FNN Extravaganza!
Good afternoon all
Sorry it has taken me so long to blog but I have put together one Hell of a blog! Now let's start this!
So Spring is right around the corner, and the latest trend is one that I really dislike. Peach. I hate peach as a color, smell and the fruit. Also the emoji. If you have ever seen the peach in social media, it's usually associated with the Kardashian/Jenner girls to represent their totally fake asses, not that the rest of them is any more real (personality included). Anyways, peach is everywhere. It's the latest make-up trend and of course, hair trends. There is an entire collection dedicated to the peach. it's called Sweet Peach from Too Faced. Everything in the collection is peach. Shades of peach. Peach, peach, peach...PEACH!
This shit treads dangerous grounds into orange. You know, like old lady orange?
So it's already in our make-up and now it's in our fucking hair!
To be honest I don't know what's wrong with her face but I think she should get it looked at...what's worse if your hair! Come on now, that's not peach, it's a faded orange.
get your finger out of your fucking mouth! Dye your hair something reasonable. That's not peach. It's a pinky-peachy mess that will look like fail when it's all faded out.
Here's a really faded out peach. It's supposed to look like that you know. It really is. it's supposed to look like you had your hair dyed orange or pink and let it go for a while and then thought it was acceptable since peach is now in. You're like "meh. close enough." Also, what the fuck is up with her eyeliner? No. Just no. All of it NO!
Ugh, it's just about as bad as the rose gold hair trend. Like really, do you really need to match your hair with your current cell phone? You know, by the time the next Apple phone comes out, you'll have to ditch your rose gold hair trend for whatever the next color cell phone is. Hopefully it's not pearl white or else we'll have a ton of bitches running about with white hair that's adorned with that cheap 90's scented hair gel. Or, whatever the next glitter hair trend would be at that point. Let us pray this will not happen.
Succulents. Lovely little plants. Low maintenece and nice to look at. I have one myself. It's a little worse for wear and chewed up since the cat decided it was fun to eat. I think that he got the wrong idea about the name. Either way the little plant is locked safely away in a cage, to protect it from the cat. Below are some succulent types.
Now think about having this lovely thing pasted to a piece of plastic and worn on your fingers? That's right, succulent nail art is about as impractical as it comes.
Brings new meaning to "green thumb" doesn't it? People will go out of their way to get all, yes ALL, their fingers done with little pieces of succulents. I'm all up for hand painted art or nail decals. It still gives the same effect but it's not KILLING anything! Sure it's considered a form of art and afterwards all this will be tossed into the rubbish bin when all is said and done. If this were at a nail show, yes, right into the bin it goes and in real life, when people get fucking bored of having plants on their nails, it'll stil go into the bin. Just at the salon and not at home. But can you imagine needing to do dishes or actually cook dinner and then finding that a piece of two of your nails is suddenly at the foot of the bed. It's not worth this. Come on. This is really fail. It's bulky and pointless and you've just killed a plant to get this. Bugger off.
Speaking of plants, here's another nail trend that I think it retarded.
Pot nails! Yes, that's right ladies and gents, people are now using Mary Jane to decorate nails. Be it actual post bits from the bud safely tucked away into gel or acrylic or pot crumbs covering an entire nail. To be quite frank, I don't know why you can't just stick to nail decals? It's cheaper. But when using actual weed, I find that it would stink, it would come loose, not to mention the fact that it's a WASTE. Unless they're using Mexican Dirt Weed, I don't see why you need to waste it by putting it on your fingers. It's for smoking, not using as a decoration. Then again I wonder...would people just be smelling their fingers all day? Imagine how retarded tht would look. Someone trying to be stealth and then smelling their fingers.
Sniff, sniff.
I think it's a silly concept. Most of the time the nail art is displayed with several pieces of bud. That's not fucking flattering. I mean don't get me wrong, I know people who smole it and I have myself, Hell...Even the hubby has indulged a few times. But I don't think that anyone would even bother to get the nails art done. I'd like to see this nail fail die out like the very end of a roach on the last toke.
Lets go back to make up shall we?
You remember when I mentioned the knife liner and the candy cane liner? Well how about cock liner? Oh yes, if you're very very cheeky and want to look like a twat (lol the irony) then please by all means, do this:
Well now, someone had lots of imagination to actually include shading and the cum. The other one even has the hair on the balls. How...fail.
Why the fuck would you ever want to do this? Why would you do this? Why do people do this? It's a waste of time and good makeup. Like it's not cheap! Hell my eyeliner costs me about 30$. I wouldn't ever waste it on drawing a cock on my eye. If I wanted to see a cock I would ask Antony to drop his drawers. I wouldn't paint one on my fucking face, not even for a lark.
Do you hear that ladies? NOT EVEN! Just don't. Please. Just stop this stupid trend. It's certainly not cute and I really hope that someone doesn't go ahead and get a bit more creative and do one eye with a cock and one eye with a pussy and think it's cute. Post it on Instagram and then all of a sudden I'm seeing it on my Snapchat sources. Because if you do, I'm going to blog about how stupid you look. I really am. Think carefully. Key word: THINK.
Unicorns. There's so much unicorn. Unocorn food and unicorn clothes, eyeliner, porn, acessories. You name it, there's probably a unicorn something of it. So here's some more.
Unicorn Tears.
It's a thing, actually it's a drink.
Acording to the company: Dapper Coffee, it's caffeine free, alcohol free, contains no nuts, shellfish allergy friendly, gluten free and there's no nuts, soy or eggs. Soooo, what the fuck is it exactly? There's no list of ingredients. Pretty much it looks like a bottle of blue glittery bubble bath. Apparently, to the people who have had it, it tastes like citrus. But to me, even if I knew wha the fuck was in it, I wouldn't waste 10$ on it. It costs 10$ for a questionable drink. At least the bottle of Unicorn Tears Gin is just that, gin with some glitter in it and that I can justify the price 39.99 quid (so UK money). This shit, looks gross anyways. Like drinking flavoured glitter. Solid glitter. Just glitter. Glitter piss, that would have concerned more than anything else. Let alone the dye it, since it's blue your shit will end up green and glittery and very concerning. Actually disturbing.
Look at this, this is bubble bath. I wouldn't be surprised if the Signapore people weren't actually marketing this is a drink but it really turnes out to be bubble bath that doesn't actually taste like soap. People are stupid. You never know.
Also, moving away from the questionable consumables, we have another unicorn fail for you.
Alright, so you have dyed you hair to follow the unicorn trend. But have you ever wondered how you can make that shit dye job into something more magically stupid? Well, now you can! Behold, the unicorn hair style.
Seriously, would you ever be caught dead in public like that? If you've read my blog about the top knots you know how much I hate the style and this really puts everything to shame. Now I don't mind if you're going to wear a little horn and embrace fantasty and all the whimsy that comes with it like this:
This is Kerli, she's an Estonian singer and she's fantastic, but note, she has a little horn that's reasonable and doesn't go about looking like a recent hair salon experiment gone wrong. There's subtle and then there's
People want to be a unicorn so bad. It's a creature that didn't even exist in the first freaking place and try to use that as a form of escapism. I think that's a sad-ass excuse not to grasp reality and be a responsible person. Is putting your hair into a horn shape some sort of way of recapturing a lost childhood? I used to love unicorns as a kid and I even dressed up as one for Halloween one year. That was when I bothered to dress up. I think I only did that maybe three times in my life. Anyways, I just think it's fucking retarded and needs to be stopped. Can we pick another fantasty creature that isn't so bloody overdone? Please? I'd like to see something different. Anythinkg but unicorn. No more unicorn.
I said NO MORE, unless you want me to pull out my flame thrower and kill it all with fire.
This is all I have to update for now. It's been a long three hours of work to bing you the best of the worst in FNN's.
Until next I update,
K