(no subject)
I don't think I've been this bummed in a long time. Things before now have been going, if not great, good. My friends have all been wonderful about getting me out of the house and keeping my mind off of dialysis drama, but now. I don't know.
Last weekend was amazing. I had a blast with candice and skye at ren fair, the litha ritual was really good for me too, but all of that's pretty much been overhsadowed by this avalanche of shittyness.
I'm pretty sure everybody knows my labs have been shit for a while now and the folks at DaVita finally decided it would best to put me back on Hemodialysis. So, I had the surgery and have been going on mon weds and fridays. To put it bluntly, I feel like shit. I lost over 15 pounds in three days and feel so damn weak it's not even funny. let me put that into perspective for ya. I went from 125 because of adema to 103.
No big deal, right? Give it a few more visits and I'll feel better. It's how it went last time. So what's the problem? Well, Mom and I were in another accident recently. SOme asshole in front of us decided to U-Turn without his signal, cos nobody here in CO uses their signal. I guess it's just not what the cool kids do. Anyway, he plowed right into my side of the car. I could see his oh-shit face. Yeah. fun. We got out fine, nothing hurt or anything, but because the courts around here are assholes, they revoked mom's liscence.
So now here's my dillema. How the FUCK am I going to get to Dialysis? dad's over in, oh yeah Iraq, all of my friends live either in Boulder, Greeley or Monument and Jodi and Ric are busy. Ric's got work and Jodi does too. She gets like a zillion things to do a day and all these deadlines and shit. We tried to see if there was a courtesy shuttle or something like in the springs, but no. Nobody wants to bother coming out to Peyton.Can't ask the neighbors, they all think I have the plague. Guh! I am so fucked! Sure, mom could drive me anyway in the van or something, but if she gets caught, she goes to jail. Not really an option.
So this is just great. Because of one asshole who didn't use his turn signal, I can't get the treatment I need, which may result in a mild case of death.
Oh! I didn't even tell you guys the best part of all this. So my labs were shitty cos the PD wasn't working? that's been established, right? Well i handed in my card and there were blank periods on it where I decided to do manual exchanges. I've already mentioned how it hurts like a motherfucker when it drains and i can't sleep because of it. Well now they're telling me that because my labse were bad (because the dialysis didn't work) I have to be on hemo for a year before they CONSIDER letting me have a kidney.
whoa, wait, back up.
I'm being punished because the dialysis didn't work? It's MY fault? and they can take away the one thing that could make me healthy again?
Why the fuck does everything have to happen at once? I mean all that shit would be enough, but now Mom and jodi and Ric and Dad are all pissed at each other and I have no clue what's really going on. The way Mom's talking it's like we're not going to be seeing them anymore or anything. Not like i really got to see them much to begin with.
So yeah. This really blows. I get to sit here and feel like a burden, with mom all stressed out and depressed and upset about shit that I have no clue about, I get to worry about being denied a kidney, about maybe not being able to get treatment and since mome can't drive, what will we do about groceries and shit? I dont even know what the fuck to do anymore.
Last weekend was amazing. I had a blast with candice and skye at ren fair, the litha ritual was really good for me too, but all of that's pretty much been overhsadowed by this avalanche of shittyness.
I'm pretty sure everybody knows my labs have been shit for a while now and the folks at DaVita finally decided it would best to put me back on Hemodialysis. So, I had the surgery and have been going on mon weds and fridays. To put it bluntly, I feel like shit. I lost over 15 pounds in three days and feel so damn weak it's not even funny. let me put that into perspective for ya. I went from 125 because of adema to 103.
No big deal, right? Give it a few more visits and I'll feel better. It's how it went last time. So what's the problem? Well, Mom and I were in another accident recently. SOme asshole in front of us decided to U-Turn without his signal, cos nobody here in CO uses their signal. I guess it's just not what the cool kids do. Anyway, he plowed right into my side of the car. I could see his oh-shit face. Yeah. fun. We got out fine, nothing hurt or anything, but because the courts around here are assholes, they revoked mom's liscence.
So now here's my dillema. How the FUCK am I going to get to Dialysis? dad's over in, oh yeah Iraq, all of my friends live either in Boulder, Greeley or Monument and Jodi and Ric are busy. Ric's got work and Jodi does too. She gets like a zillion things to do a day and all these deadlines and shit. We tried to see if there was a courtesy shuttle or something like in the springs, but no. Nobody wants to bother coming out to Peyton.Can't ask the neighbors, they all think I have the plague. Guh! I am so fucked! Sure, mom could drive me anyway in the van or something, but if she gets caught, she goes to jail. Not really an option.
So this is just great. Because of one asshole who didn't use his turn signal, I can't get the treatment I need, which may result in a mild case of death.
Oh! I didn't even tell you guys the best part of all this. So my labs were shitty cos the PD wasn't working? that's been established, right? Well i handed in my card and there were blank periods on it where I decided to do manual exchanges. I've already mentioned how it hurts like a motherfucker when it drains and i can't sleep because of it. Well now they're telling me that because my labse were bad (because the dialysis didn't work) I have to be on hemo for a year before they CONSIDER letting me have a kidney.
whoa, wait, back up.
I'm being punished because the dialysis didn't work? It's MY fault? and they can take away the one thing that could make me healthy again?
Why the fuck does everything have to happen at once? I mean all that shit would be enough, but now Mom and jodi and Ric and Dad are all pissed at each other and I have no clue what's really going on. The way Mom's talking it's like we're not going to be seeing them anymore or anything. Not like i really got to see them much to begin with.
So yeah. This really blows. I get to sit here and feel like a burden, with mom all stressed out and depressed and upset about shit that I have no clue about, I get to worry about being denied a kidney, about maybe not being able to get treatment and since mome can't drive, what will we do about groceries and shit? I dont even know what the fuck to do anymore.