tommarow is the aniversary, post from a year ago i found in my old journal: xlollythedollyx
Alright, so from the last post i was talking about having to put Angel down
well it happend, it happend a while ago i just havent been able to write about it
last Thursday the 11th:
somehow me and my mother got angel on a big fluffy dog bed
she seemed much more comfortable on it
the days before she just seemed like she was ready to die
but the day before we had to put her down she had a will to live
she began trying over and over to get up but it just wasnt happening
it was one of the most horrible things ive ever gone through
now knowing that mentally, she didnt want to go
and that WE had to kill her.
this may sound weird but we took a bunch of pictures of her
the day before her death and the morning of it
me and my mom got some with her and nick our poodle
and even troy took one with her.
ill post the pictures when i get them
Carissa and Kelsey came over to see her the night before
I thought that it was really nice that they came to see her
because it really meant a lot to me
so anyways, we looked in the phone book and found a women that would come to our house
she said instead of giving her "the shot"
she would give her a pain reliver then put her to sleep THEN give her "the shot"
it was much more expensive but i was glade she went in the comfort of our home
it was really the least we could do for her last days
so we had an appointment at 12
before that i was just sort of numb didnt really cry
then i heard the door and troy let the lady in and i broke down
it was so horrible, Angel knew what was going on she seemed calm but a little frightend
so she gave her the pain reliver
and then Jen (me and troys friend) and Troy carried her to the garden
we all layed out there and Angel seemed happy to be outside
then she put her to sleep and my mom left crying and i sat with Angel
in the middle of the real shot, Angel went
i mean it was fast before the shot was even done she was gone
i cried hard.. i tried to give her a last kiss but just couldnt
i kept petting her but it wasnt Angel.. just her body
it was horrible it just freaked me out and i just sat there crying and shaking
her eyes were just blank.. so troy helped me up and i went inside
Troy and Jen burried her for me and my mom
we have a pretty stone with angels on it and we had some flowers
we put her baby blanket down in the grave
and i made sure that they put some items of hers in with her
this pink star squeeky toy, and ellie her elephant
also a bone
its really peaceful in there.. and i go in a lot
the weird thing is ill get sad and cry once in a while about it
but i still havent gone through the grieving process yet
because honestly, i think im still in denial
it always seems like shes just in the other room
i still cant belive shes gone.. i really cant
and in the mornings i wake up and look for her by my bed
and i always think "where is she?"
then its like "oh.."
and at night me and my mom still have a hard time locking the back door
she hated the door to be closed and it feels like we're locking her outside
its so hard. i still find random bones laying around in the house
anyways.. ive decided to get a tattoo for her
im not really sure what but once i save money ill figure it all out
i miss her so fucking much and i realize now that you really cant take people or things for granted
because things really do happen quick
well it happend, it happend a while ago i just havent been able to write about it
last Thursday the 11th:
somehow me and my mother got angel on a big fluffy dog bed
she seemed much more comfortable on it
the days before she just seemed like she was ready to die
but the day before we had to put her down she had a will to live
she began trying over and over to get up but it just wasnt happening
it was one of the most horrible things ive ever gone through
now knowing that mentally, she didnt want to go
and that WE had to kill her.
this may sound weird but we took a bunch of pictures of her
the day before her death and the morning of it
me and my mom got some with her and nick our poodle
and even troy took one with her.
ill post the pictures when i get them
Carissa and Kelsey came over to see her the night before
I thought that it was really nice that they came to see her
because it really meant a lot to me
so anyways, we looked in the phone book and found a women that would come to our house
she said instead of giving her "the shot"
she would give her a pain reliver then put her to sleep THEN give her "the shot"
it was much more expensive but i was glade she went in the comfort of our home
it was really the least we could do for her last days
so we had an appointment at 12
before that i was just sort of numb didnt really cry
then i heard the door and troy let the lady in and i broke down
it was so horrible, Angel knew what was going on she seemed calm but a little frightend
so she gave her the pain reliver
and then Jen (me and troys friend) and Troy carried her to the garden
we all layed out there and Angel seemed happy to be outside
then she put her to sleep and my mom left crying and i sat with Angel
in the middle of the real shot, Angel went
i mean it was fast before the shot was even done she was gone
i cried hard.. i tried to give her a last kiss but just couldnt
i kept petting her but it wasnt Angel.. just her body
it was horrible it just freaked me out and i just sat there crying and shaking
her eyes were just blank.. so troy helped me up and i went inside
Troy and Jen burried her for me and my mom
we have a pretty stone with angels on it and we had some flowers
we put her baby blanket down in the grave
and i made sure that they put some items of hers in with her
this pink star squeeky toy, and ellie her elephant
also a bone
its really peaceful in there.. and i go in a lot
the weird thing is ill get sad and cry once in a while about it
but i still havent gone through the grieving process yet
because honestly, i think im still in denial
it always seems like shes just in the other room
i still cant belive shes gone.. i really cant
and in the mornings i wake up and look for her by my bed
and i always think "where is she?"
then its like "oh.."
and at night me and my mom still have a hard time locking the back door
she hated the door to be closed and it feels like we're locking her outside
its so hard. i still find random bones laying around in the house
anyways.. ive decided to get a tattoo for her
im not really sure what but once i save money ill figure it all out
i miss her so fucking much and i realize now that you really cant take people or things for granted
because things really do happen quick