updates updates updates...
So the last time I updated things were okay. I failed to update Travis lost his job, I failed to update Nicole almost lost her grandma, I completely failed to update Travis lost his grandmother 2 weeks before Christmas. And didn't mention it's decided that I am an Otaku and honestly I don't think it's as bad as people want it to sound. *sigh* But lets move on. I've become rather sick of being shit on and you know despite the fact that I'm running on less than 56k/s things haven't been a total suck fest. I now know what they mean when they say the first 5 are the hardest years to be married. I only say this because everything bad that could have happened in the first 6mos has, and I've been strong... I'd like to think he's been strong; we still love each other and I think that's what matters most.
Anyway, I've been really thinking about what I truly want to do. I've decided that my degree is bullshit and worthless. So I've started listing some interests: I really like dolls and I want to be able to work on them, but I lack a sewing machine and I fear it's going to dead end. I loved drawing but I've felt lately like everything I do isn't up to par. I love to make my own cos-play stuff but worry if I take customs and it's something I despise I'll just loose interest and stop. I like to write but feel like everything I want to write about is all ready out there. I know I have talent but even if I get passionate about something eventually I loose interest or become fickle or too critical about what I'm doing. I wish things came to me easier than they do I have passions but they're all things that don't seem like they amount to much in the grand scheme of things. And I love my hobbies, but that's the thing they're hobbies and nothing I can truly make into a profession. I dunno, I'm thinking about dabbling until something just feels right.
We filed our taxes, we're getting more back jointly then I expected. Enough that we're planning on heading to Virginia to see Blink and hang out with her for a week. We're thinking of going to D.C. and site see and go to the Smithsonian.... if we go to D.C. I want to find my uncles name on that marble slab listing vets who died. Travis talks like this is going to be a Vacanemoon (Vacation Honeymoon) since we didn't get one for a number of reasons. I'm beginning to believe Travis when he says we need this. Our house is falling down around us, it's jam packed with not just our stuff but the things my mother refuses to let go of, the pets, and then there's the constant lack of cleanliness. Now don't get me wrong I love my pets, but because of the snow moms cat has decided the bathroom floor and the shower is a toilet, when he knows how to use the litter box. Lets not forget Honey, she's been sick and to make things worse Kyo and Kaoru seem to be getting sick too. Hikaru's back is a scab city, we know what's wrong (fleas) and we can't get my mother to reason with us $210 for all the animals is just too unreasonable for flea treatment for 3 months to her. Then there's the trash... I never thought I would have to deal with this... I'm trying not to cry as I type this, my mom has a severe hoarding disorder. I shudder at the thought of each piece of paper that enters the house is one more thing that will never leave.! After all that it's the junk, things we don't or won't use you name it she won't part with it... she even sifts through our trash to make sure we aren't throwing out paper or things with our names on them and we have a shredder she won't use. She refuses to use trash bags because she thinks it's a waste of money... *blinks* I understand using the plastic bags as bathroom and small waist basket liners but it drives me crazy she uses them for all her trash because she's insane when it comes to frugality! Last month we cleaned out the fridge because she had it stuffed so full you couldn't pull one thing out without taking six things out with it and who knows whats bad because it's all quick sale stuff and now she's filling it up again. I can't cook because I can't pull out what I need and I can't get to any of the pots and pans I need because she has a grill and a microwave cart in front of the pantry Plus the pantry is stuffed with food (some would find this great but...), food that has long since gone stale or is past expiration date! I've gotten on a tangent and this is why Travis feels we need to take this vacation. My ocd is starting to make me sick because of all this and I've not told him this because he's having a hard time coping, I mean his mom always kept house and this is hard to deal with when your not used to it. Before moving out I dealt with my mom's quirks and kept the house clean for her and took on the responsibilities of getting rid of some stuff but things have gotten out of hand I fear too much for me to deal with on my own. My fear we're going to leave and come back to not be able to fit through the door because she's brought more junk in, in our absence.
Anyway, I've been really thinking about what I truly want to do. I've decided that my degree is bullshit and worthless. So I've started listing some interests: I really like dolls and I want to be able to work on them, but I lack a sewing machine and I fear it's going to dead end. I loved drawing but I've felt lately like everything I do isn't up to par. I love to make my own cos-play stuff but worry if I take customs and it's something I despise I'll just loose interest and stop. I like to write but feel like everything I want to write about is all ready out there. I know I have talent but even if I get passionate about something eventually I loose interest or become fickle or too critical about what I'm doing. I wish things came to me easier than they do I have passions but they're all things that don't seem like they amount to much in the grand scheme of things. And I love my hobbies, but that's the thing they're hobbies and nothing I can truly make into a profession. I dunno, I'm thinking about dabbling until something just feels right.
We filed our taxes, we're getting more back jointly then I expected. Enough that we're planning on heading to Virginia to see Blink and hang out with her for a week. We're thinking of going to D.C. and site see and go to the Smithsonian.... if we go to D.C. I want to find my uncles name on that marble slab listing vets who died. Travis talks like this is going to be a Vacanemoon (Vacation Honeymoon) since we didn't get one for a number of reasons. I'm beginning to believe Travis when he says we need this. Our house is falling down around us, it's jam packed with not just our stuff but the things my mother refuses to let go of, the pets, and then there's the constant lack of cleanliness. Now don't get me wrong I love my pets, but because of the snow moms cat has decided the bathroom floor and the shower is a toilet, when he knows how to use the litter box. Lets not forget Honey, she's been sick and to make things worse Kyo and Kaoru seem to be getting sick too. Hikaru's back is a scab city, we know what's wrong (fleas) and we can't get my mother to reason with us $210 for all the animals is just too unreasonable for flea treatment for 3 months to her. Then there's the trash... I never thought I would have to deal with this... I'm trying not to cry as I type this, my mom has a severe hoarding disorder. I shudder at the thought of each piece of paper that enters the house is one more thing that will never leave.! After all that it's the junk, things we don't or won't use you name it she won't part with it... she even sifts through our trash to make sure we aren't throwing out paper or things with our names on them and we have a shredder she won't use. She refuses to use trash bags because she thinks it's a waste of money... *blinks* I understand using the plastic bags as bathroom and small waist basket liners but it drives me crazy she uses them for all her trash because she's insane when it comes to frugality! Last month we cleaned out the fridge because she had it stuffed so full you couldn't pull one thing out without taking six things out with it and who knows whats bad because it's all quick sale stuff and now she's filling it up again. I can't cook because I can't pull out what I need and I can't get to any of the pots and pans I need because she has a grill and a microwave cart in front of the pantry Plus the pantry is stuffed with food (some would find this great but...), food that has long since gone stale or is past expiration date! I've gotten on a tangent and this is why Travis feels we need to take this vacation. My ocd is starting to make me sick because of all this and I've not told him this because he's having a hard time coping, I mean his mom always kept house and this is hard to deal with when your not used to it. Before moving out I dealt with my mom's quirks and kept the house clean for her and took on the responsibilities of getting rid of some stuff but things have gotten out of hand I fear too much for me to deal with on my own. My fear we're going to leave and come back to not be able to fit through the door because she's brought more junk in, in our absence.