Broken Computer
OK, so my compueter is broken. I am writing this on my friend Pammy's computer before we go out to the Nerv for a night of fun filled dancing. I am also slightly under the influence, so I really have no idea what I am typing. This entry will probably be deleted later. Hopefully, I'll find away to fix my computer and will be able to post regularly. when I think of all that I have wanted to post this summer and haven't it shocks me. the fact is, there is so much on my mind, not even my closest friends know, and like they would care. I love them and I know that they love me, but I always feel like I am bothering them, or that they don't want me in my life. I must restate for my kin, Serena is not worried at all. I, Emily Kathleen Smith, am worried. To be truthful, nothing good is meant to last for me. Nothing ever turns out well. I don't know why, maybe that is how life is supposed to be, and if it is, I want no part in it. Yes, currently, from an outsiders perspcetive, my life would be fine. I have wonderful friends who seem to care about me, I'm dating a great guy, who also seems to care, but with my luck in a couple of weeks he will decide there is no "spark," and my good friends will no longer want anything to do with me. It is just a matter of time. I no longer have any faith. I have just enough in my twin borther, and frankly, part of me is expecting anyday for him to tell me to piss off and solve my own problems. I bother him enough, I would expect it. I don't know. All I know is that I am depressed, while I might not look it I am. And I'm not just saying this to get attention, I really don't care if you all care, but then again, maybe I do. I know longer know anything. I give up thinking. Just one last statement.
Everyone thinks that I am always so open and honest, and you can tell what I am thinking, but they all forget that I took drama, and I am even getting good enough to decieve my sister and brother.
I want someone to come and take over. I'm sick of everything. I can't trust anyone but two people, and I think I am exhausting them with my phone calls twice a week. I don't know what I want anymre... no that is a lie, I know what I want, but I will never have it. I just want the dreams and thoughts to STOP!!!! The ones of my soulmate, and the life we will never have, and the ones of the demon, and the life that I could be persuaded into. Make the dreams stop.
and now I am officially insane and drunk!!
Emily
Everyone thinks that I am always so open and honest, and you can tell what I am thinking, but they all forget that I took drama, and I am even getting good enough to decieve my sister and brother.
I want someone to come and take over. I'm sick of everything. I can't trust anyone but two people, and I think I am exhausting them with my phone calls twice a week. I don't know what I want anymre... no that is a lie, I know what I want, but I will never have it. I just want the dreams and thoughts to STOP!!!! The ones of my soulmate, and the life we will never have, and the ones of the demon, and the life that I could be persuaded into. Make the dreams stop.
and now I am officially insane and drunk!!
Emily