Words to Live by -- DeadParrot
"Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos -- you never know what's going to burn your ass."
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I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
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Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
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Accept the fact that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him/her again.
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I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
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You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
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Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
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Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
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A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
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Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
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After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
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The more shit you put up with, the more shit you are going to get.
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You can go anywhere you want to if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
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So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
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Ring the bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
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I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
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I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
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Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
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I'd like to live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.
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How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap.
-Katherine Chillingworth-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Accept the fact that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him/her again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The more shit you put up with, the more shit you are going to get.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can go anywhere you want to if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ring the bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd like to live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap.
-Katherine Chillingworth-