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This is gonna be the start of a kinda AU I'm going a Gender bender justice league. I should also be working on a G-B Xmen: Evolution.
And i would really appreciate it if you could give me suggestions on the other league members names.
Thx
“Booster, Ted ?! ”
The Mischievous duo successfully sneaked pass wonderman and most of the watchtower's monitors
( Read more... )
then the snippet with some suggestions:
The Mischievous Duo
!if you mean this as a title for them, then capitol letters are ok. If that´s just a descritption, leave the capitol letter out.!
successfully sneaked past Wonderman and most of the Watchtower's monitors,
!do you mean computer monitor´s by that? Or people watching?!
but - unfortunately- they didn't escape the wrath of J'oaz J'ozz aka Martian Womanhunter .
!just a suggestion, but maybe it would be good to take a "real" name for J´onn, because J´onn is a "pun" to John...something like J ázmin J´onnz. J´anett, J´ane, J´eniffer...something like that. And "Manhunter" is a job which refers to "man" as "humans" so the Womanhunter does not really fit... except when everyone is a girl/or she just hunts girls!
I mean,
!I don´t know if it´s a good idea to put an "I" here, because you act as an author and not as a character. You can still use it as a literary device!
it wasn't as if they wanted to steal her Oreo`s
!I´m not sure if the apostrophe is right here, but I´m not a native speaker, so I don´t know!
...well O.K Booster did, we all know Booster did
!maybe you could put this in brackets?!
but perhaps she did have a reason to take them ,
!I´m not sure if you should include this sentence...I don´t think it makes really much sense!
I mean they were there, temptingly there, just waiting for someone to take them away
!But I like that one!
“Hey-y-y-y
!I don´t think you can stutter "y" properly, I think "He-h-h-e-ey Joaz,!
how are ya doing ? ”
!Is this Ted or Booster speaking?!
“...”
“Erm... Joaz. Sorry here'are your Oreo's”
Joaz gladly took them
“I would have expected better from you , but I guess not, AGAIN.!
!I don´t understand what you mean with the second part of the sentence!
Mikala . Tedria .
!Once again, I would have preferred if you took female version of their actual names (Michelle , a reference to Goldstar, or maybe Mikaela, Michaela, ...Tedette? Theodora? ...what are female forms of Ted?!
Then she disappeared through the floor .
!maybe phased would be better!
“Whoa, Joaz likes her Oreo's a lot, doesn't she?”
!once again, who is speaking there?!
“..Yeah”
“...So ,wanna do it again next week?”
“Hell yeah !!! Let's see if we can beat our best time .”
“Oh, come on, we´re gonna be mean to Gal Gardner and Ben
! I don´t really get the jump from Beatriz to Ben...but I don´t have a better name for Bea...maybe Beau!
so, the things written like !this! are just my personal suggestions. You certainly don´t need to folow them, these were just some personal opinions.
Those are my ideas, but these is your story and your idea, and it´s up to you what you make of it.
PS: I intended to write my suggestions in italics or make them better recognizable by other means, but I can´t find this option when replying to your posts.
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And now my personal take at the topic:
The Mischevious Duo had managed to successfully sneak past Wonderman and all the security cameras on the Watchtower. They had nearly made it to the exit, but they didn´t escape the wrath of J´annet J´onnz, the Martian Manhuntress. While the tall green figure glared at them, Teddy tried to behind the oreos behind her back. Michelle also tried to shuffle backwards towards the exit.
"Um....hi?" offered Ted. She gulped while J´annet started at her. At her belly. Or more, behind her belly? Did Martians have the roentgen-vison like superman? Anyway, Teddy started to feel slightly more uncomfortable. Behind her, Booster tried to reach the door by slowly inching away. She stopped whem J´annet focused on her.
Teddy tried to come up with an explanation. "We didn´t mean to," she thought. "It was all her fault!" "Can I blame temporary insanity?" "Come on, " she thought, "it was not as if we intended to steal her oreos intentionally. Well, ok, Booster did want to, but maybe Booster had a reason for that? ...on second thought, she never has any reasons for what she does, so this would be a pretty bad excuse. ...I got it! They were there! Just there, so temptingly laying there, in the safe, hidden under the loose panel behind the third desk on the left. Anyone could have done that!"
She decided that this was a fairly good explanation, but after another glare from red eyes, she cleared her throat.
"Erm...," she looked at her feet, "J´annet. Look, we´re sorry. Here, take them back." and Teddy offered the oroes.
J´annet accepted the bag enthusiastically. there was a look of pure happiness on her face. For a split-second, then there was back the "killer expression".
"I would have expected better from you, " she began, " but then...,"
she looked at Booster, who was watching the ceiling very intently, then at Teddy who was busy examining her nails.
"No, I didn´t really expect it "
Then she phased throuhg the floor and was gone.
"Whoah." spoke Booster while carding a hair through her (very shiny and stylish) hair "J´annet sure likes oreos a lot."
"Yeah..." dragged Teddy.
"So, we´ll try again next week again?"
"Hell yeah, buddy!Let´s see if we can beat our pesonal best!"
"You´re on!" Booster declared while throwing her arm around Teddy´s shoulder.
"What do we do now?" Teddy asked with barely hidden enthusiasm.
"The same we do every night, Blue. We annoy Gal Gardner and Beau!!"
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but anyway i really like what you've done with it, you changed the names.
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the names... I just had to think of them. *shrug* ..now I have to think of Ted as a real Teddy-bear...great, my mind is a strange place
...the stuffed beetle-toy: buy it kids!!
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there.
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the only location I can think of is Guy´s Warriors...so please tell me, what club?
*is so un-knowing and is deeply sorry for it*
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oh... Nevermind. * Continues to blush and worry that people will hate me, do you hate me*
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It belongs to Guy/Gal Gardner and is a bar where our heroes frequently hang out.
And I can imagine Gal as the tough barkeeper who has a bar brawl regularly. Just for the heck of it^^
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And ted is Tedria
Does that help?
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