Return to Sender: Donghae x Kibum
It's been a while since I've done one of my fics for the bonamana_x challenge. Here is Donghae x Kibum! I hope you all enjoy it. The challenge master list is here.
Title: Return to Sender
Pairing: Donghae x Kibum (some ninja pairings I suppose, or a ninja OT15 XD)
Rating: PG
Genre: Songfic, a little angst, fluff
Theme: Ca Me Fait du Bien by Emmanuel Moire
Summary: Donghae stares down at the ‘return to sender’ stamped across the envelope and wonders if he will ever get a letter back besides his own.
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Donghae doesn’t know why he’s the one always checking the mailbox. He knows that there will not be any letters for him, but still he diligently checks every morning wondering if maybe, just once, there will be.
There never is.
Today is the same.
Donghae stares at the empty contents of the mailbox before leaning against the side of the apartment building. He stuffs his hands into his jean pockets and wonders why he made himself get up so early when he knew that there would be nothing for him.
Kibum is never going to reply.
At first, when Kibum left, it was a shock to everyone. The managers told them he was busy, he will always be busy with acting and commercials and things that are not you. He would be gone for long periods of time and appear with a small smile and a, “I brought gifts for everyone”. As if the gifts could make up for the lost time, for the distance between Kibum and every single other member of Super Junior.
Donghae wonders why he is so hurt. Kibum hadn’t lived with them in the first place. He has always been separated from them. Isolated.
As if Suju were a stepping stone for something greater and now he no longer needs them.
The presents were never enough to make Donghae happy, even if his presents were always the most thoughtful.
Look, matching cell phone key chains. It’s finding Nemo and Dory. Your favorite.
We have a day off, would you like to head to the aquarium? I made sure to get a day off just for us.
Dinner and a movie. We can ditch everyone else after the photo shoot.
Come on Donghae, let’s head to the amusement park. I’ll buy you cotton candy-no, you’re not allowed to go and workout afterwards to burn off the calories. It’s just a little candy.
The presents don't make Donghae as happy as the fact that Kibum had been there. Physical and real and warm and one of them.
When Kibum finally left for good, Donghae wasn’t certain if he could handle it. The emptiness still gnaws at him and he sleeps with the plushy that Kibum got him on his last-last, he’ll never see him again-trip, and Donghae writes letters to the only address they’ve been given.
No one else even tries. He is the only one to send his ridiculous underwater themed stationary to an address that probably isn’t even being used. The letters always come back with “return to sender” stamped in evil, vicious red.
Kibum does not want them anymore.
Kibum doesn’t want him anymore.
It hurts worse when the other members seem to forget. And Donghae wants to shout, “You always forgot him, it’s why he left in the first place! No one ever remembers Kibum! How would you feel?”
But he remembers. He remembers the way Kibum curls up on the bed with him-because Kibum stays at night, even when he has his own apartment-and he remembers the feeling of Kibum’s breath on his neck. He remembers the slow, mischievous smile that Kibum will sport when he thinks that no one is looking and he can finally make himself noticed by playing a prank.
Donghae remembers everything, even as he slowly walks back into the apartment and away from the empty mailbox that screams ‘you have been forgotten’. He finds himself in the kitchen with the urge to drink something sweet. He contemplates going down to the eleventh floor apartment and stealing some of Eunhyuk’s strawberry milk but decides against it.
He finds a package of instant hot chocolate and a few moments later he’s pouring boiling water into a mug and stirring in the brown powder. It has marshmallows in it, the cheap little kind that come in the pack and disintegrate after a few stirs. Donghae doesn’t care. He doesn’t even really want to drink the hot chocolate at all but it is there and it is sweet and the smell is oddly nostalgic.
It reminds him of Christmas and family and all of Super Junior sitting around a tree as Siwon tries to read the Christmas story from the bible and Heechul smacks him down (“this is Christmas, Siwon, don’t be such a religious prick. I’m drunk and there’s mistletoe, make good use of the situation!”) and then he and Hankyung down three glasses of eggnog and there’s mistletoe and everyone is trying to push each other under it until it’s a gigantic orgy of sloppy drunken kisses and laughter and Christmas cookies.
Happy times.
He vaguely realizes that it is almost Christmas again.
Donghae lets out a slow sigh, a weary, broken sound as he holds tightly to his mug of hot chocolate.
The pile of letters are thrown onto the table and Donghae doesn’t look up from the rim of his cup. He stares down at the dark brown liquid as a voice calls out, “The mail came late today.”
His eyes flicker to the envelope on top. The rest are bills, because they have that distinct bill-like look to them. He doesn’t know how to describe it but to Donghae there is a difference. He recognizes the letter and his stomach plummets.
He knows the handwriting scrawled across the front is his own. The ‘return to sender’ in red ink across the top glares mockingly up at him and he wants to rip it to shreds.
The person who has brought the mail in is now getting a cup out of the cupboard. Donghae hears him walk to the sink and fill his glass from the faucet. Donghae doesn’t want to look up at him, because he knows what he will see.
If it is Leeteuk, he will give him a sympathetic look and ask if he wants to watch Finding Nemo with him. If it is Shindong or Kangin, they will simply look at him. They won’t know what to do, and they will think that if they do anything it will just make him cry, so they’ll be as inconspicuous as possible and leave quickly. He knows it is not Heechul, because Heechul would have thrown the letter away to keep his favorite dongsaeng from seeing it.
And it is not Hankyung, because there is no accent at the end of the voice that told him about the mail. In fact, if he had been paying any attention at all, he would have known the voice immediately.
Instead, he starts to cry into his hot chocolate, trying to hide it as discreetly as possible until the other person in the kitchen leaves.
A chair is pulled out and the person sits, letting out a soft sigh.
“Do you want to watch a movie today?”
Ah, so it is Leeteuk, isn’t it? He looks up to tell him that no, he doesn’t want to watch Finding Nemo or Titanic-for once-but stops as he stares at the person sitting across the table from him. His mouth hangs open slightly and he can’t look away because surely this isn’t real.
Kibum stares back, eyebrow raised in silent amusement, and holds up a cell phone with a clownfish keychain, “You weren’t answering your phone.”
There is no mistletoe, but the two of them finds themselves in a pile of sloppily placed kisses and laughter and Donghae can only hope that this time, his letters will not be returned.
Or better yet, that he will not have to send them at all.