(no subject)
ok, so i went camping yesterday with a friend. but there were supposed to be more people. let me just say that high school boys are a bunch of wimps. fouth day of the christmas break, your friend's birthday and you abandon two girls to go drink, which you have probably been doing for the first three days of christmas break anyway. i don't get boys...
i haven't slept in over 36 hours now. that is exciting. not really, but it is an interesting way to function. i wouldn't want to do it all the time, but staying up a really long time might be fun everyonce in a while.
we set up a tent all by ourselves. and we got free breakfast at kirby lane this morning. the guys who were waiting on us took pity on the pathetic tired girls and just gave us our food on the house. but we left a good tip. they offered to take us camping the next time we went, just so that we wouldn't have men who abandoned us.
yeah, i gave in and called andrew this morning. but i don't think that he has called me back. i don't know what to do with that anymore. just when i think that i have buried my feelings and can move on something comes up and i realized just how much i still love him. even though i have done a lot of stupid things that he would not have approved of. at the moment i am experiencing some regret. but not much, plus if i give in than some of those girls have won and what they say about me may be partially true. and it isn't. so no regret...
that is such an easy thing to say, but not so easy to do. actaully it is easy except when it comes to andrew. i regret a lot when it comes to him...
gods, i'm tired. i can't wait to get out of here. New York... here i come. gods that is going to be a lot of fun. new people, new places, new experiences.i can't wait, and best of all... i get to leave the old, tired people behind. of course there are my friends and i am going to miss them a lot. but the people who haven't grown up yet... them i will not miss.
i was thinking about suicide today on the way home. not actaully contemplating my own suicide or anything like that. but just thinking about it. if i were going to kill myself i don't think that i could do it in the usually ways. like jumping off a bridge or taking pills or slitting my wrists. with those there is so much time before you actually go to think about it. i mean what if as you watched your heart pump your life out through a nick on your wrist that you realized that there really is something to live for. what do you do then? suicide is so final. ok, so very morbid... but just what i was thinking about on my way home today.
my mom has bronchitis. she has been sick for the last month and she finally went to a doctor today. i want to feel bad for her, but then she does something bitchy and i lose any sympathy that i had. i called her today when the song "mr grinch" came on the radio, because she likes that song and i wanted to cheer her up. then i got home and she bitches at me about the horses and stuff. plus when she is in a bad mood, my dad is usually in a bad mood. anyway... i don't have much longer to live under their roof.
laters... maybe gonna go sleep now
i haven't slept in over 36 hours now. that is exciting. not really, but it is an interesting way to function. i wouldn't want to do it all the time, but staying up a really long time might be fun everyonce in a while.
we set up a tent all by ourselves. and we got free breakfast at kirby lane this morning. the guys who were waiting on us took pity on the pathetic tired girls and just gave us our food on the house. but we left a good tip. they offered to take us camping the next time we went, just so that we wouldn't have men who abandoned us.
yeah, i gave in and called andrew this morning. but i don't think that he has called me back. i don't know what to do with that anymore. just when i think that i have buried my feelings and can move on something comes up and i realized just how much i still love him. even though i have done a lot of stupid things that he would not have approved of. at the moment i am experiencing some regret. but not much, plus if i give in than some of those girls have won and what they say about me may be partially true. and it isn't. so no regret...
that is such an easy thing to say, but not so easy to do. actaully it is easy except when it comes to andrew. i regret a lot when it comes to him...
gods, i'm tired. i can't wait to get out of here. New York... here i come. gods that is going to be a lot of fun. new people, new places, new experiences.i can't wait, and best of all... i get to leave the old, tired people behind. of course there are my friends and i am going to miss them a lot. but the people who haven't grown up yet... them i will not miss.
i was thinking about suicide today on the way home. not actaully contemplating my own suicide or anything like that. but just thinking about it. if i were going to kill myself i don't think that i could do it in the usually ways. like jumping off a bridge or taking pills or slitting my wrists. with those there is so much time before you actually go to think about it. i mean what if as you watched your heart pump your life out through a nick on your wrist that you realized that there really is something to live for. what do you do then? suicide is so final. ok, so very morbid... but just what i was thinking about on my way home today.
my mom has bronchitis. she has been sick for the last month and she finally went to a doctor today. i want to feel bad for her, but then she does something bitchy and i lose any sympathy that i had. i called her today when the song "mr grinch" came on the radio, because she likes that song and i wanted to cheer her up. then i got home and she bitches at me about the horses and stuff. plus when she is in a bad mood, my dad is usually in a bad mood. anyway... i don't have much longer to live under their roof.
laters... maybe gonna go sleep now