Back in the saddle..../again/. Really, this time.

[lady_karasu]

Started writing this in 2007 (I accidentally overwrote the original file, so, sometime before September, as that’s the ‘recent’ one). Got stuck, and let it sit for ages - then Kuma landed in my lap, and that took care of the ‘how it happened’ problem, which had been written, but I didn’t like. Then I sat on it again for a while, because I was

Comments

[printfogey]

Seriously impressive! I could picture it all very vividly while reading; the pain and weight of Usopp's grief, the strength of his resolve despite never being able to be as fearless as Zoro would have been, yet reaching a similar straight-forward ultimatum mindset, maybe taking comfort in the Zoro-ishness. I really appreciate that you have him wondering whether his determination is a death-wish in disguise, having to work through the interpretation before rejecting it. And also the reminder of what an additional death in the crew would do to Luffy as a good counter-point to the main theme.

Mihawk always struck me as very tough to write, so I'm particularly impressed by how well he comes off here. Unnerving and implacable, more scary in terms of personality than even his powers - and I thought his final lines were just perfect.

Edited to add: I just re-read the whole thing with much pleasure. I'm a major sucker for self-sacrificial Usopp. ♥

Minor nitpicks: you've got a "loose" instead of "lose" in What did he have to loose, now?. Also, this might just be slow reading/poor English comprehension on my part, but was Mihawk's sword first at the back of Usopp's neck and then moved to the front, or did it start out at the front and stay there?

[lady_karasu]

Thank you *so much*. I was kinda really anxious about this one (it's been in my 'will never see the light of day' folder for a while, now). Needed that. ;) Really.

On the edits - loose/lose: you know, I fixed that in the original file, didn't realize I hadn't caught it in the post - nice catch, thanks. ;)
The sword movement thing - more of a 'tip, at the side' thing: would have moved across to the other side as he stood. It works in my head because I've got the image, but I can see how that would be awkward to read. Augmented the line a bit, see if that works better for you? If I get much more detailed in the writing it weighs down that section too much, but that might mitigate the problem...

[printfogey]

Thank you for writing it and sharing it - it's been ages since I've read an Usopp-centric fic with that kind of intensity, and a sacrifice theme to boot. Apparently it's a narrative kink of mine, so I very much appreciate.

*re-reads* Still a bit unclear to me, honestly - but then again, I could well be the only one. English isn't my native language etc *waves eternal Get Out Of Jail card* ;)