled. “Yes, we went beyond the boundaries. We were always more affectionate than your usual pair of best friends, which was perfectly normal to us both. I’ve always liked Kris, Katy, and I’m sure you know that. I never acted on my feelings out of respect to your marriage, but I like him nonetheless. Two weeks before the tour ended, we got drunk and played a game of truth-or-dare. I was dared to kiss Kris, which I went through with because it was a game, we were fucking drunk and a peck on the lips isn’t much. I didn’t expect for him to thrust his tongue into my mouth, and the next thing I knew, we were buck naked and spooned up against each other. Maybe it was the alcohol’s fault, but I’m at fault too. I love him, Katy. Nothing’s going to change that.”
He paused for breath, surprised at how passionate he had sounded. He couldn’t help but wish that Kris heard his little speech.
“You changed Kris, Adam”, Katy reached out to squeeze his hand. “Whenever I saw you interact on the show, I couldn’t help but feel envious. He was always so happy and carefree around you, Adam. Next to you, he was finally able to shine in the way he had always dreamed of. Also, I saw how adoringly and lovingly he looked at you, and it was almost unbearable. He never looked at me that way, Adam.”
“…what are you trying to say?”
“Perhaps you’re really the one for him”, Katy suggested. “No one has been able to pull out the real Kris Allen until you came along. I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life wandering like a lost child.”
“…can I have the address?”
“Of course”, Katy hastily scribbled it down on a piece of paper for him. “I really hope you can talk some sense into him, Adam. Your fight affected him greatly because he’s been out of it since tour ended.”
“I promise I will”, Adam nodded, taking the paper from Katy as she walked him to the door. “Thanks for everything, Katy. I have nothing but best wishes for you.”
“Same here, Adam”, Katy gave him a quick hug. “I know you’re going to do well in everything. Don’t be a stranger, okay? My door’s always open for you and Kris.”
“Relax, Katy”, Adam rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “My friends say I’m like cancer when it comes to friendship. You’ll get sick of me when I decide to come around too often.”
He dashed out of the apartment complex and hailed another cab to take him to the Allen house. Thankfully, it wasn’t far, and he found himself on the doorstep of said house in nearly fifteen minutes.
“Jesus, you’re still alive.”
Daniel Allen threw the door open as soon as Adam rang the doorbell. He stared at his brother’s dark-haired friend for several long moments before trapping him in a one-armed hug.
“Kris has taken to living in that tree house like a six-year-old”, he gestured towards a small wooden structure across the front yard. “Please invade his personal space and return him to the land of the living. If you need any help, yell for me through the kitchen window.”
Unable to say anything, Adam simply nodded and walked towards the tree house, secretly amused at how Daniel had been able to figure his intentions out so quickly. He reminded Adam a little of Neil, who was eerily perceptive and also downright annoying.
Heaving a sigh, he planted his foot on the first rung of the ladder and began to climb, feeling nervous yet excited at the prospect of seeing Kris again.
“…Adam?”
Kris was as adorable as Adam remembered him to be, curled up on a large beanbag in the corner of the small space. His face was smudged with dirt and his white shirt had certainly seen better days, but Kris would always be Kris and Adam loved him the way he was. He crossed the small space in a single stride, squatted down next to Kris, and proceeded to attack the dirt on his face with a linen hanky.
“Have you been playing in pigpens while I was away, honey?”
Kris made a soft whimpering noise and threw himself at Adam, sobbing quietly into his best friend’s shoulder. Adam embraced him tightly, breathing in the scent that was purely Kris.
“I can’t believe you’re here”, Kris murmured. “Not after how I treated you for the past few months.”
“The silent treatment hurt me”, Adam admitted. “I was angry as well - and I still am, actually.”
“I deserve it.”
Adam pulled away a little so he could look Kris in the eye. He needed to make sure that Kris was going to understand everything he was going to say.
“Damn right, you do. Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? Almost three months of not knowing how you were and what you were up to nearly killed me, Kristopher Allen. I’m still fucking pissed because I only found out about your divorce today when I spoke to Katy. You’re my best friend, Kris - regardless of what happened. I want to always be able to comfort you when you’re sad and hold you when you cry. Don’t do this to me, baby.”
“I’ve been an ass”, Kris sounded weary and tired. “After I told you that it would be best if we avoided each other, I was more miserable than you could ever imagine. It was so stupid of me to set those boundaries when I was the one who kissed you. I wanted to apologize so badly.”
“…why didn’t you?” Adam stroked his cheek.
“I guess I thought I didn’t deserve your forgiveness.”
Adam squeezed Kris tightly, feeling his heart break.
“Kris honey, don’t say things like that. As long as you still want to knock on my door, it will always open for you.”
Kris was silent, so Adam decided it was safe to continue.
“If you don’t want to remember what happened between us, it’s okay. I don’t mind not acknowledging it as long as we can go back to what we used to be.”
“…do you love me, Adam?”
Shocked, Adam pulled away from Kris once again to stare at him, mouth slightly agape. The expressions that were reflected in Kris’ eyes were ones he had seen before, but certainly not altogether in the same muddled mess. He could see a mix of determination, fear and even hope, which caused his heart to beat double time.
Suddenly, he understood everything all too well.
He thought of himself and Drake, then Kris and Katy. Lack of love was not always the reason for leaving a relationship, but love itself was not always the reason for staying in one, either. He thought of the possibility of himself and Kris, a small smile pulling up the corners of his lips. He didn’t need to come up with another philosophical idea for that because the answers were all in Kris’ eyes. The naked love was right there, shining for Adam like a beacon amidst the stormy sea.
“Yes, Kris”, his voice was scratchy with emotion. “I do love you - always have and always will.”
Something in Kris seemed to crumble - the walls around his heart, Adam assumed - because he suddenly launched himself at Adam, sending them both toppling to the floor.
“I love you, too”, he said softly, hiding his face in Adam’s neck. “I always thought it was just hero worship, but it turned out to be more. You unnerved and fascinated me, Adam. We lived in such different worlds, so I got pretty hung up on you - especially since I never experienced half the things your daily life consisted of. I guess everything started when I saw the real Adam, though I love that you’re like a walking, talking teddy bear. You’ve always been so good to me, and I got a taste of what I was missing out on as a married guy. I freaked out after we slept together because I finally came face-to-face with the real me. I realized that I wasn’t meant to be the dominant one in a relationship. You spoil me too much; Adam, but I love it. I just really love you, that’s all.”
He looked away, embarrassed. Chuckling softly, Adam turned Kris’ face towards him and kissed his new boyfriend tenderly, wanting to assure Kris that everything was okay now. Kris immediately opened up to the kiss, allowing Adam to slide his tongue into his mouth. They kissed for awhile, simply savoring the taste of each other. It had never occurred to Adam that he could miss something this much.
“…wow”, Kris whispered when they pulled away for air. “I feel like a girl who’s been kissed for the first time. Too bad I was too drunk to remember the other ones we shared before.”
“There’s plenty more where those came from, baby”, Adam smirked. “I’m going to make sure you get more than enough loving from now on.”
“I’d like that”, Kris giggled, resting his head on Adam’s broad chest.
Adam moved one arm to the back of his head for support, and then allowed the other one to card through Kris’ hair, petting it soothingly. It was probably a silly sight from a third-person perspective since grown men didn’t usually cuddle in tree houses, but he was perfectly happy at the moment.
“Hey, Adam…?”
“What is it, hun?”
“…why do you think it took us so long to get to this point?”
Adam had a ready answer to that question.
“Zeitgeist, Kris. If we jumped into things earlier in the game, we would’ve probably ended up losing each other. I guess we weren’t ready yet - or rather, time wasn’t ready for us.”
As he closed his eyes, he thought he heard a ticking sound from somewhere inside him. It seemed that his internal clock was finally in harmony with Father Time’s.